Monday, April 10, 2006

Jaldi se naha lo

After a delayed air deccan flight with its 'Asuvidha ke liye khed hain , deri ke liye kshama chahte hain' slogan and a delayed bharti televentures guy with his ' Arre bhai kal piroblem mein fans gaya tha , aaj shaam laga dunga na internet' , both me and the internet have reached our home in gurgaon .

People at home have a different perspective of things . At the hostel , a room fire would have been given the imprtance of a stray dog by me . But it was almost a national crisis scenario when ma declared "Aaj paani ki problem hain ! Jaldi se naha lo sab " an hour ago . My transition from espn to the bathroom was swift . There were so many lizards watching me whenever I bathed in the hostel bathroom , I feel strange without any company in the bathroom here . Also , I have been watching a decent amount of cricket on the television . Commentators on channels like espn and ten sports and espn are so correct , they are almost boring . Give me doordarshan's bumbling Maninder Singh who screams 'Sundar stroke !' as the batsman is clean bowled.

Some years ago , when Kapil Dev smacked his big lips and said "Yeh ball kuch jhuki jhuki huee daali hain fleming ne" during the commentary for a one day match , I fell in love with hindi commentary forever. I mean , a Geoff Boycott has to be in real good touch to provide what these hindi commentators do .

Maninder : "Jin darshako ne apne TV set der se khole ho ( TV mechanics ? ) , unko main bata dun ki iss waqt bhaarat aur jimbaabvhe ke beech khela ja raha yeh match kaafi romanchak mod pe khada hain " ( See ! Maninder got my adrenaline pumping now )

Yashpal : "Jee maninder , aur main yeh samajhta hun ki iss waqt bhaarat ke ballebaazo ki koshish yehi rahegi ki kuch run banaye jaye ." ( That is an eye opener . I thought the batsmen are gonna wash clothes with those bats )

Maninder : "Bilkul Yash , lekin mera yeh maanna hain ki agar yahan bowlers 8-9 wicket chatka dete hain to match jimbhabvhe ki mutthi mein aa jayega" ( Maninder overlooks the fact only six wickets remain )

Yashpal : "Jee .Isi beech over ki samaapti , pakistan ka score chaar vikket par ek sau do run."

( During the commercial break , Rajesh , the scorer , informs yashpal that it is not pakistan but India , and the score is not 102 but 201 )

Also , have been reading some spiritual literature . 24 year old . Fresh IIM passout . Starts work in two months . I guess with these conditions I should be reading something like '101 ways to utilise the last sixty days of freedom , with a special pullout on how to propose to the colored hair neighbourhood girl you have always admired ' . But I have been reading a book which has a mist covered tree on its front cover and words like mokhsa , nirvana and enlightenment between its covers .I have just read about the theory of karma . It says my internet connection in this birth of mine is slow because during my last birth , I was a dog and chewed on some optical fibres to deprive an entire colony of internet . My ma checks on me during the night to see if I have bought a kamandal and hopped on the train to the nearest mountain peak . In fact , more than what I know , the way I think is more important to me . I have often been found to be as intelligent as a mosquito repellant machine , and I still get confused between left and right , so I am trying to make up for that by reading stuff which will make me more wise , if not intelligent .

And if ten years from now , the only guy staying back in India is a bazooka toting , pakistan bashing and angry Sunny ' Indian' Deol , I won't be surprised . One part of me has always wanted to wear caps and tee shirts which say 'Mera Bharat Mahan' , but the way politicians in urgent need of rapidex engliss speaking course are messing with insitutes such as IITs and IIMs in this nation , I am not sure if my kids will have the money to wear any kind of tee shirts . The OBC reservation announcement is genuinely the second most super duper export quality stupidity to happen to IIMs , the first being my admission . Being a general category student , I know it takes years of hard work , an incredible romance with lady luck , a lot of cash pumping into coaching institutes , and quintals of 'aashirwad' from our parents for us to get that one seat in an IIM . And then I switch on NDTV and learn that a bunch of politicans who need calculators to find the square root of nine and pronounce shanti as saanti just swooped away hundreds of such seats under their perfumed dhotis . I mean , one fine day in 2030 AD , I imagine a Ipod listening - spiked hair dude coming into my room as I lie on a chaarpai and asking me "Hey dad , I just cleared my engineering after flunking thrice , do I try for the six seats these IIM people got for us general category students ?". But this is not the time to panic , all the general category students affected by this move should remain strong and united and find the nearest OBC certificate printing shop where we can place our orders in bulk . Saste padega yaar .

