Sunday, November 08, 2009

She , and who she is to me

So , it’s been 10 months and 14 days since I asked her the question and she said a yes , making me believe in miracles right then . By the way , one calculation mistake about the number of days since such a historical day and the guy is dead , so I hope my maths is right here.

A journey across half the globe. Three half fights between us (Definition – I fought , she listened ). A reinforcement of the belief that my parents get angry when they should contact the shehnai wale instead . Quite a few happy moments , with me giggling at my own jokes, on most occasions. And we are still together , with me admitting that she has contributed most to the fact that the relationship is going as strong as a well fed wrestler , with my contribution being spilling food and driving her around , primarily.

This experience has changed , and continues to change quite a few things around me .

I mean , my telephone bills have ‘changed’ by a noticeable margin , to the horror of my mom and to the sheer delight of Airtel. The amount of driving I have been doing around the city has gone up ( The sight of her house as I turn around the corner is sight more beautiful than Taj Mahal’s for me . Sorry , Jahangeer . Or Shahjahan . Whoever. ). I no longer wonder if I would have to change some baby’s diaper someday , confident due to the instruction that I HAVE to change it . And believe it or not , for the first time in my life , I ambled into a Jewellery store at South Ex , looked at the decked up salesgirl as she eyed me suspiciously and mouthed the words “ I want a pair of earrings.” . Ok , the Ripley’s part ends here , because I gave up after looking at seven earrings , wondering how could anyone choose between things which are equally tiny , equally shiny and meant to be completely hidden under hair anyway.

But while the stuff which has changed around me is varied , with an entire chapter justified for how my family took it and almost fed me to dinosaurs , the most felt change for me , has been inside me.

I mean , not that my kidneys have changed color , I am talking about internal transformation .

You know , this is not the first time someone put her faith in me . Is not the first time someone thought she would have me besides her in every storm . Is not the first time someone put me in a position where I could hurt her , trusting that I would not. Idiot , I am . Guaranteed.

After all that past which would justify a Kameena Sequel to be shot on my life story , it was like god had e-mailed me a letter confirming that I was incapable of taking care of anybody , except my bike maybe .

I had vividly visualized a Dolby surround system installed life where I would live alone , watching HBO and eating pizzas only to die someday with the unpaid credit card guys being the only ones bothered by my death .

When I looked at myself in the mirror , I saw a guy who had run away from every difficult situation of his life . A guy who thought ‘walking away’ is a cool thing to do , yet ashamed in his heart. A guy who had come to believe that life is this meaningless string of moments , and more scaringly for me , had lost the will to find a meaning in this string of moments .

I know it was no holocaust I had faced , and there are people who have seen worse things such as a college hostel’s food , but to my mind , I was a useless failure , who could earn money and mimic Shahrukh , but was worse than a China made plastic bicycle when it came to reliability and trust.

And then she came along. Strong minded . Independent . Graceful . Elegant . A lady who had the sensitivity of a petal to heal life , yet the strength of a tree to face life . A heart which could absorb all pain , yet could shed tears touched by the pain of a stranger. A soul which held an understanding the very wise have , yet cares like the most innocent child ever. In short , my complete , geometrical opposite.

Considering the opinion I had about myself , I believe it would have taken a lot of foolishness or marijuana for me to believe I could be the guy she deserved , and to this day , I believe I am lesser than the guy she deserves.

But yet , since that day , she has been a friend , a guide and an inspiration for me . Without trying to teach me , she has given me something I could never give myself , something no amount of movies could give me , something no amount of hours immersed at work could give me .

She has given me a reason.

She has given me the reason to believe I can be a better man when she says she trusts me in spite of my past.

She has given me the reason to wake up at 4.30 in the morning to ensure she is safely on the bus she is supposed to get on , even though it is hard getting up that early even for a free sandwich.

She has given me the reason to feel special as she sings a birthday song for me while I cut the cake untidily. By the way , she takes over the knife after thirty seconds and cuts out amazingly neat slices. How do women do that?

She has given me the reason to roll down the window and hand over some coins to a boy begging at a signal, knowing she would do the same.

