sad.......

feeling very sad about leaving home.but im happy fr the fact that i am doing thiss fr an institute which is worth it.tommorrow is my last day at home in some time to come.ppl say that hostel life is fun.but thats it all is-fun.and this life is not just a fun trip.i want happiness,not thrill.and home is where happiness is.but since im staying at the hostel fr the next two years,im gonna try to make it as useful as possible.hopfully, the responsibilities will make me a better person and the independence will not serve to spoil me .ill be very busy and occupied there,but i really feel for ma and papa.but i am doing it for them,and this seperation will make me all the more aware of the reason fr im doing this.but im feeling sad.i just pray to god to keep me on the right track and give me the strength to do what is right.maybe my next post will br frm my room in calcutta.

leaving delhi.24th june.5 pm flight.

placement

ok,this is for recording one of the most mind zapping days of my college life-the placements!!for one,i got started too early abt the entirte trng and placement process.was i stupid!!!dont know what got into me when i knoew that iim is what i want.anyways,i remember craeting a new eamil id on 25th december 2002(my comp archives show that).worked on my resume,edited it so many times as if my life was tied to it,and emailed it to a no of comps in delhi.nothin really happened but i was too strung up fr a good trng as i imagined that it would help my placements.then somehow got to know that ma's mamaji knoew a high guy at hughes.passed on my resume thru him and surprisingly got a call fr a written test with me expecting a straight in or out reply.on the day of the test,i felt like a kid on his frst day at skool.got into formals and my dad dropped me at hughes.was aawed by the snazzy interiors,the fast n swift ppl movin about,the clean n scented cafeteria.i think that most of teh guys who apperared fr the test made it thru.now,im not really a braggart but wud say that i worked close to as hard as i ever have during my summer trng.i revered chintu like god and did everything to keep the project going.although my partner was a total zombie who did zilch,i tried my best .but one thing which i learnt was that ppl work really hard at these mnc's n hence they expect everyone to do the same.neway,the talk of placements was gettin really hot with the info being pasted on our class placement forum.with the free net at hughes,i was makin full use of the online forums n collected a hughe no of placement papers.when i got the news that tcs was here on the 29th of july,was frantic abt it.still wonder why i was so despo abt a company shippin guys to trivandrum.now abt the placement experience in a datewise manner-

29th july----

reached coll in the morn in formals(mebe fr the frst time in my life was i wearing those).but the darned comp called tcs didnt got to the college till nite.all of us had lost all the steam but finally they got here at 11:00 in the nite!!!conducted their online test at arnd 11:30 in the CAD lab.was a total apti ppr followed by a pasyco test.cleared the apti ppr .the result fr the psyco on was to be out the next day.papa along with ravinder came to escort my bike.reached home at arnd 1:00 in the morning.had my dinner n went to sleep with hope abt the next day.

30th july--

now,i was quite confident abt makin it thru the psycho.the result was soon read out in the morning.twas in the alphabetical order and my name was not there!!twas my heartbrekin moment( a lotta them awaited me).but it proved to be a way of shocking relief when my name was read out as the last one.infact,a comp glitch had caused this.was now truly pumped up .raedjusted my clothes n waited fr my turn.was called in to find a motu n one kalu guy ready fr me.was mostly technical but i think i handled it well.stretced fr some 30-35 mins whih was quite longer than others.was quite hopeful abt makin it esp after the motu asked me abt the bonds and location stuff.

the interviews sterched thruout the day but the results fr my round were declared at abt 11:00 in the night.i was seated in the far right of the second row of the audi .an oldy started reading out the names.werent in any order.the comp guys frst.the guy selected stood up after the name.clapping,whoops,hugs,.the names continued...mallu,lakho,girish,venky,basu..n then he ended.electronics guys now.my name wasnt there.i dont know if i have ever felt so heartbroken as at that moment.celebrations all around.52 guys made it.bhatia sir was too happy.everybody was delighted.i felt like as if i had been slapped on TV.dropped himanshu to the hostel.accepted condolences frm bunnu n grewal n drove out.ma n papa met me halfway towards home.i was feeling so low but lil did i know that this just the beginning of the nightmare.

