Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Broke Bloke

Suddenly , I find a lot of deadlines in my life .Submissions and papers and reports.So I spent the last night preparing a presentation on the analysis of the movie “Remember the Titans” for a behavioral course of mine. I forgot most of the things during the presentation in the class . I said stupid things such as “This movie is not about just football. It is about motivation , leadership , and…and…well , a lot of things” and “The central character in this movie is Coach Boone , who is a coach” . Life is a little hurried these days.

But everyday, after chomping on some unidentified un-flying object for breakfast at our mess, I fill a cup of hot steaming tea, and go to the little ‘terrace’ kind of thing we have in our hostel. Do not have visions of those Rs.57 lac apartments which have terraces and owners with French poodles as pets and three ultra long cars down in the parking lot. The terrace at our hostel is a very poor cousin of those blessed terraces .Our terrace is much more unglamorous . It has got some empty beer bottles stacked in a corner and a couple of dominoes pizza cartons thrown in another and even a broken washbasin lying in another . But every morning , I go there after my breakfast .The sunshine feels warm , and I sip the tea , and I flip through a copy of the Economic Times and say “Hey ram , these guys are as boring as a radio on mute , where is the filmy gossip part ?”. I find ET boring. There are so few pictures, and the few it has are of currency notes and smiling executives and sensex charts . But that is not the point right now . I liked this terrace thing, until around 10.15 am today morning.

Because as I stood in the sunshine and stared at the horizon and lazily sipped the tea and wondered why a lovely girl like Kajol married Ajay Devgan , our hostel washerwoman passed by . I looked at her , she looked at me , and somebody in a room nearby , started playing “Humne tum ko dekha , tumne hum ko dekha , aise , hum tum sanam , laakho janam , milte raho ho jaise.” Ok , nobody played the song .Instead , this followed –

Washer woman – “ Aaj aap paise denge kya ?”

Me ( looking straight down in the cup of tea)- “ Jee…umm..actually..

Washer woman – “Saab , pichle mahine ka bhee rehta hai 200 rupya….

Me( thinking that the tea should have had more milk in it )-“ Jee , main samajhtaa hun , but main kya karu….

Washer woman ( looking amused ) – “Saab , main saamne hoon , chai ke cup mein nahin.”

Me (looking up at her) – “He he…umm , dekhiye , main aapke paise pakka dunga , and jaldi hee dunga , please kuch time de deejiye.

She let me go with a “Theek hai saab , but please jaldee paise de dena.”

24 carat gold. That is what her heart is . You can make a dozen gold biscuits by melting her heart. She let me go. Because she understands the plight of a man who is broke.

Yes , I am broke. Kangaal. I was not this way since my birth . I was born in a financially stable family. My dad is a doctor and mom is a doctor and though things would have been much better if they were into selling kidneys and other money making ventures , things were ok .And so they were till a amavass ki raat , couple of weeks ago , when my dad called up. My dad is as predictable as a hindi movie , when he calls me up.

Dad – “Haan bete

Me – “Haan papa

Dad – “Everything fine ? ”

Me – “Perfect , papa.How is everything at home ? ”

Dad – “Perfect , bete.

Now , I swear on Hema Malini’s eyes , Dad always asks about the weather in Kolkata after this. But this night , he did something else .

Dad – “Munnu, you withdrew more cash from the ATM , did you?

Me-“Yeah , went out to eat some popcorn , and needed the money for that .

Dad – “So you bought some popcorn with that money.

Me – “Yeah, salted popcorn , and a little ticket for the movie I watched while eating it.”

Dad – Ok. See, munnu, you shall be managing a family of your own in some years”.

Dad went on to mention terms such as money management , kid’s fees , life insurance policy , money management , family budget , house loan and money management. But then I decided to join in the conversation and before I knew , Dad was mentioning phrases such as “how dare you reply to me like that”, “what do you mean” , “shut up” , “shut up I say”. And I ended the conversation with a “Ok , main aapko apne pairo pe khade hokar dikhaunga”.I hate it when I remember dialogues from hindi movies.

So now I am standing on my own feet , without any money .Things between me and dad are fine again , and he has been asking about the Kolkata weather with no mention of ATM card over the last six calls. But I feel I have been spending too much , it is like my “andar ka accha beta” has woken up and decided to save daddy’s money .

