Thursday, April 28, 2005

What are u searching ?

Yeah Yeah Yeah. I am happy. Not that I have been made the CEO ,that would take some time ( centuries ?), I am afraid.But I am happy because things moved along quite a bit today as far as my summer project is concerned. I had been googling and regoogling and reregoogling stuff on the internet ,and today finally i stumbled onto a pretty useful chunk of useless data required for my project .Infact , on a philosophical note , the more I live life , the more I become aware of the importance of "Google" in supporting the human race.

When we guys were on the brink of a nervous breakdown making our engineering final year project , it was "google devta" which came to our rescue.We downloaded a decent amount of code from the net and ended up making something which we still have got no clue about . At the IIMs , google is more used than any financial or economic model ever devised.Be it a report on the cigarette industry of india , a survey on the bicycle usage in Finland , or an outlook on the undergarment industry of Zimbabwe , every burning need has the one and only Lord Google to satisfy it.

And not only the professional life , google has had a pretty divine imprint on the personal aspects of my life too.I still remember that "kaali amavas ki raat" (too much of scary hindi movies ?) , when as a nervous 14 year old ( or was it 12) , I typed down "pamela anderson pics " on the sacred google bar , leading to a very informative and educational online session.Then there was the sunny afternoon , when a frustrated 16 year old , tired of carrying around the "single-ready to mingle" tag line ,angrily punched in " how to get a girlfriend" on google's website. Googling "Life at IIM" was another regular habit till I got in. I still occasionally google the names of girls Ive had a crush on in my short lifetime , hoping to find them somewhere ,with the culmination being a happy and teary reunion , with the girl telling me how much she admired me secretly.

But even our newtonic genius called google fails at times.Recently , I had to find out about the acquistion of "Ruchi Biscuits" ( where do these sell ?) by "Shyam group" of companies(what do these guys sell ?).So i googled about it , but it so conspired that I ended up reading the review of a south indian flick with a hero named shyam and the lead actress called ruchi. But this can be classified as an off day for google ,the knight in the shiny armour for students , engineers , summer trainees , sex maniacs , parted lovers around the planet.

Saturday, April 23, 2005


I swear there must be a dead lizard in this.I just got this tropicana orange juice from the office cafeteria n it tastes like some lizard committed suicide in the bowl this juice was prepared in.even the pack says " this is the closest you can get to what nature provides " .Looks like they did not rule out gonna tear it open , preserve the dead lizard in a can of formaldehyde , sue the tropicana guys and end up being a millionaire.

Anyways , the reason I am sitting here on a saturday , sipping orange juice (with the lizard not to be forgotten) is that we have got this IIM Calcutta freshers party just a couple of streets away this evening. And yesterday as I was lounging at home , I had this fabulous brainwave of coming a few hours early , grabbing some extra work at office ,before going over fr the party in the evening.

So I got to this place at 10 in the morning and have been whiling away time here since then. There was no other trainee save the IIM Kozhikode girl. Not that it helped.She anyways hates the sight of me and tries her best to avoid me.wat me worry.

The reason for our amazing chemistry :

IIM K girl : "Hmm..I have to go see my doctor this evening "
Me (with heartfelt concern): " Oh ,your daughter doesnt stay with you?".
IIM K girl : "Hmmph....I said DOCTOR."
Me (with heartfelt guilt): " sorry..i heard daughter."
IIM K girl : " n you thought its possible ..".
Me (with heartfelt curiousity): " So it is .Isnt it ?".
IIm K girl : "Loser....Were you born that way ?"
Me : " Nah ! I actually was almost normal fr the first three years of my life but then a flowerpot fell right on my head n I have been this way since then."

Ok , I know i bungled up here.was too irritating for her.Im sorry.Infact , I dont wanna hurt or irritate anybody intentionally but then I dont like the way the world runs , too serious. My dad is another person who thinks I am way too useless , lazy and stupid for my age and education.

Dad : " Munnu ,u should behave in a refined and more formal manner , after all you are going to be a manager in some time."
Me (with a solemn nod): " Yea .I realise I have to be a little more formal.I am gonna take my bath in a neck-tie from now on."

