Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Chartbusters Unlimited - Volume 1

In spite of a cricket team which plays like a bunch of arthritic grandmothers, I really like being an Indian at times. I mean, what other country would give me a day off for celebrating the birthday of a guy who may have never existed? I wonder how many of us really strap up cardboard conical caps to our heads and shout ‘Happy Birthday Krishna’ on Janmasthmi, but I am sure a lot of us get a day off to lie unbathed , download songs and type grammatically horrendous blog entries. Perfect country for a guy like me, I tell you.
Anyway, earlier today, I decided to renew the songs on my system. So I delved into my hard disk, into folders that had been long forgotten, lying untouched since ages like your old bicycle which lies dumped in the attic once you grow up. Folders that had been lying embedded deep in the disk like abandoned Umrao Jaans. Folders that contained songs which once made my heart dance like a drunken monkey who just gained entry into a hostel housing young female monkeys. So I rediscovered some old classic songs which were once played at every tea shop in this country.
Songs which define the times I grew up in. Songs which contained the gut wrenching grief of a lost love , the cute joy of a blossoming love, the mischievous naughtiness of a lover’s wink. Songs which embodied the emotions which fill the developing heart of every Indian boy when he is growing up. Songs which shaped my thinking when my mind was still impressionable. Songs which have made me the man I am. So ladies , gentlemen and Bobby Darlings , not wishing that these gems ,which have played such an important role in the making of this sophisticated , refined and tasteful young man go unrecorded on this blog , I give to you , a few of these life changing creations -
~~
“Kahan Gir Gaya Dhoondho Sajan
Button meri kurti ka”
English translation, for the benefit of my overseas readers ( Yes , I have one from Bhutan . A girl from Uganda visits sometimes,too.)
(Where has it fallen , please search Darling ,
The button of my shirt )
This extremely naughty and imaginative song sensitively captured the anxiety and terror of a young girl who, due to a unskilled tailor who used a cheap thread, has lost a very crucially located button on her shirt. To make matter more intense, she is dancing dangerously close to the young hero of the film, the purpose of whose existence is to tease the young girl and belt out bone bending pelvic movements at the same time.
It doesn't take much to notice the anguish on Mamta'a face
.You gotta be anguished when you got Mithun with you and your shirt button is missing.

Hey Saala ! Teri Jaat ka paida maaru ! Mamta meri hai , kya !

The song was picturised on a well fed Mamta Kulkarni along with a clearly uncontrolled Mithun Chakraborty ,who looked as dapper as ever in his wet swept back hair. Now you know why Mamta was so terrified. On a personal note, the song left a huge dent on the contents of my skull , and taught me a lot about what to do when life presents you with a lady who has lost a button on her shirt.

~~

Hero-

Angana mein Baba , dware pe Ma

Kaise aau gori , main tohre ghar maa

Heroine-

Khet gaye baba , bazaar gayi ma

Akeli hu ghar maa , tu aaja saajna

(

Hero-

Your dad is in the courtyard ,

your mom is at the door

How do I enter your house , oh fair one ?

Heroine-

Dad is (defecating?) in the fields ,

mom is in the market

I am Home alone , come in Darling .)

If the previous song carefully brought out the menace of cheap buttons and improper tailoring , this song points its finger at the age old problem faced by every young couple – Parents. The song starts off on a touching note where a troubled Govinda is itching to enter the residence of a rather conservative Shilpa Shirodkar.

But at the same time , Govinda is concerned about his physical safety as he believes Shilpa’s parents are at home too . As the song progresses and tightly captures the longing of Govinda , the mood is relieved when Shilpa coyly informs him that her father is in the fields and her mother has gone to the market to avail the 60% discount on Ajay Kunwar Sarees.

In a shocking display of modernity , she not only informs but invites Govinda inside her home . What followed after his entrance his beyond the scope of this post , though of deep interest to the author of this blog. On a parallel note , I strongly believe that Shilpa’s father went to the fields to defecate . Being a resident of a (Gur)Gaon myself , I have been a traumatically close witness to the happenings in a field , and I can confidently claim the purpose of Shilpa’s father’s visit to the fields.

On how the song affected me , it was a clear indicator that if I ever love a woman , I will make sure there is a saree discount sale on around her home and her home does not have a toilet.

How do I enter Silpa'a House ?