So I have kept away my ATM card and decided not to touch it before a specified date. And the side effects have been quite stirring. I have seven rupees as my cell balance now. I am fine as long as I talk to people who call me up. I am fine as long as I do not call back boys who give me a missed call and expect me to call back. But I get restless if some girl gives me a missed call and expects me to call back. In such a situation , and with seven rupees as my cell balance , I am unable to call back and am left watching my interaction with the female species drop to abysmally low quantity.

The hostel departmental store wallah observes the change in my eating habits.

Me – “Woh ‘Hide and Seek’ pack kitne ka hain ?

Store guy – "12 rupya"

Me – “Oh , who Bourbon pack kitne ka hain ?”

Store guy – "15 rupya"

Me – “Ok.cool.Ek Parle G de do.”

Store guy – “Kya dada aap bhee , IIM mein bada paisa wala naukri milta hai aap logo ko , tab bhee Parle G ?

Me – “Swad bhare , shakti bhare , barson se .Parle G !”

I wish I could tell you I love Parle G , but I cant tell you this , because I don’t like Parle G . But with a three rupee price tag , it looks like a juicy pizza to me these days.

I have to buy a gift for my sister and send it to her as promised. I have no money to buy that right now. I researched on the internet.A survey said that less than ten percent of shoplifters get caught .I plan to make my move next weekend .I be in the ninety percent , and my sister gets her deserved gift.

And I have been participating in a lot of business school contests who have these big monetory prizes.So half the day , I am mixing up a lot of stuff in a word document and writing my name on its cover and sending it as an attachment with a mail that sound like this –

Hi,

Please find attached my submission towards the marketing paper writing contest being organised by your institute.Thanks.

PS - I am unimaginably poor."Ghar ka karz" , "chote bhai ki fees" , "behan ka dahez" , you name it , and I have to pay for it.So Please help me win.I need it.I shall gift you a dry fruits pack if I win.Promise.

I have not won any contests till now.But a couple of NGOs are willing to sponsor me after some of these business schools forwarded my mail to them.

And in case you need some help in preparing power point presentations, writing reports or applications , editing images , leaving comments on blogs , googling information , hacking your company website , sending hate mails or any other kind of appropriate cyber activity , I am your guy .At very reasonable rates. Completely secure online payment facilities. Now I shall go.I have to work on a essay called “What I want to be when I grow up” for my seven year old cousion.He needs to submit this essay at his school by this weekend.This essay is not so challenging , as every child thinks he wants to be a pilot or film star , till he grows up and daddy tells him to be an engineer. . It is rather easy writing this essay .But tell you what , he is paying some damn good money . I just hope that somehow , someday , when the washerwoman asks “saaab , paise denge kya ?” , I wont have to look down into the teacup.

41 comments:

Sudipta Chatterjee said...

Me first!!

Aap add karna bhool gaye: Please send contributions to Sudipta, who is my financial donations manager now :)

Aaj to mazaa aa gaya... aapke yeh senti senti post nahi padhe jate. Mai bhejta hoon hisaab aapko kuchh dino mein total "Munnu Relief Fund" ke baare mein

Anonymous said...

Munnu , meri ankhein chalak gayi hain teri haalat dekh ke! Apna dhyan rakhiyo mere bhai! Shop lifting wale idea mein dumm hai lekin zara sambhal ke...gareeb admi ka to khuda bhi nahin hai iss duniya mein aur tu to vo gareeb admi hai jisne dhobi logon ke bhi paise atka rakhe hain :))

Tinku

Sayesha said...

//I hate it when I remember dialogues from hindi movies.

Hahahahaha! This line totally hit home! :D

Good luck with the money management, Munnu! :)

precise.movie.reviews said...

arre bhai..itna kadka ki Parle-G khana pad raha hai?? tch tch...saali uski to packing bhi low quality ke paper ki hoti hai..
ek kaam kar...blog ko paid bana de..the way ppl are hooked to your posts I am sure, ek do hazaar toh mahine ke bana hi lega :D

placements starting in a week. Teri placements walli post padkar toh dimaag ghoom gaya !!!! send me all the good luck again :P

Akanksha said...

aaaaaaaaah...finally!! good that you are learning the ACTUAL finance management!!!

