Ladies and gentlemen.......Ladies and gentlemen ? This sounds like I am going to announce some business plan on how to increase condom sales in the state of Xanadu.
Hey buddies !
1.I am going home.
2.My dad thinks I am so lazy and irresponsible and non serious.
These two points combine.And I am subjected to a number of instructions which is slightly higher than the number of instuction a three year old kid needs to perform an open heart surgery.
My dad's battery of advices and instructions ,is unleashed in all its pristine glory just before I have to travel home.Some specimens of our phone conversations during these tantalising times of pre-travel preperation.
Dad : Munnu , remember to lock your room when you leave for the airport.
Me : Yes dad.
Dad : And for god's sake , dont leave the keys lying in the room after you do that.
Me : It is tough not to do that.But come what may , I will not leave the keys in my room after I lock it.Trust me.
Dad : Munnu , what are you wearing right now ?
Me : Huh ? Dad , I am wearing a bright red bikini with yellow stripes.Pure Cotton.
Dad : When will you learn to act like a human ? Tell me , its important.
Me : I am wearing a tee shirt and pair of shorts.
Dad : Remember to change into trousers before you leave for the airport.
Me : Dad , it is real good you told me.I was planning to leave with only cactus leaves covering me.
Dad : Did you keep the ATM card in your bag ?
Me : I am sorry.I just donated it to the Mumbai Dance Bar girls relief fund.They have given me a couple of passes to the "Blue Moon" dance bar.You free this saturday , dad?
Dad : Some things need to be taken seriously.Keep the ATM card in the bag.And do not announce that you have it.
Me ( yelling ) : Hey people , I got an ATM card in my bag , right pocket , inside the black case .Rob me ! No guns needed.No knives needed.Just ask.Lets make robberies with a smile , a reality.
There are lot more.I love to act whacky when my daddy dearest is trying to act serious.:)But I have to pack my bags now.So I will be going off the cyberworld now.For some time to come.I may meet the sweetest air hostess , propose to her when she brings me the candies , marry her on flight , hijack the plane and take it to switzerland , build a little cottage over there , and stay happily ever after with my airhostess wife to never come back.Or I may meet the same old air hostesses who dont respect my love-filled plans and land at home and stay there and come back all right.
But before abhinav.exe emails itself to home.bmp , I would copy paste an "travel advice" offliner my didi , who is in a different city from my family's , left on my messenger.And even though she thought I would travel by a train , with a didi like this , can anything go wrong with her chotu brother ?
"Travel safe.Donot talk to strangers - donot accepts chips/toffees/5stars/etc etc from strangers- count your belongings before you get into an auto/cab and after getting down the auto/cab - check it again all the night - handover to someone when you go to the loo but carry your importane stuff like wallet/cellphone/cards with you - don't oversleep - remind TT to wake you up at your station - donot try to get down at other stations - donot board or get down a running train - once again count your belongings after you get down from the cab/auto at your home - hug..oops.....bend, touch their feet and take blessings from your parents - donot tease your younger sister - donot entertain brides as yet - and do not give lifts to unknown girls on your bicycle - and be a good kid when you are at home - help your mom in the kitchen - donot overeat (indigestion) - and check your ticket both for the date and the time and the train number and board only that train - arrive at station a well hour ahead of the scheduled departure - check your ticket before you board the train - do not hand over your return ticket to the TT after you get down at delhi/gurgaon - keep your return ticket seperately and check a couple of days before your scheduled return ........ , chill out with your family ,mere hisse ka bhi khaa le (don't want to put on weight, am on diet you know ) , and tease choti sister as much as you can ,and convey my regards to all at home.CYA.Love, your sweetest didi"