Blogging from home as its advantages . You get a clean table with no coke glasses and half eaten biscuits lying around and you don't have to climb down three floors to the mess , you can keep sitting and yell 'bhookh lagi hain' and mummy tells you to shut up . But it has its disadvantages too . Like saira , our kaamwali asking me to get up as she has to sweep the floor under my computer table . So I guess this is it for now . Waise bhee , I think ma wants me to fill up some buckets before the water runs out . Paani ki problem hai na yaar .

74 comments:

Fursat said...

haha...funny post :D waise post padke lag raha hai tu nahaya nahi ab tak..by the way 1 bajne wale hai..khud par nahi to gharwalo par raham karle unhe tere saath rehna padta hai :P

ghar pe net lag gaya hai..online to nazar nahi aata ladka..isse acha to kalkatta mein tha tu :)

chal no more scarps..

take care!!!

Shriedhar said...

//Maninder overlooks the fact only six wickets remain )


and


//It says my internet connection in this birth of mine is slow because during my last birth , I was a dog and chewed on some optical fibres to deprive an entire colony of internet

LOL :D

a nice post yaar.

u said it humorously.(the OBC reservations...)

but..

that's a real serious issue naa.
it's the worst thing to happen for general category students.

India takes a step fwd and
sharply takes 10 steps back.
very sad .
can't v stop that?? by some means??

!xobile said...

oyeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! mai 2nd!!!!
waaaaaaaaaah
SILVER!
wah waa wah

ab padta hu

!xobile said...

Shit!!!!!!!!
3rd

Tarun said...

arrey OBC issue serious but being in the middle of exams the 'bulk order of certis' soltuion evaded me.

bhai! main bhi... laminated and all...

!xobile said...

@Abhi nurve
Abe yeh OBC reservatoins ne to dimaag kharaab kar diya hai yaar!!!
Apun log bahut protest maar rahe hain...
lekin tera post bahut amazing hai yar!!
mai to haste haste paagal ho gaya(waise to mai pehle se hee tha lekin aisa kehna hota hai ;) )
woh commentry to amazing thee.. tu sahi mein try kar sakta hia hindi commentator banne ka..
fame, money, glory.. sab milta hai re!!!


@all
lets unite against 50 reservations!
http://50is2much.blogspot.com
All bloggers koi join karna chaheye...

For your welfare,
Either Protest hard or get an SC/ST/OBC ceritficate made...
(only Rs.500 per head (Rs.1000 per body)) (abhi jaldi se banwa lo... rates will soar rapidly)
Contact me for further details...
;)

sunflower said...

munnu! keep writing. and give us more of good stuff... cos once u start working, god know how it'll be.

OrganizedChaos said...

Good post ... loved the karma part!
This reservation thing sucks big time!I remember what a fight it was for me during engg... as i come under general category.....
The marks difference between OC and BC to make it into the same college used to be so huge..wish we could do something about it.For the sake of being a populist we should not end up damaging the brand of the Best institutes in the nation

Niedhie said...

"Yeh ball kuch jhuki jhuki huee daali hain fleming ne"

Really hilarious Post! We don't have any Cable connection at home, so I have watched all the cricket matches in my childhood with my younger brother and have burst into laughters hearing the Doordarshan commentaries. They used to be real fun.
Am feeling so emotional remembering those days when we both used to spend the whole day before the TV set with mother constantly yelling to do something substantial.

Good post! Keep it going!

pandora said...

HAHAHA...HAHAAHA

tu ruk.

main is 'maninder singh' ko abhi andar karti hoon. :D

-ex-panduraam hawaldaar.

mast hai post..tere type. neha fir khush hui... :D :D

pandora said...

//(only Rs.500 per head (Rs.1000 per body))

hahahaha....

yahan ek se bad kar ek log hain! =))=))

one saabashi type chapaat to champak laal.

...bhaiyon aur behno...protest karo.
"hamari maange puri karo"..state bank ke baad it's time for all states to understand their imaginary future state....

Bruce Almighty said...

hi,

Have been following your posts since quite sometime.