Kaala Kavva said...

yaar! abhinav!

teri yeh dukhbhari kahani sun ke meri aakhon mein aasoon aa gaye!

o o o o o <- yeh mere aasoo hain.. monitor pe gir gaye...

(hankey hai kya ?)

yaar
toone mujhe pehle kyu nahi bataya k teri haalat itni kharaab hai! mere dost! tujhe jab bhi even 10 rs kee zaroorat ho, seedha delhi ke flight pakad ke aa ja mere ghar!
aur 10 kya 15 rupiye le ja.. i wont even ask u 2 return it!
sachi!

[[This is a packet of pringles]]
Yeh le mehenge pringles khaa!

---

Coming back 2 my usual stuff!

kutte! kaisa mast post likhta hai.. I was sittin in my collez CSC lab and readin ur blog and parle G wala pad ke kutton jaise hasne laga.. mere saath ek bandi baithee thee.. woh mujhe dekh kar darr gayi aur abhi abhi kat lee...
bechaari..

awesome yaar..

--

ek cheez aur
thodi classes lagana shuru kar de
IIM - Managemnt ka insti hai! kuch to seekhega ke paisa kaise manage karna hai anpad aadmi!

good yaar... ash kar...

aMyth! said...

"..as every child thinks he wants to be a pilot or film star , till he grows up and daddy tells him to be an engineer.."

hahahahaha...
that was good.
yeah, now a days i hear the money management talks from my friends too..as if parents weren't enough ;)

. said...

One pack of Bourbon biscuits on their way ;)

R said...

hmm...yeh toh bahut bure halat hai munnu...
us 7500 ka kya hua???
sab uda diye???? Chairman ke itane bure din mujse nahi dekhe jaa rahe...:(

Anonymous said...

@sudipta - Bro , you want to be my manager , you are most welcome but I cant even pay you.treat this is an opportunity for a little social service.:)

@tinku - Abbe zalim , consolation bhare dialogues matt maar , isse accha kuch cyber kaam bata na .koi report banani nahi kya tujhe ???

@sayesha - you laugh at my plight ? if my washerwoman has a heart of gold , you have a heart of steel .if cruelty is a sport , you are a champion re.hanstee hain...:p

@nipun - bhai , if I make this paid , I will any chance of getting some cyber -assignment too.this is my only chance man.and all the best fr placements.and dnt get ur blood pressure going thru the stratosphere due to my placement wali post , it happens only with me.:).all the best again.

@aks - how are you doing babloo beta ? Looks like we last talked sometime when black and white movies used to be made.mssngr pe pakadta hu kisi din tujhe.

@mani - hai raam.tera dil hai ya football field.itna bada dil to mother teresa ka bhi nahi hoga mere laal.aa raha hun delhi , aur poore 15 rupye lunga.one tenner and baaki 5 bucks in coins.abb underground hone ki tayyari karr tu :P

@docsdope - wo isiliye coz i dnt want to have any interaction with u.i cud have deleted this comment too , but then , i cant stop u frm leaving comments , but i can choose whom to talk to.this is the last time im talking to u.have a nice day .

@amyth - well , that comment was more outta personal experience.i felt i cud have been a successful extra in movies .my dad dint agree.

@ranj - you are an angel with a vaccum cleaned heart .god bless you.check the expiry date on the pack b4 u send it.

@ruchi - nah re nah.tu kaam pe dhyan de , khoob choohe pakad , chun chun ka pakad ek ek ko , bijness mein tarrakki huee to mickie and minnie ki school ki fees fir bharr sakunga main.

Anonymous said...

abs hilarious..at the same time strikes a cord..
munnu ji..aap tow satire ke baadshah ban gaye hain!
zaalim zamaane ne har kisi ko engineer aur manager banakar chhod diya hai..
all the best for your money mgmt!!

- ruchika

Tipsy Topsy said...

Awwww. Talktime transfer kar doon? Will help u resume chasing the girls u catch hold of thru ur blog.. Heeeheeeheee :P

The only thought in my mind is of the pay packet u will be offered in a few months! Bas tab tak ki gareebi...

I get my marketing assignment on 13th. Be prepared :D

Sayesha said...

I am wondering Exagge
rator ke aansu monitor par kaise girey... horizontally nikalte hain kya aankhon se??