She has given me the reason to call her as I grip the steering wheel with one hand, imagining the smile that would emerge on her face seeing my name on the cell screen. Pretty dangerous , that driving stunt . Don’t tell her.

She has given me the reason to face the people who changed my diapers , safe in the knowledge I am right in not letting them demean someone they should not.

She has given me the reason to stand up to accusations and screams , determined not to step aside , but to go through them.

She has given me the reason to choose the hard but right path , having learnt from her that a righteous life is better than a convenient life.

She has given me the reason to again believe that goodness and simplicity can exist and thrive in this world inhabited by greed , egos and exorbitant petrol prices.

She has given me the reason to know I am going to be all right , because my definition of being ‘all right’ has changed from not facing problems to solving them.

She has given me the reason to truly wish a smile on the face of someone not even aware of my own presence in that moment.

She has given me the reason to feel accepted , not because I am perfect , but because someone does not expect perfection.

In a way , I think I never cared about the kind of guy I was . A bunch of mistakes , I lacked the reason and the confidence to do anything about every mistake I had committed.

She gave me the reason to want to be a man better than who I am.

You know , I know I will never be the man she deserves to be with . But for the first time in my life , someone has gained that place in my world that I am willing to happily try till my last moment.

Probably everyone else thinks this relationship is following the normal , bollywood inspired storyline , and will end up fizzing out in a few months or years , replaced by the real questions such as who brings the kids from the school or why haven’t I still paid the telephone bill , but I know she will always be the same special one for me.

From that dream about death amongst pizza cartons and a TV remote , I dream about a life which ends with the joy of having lived for people I really loved.

Because while a boy finds a girl who keeps him happy , this boy has found a girl he wants to keep happy .

While a boy finds a girl to live happily with , this boy has found a reason to live happily for.

I don't know if 'you' are reading this , but if you are , I just want you to know that I have made a lot of mistakes , and my grammar is all wrong , and I crack jokes nobody gets , but I love you without expectations . And I will never stop doing that .

PS – Considering my family may read this , please promise me you will contribute money , utensils or old toys to help us escape to Alaska at the opportune time. Ok , just kidding dude .

~~ Added Later

@ This is for each and everyone who chose to comment here

Thank you guys ( When I say guys , consider it as a figure of speech . I am equally grateful to the female segment of homo sapiens ) . I mean , I started this blog at the tender age of 23 , and I turned 28 last month ( But if you plan on addressing me as uncle , I have contacts with underworld . So dont risk your life ) . But if you did not flunk in maths , you see that I have spent more than five years talking to you . I have an entire bunch of friends I have never seen , but have helped me more than a 'visible' friend would have . I guess I would tell you about the kind of experiences I have had interacting with people I have never seen someday , but for now , just know that whenever I read a comment , good or bad , I feel grateful because you could have spent that moment scratching yourself , but you invested it in talking to me . And more so now , at a time when things are not very easy in terms of support from the people around ( notice the diplomatic use of language ) , your wishes mean a lot to her and me . I really don't consider this blog as a story I tell . I consider it as a conversation with each one of you . And thanks for being nice enough and unemployed enough to talk to me . Chalo abhi , let us all go back to work before our bosses catch us . Enjoywa.

204 comments:

1 – 200 of 204   Newer›   Newest»
The Furobiker said...

Gold :D

The Furobiker said...

by the way, seriously speaking.. i could never imagine there is so much thought process going on in the head of Abhi ! Good to see this side of your life too!

10111 said...

lovely!

Oxymoron said...

very well written.....you managed to express a lot of your feelings without being too emotional...

ishani said...

congrats Abhi!
you have got someone really special in your life! :)

Anonymous said...

The most beautiful way to express what she means. Absolutely lovely :)

Anonymous said...

Beautiful :)

Anonymous said...

Beautifully expressed. :-)

Kaash koi hamare liye bhi aisa he kehta.

One of your old readers.

Sagarone said...

Superb! Reminded me of Jack Nicholson paying a compliment to Helen Hunt by saying "You make me want to be a better man", in As Good As It Gets.

wsw said...

if she inspires you to post more than once a month, she will have a special place in my heart too!