Might sound a little cliched to you but your posts are very hilarious and fun-filled.

plz keep us entertained...

Raam Pyari said...

hehhehehehehehhehehe
hehhehehehehehe
hehehhehehehehehehhe
hehehhehehehheheheh
hehehehheehehheheh
tum everyday post kyuun nahi likhate?

Utham said...

why people always blame on nasty politician?

why dont you take a try to clean it?

"Have to be in the system to change the system"

ooh ur asking about me!
i will sure do my responsibility

gr8 post yaar
Utham

sunshine said...

talking of advantages and disadvantages of internet at home... umm... will sudha ji suspect fire and fumes if u r caught chatting with a beautiful female at midnight?

ASSET said...

Hi Abhinav,

I just mattered to stroll across ur blog, n found it interesting, in fact hv added u 2 my blogroll.

This post is really hilarious, i was in splits.

me n my frenz also used 2 enjoy such commentary, n the more the ppl cud recall on a starry dark night in hostel, the better it was.

abhi kucch lines yaad aa rahi hai.
i remmber one commentrator saying:
"Yeh dekhiye stadium ekdum dulhan ke tarah saja hua hai,
Pura ka pura doodhiya roshni se nahaya hua hai"
Really commendable the lang. these guys use.

another one:
when jadeja n tendulkar were on crease, n Jadeja tht day was playing better than Tendu, still the commentrator underplayed or in fact insulted him.
" yeh dekhiye kaise tendulkar ko dekh kar jadeja ka bhi balla khoob chal raha hai,
yeh to wahi baat ho gayi ki kharbooje ko dekh kar kharbooja rang badalta hai"

The list is endless.

Asset
www.anshulseth.com

trash_u said...

hmm..
so iim passout struggling amid water problem.. and doordarshan cricket commentary.

:-) enjoi the break.!

yea.. n the logic the government gives is that we will increase teh seat so, it will nullify the effect of increased resevation. The general catg. student will have same number of seats..

I yell ..Point to be noted my lord.. if they increase the seats.. and dont increase quota.. the OBC will have more number of seats...
see the beauty of percentage.!!
But as u rightly pointed.. they would need calci to figure this out

Shreyansh said...

Refreshing , to say the least.

Ekdum Mast take on reservation issue. Seriously. :-)

Sunny said...

Sundar stroke!

Arun: "Main samajhta hoon Maninder humari hi wazah se ab bhi TV remote pe mute ka button banaya jaata hai"

Maninder: "Bilkul sahi kaha aapne Arun."

[:D]

Sreekumar said...

dude, good post as always...
aur ab delhi mein ho to kuch contact karo...before u go to the himalayas or the sutta factory...

Abhi said...

@neets : Arre meri choti see agarbatti , humare paas to telecom facility hai na , fir kyun yeh mouse n keyboard ka kasht uthayein ? Tujhe fone lagaata hun fatafat.

@shreidhar : The issue is as serious as a brain tumour bro.What can we do about it ? RDB faarmula.Arjun Singh morning walk pe kab jaata hain ? Pata keejiye.

@money baby :haha.hamesha babu bisleri hee rahega tu.second nahi aaya tu lallu laal.:)Lekin baanke bhaiyya , apan mazzak mein masti to maar sakte hain , but yeh reservations ho gyi to life ek mazzak ban jayegi.kuch kar mani kuch kar.I am bith eu.

@tarun : haha.laminated ka dus rupya extra hai saab.50 rupye extra doge to ekdum ultra backward caste bana dunga , assured admission wali.

@soorajmukhi jee : Chill buddy.I shall find time , I know myself.

@organisedchaos : Yeah . But I wonder what we people can do .I know I sound perfectly pessimistic , but I think the politics involved is too much here.

@niedhie : oh ! No cable at home ? I know your agony sis.Growing up on programmes such as ankur and krishi darshan can be real painful.:)

@neha : param poojniye choti behan neha ko ek baar fir truck sized sorry.yaar i still feel so strange about that call.solly na !

@rohan : ah my chap ! I found your blog real funny man.Had a nice time there.:)

@moonwalker : itni lambi hansi ? hans rahee thee ya machine gun chala rahee thee ? Beta chaandwalker , aap bhee to roz roz nahi likhtee na.:)

@utham : shurrrkiya :)

@sunshine : yeah that is a volatile scenario.But tu kahan se beautiful female layegi muniya ? plastic surgery ? ;).kiddin kiddin kiddin.