Abhi, I wasn't laughing at you, my dear. I was laughing at how much I identified with the dialogue wala statement! :D

Phoenix said...

Hey I'm rather bloke too...it's been ages that I went home and asked mummy-papa for money, and I'm actually lazy to ithdraw cash from the bank(not that I want to, it's not a good balance, plus I lost my ATM card)

So I'd have given u a treat, aleast bought u a Hide-n-Seek, but kya karein !

Chalo good luck, hope u earn some quick cash and lotsa sympathies

One advice, do make all the girls in ur phonbook read this post.
U'd get no mised calls, lotsa sympathy(and other) calls, and of crse u kno wat that does to the interaction bit.
BTW, wats ur number?:P I'll give u a msd too:D

Kaala Kavva said...

@abhi
mere dost! mere ghar ke darvaze tere liya hamesha khule hain.

@sayesha
nahi nahi!
monitor ke subspace field harmonical dual layered waves ke vajay se attract ho kar monitor se jaa ke chipak gaye.

ptb said...

Ha ha. nice post man. But it was too long. Try to keep 'em short. just a suggestion

Anonymous said...

munnu bhayya,
tell me ur account number, ll tansfer money to it.
[“Kya dada aap bhee , IIM mein bada paisa wala naukri milta hai aap logo ko , tab bhee Parle G ?”]

wen u get ur salary return the money (with a nominal 300% interest :D )... so can i start the paperwork???

kool post buddy,
deepako

Princessse said...

Abh hum kya kahein munnu jee. Aap ki kismat toh jaagi!!! AAj hee pataa challa dilip jee ko aur unhon ne kahaan "Naaaaaaaaa MUNNNAAAAAAAAAAAA NAaaaaaaaaaaaa MAT kar aisee baat!!! Aakaash samaan Munnu bhaai ko yun sadak pad apney paaun mat rakhne doh meenaa jeeeeeeeeee, mat rakh nee do... Humnein ... (long pause dilip kumaar ishtyle) bohut soch samajh kar yeh faislaa kiyaa hai, ke ab humaara kirdaar, Munnu nibhaayega. Unse kehdein aap, ke woh kal shooting par aajaayein. Humaari pehli kamaayi bhi aise hee shuruu hui thi, jab kissi kalaakaar nein humein maukaa diyaa tha. Aur yeh munnu toh itnaa achaa likhtaa hai. Zaruur aage badega yeh ladka. Pehron par kya kharaa hogaa yeh! Iske toh Paun zameen pad hee nahin tikenge. Dekhlenaa aap!!"

Abh kaampootarr ko chod-deejiye munnu jee, aur shooting ke liye haazir hojaaeeye janaab.

Adi Oso-Groot Finch said...

abbe ye moti...i mean ruchika kab se padhne lag gayi tera blog?

anyway... send over 'remember the titans' ... kaafi din ho gaye dekhe huye... and save some of those parle g for me... yahan bhi wahi halata hai! :(

waise i've developed an innovative technique for extending credit lines... i have an account at shops at both my hostel n OH as well as with the acad wala store... am planning to open up one with kotler as well... this way the bill with anyone doesnt easily cross the threshold at which they grab my collar :)

the problem is that 5 figure mess bill... uska kya karooon :(

thore paise udhaar milenge... bombay jaana hai interview ke liye :-/

Fursat said...

abhi..kitni senti post hai..tu to award le jayega...but why spend so much...

u got 7500 bucks..uska kya hua...

your post made me senti...

anyways...i hope u ll learn some money management..

take care

Anonymous said...

Abay! You're such a pervert!

Not only that u fasao girls thru your blog you even try to get money using sympathy!!

shame on you!

tu jail se chhutaa kab yeh bata!!!

agar tera blog itna mast na hota to tujhe fir se andar karva deta!!!

crossblade said...

I wish I could put my worries as candidly as you do buddy
love,
Short Circuit
Thomas

Suds said...

Nice post. I was laughing for a while...:):) Parle G is the best man, I am telling u...:):) Swast ani Mast..:)

Nidhi said...

THANK GAWD BLOGGIN IS FREE...!!!
hehe..
hey u du nkine parley g??? i like it :P .. hehe
munnu ji .. aap ko aisa milna caahiye.. inna money waste kia naa.. abb bhugto :P
aur zyada bol mat ! jab koi call karta hi ..to munnu phone kaha uthata hia.,... bolta hai" mai tere paise hevn nai phuchana cahta thaa :p "
bichara munnu !!!
SUDHAR JAA !