Anyways , its 4 n the freshers party kicks off from 5. Cant believe its almost one year since I attended my freshers at the same venue.I guess I would just sit around today with some other IIM C guys , give some fundas about IIM Calcutta and its subjects , curriculum , lakes ,the ducks in the lakes, profs and other useless things fr a couple of hours , grab a bite and hop onto a bus to gurgaon at the end of it all.

Some questions which still stick in my mind from my freshers last year :

" Are the toilets indian or english at IIM Calcutta ?" ( It doesnt matter son , the world is a family , nationality doesnt matter).
" How do I get a room at the girl's hostel ?"(This was asked by me)
"How long are the beds over there ?" ( Helloooo....are you a basketball player?).
"Can we buy booze on campus ?" ( HIc..HIc..naughty boy).
"Do we have washer women in the hostels?" ( god , are you that desperate and frustrated ?!").

Looks like I am in for some fun this evening.


Nauseating is the word . Some asshole cop decides hez feeling excited and rapes a 16 year girl at a police station. Bastard.And this aint gonna stop.Because most of us are that way.Just travel in a bus and the way an average guy looks at a college going girl would put any human to shame. The cop was just one of them who got the power and opportunity to actually execute his lecherous plans.It must be tough being a young girl in Delhi atleast. Everywhere , at the bus stops , in the malls , in the buses , just everywhere are these guys who just view them as objects.

And even I am to blame. Even though I claim that I have never to be one of these dirty minded fuckers , not once have I tried to stop them.I be a mute spectator everyday. The bus I travel picks up quite some girls from a polytechnic and all those jats with their disgusting grins ogle at them unabashedly .And the best a weaking like me can do is to get up and offer one of them a seat , so atleast they wont have to undergo the humiliation of being pushed around in a crowded bus. This is shit .Here I am , a soon to be IIM graduate and I don't have the guts to respect a girl. I fear being beaten up by those hefty jats , I fear I wont be able to do much , its just the damn " kyun pange me padta hai " mentality.I have a college going sister and just to imagine her in place of these girls in the bus makes all me all the more aware of my glaring inaction and uselessness.

So I am playing a part in all this sickening crap too.And even if I try to do anything , can I ? wont those guys just beat me to pulp and carry on with their ogling n disgusting behaviour ? This is no excuse for my inaction , but can I do anything ? I know all that stuff about each one putting his hand up to make a crowd .All that talk about power in unity but how is that sudden change in mass mentality going to come? I dont see the mute by passengers getting together to bash up those jats , how are things ever going to change ?

Stray cases of resistance crop up and nothing happens.And the world is back to its ways . Of embarrassed girls , ogling guys ,and mute spectators.

And since I started the issue of my breakup on my blog , I think I have the responsibility of letting all of you know one last thing about all this.I have been weak , and I have been confused , and I have been tired , sad , angry and a hell lotta messed up with this thing..All the mess has been created by me and I am the one to blame for all this.Call me a weakling , kid yet to grow up , flirt ..anything. I dont know what I will do next , and I am not gonna touch this topic again on my blog..I know I have always been of fluctuating and unsure opinions , but on this issue , I am sure I have the sole responsibility of messing things up , and I will try my best to be a better human being .

Thursday, April 21, 2005

Ladies seat

Travelling by DTC (Delhi Transport Corp.) buses is nasty business.For one , the driver would consider you a natural athelete capable enough of jumping onto a bus travelling at 25 km / hr and won't slow down much as the bus approaches the bus stop. Then there is the issue of being blessed with a seat to place your ass on , the probability of which happening can sometimes be lower than that of you beating mike tyson to pulp.Trying to weave your way through the smelly and sweaty crowd towards the exit door as your bus stop approaches threateningly fast is another heart wrenching experience..

And by a cruel twist of fate , I have to travel in a DTC bus each day.

Now , all the seats in the left hand row of a DTC bus , save for a couple , are reserved for ladies . This noble reservation is indicated by the means of "Ladies" painted in italics over the row.Now what is interesting is that sometimes the male varieties of the homo sapiens species happen to land on these elite seats marked for the females.And what is more engrossing to observe is their reaction when a male perched on a ladies seat is encountered by a lady who demands that he stand up and let her sit down on the seat.

Basically , I have managed to identify the following varieties of males caught in this lovely position , based on their reactions :

1.Raja Rammohan Roy Clan
They would jump out of the seats before the lady would know , almost push her onto the seat and follow it up with a pepsodent smile.I have rarely chanced upon these species , so much so that they can be categorised as an endangered species along with the African Wild Owl.

