Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Your fantasies can come true

I walked over to the reception of the hotel I am staying at , placed my elbow on the counter poetically , and asked
" Hi . Is there any cyber cafe around this place ?"

Generally , the answers travels along the same lines , telling me that I need to swim across seven oceans , hop across a couple of cheetah infested mountain ranges and fight some dragons on the way to get to the nearest cafe . So when the lady at the reception looked up and said " Oh yes Sir , in fact we have a business center right here in this hotel with round the clock internet access" , I had a genuine urge to fling myself across the counter , hug her and shout "You are an angel ! Where are your wings !" till she passes out from the smell of my cheap china made cologne .
And I spent the last week at Bombay . And in an event rated to be as big as Adnan Sami's thighs , I saw Sunjay Dutt at the Siddhi Vinayak Temple there . And not the type of "seeing" where people stick out their head's from each other's armpits and find something moving in distance and mistake a lampost for Abhishek Bachchan . Sanjay Dutt was barely 5 feet away from me while shouts of 'Munnabhai' rang across the temple .
But on a more Sushma Swaraj-ish note , Marine Drive shocked me in the same way a rusty old room cooler did when I tried to fil it up with water when I was eight . I mean , I am no Pandit Gangadhar Panduraam Shastri whose delicate sensibilities will be offended by an exposed ankle . But the way young couples choose to do 'things' not exactly in alignment with All India Mummy Papa Association over there was a little 'not-so-relaxing' for me to watch .Arre bhai , video dekhna hain to ghar mein dekho na , multiplex mein public screening kyun kar rahe ho ?
And the good part about being out of Kerala is that instead of asking "Kaunsi movie lagee hain ? Hindi ya Malayalam ya English ?" , I can ask "Kaunsi movie lagi hain ? Hindi ya English ?" ( Yeah . I have almost forgotten how Mammooty looks like . Mohanlaal is still fresh in my memory , but I am sure I will get over him too ). So over the last couple of weeks , I have watched "Kabul Express" and "The Covenant" . KE ( MBA hoon . Abbreviation banana accha lagta hain bachpan se .) was good enough. But when me and a couple of friends walked out of the "The Covenant" , we had definite plans of kidnapping the director's daughter , wife and mother ( In case any of these were unavailable , we planned to pick up his sister-in-law . After all , saali hain.) and asking for the ticket's refunds as ransom.Without saying more , there were nine people in the hall when the movie started . Including the projector guy . And five walked out during the intermission . One kept sleeping in his chair.
And in keeping with my entrepreneuring ( Angrezo ko pagal dinosaur kee poonch se baandh kar ghaseetna chahiye . itne mushkil words banate kyun hain yeh log ? ) spirit , and long tortured due to the lack of height , me and some other guys at my workplace have launched a club called SPOIL . It stands for 'Small People Of ITC Limited' . All the 'vertically challenged people' ( notice how I play with words to avoid the words "Short/dwarf/midget") have come together and have decided to stand up for each other whenever one of us is threatened by a bigger guy . A couple of days ago , one of the SPOIL members even climbed on another member's shoulders and punched a taller bully in the face . SPOIL has decided to handle the medical bills for both of them .
Chalo yaar , mere bheje ki dukaan se to aise kuch kuch rockets niklate rahenge and I will keep typing it . So abhi main chalta hoon . As for the post title , it was just to keep you perverted minds reading till the end .
Chow . ( MTV pe VJ ne bola tha . Tabse main bhee bolta hoon . )


Mohit Ahuja said...

arre bhai itna looooong time.
hadd hai !
chalo in the process atleast i discovered some new blogs :p

Anonymous said...

v missed uuuuuu......!!!!!( me and a friend... die hard fans... of yours.. not of the movie die hard )

mintykulkarni said...

Its good to have you back.
Anyway, nice post. Why dont you write more frequently?

Suresh S said...

"Vertically challenged!!!", WOW, nice innovative style dude:)

Bole to MBA karneka, ek itch faida hai, har ek cheez ki ek strategy banao, aur simple things ko jitna complicate hosake utna karke, duniya ko bhej do...& not to forget as u mentioned har ek lambe word SF banake mystery barkaraar rakho..

He he he...

Zee said...

Your post has motivated me to do 2 things
1. To start a horizontally challenged women's association
2. To end all my blogs with "chow".....pun intended (refer pt 1 above)!
Thanks for solving my blog ending worries :)
brilliant post as always! :)

Himank said...

Well dude!!! You rock!!! You just rock!!
You are my blgogging one can write like you...You are just awesome..awesomeness personified...... :)

Ginni said...

Woh lamhe..!!! ofcourse chale gaye :P
waise nice post yaar..actually awesome.. marine drive pey u didn't had ur camera kya?? [:D]

J said...

Two very good things have happened today.
1) I got to see KE.
2) You wrote.

Kabir Khan and Abhinav Jain,
Thank you.

Bruce Almighty said...

ab lagta hai main KE dekh lunga (main bhi mba ban raha hoon, abbreviation banana seekh raha hoon) lekin is mumbai nagariya ka kya kiya jai,,, Jaha public or private main sirf spelling ka difference hai....

Vidya said...

Did some blog jumping and landed here. I like the humor in your posts. Except for the fact that I have this soft corner for mallus though am not a mallu myself, found your rants, funny, though understandable. Thats how kerala is unfortunately, its like a foreign territory within India.

And SPOIL.. that was GOOD man. Really GOOD!

Sreekumar said...