@asset : haha . Nice set of lines you wrote man . :)

@trash u : absolutely man.The problem is that the brainy guys are down here while vaccum heads are sitting and decidin fr em.

@shreyansh : thanks bhai.Just another voice I guess.

@sunny : hahahaha ! Seriously yaar , I love these guys.

Ankit said...

God yaar abhi!!!!
i love hindi commentary try radio smtime n hear them say it aloud.
"Aur yeh Dabur Lal DANT manjan CHAUKA".....

Abhi said...

@cheeku : Holy cow ! Holy bull ! Holi hain ! Cheeku the great is onto bloggin !

Abhi said...

@ankit : hahaha !! yaar yeh to commercialisation hain , sadde maninder da kusoor nahi :)

smita said...

"Arjun Singh morning walk pe kab jaata hain ? Pata keejiye." cudnt stop lafin imaginin dat..mar dalo!! lol.. n rockin post as usual..

Abhi said...

@smita : bilkul jee.saale ko moongfali ki tarah bhoon denge.but RDB theme ko complete karne ke liye ek soo chahiye aur ek soha ali khan.tussi kee banoge ? soo ki soha ?

pavan kumar said...

That is an eye opener . I thought the batsmen are gonna wash clothes with those bats

hehe.. good one.. btw yeh colored hair neighbor-iya ke baare mein kuch batao miyan :)

Sirius Black said...

lolz nice post.
This is the first time i ve writin a comment though i ve been readin ur blog for quite a while.
Awesome time wastin Stuff bro :D
keeep it rockin nd drop in at my blog if ya get time :D
Rahul

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Sreekumar said...

yep dude, u inspired me...waise tu kitne din hai delhi mein?

shruti aka agarbatti devi said...

welcome back ji.......
abhi abhi khabar aayi hai ki doordardhan par commentory ki post khali hai....tussi apply kar do...u will definately give maninder( errr..mahinder....whatever)singh and others arun for their money....
aur ye OBC walla chakr mera future to safe ho gaya...kuch hi dino mein general ke liye reservation jo karna padega gadho ko....
and i am sure IIMC is back to senses after 2 saal ka continous electric shock=abhinav jain

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aur bhai inka bhi kuch karo...

preeti said...

i admire your style of writing.. so simple words yet so enthralling.. keep blogging

Shriedhar said...

theek hain Hitler saaab!

per maarega koun???


I'l plan such a thing only if u r
ready to take aamir's role :)

Anonymous said...

nice hilarious post ha ha

Vamsi said...

mast hain bhaaaaaiii...
OBC certificate kaha milega bolo!!??

;))

Lalit Singh said...

the hindi commentarey part was hilarious dude... i so enjoyed those days ...

My fav :-
Maninder: :"Yashpal, kya lagta hain aapko. India ko jeetne ke liye kya karna chahiye?"

Yahspal(after a serious thinking pause): "Manider.. mere vichar se India ko achchii cricket khelni hogi"
ROTFL

Dev said...

amazing stuff man... sahi hai!!! was recommended ur blog by a friend. ROFL now. and of course, blogrolled ya. :)

Aj said...

Oye Busy insaan... abhi tak mera link theek ni kiya tune from ur blog
Ab toh vella hoga..
And man ! I didnt knew u at delhi
I yesterday only flew back from delhi after spending 10days there.
( and posted all that to my blog :)

Tarun said...

lol.. its becoming a joke more than an issue! for someone who has to give the CAT a shot a coupla years down the line i am worried that tho arjun was slow off the starting block this time he'll be in time next time. whatever.. will just have to depend on daddy working harder and paying for some outlandish european degree...

tho, the irony is that India could well be the next growh story. and when an indian MBA makes sense, Arjun ji decides otherwise... talk about aiming at the birds' eye.. bird brain is more like it.

anu said...

ye kaisa gud gaon hai india ka ..na kuaan hai na headpump..wase doosre paas wale mohalle me jake dekho ek kuaan mil jayega ek rassi bhi le jana , paani kheech ne ke liye or bournvita ka dibba pi jana sir pe utha ke lana padega na paani...or aunty ko kahna ek kodak closeup smile le ...cheese....

