Friday, March 31, 2006

Looking around while blowing bubbles in a coke

My dad lands here this evening and I have my convocation tomorrow . You know , I thought I shall write something with a 'puraani jeans aur guitar' ,'nostalgia ho raha hai mamu' theme just before I leave this campus , but I really do not want to dwell on that right now.

Recently , due to some unexplained celestial movements and a friend with no regard for punctuality , I found myself in a pizza hut with nothing to do over the next half an hour . I settled down at a corner table , plugged in my headphones , ordered a little something and casually looked around . Being an MBA , I have to develop this inborn tendency to analyse a sneeze , so I used that half an hour to categorise the type of crowd that visits Pizza hut.

1.The loud and happy "hum saath saath hain" family

With ekta kapoor and her silk pallu - scorpion bindi-saas murdering brigade of women , this breed is soon going to be listed with the "Akhil Bhartiya endangered species protection board" , just below the zimbabwean gold faced owl . Everybody looks happy here . Daddy jee jokes with the kids and makes funny faces at them . Mummy jee is satisfied as pappa jee just convinced her the lipstick marks she found on his shirt was mosquito blood . Kids are happy because they know that in spite of their dad making stupid and outrageous faces at them , he is going to order ice cream after pizzaz and garlic bread . The kids are allowed to push their fingers in their noses and run off to show what they pulled out to the couple seated at the next table . The eating is ruthless and this is one of the more noisy tables of the hut . In case it is a joint family , frequent peals of laughter accompanied by table slapping is evident . In case it is a sardaar joint family , frequent peals of roaring laughter accompanied by table upturning slapping is evident.

2. The coochie coochie "Kuch Kuch hota hain" couple

Now this is the karan johar sponsored couple which is usually a boyfriend-girlfriend combo pack. Just married couple who are yet to fall in the where-is-my-shirt-you-pick-kids-from-school' trap of married life may also qualify.

They prefer to sit in remote corners of the hut , well hidden by flowerpots or pillars , leading to problems for waiters who have trouble finding them . They sit as close as siamese twins , may eat from the same plate ( rather unhygeinic) and the only time their hands are not holding each other's body parts is when they are holding spoons or forks . They don't laugh the typical 'balwant-singh-chappar-faad-ke' brand of loaring laughter. It is more like twittering accompanied by whispering into ears . In short , both of them are in complete bliss . For the girl , bliss ends when daddy finds out his daughter has been visiting pizza hut instead of the maths tutions . For the guy , bliss ends much earlier , when the waiter brings the bill.

3. The "shehar ki ladki" tribe

The table which challenges every sound barrier with its shrieking and excited occupants . High school girls maybe . Even college girls , if they are slightly low on maturity . Usually , there is an occasion , which usually , is the birthday of one of those ladies . Shrill and sharp pizza-toppling cries of 'wowwwwwwwwwwwwww' , 'Howww chweeeeeeeeeeeet', 'Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww' escape from this gang . A lot of ribbons , gifts and greeting cards may also be passed around , leading to delight of the birthday girl and a certain archies gallery owner. Noise levels , boy's interest in pizza hut and daddy's credit card expenses rise dramatically due to this set of young women.

4. The "kya kool hai hum" boys.

This is the symmetrical opposite of category 3 above . But boys being boys , the sounds they emit are much less shrill and much more unrestrained in terms of their colorful vocabulary . 'Abbe ****** , pizza kaunsa mangwaye?' , 'Ganguly to G**** hain' , '**** ***' , 'Check her out' , 'Pooja se baat karun kya?' are some examples suitable for an under 18 audience . Their table manners are in urgent need of upgradation and cleaning these tables is the kind of work responsible for salary hike demands by Pizza Hut Waiters Union . Any delay in getting the food on table may lead to heated reactions by these boys , unless there is enough of category 3 around to keep their minds off food . The payment is the most tense and crucial moment , when frequent references to previous 'saale-tujhe-mere-200-dene-hai-pehle-ke' lendings are made.