Shilpa , the girl whose father went to the fields.

~~~~

"Tera kale kale lambe lambe naagin se baal ,

Dekho Ankhiyon se goli mare ladki kamaal"

(Your hair is dark dark , long long and like a cobra

Look , The fantastic girl shoot bullets from her eyes)

A trend setting number of its times, this track was the first of its kind which made a girl sound like a weapon of mass destruction .Govinda , who sported a dress which was strikingly similar to an art gallery , first compares Raveena Tandon’s hair to a serpent of deadly virtues – The Cobra .

As the audience lies stunned and little babies in the hall start wailing, he proceeds to bravely declare that Raveena has the ability to fire bullets using her eyes . A totally novel and unique concept , this became a talking point across the nation and the Indian Military ranks .

A few days after the song swept across the country , cheap tabloids reported that some very excited Officers from the Indian Military had invited Raveena at their Weapon Research Laboratory .What happened in the dark confines of the Lab remains a mystery , but Raveena was never the same chirpy girl again. Reports pour in to this day , with recent news being Raveena has been posted at the military base at Leh border with a bulletproof vest and no guns , except her two eyes.

Govinda sings about Raveena's shooting abilities joyfully , just before the Military picked up Raveena.

So , my fellow music conoisseurs, these were just three of the gems which have offered so much to our lives , to my life . I have laughed , cried , chuckled , sobbed and done a lot of strange things listening to these songs . I hope to showcase more songs soon . But for now , I just have to sway to “Jab tak samose mein rahega aaloo..”.

81 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hilarious!

Anonymous said...

Awesome..Rib Tickling blog..Guess if it was "Navrattnas" of Abhi instead of 3 gems, what wud other entries be like..My take
"Rukmani-rukmani shaadi ke baad kya kya hua - Roja"
"Tip-tip barsa paani paani ne aag lagayi - Mohra",
"Ang se ang lagana sajan aise rang lagana - Darr"

Anonymous said...

ROFL!!

Shilpa Shirodkar.. wherefore art thou?!? [dekha, mujhe bhi shakespearean agreji aati hai]

Please keep them coming!

Anonymous said...

Yeh Bronze ke baad kya aata hai?

Anyways, nice post. But the comment on the Lord could have been done without and you might be inviting trouble. After all as you say this is India.

Bullshee said...

If Hindi be hilarious, Kannada and Malayalam are even worse!
I've noticed that every single Kannadiga song NEEDS to have the word 'preeti' in it. If it isn't the censor board duly rejects it....After months of analysis(and fear of asking a Kannadiga what it means as they might burst into uncontrollable fits of dance and song), I've deduced it means 'love'!Whatay!
Mallus however prefer the word 'karale' which literally means 'liver'. One intersting number goes.... karale karalinde karale. Translated this means Liver Oh Liver's Liver... apparently the lyricist was a failed software engineer who could never ENDIF his loops.... :D
Funny post dude!

Unknown said...

dude.. you reminded me of those govinda movies..
i can't believe how did i tolerated watching them in my childhood..
all those no.1 movies... that was an era, govinda era..
you couple up govinda wid ravina or karishma and add kadar khan.. and there's up another movie named something something no.1 ..
the real killer was govinda's "hadd kar di aapne.."!! it was seriously up to its name..
anyways.. nice post..
i hope to see the song "sarkahe leyo khatiya, jaada lage..." from govinda's raja babu in ur next list.. you cant afford to miss that one man..

Nasia said...

:) funny! hehehe..
lemme check u tube to c if its has the button song..

satish said...

haan yaar, yeh button wala song kaise bach gaya meri nigahon se?!

Anonymous said...

amazing likha hai saale..especially "ladies, gentleman and bobby darlings"..sorry yaar..will hv to copy it for personal use..


and ass ke hole where is the phone call??? (I m taking lessons in poetry here)

Nidhi said...

Sorry to say Abhi, but this post is a lil disappointing...I know it's ur blog and u gotta write whatever u want to. But I have always loved ur posts and thats why am somewhat disappointed to read this one.

p.s. I did sing Happy Birthday Krishna at midnite today...widout a cardboard conical cap however.

IncorrigibleV said...

ROFL and superlolz...
i even remembered watchin aankhen with the shilpa shirodkar song hehe
oh there was another one which went something like gutar goo or something
hilarious!!

Amlan Nanda said...

i am one of ur die-hard fans and believe me,i start each of ur blog with bated breath.
but...this one is a lile dissappointing...may be coz of the very high standards u have set for urself :)
may be coz u took exra pain to make it hilarious, that it got a lile sour!!