Serendipity said...

congrats! and this is not for finding urself a girl! this is for finding your own self! go live! :-)

Ritu said...

beautiful...

Anonymous said...

I'd say she is a very lucky girl. Your last couple of paras were beautiful.You've just got yourself a follower. :)
Much Good luck to u! :)

Uma said...

Very Nice post. If you have such kind of feelings for her then you totally deserve her :).. Lots of good wishes to both of you!

Anonymous said...

Abhi, abhi sab set hai..

All the best.. :-)

Take a Hike said...

congratulations

Ketan said...

Hello!

This was touching. Congratulations! I'm envious.

And, I'd done a very short fictional post on one of the recurring themes of your current and previous post. :)

Here (click)

Tushar Mangl said...

congrats. Aptly expressed.

Haresh said...

Wonderful post! Expressed so directly and clearly!

All the best!

And keep on writing.

Anonymous said...

After last 2 not-so-gr8 post...this one is simply beautiful dude...seriously...and you deserve her..it cant get better than this..congo again and keep posting.. :D

Sowmya said...

i woke up this morning, in a b-school, with the usual tortured expression, and a load of homesickness.. but then.. I chanced upon THIS, and wow. I have got a perspective!

AshenGlow said...

Id say double Gold.
All the best for everything pal...

And internal transformation? Its just the start dude...

:)

Regards,
Ashen

Ekam said...

Aww.. this is sooo beautiful . God bless you both :)

Rachana said...

!!!!!1 Nice to hear all this for the beloved lady!!

-- Very pld reader of this blog. :)

Deepti said...

amazingly expressed...i am gonna send this to my fiance now..:D

Revs said...

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!! :)
I seem incapable of saying anything else!! :)
Someone out there is one lucky woman AND vice versa!! :)
Have a great life together!! :)

Anonymous said...

very touching..
loved every line of it..

@deepti..even i think of doing the same :D

Anonymous said...

SHit.. Crap!! abhi bhi time hai. nikal jaa patli gali se

Mute Spectator said...

Loved this post!

Amazing the way you have put it. The post so easily explains how much you love her...

I am sure you have a pretty good 'reason' and that the same will remain in times to come to make you fall in love everyday of your life!

Keep writing such amazing stuff!

Amrita said...

This was so nice, at the cost of sounding immensely corny i should say... i had tears while reading this.
Good that you found some one like her, and though you may not be the best man you think she deserves, you are the best for her, cos u realise this!
All the very best in your life ahead.

Anonymous said...

Sir, mubarak!

Anonymous said...

SHE IS THE MOST LUCKIEST GIRL, TO GET A GUY WHO LOVES HER SO MUCH.GOOD LUCK TO BOTH OF YOU.

Anonymous said...

kash! u were like this the first time as well...gud luk

anjali said...

congratulations abhi. i am a relatively new follower of ur blog. and after reading ur post, i feel i should tell u that you are very very lucky. all the best. and also without taking ur consent, i wrote this post, plz do not mind. have a great life ahead.

to see the post plz go to www.partsofaheart.blogspot.com.

Anonymous said...

Congrats bhai! countless number of times you have moved in ur readers by ur writing.All the best to find "that" special.and pep up the frequency of posting.abb kya hai...write often..a complete man now u r.

Anonymous said...

Man seriously if you apply for writing mill n boon romances you'll make them a hit in India!U'll be next best thing to Chetan bhagat!!thought he changed his writing with target age group you always write same :p.
but God save your mother though, atleast till you are in this phase

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Anonymous said...

tussi great ho!!

Anonymous said...

Here is a long time reader of your blog.
Sorry for posting a comment after such a long time.
Have seen many emotions and loads of humour in your blogs till now. But, this by far, my frnd is the best one ;)

My best wishes for you both !!
Felt similar feelings reading this blog as seeing Tom Cruise saying in the movie Jerry Maguire ... "You complete me"

rt said...

Best of luck to both of u!! hope this doesnt get fizzled out this time and hope that all the senti lines are not ctrl C ctrl V..from different places...

ARJuna said...

You have found your better half.
Hope that this relationship stays on.

Utkarsh said...

This is the best part of your writing skills. You can touch someone 'there' n then make 'em laugh!