31st july-

was feeling very low and scared.the confidence level was in the basement.

HCL tech first.a hell lotta guys appearing .feeling very sleepy and disinterested.techni kinda paper.not many hopes.got down frm the audi.met arora and garg.feeling a lil bit pepped up after meetin up friends.the result was expected towards the end of the day.CSC was to come later in the day.CSC test happened in the evening.the pay was good.around 3.5.all the big guns-setia,mohit,tuli etc had turned up fr this one so ddint had much hopes after the CSC ppl had said that they were lukin at arnd 5 guys max.but had to wait fr the HCL result.the CSC test was total apti n eng .enjoyed it thoroughly.while doin it,got to know that bunnu had got into tcs.was jappy fr him but felt all the more pained abt my torture.just after the test,the HCL results were out.every shitty soul had made it except me.but strangely didint feel very bad.then bhatia told us that another list cud be sent out tommorrow.so ok guys,lets c.n then the CSC guys came out with list.now this wasnt a very hopeful thing.so many bonds around,just get this over n let me go home.all of us settle in the room next to audi.the names started.applause after each name.himanshu was called!!happy fr him.poor guy was takin it too hard .n then it happenned.abhinav jain.huh!!!!hoshang was besides me.i looked at him and grinned.applause.rushed behing himanshu.the sleepy feeling vanished.another chance .the clothes were crumpled n hair messy but what did they expect at 11:00 in the night.the interview was pretty ok but i caught his signal to his colleague as i was leaving and i felt that i was out.but still harbored a hope.the result was expected late in the nite so left fr home.quite reasonaable day.may my ordeal end the next day!!

1st august--

took a bus today.went straight to hostel.jaggu's room.he was doin something in his almirah,turned around,made a sad face, n said " nahi hua yar..tera nahi hua".sighhhhhh....was expectin this.another cruel blow.trudged towards the college n phoned home to convey the news.low voices,sighs,quiet pauses.WIPRO n COGNIZANT today.aaj to ho jayeega yar.had enough.

WIPRO got here in the morning.the ppt said that they were too strict abt 70 % cutoff.what do i do?mine is arnd 69.3.asked bhatia,he told me to sit fr he test.total apti paper.lot of cheating around.was in the last row.written the percentage as 69.3 so if i get a call,they know that i dont have 70 %.

at around 11:00,the list is here.ive been called.gulli n osama congratulate me.im happy.call home.hope.adrenalin.a very long form.crappy questions.lounge in singla'a room n fill it up.PV stops by to say that singla is one of the few creamy studs left.singla hasnt been clearing many writtens.atleast,i have some guy to share my burden.the form done with.got into formals.a lotta talcum powder.GB is coordintaing the WIPRO iviews.got to the conference room with the dark glassed.lotta non coe ppl.nammo.arora.oli.the iviews r very techni. major c/c++.shit.im called in.these marks r below 70 abhinav!!!.explain the droppin funda.the guy walks back to the short ,dark lady .hushed talk.looking at me.ask me to wait outside.ppl looking at me with eyes as big as a golf ball.what happenned.ohh....its so close.....sigh.girish is here.comforts me.the lady walks out n asks back the form.i ask if there is any chance.NO.im not sad.im ANGRY.shit on ur face,u whore.cognizant is about to start its exam.oli advises me to appear fr it.says i have a sure chance witha a verry cat like paper.

i run towards the audi.flying tie.panting.rawat catches me in the lounge.takes me to bhatia's room.pv has blurted in the audi abt WIPRO.cogni ppl are livid.i cant go in.i walk out in the admin block.my mind isnt working.just get me outta here.namit is here.i let out my tale of woe.vinay tells me dat rawat is searching fr me.oli has got in.but im late now.pleasse rawat sir!he is scared of spoilin it further.i back out.the stairs below.lambu,lohan.i start sobbing.my file falls n all the papers fall out.to hell with them .oh goddddd.bunnu's room.i must get back on track.he convinces me to get this 69.XX shit outta my system.we calculate n the pntage is 70+ after dropping.we decide that this is it.he says that im doing too well in my mack cats.this placement funda doesnt deserve me.rite.to hell with these shit comps.im destined fr better thinz.go home.another comp tomm but im not coming back b4 monday.

