Tuesday, January 12, 2010

She Speaks...

Hi ! Before anything , a very happy new year to you . Hope you gain peace , prosperity and the keys to your neighbour's car in 2010.

Now to the important part . ( What could be more important than getting the keys to that idiot's car , you think ). Having read the last post , a dark reminder of my rudimentary english skills , 'She' felt she wants to write something , obviously , in much better grammar . So she has asked me to publish something she wrote . And as an obedient and scared ( I better be scared after she told me she plans to to buy a kitchen knife next weekend ) lad shall do , I am publishing here the same. Even though I feel grateful to her and I really believe I am the luckiest dude alive , I really do not think I am special enough to deserve any of this , but as she says "Ye tum decide nahi karoge ki tum special ho ya nahi !" . See , I get to decide nothing !


Dear Abhi

Thanks a million to all the readers of your blog who wished and prayed for us. Though I could have expressed my gratitude in the comments section of your blog itself but I wanted this blog to know how overwhelming I feel this moment after reading what you think. I know it well that your readers know you in a different manner. And I don't intend to affect their views. I just want to share what I feel about you with them.

I thought that love is a strange feeling. I believed the most difficult feeling to understand is love. One dreams about his/her special one all the life and suddenly they start loving someone they never imagined to be with. I was always so sure of myself that I will never fall in love at all and even if I do, he would be the kind I had in my dream. Before you stepped into my life, I knew he had to be very calm, serious and quiet person. I had already imagined my life with him. My days & nights would be full of talks about work, life, aspirations and other serious issues I have talked about with others. But love doesn't happen such a regular and ordinary way. It has to tread on the path we never imagine to walk on and with the person we never can imagine to love. Every girl has a frame in her dream of the man she would want to be with for her whole life. And when the man arrives, the frame vanishes...doesn't matter how different the man from the frame is.

Dream of love may not necessarily align with the dream of the special one.

Now with you, the dream is indeed fulfilled. But when I look at the dream I used to have once and when I look at you, I feel you brought more than what I dreamed. More than perfection, the picture looks complete. And I say this still knowing I am not with the serious kind of guy I imagined my life with. Sometimes, imaginations exist only till the extent you don't feel. When you begin feeling, imagination ends at its very beginning. Thats what happened to me in love. I spent more time of life with silence and words have always been your favourite. So different and away we were, yet so closer we ended being. You asked me the question few months earlier, and I said a three lettered word "YES" only then. My dream had started evaporating and the frame vanished. Because then I had only you in my dream.

I remember the day when my roommate asked me if I was in love. And I wanted to run away from the question. She knew it well that I was more of a calm and silent person and may be I would never share this feeling with people around. So she asked me to close my eyes and then answer her question. When I closed my eyes and felt, I saw you...only you. I still can't forget it was just your name and your presence in that moment. And when I opened my eyes I knew it had to be only in my dreams as I would never be able to tell you in words. But love creates miracles also. I had heard about it....I believed it the day you asked me the very question I never expected I would ever be asked.

My friends used to say that only a quiet person can ever bear me for his life, a person who has plenty of words will leave me in two days. You remember, you also shared this with me that only a bubbly & funny girl can stay happily with you. How easy it is to think and imagine along those lines...and we two also imagined the same. But fate had something else in store for us. I think fate always has something else in store for everyone, at least not what they imagine about relationships. A funny girl would have given you a perfect environment of laughters and jokes. A day with a quiet girl won't have its complete share. Remember I told you this once?

At first, I used to feel that your fun-loving, talking-always-nonsense nature can only survive for little time. I laughed with you, I smiled with you....unknown with the factthat the laughter won't last for long. But in your absence, I remembered those and laughed again alone...just like a crazy person. I believe this...when you do something in isolation, it reflects your true feelings. I saw you making people around you laugh, make them feel happy in what they are doing, make them believe in their capabilities and dreams, make them feel good about life. At least, I felt all whatever I stated above. And then I realized, it doesn't matter what kind of person you imagine would bethe best for your life...only thing matters is your completion with the one. We may be poles apart from each other...but you make me believe in myself and love, you make me feel good about life, you make it worth living and not just spending days, and you make me....ME.

I am happy that my imagination died and feelings started....know why?....Because love had to happen....


~~~ Added later

Thanks for sharing in our happiness and putting down all the nice words . But just wanted to share a feeling with you. There have been some comparisons between her and my writing styles. I wont even want to share my opinion on who writes better, because ye question hee out of syllabus hain yaar ! How can I compare myself with someone who is a part of me ? To compare x and y ( oye teri ! aa gayi algebra ki yaad ? ) , x and y need to be seperate . But here , she and me are not .Either of us would not want to leave each other behind in some race , because our joy is not in winning that race , but in sharing a journey with each other. So chill maaro , a comparison between her and me is as meaningless as my C++ coding ! Ye World cup ka final nahi hain , sirf uski aur meri kahani hain.