Keep it up....!

MiNi said...

How can you express everytihng so damn nicely.... I mean yeh toh impossible hai yaar ...
Nicest Blog ;)

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Anonymous said...

u wrote-" Is nt the first time someone put me in a position where i could hurt her, trusting that i would nt.Idiot.I m.Guaranteed." tussi kamal karte ho.areee bhai chetan bhagat kidhar hai...dnt know..but Boss is here...all d best...!!

Mansi said...

loved this dedication to "her"..and hope things turn out well for you! i can empathize with you on this one, because i can identify with it myself..and i know how excruciatingly hard it is! anyway good luck again!

Me_wid_Myself said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Me_wid_Myself said...

Lovvellyyy :)

Loads of Love to both of you!

And GOD bless you both.
~Shalu

Simmy Jain said...

Hi Abhi.......Long Time....and a beautiful post...!

All the very best for everything.....but m juss wondering....how come u always choose this sangharsh wala rasta :P

may u both be happy alwayzzz......

Ishan said...

all d best buddy..

Pallavi said...

Hi abhi, i am not a frequent visitor here infact this is my first time but i am indeed glad to read that you feel this way and am surprised too. I am unaware of the family issues that you are facing or you might face in the near future as and when your bachelorhood approaches a painful death, but i really hope that you keep this thought process forever. Life changes a lot and our perception about the people around us changes with our situations...i really hope that it works out well for you. I got married to the guy i chose too after 8 years of utter turmoil, which was not completely painful, it had its happy moments as well but there are moments which i would like to erase from my memory forever, these 8 years changed both of us, we are completely different people now but thankfully still in love!!!

aMyth! said...

Visiting after a long long time.. but I see i haven't missed a lot here.. But things have changed a lot for everyone..and am really glad to see you are happy with them.. :) All the best bro..

Gunjan Aylawadi said...

the song playing fo me for the last few days was : who needs a heart when a heart can be broken!!

after reading this: love will find u in the end :)

thankyou for changing the songs on my mind! :)

god bless ya guys!

Saurabh said...

Hi..Abhi..U have expressed ur feelings so well! I didnt know there is a hidden poet lurking inside u. And who is this special person in ur life..?

nagardee said...

this is nice, reading all this. its really good to see you write about the happiness and the was you share it.

love.. is a big thing, maybe the biggest of all of them.

yuvakisan said...

Gr8...
She is the reason..
awesome

Manav Kapoor said...

great...!

Deepsikha Mishra said...

Dimond!! Me had tears too... gosh!

Unknown said...

"Lovely!"

Kos said...

As usual, very well written blog, I hope you keep posting even after u get busy in your family life.
Also Congratulation on your getting another yr younger.

Subbu said...

Its been a good five years of u talking to us n bringing cheers to so many of us, n cracking bad jokes.. Badi jaldi thanks bol rahe ho!!
n even if you're breaking all our hearts :P wish u both all the best:)

Prats said...

Nice expressive post :-)

On a lighter note, Now honestly tell me were you afraid after writing this one, that she might still say "Say something more" :-P

Anonymous said...

I am commenting because you said that u read each comment (which i dont believe btw).

Happy for you and wish you good luck for the future.

-Cheeku

neelu said...

Great post Abhi.

I really liked the description of the girl you are in love with as a one you will forever be in love with even after deciding who does what after marriage :)
Keep posting because your post always gives me a feel of "Take a chill pill buddy" !!!

Shwetha Maiya said...

having read all love is a pain in the a** posts. .This was a welcome breeze. . Wonderful. . Keep blogging. .Planning to follow u on Google Reader. . U better write :P

Abhi said...

Awesome dude !! this was after a long time that i returned to your blog and bang!! It couldn't have been better and somewhere the emotions that you have expressed are really so very true..i can say this coz it is perhaps the season of love. I have been in such a situation for the last two months..

Keep writing :)

Khushi said...

:-) :-) :-)
All the very best to both of you! :)

Rohit Sachan said...

Are bass rula hee ditta tussi mainu...

All The Best rahega meri taraf se

Subhrajit Mishra said...

Congrats!! :-)

Anonymous said...