5. The "na tum bolo na hum" couple

I am really confused about this variety.I mean , if a man and a woman don't want to talk , what kinda gunpoint threat got them together at pizza hut ? But I have always noticed the table as silent as a graveyard occupied by a couple who look as close as kabul and barbados. These people avoid eye contact with each other , smile with the comfort of a nun in a nightclub and keep looking out of the nearest window with the classical philosphical expression . The most elaborate conversations they strike up are about the temperature of the soup , which last for about thirteen seconds , including the sighs and coughs.

6. The 'tanha tanha yahan pe jeena' organism

Primarily , these are people in wait for their friends/girlfriends/boyfriends/blind dates/dates who can see . The waiters eye them suspiciously , clearly distressed by the person's sipping a single coke over the last forty minutes . The fellow passes his time by sipping the drink with the hurry of a super slow motion vision stump camera , blows bubbles in the glass , spends time by memorising every name in the menu card , or just looking at other people.

Yeah , there are other species too , but right now , I need to catch the India-England match and then I need to pack my bags and I need to burn all the movies and music and pictures on CDs . I fly off to home soon , and this is probably my last post from this untidy , unkempt room at New Hostel , IIM Calcutta .I am gonna miss some people , and they know who they are. But then , every end is a beginning of something new , and nothing lasts , which is one of the fundamental truths of life . I may leave this place and the friends I made here , but the memories shall remain . And I know I have to talk about these people and these experiences , but in my current state of mind , my immediate thoughts are about the CD of 'Tom n Jerry' I need to copy from Nishant .Hata saawan ki ghata and chill maar yaar . Life is good.

63 comments:

Anonymous said...

i m the first and this is my first
comment

someone get me a beer ;)

thats why i hate pizza huts and other so called funky places

gr8 blog yaar

yeh blog be meri addicted list mein agayaa

Utham

LovingAndLosing said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
LovingAndLosing said...

It's become so cliche to say "Hahaha. Abhi, you're hilarious." And I don't really like cliches. So, I'm just gonna say... "Eh!"

Please don't stop blogging just because you have a job. I mean, work is important and all, but I hope you remember your priorities!!! ;)

Fursat said...

hey abhi h r u? out of touch hmm..anyways..

nice post :) enjoy your last precious moments at campus. and India match jeet gayi :)

take care...

God bless u !

NEetie

Anonymous said...

how abt the category of ppl who get proposed in pizza hut?

waise which type wud u belong to? just speculating....

and u forget theres yet another type.... just my type..... the ones who go there to hog...and make dents, or rather black holes in the pockets of others.... the ones whod jump at food even if John Abraham was in front of them...

Padakkam said...

awesome post dude...
and btw i will miss my biggest enemy in IIMC!!

Anu Vardhan said...

sheesh so close and yet so far! Was hoping to be the first comment .. kuch aur post hi sahi!!
And i second ms.v ..rem your priorites....

Your post reminded me off the times my friends and i would go to Brown COffe pub and stare at all the love lorn couples... and quite a lot of them would be our college seniors... which would make it more hilarious...

Of course being the funtoosh gang we never knew the meaning of 'ettiqute' and thereby stared as much as poss...... i think there was some amount of jealousy motivating us!

cool post and i know i am addicted

The Guy Next Door said...

You are too good,mate. Forget ITC, I say. Start your own Comedy show on the idiot box. Instant Hit hovegaa !!!

Anonymous said...

i am in top 10..........balle balle
enjoy bhai and have a blast.......yup LIFE IS INDEED GOOD!!!

Phoenix said...

mannn..they shd ban tanha tanha yahan pe jeena types wela characters like u in pizza hut, who pick at just everybody for nthn?

PS. did u pay the bill, or were thrown out?

Anonymous said...

An awesome post..LOVELY and love it totally..hahaha

Totally Hilarious…!!!!

u r awesome…and i would give u thumbs up for having such writing skills.. Totally inspiring..WOW…

*smiles*

Good weekend for ya!!

