Of saadi confusion , Amit Uncle and Jaya TV

It's been more than three months since I completed my MBA . April 1 was the date of my convocation . Pretty dangerous date for such a noble thing , I know . My name is announced in the auditorium packed with parents , students and cameramen . I get up , adjust my convocation cap and climb up the stairs to the stage . I walk upto the chief guest , nod , shake hands and accept a folder supposed to be carrying the degree . On my way back to my seat , I open up the folder and in rests a lone piece of paper with "April fool" scribbled on it . Thankfully , the last part turned out to be a lot more easy on the heart and there was a degree inside . Anyway , in these three months , atleast six of my batchmates have announced their wedding dates , and many more must be right in the middle of the 'Tere papa se kab baat karun ?' discussions . Now , I have always been terribly confused by the concept of marriage . Sometimes marriage will look like this wonderful union which ushers in a beautiful life of companionship , sharing sorrows and celebrating life . And before a hungry pup can lick clean a plate of full creamed milk , marriage will appear to be this expensive ticket to an existence featuring soiled diapers , worrying about kids and premature joint pains . So just like inorganic chemistry and ram gopal verma's movies , marriage has always confused me .

And suddenly , kank* seems to be the movie everyone was waiting for since the time you crawled around in diapers and fiat was the most droolable car in India . I switch on MTV and an excited Rani Mukherjee is raving about how Amit Uncle** made her feel so comfortable on the sets of kank , I sigh and switch to NDTV and Karan Johar is telling me how this movie is an entirely new perspective on the issue of human relationships and before I can throw a slipper on the tv screen , the room service guy*** walks in with the coffee I ordered and exclaims "Sir , crown**** par kank lag gayi hain ."

Welcome to the Nandlaal Dayaraam guide to terms in the above passage

kank = Kabhi al0o nahi khaana . HaHa ! Got you . It's nothing to do with the anti-potato movement , it's kabhi alvida na kehna yaar .

Amit Uncle = Amitabh Bacchan . Rani calls him Amit Uncle fondly . I wonder what Dev 'young at heart' Anand would have done had someone called him an Uncle .

*** = The room service guy at my hotel speaks hindi . The guy who was there last week spoke only malayalam. I drew a broom on a tissue and gave that to him when he failed to understand what I wanted . I did not want a broom , I wanted to get my room cleaned .

Crown = This is the only cinema hall in the city I am . I passed by it last week . The entrance sported a huge cut out of an unidentified woman with huge thighs displayed in a very chilling manner . I have never been inside . i am told it's not good for young impressionable minds.

Thanks for using the Nandlaal Dayaraam guide to terms in the above passage ( Revised edition . Was revised when you were reading the term meanings .).

Anyway , coming back to kank ( To be pronounced like Tank , as in "My sister took my comic books without asking , so I drowned her in the septic Tank ) , I am not excited about the movie .

I saw a promo on the television and it contained a Rani with tears streaming down her cheeks , a very emotional breaking down of Abhishek , Shahrukh trying hard to fight back tears and Preity Zinta wailing , and all this in 20 seconds . So I assume the movie is about love , tears and misunderstandings . And this very thing makes it unsuitable for my viewing . You see , 'Love' movies are for people who look good , exchange romantic sms and have an colorful agenda for Feb 14th. A guy like me , whose total duration of exposure to romance is just about equal to the time Mohammad Kaif spent on the crease during his last innings , just can't relate to too much of love .

I mean , if George Clooney is made to sit through a screening of "Basanti Ka Inteqaam" ( Starring Chamkeeli Haseena in a never seen before , and never seen after dynamite role ) , or vice versa , if Udham Singh Gujjar is made to sit in the front row of a show of Forrest Gump , how can they relate to something they don't understand ? On similar lines , I find it a bit challenging to relate to movies involving too much of "I love you"s and pink hearts . I would rather watch Naksha , a soon to be released action flick which promises a lot of hand grenades and crushed bones . Promos include graphic visuals of Sunny Deol jumping off a cliff , smashing pianos on bad men's heads and trying to uproot electric poles off roads .

And personally , this is turning out to be a one of the more lonely times of my life ( Compares well with the time I was locked all alone in the bathroom for flunking in Social Sciences ) . I come back from work and spend the rest of the day roaming the market , checking out lungi clad legs and watching TV . ( And the last part is tricky . A whole bunch of malayalam channels to choose from . Sun TV . Maa TV . K TV . Kairali TV . Jaya TV . More are there , but too difficult to pronounce for a northie tongue ) . But then , I am just trying to make good of whatever life throws my way . ( Have always been this way . I spent the hours locked in the bathroom trying to figure out how faucets work ) . And then , I am going home for a week soon . That is a huge thing I am looking forward to . And then , after all , talking of loneliness , I may get married in couple of years and usher in a wonderful life of companionship , sharing sorrows and celebrating life .Wait a minute..or was it an expensive ticket to an existence featuring soiled diapers , worrying about kids and premature joint pains ?