Don't ever let this 'conversation' die. It's means a lot (Can't define a lot here) to all these 'invisible' people you address. Great going!
n~

Diwakar Sinha said...

this is so good!!
congratulations!!
my best wishes :)

Rach said...

Hey there... first time on ur blog!

All the best!, what u have is indeed special... cherish it and enjoy it, and may God give u both loads of love and luck in your life together!!

Hope u 2 have many babies ;)


Cheers

Unknown said...

Beautiful!!! This was cathartic for me :) How can anyone put a myriad of emotions so subtly into a post! Damn your writing talent, I can never write this well :) And for that reason, forgive me for copying this post of yours and sending it to my fiance :)

Anu

saurabh said...

hello sir..... this might seem like a crazzyy co-incidence but i read ur blog post on the 26th of this month.... AMAZINGLY .... just 10 months and 14days after i had proposed to my gurl(i.e. on the 12th o feb) !!!!! ... wonderful piece of work anyways :P

Meera said...

That was beautiful!

I almost cried. All the best to you!

Unknown said...

:D

Kiran said...

Hi .. I came here from BlogBharti. Now I am no romantic fool .. and I don't even know what love means since I'm not in a relationship .. but this post described it all to me. The "she gave me reason" list was really touching. Thanks for this post!

By the way, I'm adding this to the list of must read this week over at my blog.

Ur Anonymous Follower said...

nice that u found ur better half :)

Take care of her ( Or i should ask her to take care of you ;) )

Anonymous said...

WOW! that is very emotional writing. Brought tears to my eyes. I have been reading your blog for about 4 years now. Congratulations and good luck. We will hopefully get to see a pciture of you and her on the blog soon.

Deepak Vijayvergiy said...

Quite a loving post.

Vidhi said...

Hi Abhi...didn't visit your blog for a long time, but there was a reason to it. You had made your visits to your blog possible only through invitation...and when I checked my inbox I didnt find any! :( I was really heartbroken, as I didn't have any means to contact you! I am glad you have removed that restriction...! In future if you again itch to do such a thing, please send me an invitation at veiled.maiden@gmail.com!

Coming to this post...it's as amazing as ever in literary terms, but I never knew you had such an emotional side to you as well! Don't get me wrong, but from your posts, you always came across like a commitment-phobic guy, who does not like to give the control of his life even to his life partner! Whoever she is, I am sure is a woman of substance if she has infused life in an otherwise dormant side of you.

I had read on your blog long back...you had said, 'Love never fails...people do!' It is very true...and I am confident that she and you, will never let your love fail! All the best!

Vinod Ramamoorthy said...

Congratulations & celebrations ... and .... I dont know the rest!

Have fun mate

Silverstreak said...

This may sound sexist, but never did I think a GUY could write so well on a topic such as this!

Joseph Ike said...

Its been a long time since I've been reading your blog. Even before I got to this place. Hope to see you in Cal at Remni. If you can make it that is. :)

pm said...

Everytime I read your blog (i guess since 2006), I wonder 'how do you get such a nice sense of humour' - you are fortunate that you can make so many people laugh

Sudhanshu said...

wake up abhi..

Asti said...

hey... just chanced upon this creation... its just perfect and beautiful... and also the reason for a reader to follow further creativities... also, many congratulations to both of u... :)

Anish Patel said...

very good.. nice n funny n still expressed feelings.. great dude...

Naveen said...

class apart!!!u js got yet another regular reader or i shud say one more 'vella'...........
keep writing!!

Pooja... said...

Well..I guess I'm as it is too late to b leaving any comment...but still cudn't stop myself..it really touched me...to find love seriously does exist...infact exists to strong in guys...or well maybe just in guys..
Had come in after long...just to read another funny n witty stuff by u (hopeful...bcoz afterall ur posts were few n distant when i last checked in)...n got somethin dat really touched my heart...
Wishing u all d luck... n happiness ofcourse...just u, bcoz i'm sure u'll share wid her...

killer is i said...

Nicely written. You make me feel that i should start writing again :D. Congrats btw :-)

Novocaine said...

92th - awesomely written dude, you totally deserve another zillion comments :) way to go :)

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Anonymous said...