2."well..umm..ok" Clan
These guys would lower their heads , pretend to sleep , read , brood , look out of the window , just anything to prevent from being uprooted from the beloved seats under their asses.But the liberated woman of today won't just forsake her right and stick her head right in front of the guy's nose and growl " Ladies seat !".And the poor guy , for the fear of being publically humiliated would relinquish his throne and let the female sit down.

3. Shakti Kapoor Clan
Now these are the guys with the extra wild male hormones who spot an opportunity to satisfy their natural desires in even this seemingly uncomfortable position.What these guys do is to look up , gauge in a matter of microseconds if the lady is "good " , and instead of getting up , shift over and say with a sly smile to the lady " aao jee , adjust kar lete hain ".Now no bhartiya nari would agree to sit on a seat with two other guys , one of whom is a direct descendant of shakti kapoor.So the matter is closed and she keeps standing.

4.The Gladiator Clan
These are the disgruntled souls who don't give a damn before confronting the lady with a super aggressive outlook and yell " main nahi uthta , jo karna hai karle !!!".Usually , these are the guys who have just been scolded by their wives , female bosses , girlfriends , washer women etc etc and hence bear a temporary grudge against the entire female variety of the homo sapien species and use this occasion to let out their anger.The poor female generally steps back unless she has a mike tyson in her family.

I guess there are a lot of other varieties too , but now I gotta continue with the googling and all I have to do as a part of my summers , so the next time you get onto a bus and more importantly onto a ladies seat , watch what you do.

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

I removed them

Yup Yup Yup , I removed them. Nah , not the hair on my arms but the last two posts.I removed them.

Lesson learnt :

1.don't wash the dirty linen in public , use a semi automatic BPL washing machine.
2.Love doesn't fail.People do.

And thanks a lot to people like angel , karthika , rohit, V n a lot of others for helping me out.

And since I have just 15 minutes before I leave for home , the best I can do is to post the following stuff I just came across on a buddy's blog.

In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because ofstupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???....)

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."(...and you thought????...)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-oldswith head colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and....I'm taking this because???....)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (Now,somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sunbury’s peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (Talk about a news flash!)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eatnuts." (Step 3: maybe, Delta?)

I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one: On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

Monday, April 11, 2005

Office Office

Now i know why in a multionational the management provides more coffee than you would find in a coffee estate.Thats for keeping a summer trainee awake enough to twiddle his thumbs.Before you label me a "kalank" on the glamouros face of the IIMs,lemme bring to your notice that I am actually working .Just that my project guide is on leave today and hence I am forced to indulge in noble activities like thumb twiddling , looking at the ceiling , googling on mergers and acquistions , visting blogs , regoogling mergers and acquisitions ..(loop continues).

But to be honest , I am working at my summer training.Though things get a little lazy sometimes , its getting to be a challenging and enjoyable experience.Ive got a desktop with net connection and unblocked access to all of the internet.not that I have tried accessing websites which "deserve" to be blocked.good boy.

But the bad part is that I have to wear formals to work each day.That transaltes to formal trousers,formal shirt and a tie.Now I dont have anything personal against a tie but why do they tend to land in all the wrong places at the wrong time?I find my tie's end dipped in "aloo matar' when I have lunch and in my shirt's front pocket when i visit my project guide's desk.
Between , my co-trainees are all elite and sophisticated souls from the IIMs(A-1 , B-2 , C-2 , L-2 , K-1) .So I better work hard if I have to think about making an "impression".For the record , my "not-so-serious" activities comments during a certain lunch session at the office cafeteria had the female trainee from IIM A quipping " have you ever been beaten up badly by anybody ?". So I better curb my natural instincts before some blazing girl power is unleashed on me.

And another bad part is that I have to travel in buses and autos to commute to and fro from this place to home.And considering the genre of people that travel in buses ,I in my tie and formals look as misplaced in a bus as mahatma gandhi in a pub .

Anyways , its lunch time and I have decided to skip the lunch.The rest of the trainees just formed a queue and left for the cafeteria.I think I will cut short this post and make myself a coffee now.And I will make sure I dont find my tie's end in the coffee mug this time.