Raju said...

Greetings from Chennai! My girlfriend directed me to this blog. Dude - YOU CAN WRITE! Loved reading all your old posts, in the minutes with myself, at work ;). Keep it coming. Cheers!

SUNMAY said...

a splendid observation! put your time to good use :P.

But i guess there is yet another class who are in just for the sake of the pijja hut experience ... the ones who stick to the 75 bucks happy-cowboy-javedjafri-the-salaam namaste-menu.you can see them spending hrs nibbling stuff and taaping grp 3 junta untill the waiter threatens them of dire consequences.

Shreyansh said...

And I thought u can't say 'Ganguly to G**** hai' in Kolkata.

Rashmi Bansal said...

Yup, you will miss that untidy li'l room jiska darshan hum ne bhi kiya :)

Amusing to see your graduation day coincides with April Fool. Kuch hidden meaning to nahin hai?

Anonymous said...

Abhi, great that tomm you would do the ceremonial "walk" with the papa kehte hain song in background, and the "mera beta apney pairon pe khada ho gaya" look on your dad's face :)

As said earlier, I expect (ok, request?)some workplace humor..

cheers,
Pavan

Prayank said...

joka will its laughter champion ... hope that u'll keep writing from ur desk in ITC .. and hope that it'll be cleaner than ur NH room ...

LovingAndLosing said...

Thanks for your wonderful comment. You have a knack of putting a smile on my face in so many different ways :)

And Vijay... that was BRILLIANT observation, dude. I hope you're lying about working for Pepsi, because that would only make it so much more brilliant!

Ashish Gupta said...

>:D<

ATB

Suds said...

Hey Abhi great post yaar. Sahi hai. Best of luck for post college life. Hope u do well. Waiting for next post from home...:)

Kuch bhi bol meine aaj tak Pizza hut mein bait ke yeh saab nahi notice kiya I guess mein MBA kar ke galti kar raha huin. Mein toh Pizza hut jaake sirf khata huin..:)

Dew Drops said...

What about those kuch kaam dhanda nahi hein, chalo pizza khayein types? The kind u belong to. Is that an endangered species?

rachana said...

there are 6 categories of persons going to pizza hut and there is abhinav ,the observer ,one of it's own kind {uncategorised}......

Shriedhar said...

Hey abhi

u 4got 2 mention ur category thr :)

that was nice post again.

happy jrney..

Anu Sharma said...

just done with my web-d xam n wot i c , so many ppl n things gonna take a relieving breathe...specially lucy..badhai ho lucy jee atlast u r getting rid of ur room partner..n how is uncle im a bit worried him...didnt he feel ny sickness after seeing ur beautiful amazing mesmerising room...accha ok ab nahi...n science city's dianasaur size CONGRATS on getting degree on 1 april...puri life sochte rahna ki mujhe itna bada fool kyoon banaya degree ke layak samjh kar!!just done with my web-d xam n wot i c , so many ppl n things gonna take a relieving breathe...specially lucy..badhai ho lucy jee atlast u r getting rid of ur room partner..n how is uncle im a bit worried him...didnt he feel ny sickness after seeing ur beautiful amazing mesmerising room...accha ok ab nahi...n science city's dianasaur size CONGRATS on getting degree on 1 april...puri life sochte rahna ki mujhe itna bada fool kyoon banaya degree ke layak samjh kar!!

Anu Sharma said...

sorry pata nahi ye golden words repeat kyoon ho gaye ...

Neha Sinha said...

abbe tu kahan gaya? :o ..chala gaya? kaha gaya :O
oye...meri baat kaun chalwayega..baat karo tusi us handsome bande se.. !

PS: appun ko tu miss kare naa kare..apun toh tujhe sms se torture karte rahegi! :D

dharmu said...

total freak of observation, i guess that was the optimum utilisation of your resourses.

i enjoyed reading it, it was some distinct categorisation of people.

