Monday, January 21, 2008

Who needs a title .


Well , I know , I know . It’s been almost two months since something breathed on this blog. Struck by an acute case of ‘I miss him’ , around a dozen girls all over the country have killed themselves , another seven are being rushed to hospital as we speak , and I can’t even count the ones who are out on Sunday shopping for nylon ropes and rat poison pills right now . But here I am , so chill , breathe and smile , for I am still single and confused.

Anyways , a lot of water has flown under the bridge since I last wrote ( I know , my usage of English idioms is exemplary . Zabardast. ).

Things have been happening at work , in personal life , at home . Like right now , there is this domestic problem at my home – Last Friday , my sister’s iPod has been stolen . Now , under normal circumstances , if anything goes missing in my home or in a radius of 20 kilometers around it , my mother just walks up to me and says “Where is it ? Bata kalmoohe ! Tell me if you want to get dinner ! ”

But this time around, I am clean, because when the thing went missing, I was busy coloring excel sheets at office. So after re-watching the six CD collection of Byomkesh Bakshi and stung by the prospect of having to live a life without music, my sister declared that it was the ‘kaam wali’* who has stolen the iPod. Not me , not the postman , not the milkman , but the most important person in the history of Indian womankind – The KaamWali .


*Kaamwali= The maid . You know , the lady who cleans up your home , washes the dishes and is loved by your mother more than you are .


Now, all of you have hopefully grown up in Indian households, and it is an insult to your intelligence if I start telling you how important a peg a ‘kaam wali’ is in the workings of the world and your household , in particular . Just to provide an illustrative example, my mother once threw a five year old me off the balcony because I called the maid a ‘moti’. And she actually was so fat .

So coming back to the case of the missing iPod, my mother has taken an immediate offence to my sister accusing the kaamwali, and if my sister was still a child, she would have been flying out of a balcony too. Ma has refused to question the kaamwali and has warned anyone in the household against doing so with drastic consequences including self immolation and totally screwed salt amounts in food. Infact just the next day of the mentioned incident, my sister claimed the kaamwali was humming ‘Summer of 69’ while doing the clothes , which was placed suspiciously on the iPod’s playlist too . But protected fiercely by mom , the kaamwali continues to roam around the house unfettered and my sister continues to hope she will have her revenge some day .

On a personal front , I guess things are never supposed to be smooth for a guy who is 26 and is staring at a future which is still as clear as the climax of an art movie (I don’t know about you , but I rarely understand how these art movies end . I mean , when ‘The Namesake’ ended , I was like “What ? Why are they turning on the lights ? Where is the rest of it ?”) . Things have been kinda intense on the personal front , but every time I think I know what I want and what will be good for everybody , I flip out two days later.

I mean, how do you know who is the ‘right’ person to be share a life with , or , as they say , marry ? I know I have already got a ‘Anti-Abhi Women’s Cell’ going all over the nation due to the emotional mess ups I have been through , but nobody understands that my own heart too looks like it was crossing a road and a truck hit it right where it hurts. Knowingly or unknowingly, I know I have hurt people, but it’s an emotional battering for me too. People , including those the closest to me , may dismiss it as a ‘Oh-it-happens-to-everybody’ , but I have had my share of dark clouds and I think I need to move someone to the center of my world (Right now , I got my parents and sister there) and build my life around it , make people happy , create a good life for everybody , you know , rainbows and butterflies . But before that, I need to decide who that person is, and that makes all my college exams look like little walks in a park.

About situation at work , after almost two years of corporate world including ‘Another one , and you are fired’ as well as ‘Great work , so unlike you !’ emails , all I can do is offer a big brotherly advice to those who are yet to order their business suits – Love your work .At least try to love it . But remember you are just a guy filling a job profile for them . The day you don’t punch out the right result , they are going to help you pack your stuff and take it home in a cardboard box . So know what is important.

Anyway, it’s a Sunday , and it’s time I check out what’s on HBO . I anyway need to move from here because the kaamwali needs to sweep this room, and she just gave me the ‘Move-you-unbathed-jerk-or-I-tell-your-mom-you-called-me-moti’ look. I don’t want to be flying out of a balcony anytime soon.

74 comments:

d_grail said...

OMG..OMG...am d frst one...n still as i type dis i cud becme number2..3..zillion...

welcme bac abhi...gt discharged frm d hospital ystdy..rat poisn isnt easy on d taste buds..will go in 4 d rope if d next post isnt on time..

Teens to Toons said...

you have done better before...

you need a break...

Abhi said...