does matter dude... u rock!! and ek low TRP wont make this blockbuster blog ne less blockbuster-er!

adios!!

sunshine said...

You should listen to the following-

1. Angoor ka daana hoon, sui na chubha dena (Sanam Bewafa).

2. Jhopdi mein charpai (Mawali).

3. In the night, no control (Some movie starring rekha and akshay kumar from the khiladi series movies).

4. Ek aankh maroon to rasta ruk jaaye (Tohfa).

5. Samandar mein nahaake aur bhi, namkeen ho gayi ho (Mahaan).

What say Munnu?

dreamer said...

he he... all the songs mentioned are my personal favorites man!

have spent countless nights listening to them while putting myself to sleep..

they touch you at a deeper level :D

i would also suggest these following songs

1.) Guttar Guttar, Guttar Guttar.. Chad gaya upar re, something something kabootar re.

2.) Main majnu majnu chilaoonga kurta phadke

3.) jawaani se ab dang hone lagi

4.) zeher hain ke pyaar hain tera chumma


actually i think we should come out with a compilation of all these classics with interpretation of the same..

what say?

Anonymous said...

How come you like all lafanga type songs :/

Anonymous said...

the worst kind of post Ive read from you until now - absolutely no justice done to anything.

Not a bit on the funny side - just plain awful I must say, Ive read lots and lots of your posts and very sadly, the quality of your writing is falling as fast as a bucket left float in the niagra falls will.

Tanmay said...

you need to have "sarkai leyo khatiya , sexy sexy sexy somewhere!!

Anonymous said...

Absurd!! Keep it up mate.

Anonymous said...

its Kunwar Ajay Sarees not Ajay Kunwar!

Anilz said...

hmmmm ... well it was lil diappointing as for u r standards ... Lage raho munnu bhai ...

Anonymous said...

Hilarious, dude..

reminded of miss maya from that movie "home delivery"..

maya: "nahee.. tum mere jism le sakthe ho, dil nahi.."
rapist: "arre.. mujhe tumari dil nahi chahiye yaar.."

waiting for more cadbury's

Garam Bheja Fry said...

bhaai aur accha likh sakte the...lekin waise ab apun bhi likhne waala hai kuchh bahut din ho gaya hai..

khair the quality of humour in this post explains the long disconnect you had from the blogosphere!!!

kaushiki said...

amazin..!! rib tickling post...nd very true....!!

nice always...keep writing..coz dere are many ppl whu love to read ur blog..(one of them is me..)

Anonymous said...

ho kya gaya hai tujhe,,.
one more thing.............


i guess no point telling u...
it doesnt bother u anymore,,, waise reading ur recent post atleast confirmed one thing,,,
tht ur doin well..
take care
khujli ke baapu

GenericIPguy said...

Finally, my Hero is back in his original 'FORM'.

Dude, seriously, I need some songs & have no idea of MP3 sites :-)
Can you help me?

I need Fareeda Khanam's 'Aaj jaane ki zid naa karo'..

Sandeep
Matrix Laboratories

Anonymous said...

yar have been to ur blog 100 times.............usually like ur posts specially those one when u dont give a damn( i like the use of word mallu)............but pta nahi kyoh eh wali post made me feel that ur posting at a gunpoint..........i was elated to see a post after a month almost but it was (to my surprise,,) not up to standards munnu 22 g....... m a punjabi and cant help it so ...............(leave it family audience) hai....................... but bobby darlings was awsssssome................i know munnu 22g wil hit back..............HARD

Naresh said...

ha ha... hilarious post man! when i saw the blog link on ur orkut profile, i thot it wud b a thakelaa blog, but now am rechargd reading it :D

Am a big-time fan of Mithun da, and have been lookin for this Guttar Guttar song from long... dint find it anywhr though!

n yaa, one of my personal faves is... Tota meri tota mein tho teri ho gayi, maina meri maina mein tho tera ho gaya! :P

arpana said...

checked now.
you are right about the "losing interest" part.

kashika said...

oh God, why have i never heard the button song? why? why? i missed such a gem. *sob*

but yes i have heard the other two songs (er...gems?)
'sarkai lo khatiya jada lage' falls in the same category, dont you think so?

hilarious post. add another name to your fan-list.

Utsav Mamoria said...

Aha !! Ekdum Rapchik post

btw .its Kunwar Ajay Saares ..not Ajay Kunwar :P

Me_wid_Myself said...

THis one a li'll boring baby.. But I still love you.
~Shalu
Jab tak rahega smose me...... hehehehehe

mandeepsg said...

hahahhaa....baabu sarkaye liyo khattiya bhool gaye???

Anonymous said...

Seriously man....Movies n Music of 90s was horrible... But what a way to present it... Recently i saw the video of Laal Dupatte wali n burst out laughing at their dresses... They cudnt have been more Jokerish..

Anonymous said...

@Garam BHeja Fry