Anonymous said...

best of luck!

n thanks!

Anonymous said...

I love 'Tom and Jerry' too...

Life is soo funny...kya din mila hai 'degree' dene ko !!

And 'All the very Best'

:)

SOPETI said...

Good post once again that.
Wish all the very best happens to you in the Corporate Corridors...

Sayesha said...

Great list, Abhi! Maza aa gaya padhke! :)

HOTWINTER said...

Enjoyable read!

Praveen J said...

I think these are the moments one would never forget in life and will keep on reminding sitting direct on this subconscious mind. Nice observation dude !

Anonymous said...

//inborn tendency to analyse a sneeze!!! lol....nice analysis//

Stuffed Goofy! said...

Man!! da weirdest possibl comparisonz.. wotz der insyd dat cranium of urz to rake al deze n induce so much laughter.. totally ticklin.. tot in splits..
keep em cumin bud !!

arpana said...

thanks man. I really needed this.

Anonymous said...

Hi,
Njoy u r last days in IIM Hostel..
And u missed one special group..Ppl who have come for the "First time" 2 a get a Pizza..Who get "Konfused" with the Menu..who order different items in the menu but end up eating the same piece of dish..

Good that u hav finished u r studies..They have hiked..Lol
~ Me

Niedhie said...

Hey, nice read!

"But then , every end is a beginning of something new , and nothing lasts , which is one of the fundamental truths of life."

I completely agree with you there but have come to realise that it's not that easy to make new beginnings. Memories keep holding you back. Very difficult indeed, am going through this phase.

Anonymous said...

Hi.. This is a post which I found on PG and the first thing came into mind was to get the your view on the issue...

IIM CALCUTTA from a girls point of view

I am not really sure if we (any of us) see the overall picture of what we are
talking about and about what happens with/to women as they go through IIMC.
Because these things happen in a fragmented way..spread over two years....to
different people (in varying intensities)and most of all the overall acceptance
and the lack of outcry is so huge...that they don't get noticed for what they
really are...gross injustice to a certain set of people...

Within the boundary walls of Joka, we have over the years created a place where
we feel that normal rules of society don't apply. Where civilisation as we know
it in the outside world ceases to exist in some ways...Morals don't matter and
basic respect for human beings is not really necessary...

I am going to just present a picture of some of the things i saw happen and
also went through some of them myself and i just want us all to take a minute
and think if any of us would have done of these things outside Joka at
all...and that if this was done outside the confines of Joka, what would have
been the repercussions of that....legal, moral and social....

A vey small fraction of the incidents that i saw at Joka in my two years there:

Putting up of a website which is the first thing which flashes on the screens
at the computer centre every time a person logs in and where a person can go
and vote for all the women in his batch and the junior/senior batch along
various dimensions...and no prizes for guessing that the dimensions were not
best smile, most intelligent person...etc..etc...

Putting up a well-crafted and witty poem in all hostels on two women colleagues
who are good friends with each other alleging lesbian relationships..just for
kicks and to show mastery at poetry

Not so 'Disguised' references to women in con quizzes and oaths linking them to
varied men on campus in extremely lewd situations and administering these
quizzes/oaths to the entire campus...do any of you men know how much effort it
takes to walk out of your room the next morning with your head high...when the
whole campus has read something like that about you the night before???

Commenting loudly (to ensure that the subject of the comment clearly hears it)
on specific parts of the anatomy of a woman player while a match is going on at
XL-IIMC meet??? Do you think anyone would care to still play a sport in a
situation like that???

A concerted effort by a guy and 30 people around him to continually harass a
woman until she finally decides to 'go around' with this person..doesn't this
person have a life of her own????

Photographs of women being ripped off/stolen from the common NBSM display...

Making sure that any woman who is wearing white during the dunking week is
actually dunked...

Each wing having a running rating of their women colleagues....reducing your
own colleagues to the level of sex objects???

Throwing of coins at the women while they are performing on the talent
night..by men who are drunk and have gajras in their hands...