Better ? This is my life dude , not some performance to earn your approval .

emran hashmi said...

uve done better before :PPPPPPP hehe

Emran Hashmi said...

hope u get ur rainbows and butterflies girl (completely wish for it :-)...) and *sigh* yeah - I know it feels when you get let down by your work :'( ... worse than your girl/guy walking out on you ... :( now, there you've made me go all depressed and today's the first day in so many days that im even doing something that remotely resembles work :(

satish said...

meri mahino ki tapasya ka phal hai. who says god doesnt exist!!!

chalo bhaiyya hum chale ab post padne!

Bharat Jhurani said...

awesome.. as ever.. n the kaam wali thin.. truth!! i myself was once beaten for accusing the woman( sorry no expletives! what if she was readin this?)..

Sanyukta said...

yeah..the kaamwali part is so true..anyways, goodluck with life :) i guess everyone needs it.

Himank said...

How funny can a person be while writing about something serious. I have no idea about what happened with you... But it seems like something serious which you are talking about and even then you made me laugh.. Awesome man.. wish I had a sense of humour like you.. It would be very interesting to meet you personally..

And please please please please post more frequently.. Ages pass between 2 of ur posts..

Vandita said...

im in the first 10???? wow soem achievement this is...
abhinav i loved the kaamwali bit...really true...i totally get what u mean, abt ur personal thingy...am sure u'll sort it out soon all the very best for a good life ahead :)
oh and thanks for the job advice...i have my placements in 10 days :D
love readin u as always!
PS: if u didnt read my comment on ur last post...u have something for u on my blog.

Sirius Black said...

always a pleasure to read sm1 like u ;) hope things get better soon,tc

Anonymous said...

Hi Abhi,

Really liked ur post... its nice to read ur blog after such a long time.. it refreshes me and I can work better...

and yes if they have fired u its there loss...and smile :)

amusing pervert said...

//while doing the clothes ??

zahid said...

Hey....That was so so funny....I love humour so much that even i was penalised for layin a witty remark on the kaamwaali !!! And :(ly i'm also so sad with the kaamwaali and so jealous too that she gets all the attention atleast during the prime time er the morning !!!

Ravish said...

Every dark cloud has a silver lining. Sooner or later they are meant to be found.

Cheers!!

Anonymous said...

Hey! welcome back.. so nice to see u back.. hope u find wat u looking for real soon.. all the best..

Ankit said...

26 is a tough age :).
Anyways welcome back

Prasoon (Unfolded) said...

Hey Abhi....a nice smooth read once again....love the way you write!!!

I can relate to the penultimate paragraph....very few people can even realize this. and ye number aur bhi kam ho jata hai ..realize karne ke baad jab kadam uthane ki baat aati hai.....and that is the real check of the person

Teens to Toons said...

Dude...

it is worse than the performnace appraisal.. there you know what is expected .. in a blurred way...

I took a break... I needed it and let me know on 9821110551 when you drop in mumbai...

And by the way... missed you...

Parul Gahlot said...

nice to read about your life...i understand that people have this habit of saying " It happens to everyone" but when a 15 year old falls in love it's true love to him meant to last forever although it may be infatuation to others...

I've learnt that there is no right person for anyone. You choose someone you like. You fall in good ol love and then you throw in trust and understanding. After that you spend a life figuring out what makes this guy/girl tick? Again you trust, you love, you understand, you compromise and you celebrate and sometimes all of it in one day.
I don't know if this makes things clearer to you...

PS Romance flies out the window. everytime.

Anonymous said...

Dude ,Keep writing more frequently.
I love reading your Blogs.

Anonymous said...

Dude ,Keep writing more frequently.
I love reading your Blogs.

sneha said...

hey abhi!
i had come across your blog in december. i had been going through a really tough time in my life. that sentence -"it was only my own expectation which hurt me in the guise of a broken promise."- in one of your older posts proved to be truly life changing for me! you have no idea dude, it changed the whole perspective for me.thank you! looking forward towards reading more posts.

Gazal said...

i completly agree with your mother on the the 'kaamwali is holier than thou'...do you have the faintest idea,what life is without them...???
an ipod is a small price to pay for bringing peace into the house...

Amlan Nanda said...

i know what the underlying issue is, but i can see that the dark humour is a camouflage for something ?? serious??.

each for his own battle. * sigh *

wish you all the best...!
keep writing.. (more often)

Krish said...

Hi Abhi!
Glad to know u back..and that too in ur trademark style. Cool post...as usual.
BTW, me Krishna. Been visiting ur blog for quite some time. U've got me hooked :)
keep entertaining dude!

Vaijayanta Chattoraj said...