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RefleXtion said...

You need to have word ferification turned on man, you're bing spammed!

Don't know when these butt-heads are going to learn that there arn't reservations in the Global Job market so if they are not upto the mark, they are not gonna keep up with the rest of the pack.

Ganesh aka RG said...

Hey ...this is just my second visit to ur blog....and man i am impressed...

u have a knack of conveying ur thoughts in a fashion that keeps readers captivated....I love ur sense of spontanous humour...and ur posts r really good...keep up the good work...

By the way... congrats for the Job at ITC...the first time i came to ur blog was from a link on Rediff...

Ganesh aka RG said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
meena said...

phurst toh - hum bolenge ki

Bahaut hi haardik shubhkaamnaayein
Aap ko naukri milgayi. Khushkhabhri sunnkar humaare dil mein toh kalliyaan bhi khilgayeen

seykond toh - hum kahenge :

Sue kar mere mann ko, kiyaa tuune kya ishaara, lagge badiyaa yeh pilaan, hum deynge ismein saath tumhaara! Hum sue bangenge.

Laggey raho yaar!

Nirwa said...

Very refreshing blog you've got here! :) " Give me doordarshan's bumbling Maninder Singh who screams 'Sundar stroke !' as the batsman is clean bowled." - Priceless!

Sundar Stroke.. ROFL

Keep writing! :D

Nirwa

Wanderlust said...

As if two million blokes,refusal of lady luck to come out on a cold November Sunday morning and Natraj Phirse nahi champion pencil breaking when you are dead sure that you got at least one right in quants ...were not enough ....we got these idiots coming up with newer ideas....I was just wondering whether General itself has become a quota these days ....
Are yaar we should be real happy ..we still have the highest quota ...

dharmu said...

i hit the half century !(ok, one after that)
i enjoyed the lizards giving you company. we had some amazing audience at our university bathrooms too.
the hindi comemntary was too good, i was on floor. i remeber some of the extra-humorus ones on DD.
but even worse is when siddu gives it in english, "like butter on hot dosa", "he caught the ball real tight". Not to miss soem of Kapils words!!!

well, along with ur blog, i liek to read the comments, they are equally funny and give a good piece of reading.

i also got to read a couple of others blog-routed through your blog. ur blog is a huge exchange point, i say...

sandipan said...

hey nice post.... jaldi nahalo yaar, warna gharwale bhaag jayenge:).

you were right that we should order in bulk for obc certificates... these bloody politicians never understand the logic that "merit" is independent of caste,creed,nationality or bank balance. damn to these hooligans!!

ichatteralot said...

Now that you are 'settled' in life maybe you should change your blog heading?! A very amusing read.

HOTWINTER said...

Air Deccan : "Asuvidha ke liye khed hain , deri ke liye kshama chahte hain" - what can we expect from the so called cheapest airline where passengers fight with air hostesses over a packet of chips.

Gurgaon is so hot and paani is the only survival strategy there.

Did u ever think whether the lizards were male or female?

In our country its better if any discussion about cricket is put to a halt.

Good to know you are being spiritual. Get started from now to be like Baba Ramdev when you become 50. After all Sayesha has put a limit to our death age ie 50.

Yes now it is a craze to become SCST just the way it was a craze being OBC in the 70s or 80s. Im sure OBCs(the genuine guys)would be soon extinct. There would be quotas for taking the highway too.

jai said...

bhai chak ditte phatte tussi .. ek dum mast blog .. all the best for ur job at ITC

OrganizedChaos said...

and i am one of those incurable idealists... IIT M had a discussion forum about it.. i know we can not change the world but that should not prevent us from trying..

Kaps said...

this is exactly like wat it is at home :(

Surya Ragunaathan said...

Agla post kab aayega??

Abhishek Upadhyay said...

Waah Waah,
Yaar ghar se bahar nilkal aur koi commentator ban ja. You will earn more in that.

And tell me. When did you get opportunity to know that our netas have perfumed dhotis...yaar tu kya smell kar raha tha?

Bharat Jhurani said...

Hey.. that was a very funny post... expecially the take on internet being slow :-D
Nd this issue on reservation is a real bad thing.... at a time ven the existing reservation itself needs 2 b revamped.. This is a real waste of resources...