Surfing through porn sites in the computer centre when there is a woman sitting
on the comp next to you or right behind you...

Trading and bidding for women during world wars,tutes....

etc.etc.etc....i hope you all get the picture....These and all other events
like these, i am sure, are punishable under sexual abuse, sexual harassment and
a number of other laws...then why do these things go unnoticed (or rather are
appreciated) in Joka...

Now this is not done to some unknown woman on the street...but to the person
who sits next to you in the class, who is in your own project group, who comes
from a respectable family, who is supposed to be one of the more intelligent
people in this country....what gave anyone the right to subject her to
something like that...

And why is all this done? Does she enjoy it? I am sure not...I shudder even at
the memory of such things...Are other people so devoid of entertainment in
their lives that this is what they need to resort to???? What happened to TV,
sports, comic books, literature, music, triple X rated movies, porn
magazines.....aren't those enuff for everyone's private entertainment that
people need to resort to stuff like this at whatever level and at whatever
scale....Why does even a single one of these events need to take place when
there are a whole host of other ways for everyone to have a good time..e.g. a
well organised con....or a fun dance party....or whatever...

IIMC has its benefits...The boy-girl ratio can make every woman feel like the
prom queen, Miss World or whatever else at some point of time or the other...

and then there are the pits...where you feel like society has stooped to i dont
know what century where women are just sex objects and nothing else....and i
personally would rather trade both of them off then have both of them exist...
however, if we all think about it...it is really possible to have one and not
the other....

So why does all/any of this need to happen..in the name of tradition???why cant
our traditions be clean and fun for all...why can't our traditions ensure that
not a single person gets hurt intentionally...why cant our traditions be within
the confines of the norms of normal society....Who gave us the right to create
an artificial society and at times a disgusting society within the walls of
Joka....when we all are actually a part of the larger world
outside...????????????????????????????????

http://www.pagalguy.com/forum/b-school-student-discussions/1006-perceptions-of-bschools-past-students.html

Ankit said...

Which kind of crowd do u fall into???

Life said...

ITC kee taraaki mein you will have a major role to play.
Ab sunfeast ke baare mein bhi isi type kaa classification naikalne wale ho kya

great blog
ak

Anonymous said...

Hi Abhi..
An usual request..
we had a batch mate back in school.. He went to ya college(IIMC).. Abhisek sharman.. We don seem to trace him NE more.. He might have passed out in 2005. NEidea how to get to him ?
my names Sthita..
P:S - i do make pretty rude comments on ya blog.. but i do appriciate at times ;-) as long as u NOt cliched' take Care Dude...

Sherry said...

haha...enjoyable post as ever.
maybe someone's already asked here...i donno..but what kinda category do u fall into?

ya phir aapki apni alag category hai.. ? :D

Anwesha Chatterjee said...

Hmmm...seriously nice....you write very very very well!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Getting addicted to ur blogs! Gr8 piece as always! Do keep writing even if u join ITC!

Anonymous said...

seems like u taken a sabbatical, huh?

sandipan said...

one more high standard comic post... you are really great when it comes to comedy. idle mind is comic's workshop!! however, u must have missed the type of couple who pretend to like pizza just because its a fad. you must see the drama. they show as if they were born with pizza in their mouth!! i wonder how u would have described them.:)

Surya Ragunaathan said...

yaar, tu toh gayab hi ho gaya....come back to blogging.

Anonymous said...

:) as usual great blog.
will miss u on campus but do keep writing even after u start with new life @ office.
was expecting atleast 1 senti waala blog before u leave campus.

Anonymous said...

arre yeh RICHA ne kya likha ..
but i think u know the truth behind the curtains of sympathy
plays the woman a master gameplan.

sandnya said...

I admire your observation skills... great blog!!!
All because of you the next time i go to pizza hut... I wont concentrate on my pizza!!!

Preetam said...

nice simon :D

Anirudh said...

lol

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