The "Kaamwaali Episode" was the best. :D

Abhi, you are so true about trying to love work and bring out results. :)

Suno bhailog, Abhi is absolutely right. The kaamwaalis of our area are equally dangerous. So better stay away from them. :D

Ise kehte hain Kaam-wali Raaj. :D

Cheers,
Vaijayanta.
http://vaichatt.blogspot.com
http://handubong.blogspot.com

Garam Bheja Fry said...

kaha ho chadda saab!! bahut dino se gtalk pe bhi nahee aaye..!!

Singlepanti ki razaai odh ke kone se committed world ke MMS ko mat dekho...time aagaya hai "chak de phatte" or was it (cheque de phatey(torn))!!
Page 3 parties me jaake ek soni kudi ki taraf ishara kar ke "And meet my Fiancee" kehne ka time aa gaya hai!!

mera ek shout out to all the probable bhabhijis, ladke ko pakad lo valentine's day paas hai, koi apshakun naa ho jaaye! :p

Crime Master said...

You know.. maybe we should discuss the colour combinations which look good in excel!

microsoft excel is a boon to mankind! Esp us auditors! Sigh!

gaurav said...

main aapka blog daily chek karta hoon dude...kitna achcha likhte ho aap..gr8 man....bhagwan aapko hamesha khush rakhe..[:)]

Anonymous said...

Abhinav, This is a quote by Eleanor Roosevelt that I really liked and I think it would be good advice for you right now (at the risk of sounding extremely preachy!)- "Do what you feel in your heart to be right- for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do and damned if you don't."
So, just follow your heart ...
Also, I really enjoy reading your posts have been for a while now =) - you influence more people than you realize!

Arti Honrao said...

Hi!

It feels good to come here after a real long time and read your posts...
Nothing has changed, sab kuch waisa hi hai, wahi Abhi wahi style :)

Wahi blog, wahi main ...
Bass, din badal gaye,
Pal guzar gaye!


Wishing you luck for your future


GBU
Arti
P.S. Remember me?

Ganesha said...

Nice post!. did you get the ipod back?.. or is it someone else who took the ipod.

Anonymous said...

thot u will write soemthign spicy as always and funny....

arey why so much hungama abt whom to marry....hotha hi...it mite look u are decidign ..ultimately it just happens...so shut ur butt and enjoy life....u are a funny guy...u will get some serious in life girl...

Zee said...

what if u were to marry the kaamwali? 2 birds with one stone? (an eye for an eye and idiom for an idiom!)

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Shree said...

//‘Oh-it-happens-to-everybody’

but it hurts everytime, so you arent alone there.

plutonikos said...

nice post. i agree with someone here. someone who commented on this post in the middle.. that u have this good ability to make serious things sound funny for others. the readers here.

Harshi said...

First time on your blog. I had a good laugh :-)).

Fathima said...

So u created an alibi and escaped from the blame!

mdev123 said...

Hi Abhi welcome back. Nothing to say about the post, good as usual. But there is something which I must say that, the situation or problem you are going through is not new but the way you handling it is commendable. Believe it or not you have given a new prospective to look at the things differently and find the a reason to make someone happy. I am going to try that. And afterall who says that one should get what they want. Its about demanding happiness whichever way it come.

hana said...

Hehe.. this was truly an eye-opener.. i just discovered your weblog a few days ago.. this is really funny stuff.. nice to see someone like you who can be very versatile with their humor.. I love the Kaam Wali bit..though never having lived family life in India.. I cant relate to that.. nonetheless.. will keep on checking your weblog for updates on your life..:)

ketki said...

i ve been waiting to read your posts for so long!
but u know what,
the worst part of life is waiting and the best is to have something worth waiting for!

Anonymous said...

You are 26 , post - MBA and an intact sense of humour ..u r a rare species !! :-p

~rvel

Manesh Kumar said...

Hey abhi, i came across ur blog a week back n i've been tearing thru the posts (starting from 2004) at break-neck speed! u're fantastic, i'm sure u've heard that abt 10 million times already.

This is with ref to ur 'Main aisa kyun hoon' post (June 2006), which i just finished reading. in case u havnt found out already, the reason the waiter gasped wen u called him 'chetta' was that the word can also mean 'bastard' dependin on how u prounounce the 'tt' part of 'chetta'!! its a v sublte difference in pronunciation that produces a not-so-subtle difference in reaction!

Bhavna said...

frst time on ur blog.. jst as manesh..hv been tearin thru ur blogs!
bless my co. they missed blockin blogger!
dnt be scared if sm ubiquitous s/w co sues u for diverting the minds of their employees! ( u c they r tryin to increase productivity!!)

Kaala Kavva said...

im an uncommenting silent admirer
you post was mast as (almost) always

dude
lekin this time mujhe apna pavitra mukh kholna hee pada

yaar waise to google stud hai
but i think their ad-matchin algo fails miserably when applied 2 ur blog i mean the ads we see here suck bad and 1 in 1000000000 ppl would click on them by the stroke of such misfortune that they had been possessed by spirit the owners of the obscure company offering jodha akbar promos.