Abhi said...

@ankit : haha !! aur yeh kya ! aglee hee gaind pe kesh kaala chakka !

@pavan : chup natkhat , aisee baatein khulle mein thode hee kee jaatee hain ;-)

@sirius : sure man , am hitting your blog asap ,am sirius..err..serious.

@anon : hello extra daulat wale unkil.happy diwali.

@anon : arre , fir se ? happy holi.

@sreekumar : hey cheeku , main orkut pe tujhe scrap karta hun mere jigar ke tukde.

@agarbatti singh : arre aajkal ladiej ki bhee demand hai commentary ki duniya mein , u r the next mandira bedi maybe.lipstick laga and pahunch ja studio meli behan.manindar-arun ka zamana gaya , ab pesh hai hitler's soul-agarbatti singh.

@Pm : will blog as long as I enjoy it.tussi kaunsi country ke pm ho ? :-)

@shreidhar : oh yaar wo role to dream role hai sadda , soo ko bulao , gaana gaunga uske naal.

@anon - haha.hehe.hoho.

@vamsi : bhaiyya 5000 rupye de , abhi dilwata hun color wala certi.

@lalit : hahahaha !!! that IS funny man.:-)

@dev : thanks dev . I too need to update my blogroll.

@aj : duniya mein kuch cheezein kabhi kaam nahi karti.jaise chinese walkman aur hitler ki aatma.bhai abhi kar raha hoon theek , aaj ke baad kehna nahi padega tujhe.

@tarun : true man.But bloggin aint helpin it.karein kya ?

@anu : jo khud rajasthani gaon ki dhool dhoop mein pale hain wo gurgaon walo pe pathhar nahi fainka karte thankur.:P

@anon : ufff...

@anon : abe teri aisi ki taisi.

@anon : tu apna address bata , thok deta hun tujhe.

@resolution : I like these anon spamming guys.They are fun if you get to know them.

@ganesh : Thanks bro.:)

@meena : abe kake , mil gayi soooo ! sooo-bhan allah !

@nirwa - Thanks nirwa.You sure its not nirma ?

@amitabha - haha ! Point to hai.Nariman point bhee hain.

@dharmu - Yeah , the hindi guys just carry the interest quotient to an entirely new level .And exchange point it is .I feel like a traffic policeman.

@sandipan - naha liya.ekdum tamatar ki tarah saaf sundar and khusboodaaar ho gaya ab.:)

@ichatteralot: abhi kahan se settled ?? settled to bhyah ke baad hotein hai jee ( blusing blussing )

@hotwinter : Uee ma , bada diversified comment hai yaar.:)

@jai : Thanks jai .

@organisedchaos : haan haan aap log koshish kariye.main aapke peeche hoon.:p

@kaps : senti na ho mere bhai.savera fir se ayega.

@surya : ayega ayega ayegaaaa...ayega aane wale...

@abhishek : hahahahaha !!! yaar tu cable Tv dekh kar bigad gaya ekdum :P

@bharat : yup buddy , bad it is.but then , things have always been bad.

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Sumit said...

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Rahul, maine kaha tha naa ... paani chala jayega :P !!

abbey .. ye make money wala tere peeche pada hai .. thode kama le paise .. kaam hi ayenge .. bure waqt mein !

aur .. main tujhse bahut naraaz hun .. pan pasand se hi gussa utrega .. saale baat nahin karna chahta .. koi baat nain .. kahin to milega

aur .. yeh hamaar amrika des mein bhi kuch reserve karaiye !!

Nirwa said...

Yes, its not nirMa.. :D.. I first thought my parents must have hated me to name me after a detergent, but then, they said.. that the two names are different! :D

NirWa

Aps said...

Abhinav main ye kehna chahunga ki ye kuch "khasa" accha post hai.

Meri ginati kuch khasi bigad gayi thi jab maine "khasa" count karna start kiya tha.

Khasa tez shot tha, khasi tej ball thi, khasi acchi dive thi, khasa accha score hai, khasi acchi runrate hai, khasa garam maidan hai.. list is endless..

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Jittus said...

lol nice yaaar. listen dont post daily.. :D life is B.E.Autiful n a sweet depressing tale. lage raho.. thanks again for the laugh!

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