2nd august--

bunnu calls up in the nite.himansu has got thru ST.4.6 lakhs.lucky chap.now im alone.

4th august--

go to the hostel frm kakrola.jaggu's room.buunu is here.takes me away.my mock cat score is quite good.we decide that im appearing fr QUARK today.online paper.apti+techni.results are out too soon.i have the frst iview.conference room.its already dark.gora guy frst.techni iview.not too good.feel this slipping away.vasu then.this is ok.testing.sware lifecycle.puzzles.ok.outta here.ppl converge on me.uppal is just after me.hez done with later.we stroll outside.im feeling recharged after the hiatus.my third iview happens with vekiah naidu lool alike at arnd 10:30 in the nite.wierd iv.stupid questions about manholes,trees,bhp n my call rings midway.im giggling .nice old buddhau.ha ha ! we are asked to come back tommorow.dekhte hai.im too insensitive to hope anythin now.

5th august--

morning.the room next to audi.not many guys.some guys can leave now.uppal.oli.im to stay.good.im called fr an HR iview with prerna kalra.pretty lady.very sweet n soft spoken.i give her such globe abt life n myself.im too satisfied.this can happen now.

6:00 in the evevning.we r seated in the audi.results are abt to be declared.manika is also here.quark is bekaar,she says.ohh..just get me this bekaar company god.
the team is here.on the stage.the names start.manik is in.he doesnt hear his name.i am excited.he luks at the stage.they repeat the name.hes happy.singla .a loud roar frm his hostel pals.saurabh jain.roar.sonu arora.girls whoop.im not coming.im on the edge of my seat.jaggu.congrats.another heartbreak fr me??no.
again??am i so bad.this cant be.a hii na..v a..i.n.WHAT? what dd id u say u oldy.abhinav jain.clear,crisp.have u ever released air frm a balloon by pricking it.it happenned to me.i dont know if this is true.manik tries to hi five me.i dont remember if a respond to it.namit shakes my hand.jaggu hugs me.it sinks.it has ended.we are on stage.rawat clicks a snap .ppl r hugging me.singla.thinless.we are called in the room by the QUARK guys.they ask us to ramp up sum subjects.naidu comments abt my lookin tense.i tell him that its just the relief after not gettin thru elsewhere!!.we r back in the audi.jaggu n manik call home.i too call home.SMS frm papa or gudiya.hostel.bunnu has left fr home.i drive home.we go out to plaza.bunnu calls.im happy.bcos more than me gettin a job,the ordeal is over.

iim : do u want it ??

why is there such a rush for doin mba these days.some 6-7 years back,not many wanted to do it but these days even iitians are desperate to get into an iim.what brought about this?is it that suddenly the world has started being managed ? wasnt it managed earlier ?i think to find the reason for this,i need to look at the people who want to do it.The biggest snag in the whole situation is that guys are deciding to try for an mba too fast.straight into your pre final year at graduation college ,and u find every second person in the class talking of TIME n CL n IMS.You hear of the iims,read about them in the papers,remember your cousion who passed out of iim lucknow some years back but is still remembered as the sole guy deserving a place in the family,find ur parents asking questions like " beta,iim ka try karega ?",see the cold and proud faces of the brilliant acheivers in the coaching instis ads on the third page and suddenly you feel -"if there is anything called success,it cant be got without an iim".and it gets an all consuming passionate chase once you fall in the cycle of the mock cats,the scores,the ranks,the comparisons,the analysis and so on.the class begins to know about ur burning chahat for an iim and some even name u "catman" or "caterer".all the while,ur experience at the campus placements is serving to give u one more reason to run away frm the coding jobs.you think of iims all day,graduation looks necessary only to be eligble for an iim.come march,and the front page of your daily paper declares that the mncs just made kings out of 1000 odd iim students at the placements yesterday--you feel all the more pumped up.this single minded hot chase lands you the seat in your dream institute,you feel like you have just beaten mike tyson to pulp.the classmates who looked down at you as if you didnt know hot to sign wave down ur bike at college and admiringly congratulate you.you see ur name on the college bulettin board and suddenly everyone at college wants ur email id.ppl call u at home n ask fr tips fr their kid whooz been hitting his head against cat for the last three years.u scan
tha papers expecting ur photo to whip out frm the next page.feels good.but like everything,the aura begins to fade over days.u kinda seek to move forward.cat done,admission done,adulations done.NOW WHAT????now what.....now for the mba!!!wait a minute,what am i supposed to do here?an mba,what does he do?watz his job like?wat sorta companies hire them?will i have to go to some other city after my mba?n here lies the greatest stupidity.you have cracked cat not bcos u wanted to do an mba but bcos u wanted to crack wat the world sees as a really hard nut .u dont even know much abt an mba.but bcos people are so myopic ,n ur one of them,u have given it ur all without pausing and looking at the place u r heading to.