If I were a consultant I'd estimate your blog to earn less than 1 dollar per day.

Mere dost tu mere se 1 dollar le liye kar (see thats profit) roz ka lekin remove these ugly ads from your blog, they make it look wretched, if I might say so!

arre haan ek aur cheez
i still admire your writing and keeping in mind the kind of banda (?) you are Im abso-bloody-lootely sure you'll love this song + video!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RD_y4Qbla_Q

shabba khair
kaala kavva
(chapaat wala if you've forgotten)

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Maryum said...

hey abhi.. as always it was a great post.. made me laugh on a very boring and tiring day... btw.. kaha ho.. i sent u like 3 emails.. but no reply... do lemme know if u received my emails or not? ok
tc
Maryum

Maryum said...

wow...I made the 50th comment.. so do i get gold;)hope alls ok in life.... lemme know u r ok..
tc
maryum

Karunakaran Prasad said...

My. They give you cardboard boxes when you de-junk the place? Nice. Would have hated getting out of there without something to show for it.

[stop, i musnt, focus on conten......]

[gives in]
Your commas and the spaces after them seem to be on an exponential rise to claim all of blogger's valuable space.

Anonymous said...

hey come bak! we are missing u!

Anonymous said...

Hi Abhi,

I have been following your blogs for quite a while now, but this is my first comment. This time I was compelled to write coz i felt an undertone of loneliness (though you are always in a crowd) in all that you wrote. May be that's why the humour wasn't that profound this time.

I am in a similar boat as you, so Cheer up Man!! You are not the only one ;)

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Niedhie said...

You can smile in adversities, or at least you try to smile or lets say you endeavour to make others smile in adversities, isn't that great?!! You realise the amount of blessings you collect through this- I am sure everything soon would be fine with you, have faith!!

Regards, Nidhi.

Ashen Glow said...

Yeah. I know... its the 57th comment (in spite of the comment moderation thingy)... and maybe the 598756th visitor to your blog... wont make a difference to you if i made a comment.. or otherwise...

But i chose the former...

Read you from 2004 to 08... liked it.. a blog just the way it should be... frank, personal, and a 'care too hoots' attitude to the rude janta... and a savior during my time outs, while sitting free in the office... Heh.

Thanks buddy, for writing.

Anonymous said...

Happy Valentines day to you sweetheart .... :)

love wat u write

Anonymous said...

someone in the office was sitting all by himself and giggling uncontrollably, and when he chanced to see the weird looks i was giving him, he sent me the link to your blog. i've been sneaking minutes from precious man-hours of my company to read this blog ever since.

want to make sure i am notified when you update your blog next. i'm sure a lot of your admirers would want that too. would you get some tool/notification/rss something?

p.s.: dont know what rss does, just shooting words to show i'm working in the i.t. industry :)

Anonymous said...

Hey read ur blog after quite a long time, and it was refreshing. Being a friday and in no mood to work makes things bad, but belive me I was giggling after reading this blog.
Hope u get ur special some one & ur sister her i-pod.

Madam said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Madam.Abd said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
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ankita said...

hahahaha..cant stop laughing well i totally agree with the kaam waali thing..u wont believe its the same in my house too..my mom would look daggers at me if i even say a word in her disrespect even when she is on a leave n i am standing with the stupid broom and duster....it beats me to it..n recently my mom even increased her pay without her even asking for i...ask me y? bcoz the new pay commssion had cum n my mom n dad got a raise too..well no one's thinking much about me.... :(

ellie said...

hey abhi ...
was fun readin ur post
neway da kaamwali thing ,ask ur sister to really check up well....cuz cuz i've been thru da same thing and have ended up being suspicious abt my maid (when i was a kid)....and finally wud find the missing thing sumwhere between da sheets or sumthin !!!
just a possiblity..

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Anonymous said...

I mean, how do you know who is the ‘right’ person to be share a life with , or , as they say , marry ?....nobody understands that my own heart too looks like it was crossing a road and a truck hit it right where it hurts. Knowingly or unknowingly, I know I have hurt people, but it’s an emotional battering for me too. People , including those the closest to me , may dismiss it as a ‘Oh-it-happens-to-everybody’ , but I have had my share of dark clouds and I think I need to move someone to the center of my world (Right now , I got my parents and sister there) and build my life around it , make people happy , create a good life for everybody , you know , rainbows and butterflies . But before that, I need to decide who that person is, and that makes all my college exams look like little walks in a park.

:)my thoughts exactly!

J

walked away...a memoir said...

amazingly funny.!!!..

Maria said...

Nice post

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