Kya gaon mein bijli ayegi ?

I don't know if it has been on discovery channel , but now I know for sure what occurs within eight minutes of a 24 year old boy landing a job - planets , comets , asteroids and a number of defunct satellites arrange themselves in a mysterious pattern in space which leads to a cosmic energy burst infusing thoughts regarding the boy's marriage in the minds of anyone having a mind remotely aware of his existence .

Now I am just 24 , a very innocent 'kacchi kali' level age where I drool all over in my sleep , think pink frocks look cute , drop half my ketchup on my tee shirt and have this tendency to suck my thumb under acute psycological pressure . But strangely , from the day I have been back at home , thoughts of my marriage are being considered as normal as a sardaar in a joke.

Papa has been sneering me with a 'Beta abhi shaadi hogi to pata chalega world war ke time kaisa feel hota tha' followed by the traditional evil laugh .Sister has been raising her left eyebrow disturbingly high with a sly smile everytime I talk of a female friend . And ma asks a "kaun thee ? " whenver my telephonic conversations with any girl exceeds three seconds . In short , while a month ago I was supposed to jump behind the nearest flowerpot at the sight of a girl, clutch the hanuman locket around my neck and remind myself that I need to study and get a job , these days no one is going to subject me to a round of honor killings if I keep walking and say a hello .After all , ab 2-3 saal mein shaadi to karega hi . Koi khud hee pasand kar le to problem kya hain ?

Now I have never been a guy who does the conventional thing , else I would not have spilled hot coffee over my crotch just to see what happens when I was thirteen ( And never , I mean never ask me what happened .Stirs up too many burning memories). So am not going to marry because every Indian guy is supposed to marry between the age of 24 and 30 .Instead , I need to think and decide if it's a good idea to marry at all.Of course , my parents expect me to marry in the next 2-4 years and show them the thobda of a fat little grandkid in 5-6 years , which , incidentally is a thing completely independent of marrriage in my noble opinion .

I am always imagining things .In class , I used to imagine the professor naked with a string of wriggling lizards around his neck to keep awake . So maybe I should imagine what my life would be like if I marry / I stay a kacchi kali ( or bachelor in more under 18 level terms) .

Scenario 1 :

I marry .

Now , due to an itch behind my left ear and a lack of decent names , let me name my imaginary wife , bijli devi . Like any husband in a hurry , I will address her as Bijli , or maybe Bij if I am in a real hurry . But you think of her as Mrs.Bijli Devi , she is not your wife after all .

I know how attractive I am . Like I was telling a friend recently , when I was eleven , my kaamwali left our work when I proposed to her and I am still viewed with suspicion if the present kaamwali threatens to leave work . So mine would not be the case where bijli first spots me as I kick start my yellow scooter in the parking lot of my office and thinks I look very macho when my foot comes down and falls in love with me and thinks about me everytime she hears a scooter's vroom and proposes to me the next time I am kicking my scooter and sparks fly and end up in our marriage . Even If I like someone , I am the sort of guy who feels all right after ten minutes of reading dilbert , a very "Theek hai yar , wo kaunsa mujhe pasand karti " kinda lad . So it is not very probable that I am going to propose to any prospective bijli either . So bijli shall come and electrify my life through an arranged marriage . Hopefully , bijli will like me as any wife likes her husband . She will ignore my emotionally disturbing table manners , an absolute disregard for 'log kya kahenge' and the seven inch scar across my left cheek . I will also try to keep her happy . Kids will happen and unwarned shit and piss will happen . Me and Bijli will fight sometimes , maybe , but I won't hit her , atleast not on the head . She will also hit me , and that's fine unless she uses the flowervase or the chair .But if she hits me on the head , I don't promise I won't hit her on the head . In short , me and bijli and our kids will be a nice little family . A happy family is more important for me than anything else ( except aishwarya's legs maybe ) , so I will try to keep my family cool . Keywords : Bijli . Kids. Kid Shit on sofa . Kid Piss on keyboard . Love . A little fighting . Smiles . Kid's fees . Bijli's beauty parlor expenses . A taj mahal sized RESPONSIBILITY .

Scenario 2 :

No shaadi . No Bijli.

My parents won't be happy . An emotional moment when I declare they are grandparents to a kid I had from some business trip to bangkok won't make them happy either . In short , my parents won't be happy with me if no bijli flows into my life's lamp . They will blame all the spiritual stuff I read and all the bearded guys in saffron alive . As for me , I don't have much idea about what kinda activities , apart from taking my secretary out , I shall be indulging in . Maybe I will retire from work at 35 , sponsor a kid in the meantime , and spend the rest of my life touring exotic places around the world ( Bangkok being one of them . What a machine I am. ) .I really don't know . I read about the meaning of life and think about it and try to read wisdom stuff , but don't know how I can use that by staying out of relations . Keywords : Freedom . Little responsibility . Unhappy parents . Early retirement . Financial ease .Meaning of life . Bangkok. Visits to buddhist monasteries . A little more of Bangkok.

So these are the options before me . I still have time before I come to the stage when I have to make a decision . Of course , life is like my cooking , I can put in a lot of masalas and flour and sugar but can never be sure of what comes out . Maybe I will move onto a higher level of awareness and life without marriage . Maybe I will feel the need for some bijli when I am 40 and get a '40 but in showroom condition' types matrimonial ad printed in the papers .Maybe I will find bliss in unconditional and unpossesive love I will hold for bijli and our little sparky kids . Maybe bijli will be very angry at the way I giggle when her dad pronounces lion as loin and hit me . And if she hits me on the head , I bet Bijli shall be subjected to an electrifying revenge .