Generally , the answers travels along the same lines , telling me that I need to swim across seven oceans , hop across a couple of cheetah infested mountain ranges and fight some dragons on the way to get to the nearest cafe .

Just kidding...good post as usual.
munna mein delhi mein hoon jan mein...if u wanna give ur kar lo..aap to orkut mein bhi nahi ho...

Ye manzilen !! said...

Accha likhta hai bacchoo....

Shadi banaya kiya?


neigh ha said...

finally...kitne dinno bad..someone's actually got busier now...

Kk said...

Hello Bhai ! Long time !

Tho job ke bahane aap saari india ghoom rahe hoo... coool.., can understand the kerala part wasn't so cooool... magar it's always nice to see ur posts.., dimag ke rockets aur bhi chalathe raho !!!!!!

syrals said...

Wow! finally you are back with another hilarious post. Enjoyed reading it as usual. Waiting for more to come 'often'. :)

mdev123 said...

Good to see you back...SPOIL .. too good....congratulation to all the fans of AJ finally he is out of his hibernation (waise ye kaunasi nation hai :-)... Abhi Baba is back.
Lage raho Munnu bhai!!!

'jo said...

hey bhagwan count badta hi ja raha....neways mein phele apni attendance laga rahi hoon.....aur iske baad mein padoongi kya likha hai........

'jo said...

and finally in the record time of six min i relished every bit....okies do i have to say was really nice....hillarious...had fun reading.....tumhare dimag ke rockets badiya hain....

raven said...

abbe log jannat se nikalne par shok manate hain and tu kerala se bhaag kar khushi ki chalange maar raha hai... abhi dekhna, next time jab kissi mallu gaane ki awaaz sunai degi na to kaise mohanlal ki yaad mein aansu bahayega!

waise agli posting kahan hai?

Sudipta Chatterjee said...

Haa Munnu bhai kahin jaao to yaad to aayegi hi. Ab ITC ko chuna lagake ek lappy aur ek mobile dial-up le lo: hamesha phir blog likh paaoge!

mini'mum' said...

atlast you did sth abt your 'to-do' list.. ~smiles~

cool post..'vertically challenged people'.. ROTFL

take out some time from ur busy schedule :P.. and write often..

arpana said...


Anonymous said...

You are an awesome writer!! Have loads of humor in them. I too am a "Vertically Challenged" person but now can take heart tat someone out there is making us more "Horizontal" :). I know u r busy...busy tho sab hotein hain yaar. Par aapke andar jo hasaane ka talent hain usse bhi use zara sa ZYADA kar diya karo. You write the right stuff buddy. Plz write more often

ns said...

jaane kitane dinon ke baad BlogWorld mein phir chaand nikala..


Achche bachche regularly blog karthein hain... magar tum bhi koshish kar sakthe ho :D

Anonymous said...

awesome to have u back abhinav !!!!!-ur sense of humor rocks..keep writing.

vinu said...

"You are an angel ! Where are your wings !" till she passes out from the smell of my cheap china made cologne . hahaha
good post abhi! as usual!

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Anonymous said...

amazin :)ur still as good as u alwayz were
Sirius black

marlee said...

welcome usual, it was a good read :)

Life Lover said...

you write such hilarious analogies, mazaa aa gaya!! :)

Fathima said...

U'r analogies r getting better day by day... sorry.. post by post.

"mistake a lampost for Abhishek Bachchan"

And ur weird ideas too...

Angrezo ko pagal dinosaur kee poonch se baandh kar ghaseetna chahiye ...

Ritu said...

entrepreneuring ( Angrezo ko pagal dinosaur kee poonch se baandh kar ghaseetna chahiye . itne mushkil words banate kyun hain yeh log ? )

GAWD!! just too funny!!
ur too good with these!!

neways nice to see you back in action!!!

sunshine said...

you are an amazing man. will you make frandships with me cbb?

rt said...

thank the receptionist on ur readers' behalf too...
nice that u have access nearby our expectations are raised to see more of ur posts..

silky said...

hi! i hv been eading ur blogs regularly...its real fun..u have an awesome sense of humour..i m preparing for civils n ur blogs r just like a great stress buster to my tired brain cells( which i hv started using recently)...keep blogging!! i jus love ur stuff...

whoelsebutme said... usual...we luv u abhi:)

Anonymous said...

What about Hun?
oxycodone vs hydrocodone

Sanyukta said...

arre bhaijaan!!

"chow" kee isspelleeng "c-h-o-w" nahin..."c-i-a-o" hoti hai
ab ek aur dinosaur dhoondho, ispainish bhai-log ka vaaste.
pata nahi kaise-kaise difficult words banate hai, rite?

ketki said...

very soon we are going to have something like
well.....does one already exit?
let me konw if it does!

Anonymous said...

i love u....

Anonymous said...

No, I love you ... no other person can love you , anon or otherwise :p

I love you , i love you , i love you :-)

Rashmi Bansal said...

What! You came to Bombay aur hamein phone bhi nahin kiya. My office is 5 mins away from Sid Vin temple...!

Neha said...

pagal dinosaur ki poonch!!!

hehe dude your blogs are so spontaneously insane...u must've had a very weird childhood

mac said...

awwssummm post dude!

Jerry aka Devil said...


Awesome Blog - Your Posts are Amazingly Entertaining

Nice Work!

Devilsworkshop -

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I said...

the senseof humour is just amazing! I was laughing, giggling and yea, laughing again n again! u write naturally n thats whats good about it!
keep it up! :)