Awesome post....

precise.movie.reviews said...

there are very few posts that leave a smile on your face (before you even realize that it's there).

This was one of them !!

Congrats :)

Anonymous said...

so many people leaving you a note of happiness, I cannot help but think of all the posts you have written after breaking other's hearts. What really makes you think you can get away from your past?
if things go well, good for you though

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Anonymous said...

simply amazing. True you are very lucky to find such a gal but i believe she is lucky too, to have a person who wants to keep her happy :). may you two "live happily ever after" as in perfect lov stories of muvis :)

shwetha said...

good luck to both of u! :)
keep rocking!

Anonymous said...

Chalo ab to 100 comments bhi ho gaye...ab to aa jao next post ke saath :D we all are missing you!!!

Anonymous said...

It is certainly interesting for me to read that blog. Thank author for it. I like such themes and anything connected to them. I definitely want to read more soon.

Colors said...

hey Abhi...dats a lovely post....infact this post made me ur follower...both of u r lucky enough to have each other...keep her happy always..not becoz she deserves it bt i guess dats d reason for ur smiles now...
God bless both of u... :)

Anonymous said...

Интересно написано....но многое остается непонятнымb

Anonymous said...

Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now keep it up!

NAcheese said...

And I thought no body gives gals enough credit.

Take a bow!!

PS: got the jokes too.

Ruchika said...

Jus read thro the first post on your blog, the link to which has been shared by my friend this morning.. a lot has already been said through the 105 comments on this post (cudnt manage to read all the comments).. so this might be a repetition but doesnt stop me from expressing how i felt after reading the post .. I think the lady to whomever this post is addressed is few of the most lucky women on planet to have somebody who thinks and believes (I jus hope u do)and feels like this about her .. Keep goin dude, this is worth the effort and yes growing old with that someone special and dying beside her is anyday a more lucrative option than dying amidst a heap of pizza boxes... Wishing the both you all the very best .. GOD Bless !

whoelsebutme said...

awesome abhi...:)

Anonymous said...

indeed beautiful...wish all men realize their feelings n phrase them...life would be much more beautiful :) :)

Shruti said...

Dear Abhi,

I stumbled upon this blog a few days ago. Have read some of your posts and gawwwd they are so hilarious! I bursted into fits of laughter after reading those.
Congratulations for find your special someone.

God bless both of you.

Thanks for bringing so much laughter in my life!

Unknown said...

Abhi,
This post of yours reminded me of the western "High Noon", I saw last night. Have you seen it?...
We hear of people with enormous courage to face life and do what they truly believe in. This enormity, at first hand, might seem overpowering but , if one gives herself/himself time , one can grow it bit by bit, i think.

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I am Misty eyed..!!! :)
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I do still recommend Yes!+ of Art of Living..do it with her...it is really something you'd cherish..Pakka promise! :)
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Seems like life is never fair to anyone.
Hence the excitement never dies.
Warna jeene mein kya mazaa hai ;)

Though I could not digest romantic texts but this one was something which hit meon my face. As this is the life of every messed up being.
Wishing to love but never able to understand its true meaning.

After a long-loongg time I felt like righteous living, sincere efforts, honest intentions and rock-slid grit is something which pays off, maybe a lil late.
Away from the pragmatic thinking and ever flaunting, cut-throat menatality of "duniyawalo ki", I feel life is all about living it at your own pace.

"Life is a race, and we are broken eggzzzz"

Past is "Bhoot", Future has no roots; only thing we have is a/the Present.

Enjoy man!! Loved your story..

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I like ur story.. brings back lost feeling of love in me.. makes me want to believe in love .. but its filmy for sure :)

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"who had the sensitivity of a petal to heal life, yet the strength of a tree to face life" :) sums up so eloquently perhaps all that is there to it.. :).. all that'll ever matter..

dhananjay a.k.a deejay said...

hey.. by the way ..i dont quite know who u r.. how i landed up reading ur blog???? but lemme admit... it felt good reading about how someone can love a person so fully... hope u get what i mean...especially at a time when love is jus a facebook relationship status u can boast about... it was really nice... hope to read a lot more from ur blog...bye....

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