this may not turn out to be bad at all,infact,most probably it will go on to make ur life better and richer,but still,i believe a momentous decision as this deserves a lil more thought .

ps-i have nothin to do these days n hence my blog entries look like the script of a bombed art film,hopfully after my iim cal life starts,they will start to approach a masala movie.

my life this week

so they say that blogging help u get a release .hmm...maybe.im still too early into it to have a say on this.between,a real snobby week awaits me with three family functions lined up.(aaaaaaarrrrrggghhh!!!)

The iim cal gang meets on the 16th at priya.i have also decided to b there.after i missed the frst meet,missing this wont be the perfect start to my tryst with iim calcutta.i still feel somewhat angry with myself for missing out iim a n b.not that its gonna make much difference to my career.meanwhile,bunnu came over and stayed with me overnight.watched a lot of television.he is a very cool guy in the sense that he quickly slips in any kind of atmo n feels very comfy with
people around.i really wanna improve on this front.i get too conscious sometimes and will make a try to kick this sorta thing outta my system.others have very lil to offer me to be cared a damn!!!

i want it that way

went on another shopping outing today and it started with me having a
real face off with papa.thankfully,it didnt last long.this is the umpteenth time ive failed to controlled ny tongue.but today i promise to make conscious attempt to do so in the future.am already started to feel sad about leaving home after a fortnight.but i want to be at home after my mba n i need high grades at iim to be able to deserve that.makes me all the more hellbent on blasting things at calcutta.one of the things which i am sure of is that i want a life havin a balance of professioanl n family life.i hope that doin an mba frm iim doesnt tilt it towards the professional part too much.maybe i am not too ambitious but thats the way i am.n i dont call that lack of ambition but a different sort of priorities and nobody can change that. i may end up doing something i dont want but that doensnt make me stop wanting it.but i hope that this mba brings a lot of positves onn the family part too.for one,having a successful career brings a lot of satisfaction for my family.then,being at a higher position affords me a better chance of staying at home as compared to a sware professional at
infy.basically,the part abt home remains the same if not better in both
enngg n engg+mba cases.one of the things is that ncr companies may find
it a bit diffcult to come to calcutta but i believe still i can get a place in ncr,with i lil bit of selection n hard work.

feelin cool dude!!!

yahoo!!got my cal ackowledgement.it had been quite sum time since it had been mailed by the admissions
office at cal n i had started getting a lil tight abt it.infact,had one of those back brekin days today
to another of those hellish shoppin sprees,but it was my stuff day today,got what:->

*a new watch.fast track.1325/=
*a new frame.my no has gone up:-o

n had to lug that sick ups up n down bu gald that it finally got ok.

also got regret letter frm ahmedabad.the formal cremation of my ahmedabad dreams.


acting a lot bindaas since morning.feels very cool this way.ma says im tring to act like "lucky"
in "main hoon na"!!

games ppl play!!

just had a itching urge to reinstall fifa actually had got nothin much to do besides watching tv,lying on the floor,looking for something to eat..played quite a lot during those days,the most remembered ones being:

*MDK.i guess this was my first hard core,intense graphics game

*half life:another game which kept me hooked.but lost intrest n never got to its end.