Oye dimaag ke tumour, yeh kya tere paas copy mein post likh kar check karane aaya tha jo apni visheesh tipadiyan de raha hain. Abey jale hue koyele pehle apne girebaan mein jhank kar dekh. Tu galti se bhi Bangalore mat aa jana nahi toh tere charpai 201 number bus ke aagey laga dalunga.

Anonymous said...

Oyeeeee..in chartbusters ki beizzati mat karna..aaj bhi haryana roadways ki buses aur buri-nazar-wale-tera-muh-kala trucks ki shobha yahi gaane badhaate hain!!!

hehhhe..phunny..berry berry phunny..

The other day I n my friends were discussing the songs still played in blue line buses..the early 90 era ones.. aashiqui, dil hai ki maanta nahi, dilwaale types :p !


Kuch aur sadabahaar nagme : tujhe mirchee lagi to main kya karoon, ek chumma tu mujhko udhaar dayi de, etc etc :p..

waiting for vol:2

-Deepa!

Caladrius said...

I won't say much about the post which I, as a matter of fact, found really nice, primarily because it gelled well with my sensibilities. What I'd like to record my response to is the crazy plethora of judgements that have commented on the status of the humour level of this post. Just to respond to those guys, I'd like to ask you ,

1. was it mentioned anywhere that this post is intended to serve your laughter needs for the day.

2. Is this guy here to write what he feels like writing, or to get to know whether his humour approves your quality testing benchmarks.

3. Most importantly, sometimes ask yourself what was missing in you that you couldn't get the humour in it. Humour, which you all are so concerned about, is as much in the listener's ear as in the speaker's words. So it is also likely that your lack of wit stopped you from getting the knack of the writer's mind.


Anyways, just to suggest my own list,

1. main jadugar hai mera naam goga

2. boi boi bam ba babam boi

3. darwajja khula chhod aayi neend ke maare

4. doodh ban jaungi malai ban jaungi

Bingo !

Anonymous said...

@hatela: tu dilli aa beta,yahan ki buses ko charpai ki bhi zaroorat nai hoti.. :P

-GBF ki graahak..jagruk one..

Anonymous said...

oops!i forgot adding these

mujhko ranaji maaf karna-karan arjun

towel mein baahar jaogi...

-deepa!

Anonymous said...

I see your Cutie girlfriend has also commented - did not find it in the past couple of posts thought you guys had split up :P

Lage raho Munnu bhai ...

Anonymous said...

@Deepa Aunty
Priya deepa aunty dilli ka hi hun, truck driver hatela naam hain mera, bus ki dhamki kisi aur ko dena. Its not my blog and i have no right ki main kisi ki kutte jaisi bey-ijaati karun ( which i must admit i did) but ab toh kar di, ab kya karun ?

Cindrella said...

Not much impressed with the post.Its more ridiculous than hilarious.I m an admirer of ur writing and also given a link to ur blog in my favorite list in my blog.But disappointed this time.

Anilz said...

Hatele bhai .. err.. Mr hatela bhai, ki gal hai. Dnt u think its manner-less to comment on the feedback the writer gets ?. When the author himself doesnt have any prob, then wats with u ??. FYI , "yeh dukaan ke regular grahak hai woh loog".

Anonymous said...

@Anilz

When i get a 440 volt ka jhatka i dont care whose switchboard it is, i would just switch it off, manner-less it is but in our country truck drivers are not supposed to possess cyber etiquettes & mannerisms, if they do hatela is not one among them.

**Buri nazar wale tera muh kaala**

Anonymous said...

@hatela:
Aunty?..ailaa abhi meri umar hi kya hai?

O ji dilli ke ho? kabhi dikhe nai..err..newayz..i guess its of no use to remind you tht poking ur nose in others' matters is not a gud habit..khair,koi ni..chill maar!!

@abhi ji:
sorry but we re majboor :P !


-Deepa!

Garam Bheja Fry said...

@ phatela

aur bhaai...bade josh me hai tu lagta hai...ab yaar mere paas do option hai tere saath salook karne ke...yaa to mai gentleman cigar peene waale uncle bloggers ki tarah tere ko 250 gm izzat de ke samjhaau...yaa phir apni haraami engineer waali aukaad pe aake tere ko export quality gaaliyo ka sharbat pilaau... lekin yaar...munnu apna dost hai uske comment page words prefixed with maataaji and behenjis kaa essay chipkaana accha nahee lagega... jaa beta aish kar... kabhi blog par aana... mujhe pata hai tu aayega aur wahaa bhi lota leke gandagi failaayega... aaja beta tera hi intezaar tha..ab mazaa aayega.. [:P]

deeghii said...

hi abhi, its one of the most hilarious blogs i have ever come across. i must salute ur choicelist of old hindi songs which falls in a similar awkward list of mine...waiting to have more posts on the old songs u brought up with ;-) and became the Man.

DaysasIremember said...

count me in.......one more overseas reader of your blog :) Simply love your blog.

The Guy Next Door said...

Awesomely funny, as usual - Top Man!!!

"what other country would give me a day off for celebrating the birthday of a guy who may have never existed" - Almost the entire world - Heard of Christmas ?? ; )

Anonymous said...

Keep up the good work.

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