Shruthi said...

This is so amusing :) [I mean, not your being Kangaal :p but your description of it]
Swaad bhare, shakti bhare... had me in splits!

Admin said...

Funny post man.. It was just lovely...

Nidhi said...

@ neetie
abbey !! tujhe paida hote se hi pehla word senti yaad hua tha kyaa???
kitna senti hoti hai ladki!!!
bhai se ladai.. neets senti..
raj ne galat kia.. neetie senti..
nidhi ek din net pe nahi aai.. neetie senti...
abhi ne money manage ni kia.. neetie senti...
neetie ka mouse ni chal raha.. neetie senti..
bagal wali ladki ki job lagi.. neetie senti..
delhi me bomb balst hue... neetie senti..
yahoo work nahi kar raha.. neetie senti..
mom n dad nok jhok kar re hain.. neetie senti..
bagal wale chintu ki cycle punchur .. neetie senti..
mp ka cm fir badal gaya.. neetie senti..
log apna future smoke kar k kharab kar re hain.. neetie senti..
kisi ne breakfast ni kia.. neetie senti..
abb mera comment padh k bhi neetie senti..

cool reh yaar !!! :D

abhi k paas abhi uska computer.. cell.. sab kuch hai sell karne ko.. jab vo.. sadak pe aa jayega naa.. tab 2 min senti ho jana.. and fir..us k liye koi ameer ladki dundh dena.. abhi bhi kush... neetie no more senti !!!

:))

byeeeeee
plzzzzzzz.
senti mat hone.. chill :D

Nidhi said...

ABBEY !!
@ neetie.,..
tune Five poine some one padhi thii?? us me.. alok ki mom jaisi hoti hain naa?? har cheez pe rone wali.. bilkul vaisa impression padta hai kabhi kabhi tujh se baat kar ke :P

:D

is bol ri hu

kush reh !!

:D

nidhi

Fursat said...

@NIDHI: arre ab thoda sa emotion to dikhana padta hai..warna abhi kya sochega...

aur tu itna bada comment mat maar...main senti ho jangui :)

main kya karu God ne aise hi banaya hai..cant help it..

chal i havnt read FPS yet

will read and find out kiske saath compare karti hai muje..

take care

Bye

Neha Sinha said...

i wasn't well today...u see mai bimar thi...n i got injected :((
aankhon mein aansu the...well vertically fallin due to gravity...horizontal wala chapter nahi padha....:((

i hate injections...gusse mein thi...wanted to screw up that doc...n chali aayi aapke blog ke darshan ko....n read the tragedy:P

...hema malini ki aankhon ki kasam....aish ki bhi aankho ki kasam.....my tears were sucked up(as if capillary action thi)...i laughed my lungs out...tumhari doordasha ki dasha boori hai...hmmm....do come out of the dilemma...apna bihar bhi abhi abhi nikla hai...!!:P:P

till then enjoy your parle ji..swad bhare..shakti bhare....

oops sorry woh aisa hai naa...bachpan se mujhe zyada bolne ki aadat hai :(

Anonymous said...

hello! it's always soul-lifting (hmmm...if there's ever such a term!) to read what you write.

i hope you aren't serious bout the shoplifting though. =P

deepti said...

money management problems sabko hota hai kya? thought i was in a minority!
however being an MBA student, i have professionalized my problems by using all the knowledge i gained in MAC 1... i have made ledgers and trial balances and P/L accounts..
but still no money! :(
makes me wonder whats the point in making us learn this stuff... kya faayda of there is no paisa!!

Kaala Kavva said...

arre abhinav yeh to...

errr...
maaf karna bhai saab lagta hai galat blog pe aa gaya..

sorry.. bye...

Kaala Kavva said...

abe nahi anpad!
yeh to tera hee blog hai re!!!!

Ashish Gupta said...

there u go again drilling holes in dad's pockets :O
bad boy bad boy [-X

PS: when u go shoplifting call me. bothered by my drill maching papa removed his pockets! No I have no where to dig except may be shops ;)

Blogger Park said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Unknown said...

hahah!! what a fun post! :D

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