*brian lara cricket:got a cd fr 100 bucks during summer vacations of 2002 and even played the test matches!!

*EURO 2000:i remember playing it between exams and it was the one which sorta contributed to my knowledge of international soccer.


also,we plan to get this machine upgraded tommorow.so hopefully,my next blog will be shot from a faster machine.:-)

my feelings abt cat

i often wonder how i manged to attain the motivation to go after cat so desperately.i guess its this way when one gets what he wants.maybe im unable to go back and imagine the time when i was preparin fr car and the fire burning within me at that time.but one issue im still unable to get is when guys say that they wanna get into iims to earn like hell.now ,dont think that im any kind of saint or anyone even near it but just money??how can it drive one so hard?maybe i dont appreciate its importance since ive never had to earn it upto this point of my life.but still i wonder if one needs the kinda money these iims are said to offer and if it brings more ills rather than gains.

if i try to delve into the reasons why i did cat,i think of the following:

* the challenge:its been teh way with me.working towards a target,the pain,sweat,trials ,pressure..i kinda enjoy it.i did iit /dce/cat bcos i enjoyed working hard and proving to myself taht i have it in me.

* better career:or i may say that an escape from technical jobs was wahat i needed.i never got into the groove as far as comp engg was oncerned and felt sick at teh thought of coding and computers for the rest of my life.

* money :thatz a reason although not a primary one.its more of being like..yea,maybe a lot of money will make life easier for me and my loved ones.

* recognition: i love it when my parents tell others proudly abt my gettin into iim calcutta.the pride and happiness theyve got is my greatest reward rite now.in a way ,my success is their success,my failure is theirs and i never want to fail them.and after 4 years of "masti" at college,i wanted to show the guys at my college and the rest of teh world teh stuff im made of.

i guess these factors reflect what i feel rite now.i may come across a lil smug guy after reading this but wat the heck,i dont write this for others but for myself.

college days!!

feeling kinda bored with nothin to do after deledting fifa.but i guess im catching up on the studies part slowly and its a very good decision i took.

betwee,i went to the college yestreday .got the no dues n applied for my sem vii marksheet.good thing that these were done inspite of such slouchy characters in the academic section there.theres no one at the seats,even if they are theyll think of every rotten excuse to parry the poor students off.i guess if some of us gusy get together and rough them up..maybe thats the only rememdy these people deserve.but one exception was kiran who did my iimc form promptly,another matter that she put in the wrong date.i also understand that ive seen a lotta guys at college for the last time in a long time to come.i came across various kinds guys during these 4 years but the general view i developed was that these ppl were usually more competitive minded witha "i-wont-lose-come-wat-may" attitude than an average guy.i hope that the lot at iim-c turns out to be a lil more chilled one.but i enjoyed these years like anythin.the images that flash across are

*me stretching out on the last bench while the teacher blabbers

*we guys playing cricket in the class..the best thing i did..reqally enjoyed doin this

*playing squash (basically it involved hitting the ball against the balckboard using our hands)

*the teacher asking me to GET OUT !!!

but it feels nice that ive built a somewhat nice circle of friends who are in great IT companies around the country.hope that i keep the contacts going.

why am the way i am??

was feeling very lazy today.got back frm the park at around 6:30,had the breakfast and went to sleep and got up only around 10:30 am.people tell me that these will be my only easy days in a long time,i wonder if this is the case,if any environment can change an easy going guy.between,decided to complete the technical paper today.to be frank,just picked put crap from the report and copied it.ive done enough on this project already.i have actually done quite about this project.but it s only that since im a quite easy sort of guy,others end up taking up credit for my work and i dont mind that much.but now i guess this thing doesnt pay much and ill have to try to change things at iim calcutta.i dont know if i can do this but i think that to be somewat cunning is better than being a guy who is popular but so easy that he doesnt claim what he deserves.

so many times i v decided that ill be more cunning in day to day matters but always end up being the same laid back guy who
is left with all the work and the bills.
but thsi btp thing was very eventful for me ,if not interesting and i plan to put it up sometime later.