Monday, August 14, 2006

Of saadi confusion , Amit Uncle and Jaya TV

It's been more than three months since I completed my MBA . April 1 was the date of my convocation . Pretty dangerous date for such a noble thing , I know . My name is announced in the auditorium packed with parents , students and cameramen . I get up , adjust my convocation cap and climb up the stairs to the stage . I walk upto the chief guest , nod , shake hands and accept a folder supposed to be carrying the degree . On my way back to my seat , I open up the folder and in rests a lone piece of paper with "April fool" scribbled on it . Thankfully , the last part turned out to be a lot more easy on the heart and there was a degree inside . Anyway , in these three months , atleast six of my batchmates have announced their wedding dates , and many more must be right in the middle of the 'Tere papa se kab baat karun ?' discussions . Now , I have always been terribly confused by the concept of marriage . Sometimes marriage will look like this wonderful union which ushers in a beautiful life of companionship , sharing sorrows and celebrating life . And before a hungry pup can lick clean a plate of full creamed milk , marriage will appear to be this expensive ticket to an existence featuring soiled diapers , worrying about kids and premature joint pains . So just like inorganic chemistry and ram gopal verma's movies , marriage has always confused me .

And suddenly , kank* seems to be the movie everyone was waiting for since the time you crawled around in diapers and fiat was the most droolable car in India . I switch on MTV and an excited Rani Mukherjee is raving about how Amit Uncle** made her feel so comfortable on the sets of kank , I sigh and switch to NDTV and Karan Johar is telling me how this movie is an entirely new perspective on the issue of human relationships and before I can throw a slipper on the tv screen , the room service guy*** walks in with the coffee I ordered and exclaims "Sir , crown**** par kank lag gayi hain ."
Welcome to the Nandlaal Dayaraam guide to terms in the above passage

kank = Kabhi al0o nahi khaana . HaHa ! Got you . It's nothing to do with the anti-potato movement , it's kabhi alvida na kehna yaar .
Amit Uncle = Amitabh Bacchan . Rani calls him Amit Uncle fondly . I wonder what Dev 'young at heart' Anand would have done had someone called him an Uncle .
*** = The room service guy at my hotel speaks hindi . The guy who was there last week spoke only malayalam. I drew a broom on a tissue and gave that to him when he failed to understand what I wanted . I did not want a broom , I wanted to get my room cleaned .
Crown = This is the only cinema hall in the city I am . I passed by it last week . The entrance sported a huge cut out of an unidentified woman with huge thighs displayed in a very chilling manner . I have never been inside . i am told it's not good for young impressionable minds.
Thanks for using the Nandlaal Dayaraam guide to terms in the above passage ( Revised edition . Was revised when you were reading the term meanings .).
Anyway , coming back to kank ( To be pronounced like Tank , as in "My sister took my comic books without asking , so I drowned her in the septic Tank ) , I am not excited about the movie .
I saw a promo on the television and it contained a Rani with tears streaming down her cheeks , a very emotional breaking down of Abhishek , Shahrukh trying hard to fight back tears and Preity Zinta wailing , and all this in 20 seconds . So I assume the movie is about love , tears and misunderstandings . And this very thing makes it unsuitable for my viewing . You see , 'Love' movies are for people who look good , exchange romantic sms and have an colorful agenda for Feb 14th. A guy like me , whose total duration of exposure to romance is just about equal to the time Mohammad Kaif spent on the crease during his last innings , just can't relate to too much of love .
I mean , if George Clooney is made to sit through a screening of "Basanti Ka Inteqaam" ( Starring Chamkeeli Haseena in a never seen before , and never seen after dynamite role ) , or vice versa , if Udham Singh Gujjar is made to sit in the front row of a show of Forrest Gump , how can they relate to something they don't understand ? On similar lines , I find it a bit challenging to relate to movies involving too much of "I love you"s and pink hearts . I would rather watch Naksha , a soon to be released action flick which promises a lot of hand grenades and crushed bones . Promos include graphic visuals of Sunny Deol jumping off a cliff , smashing pianos on bad men's heads and trying to uproot electric poles off roads .
And personally , this is turning out to be a one of the more lonely times of my life ( Compares well with the time I was locked all alone in the bathroom for flunking in Social Sciences ) . I come back from work and spend the rest of the day roaming the market , checking out lungi clad legs and watching TV . ( And the last part is tricky . A whole bunch of malayalam channels to choose from . Sun TV . Maa TV . K TV . Kairali TV . Jaya TV . More are there , but too difficult to pronounce for a northie tongue ) . But then , I am just trying to make good of whatever life throws my way . ( Have always been this way . I spent the hours locked in the bathroom trying to figure out how faucets work ) . And then , I am going home for a week soon . That is a huge thing I am looking forward to . And then , after all , talking of loneliness , I may get married in couple of years and usher in a wonderful life of companionship , sharing sorrows and celebrating life .Wait a minute..or was it an expensive ticket to an existence featuring soiled diapers , worrying about kids and premature joint pains ?

71 comments:

Anonymous said...

I see a post missng here...kyun bhai, changed ur mind on the whole ITC thing???

Anonymous said...

y dun u change ur job if u're not finding dat place exciting...an IIM degree can take u places(if i'm correct)

rachit's lair said...

Hey Abhinav,I have been a regular at your blog for long now. I believe it's great how you can talk about life's greater issuesin such good humour. But by the way, isn't 26 too young to get married?..
PS: I joined IIM Cal this year..so u are one of my superseniors too!

Ms. V said...

Come on!!! Are you trying to tell me ki NONE of your fans live in Kerala??? I'm sure there are hazaar people just dying to see you\touch your hand\etc ;)

Btw... Malayalam ariyilla = I don't know Malayalam... just in case you need to use the phrase. I'm not a Mallu, but this has worked for me before :D

just_a_girl said...

Havent seen KANK, not even the trailers! Last movie i liked was Parineeta, except for the stupid end where they are coaxing him "Shekhhhhhar,,, tod de deeewar"..
Before that Sathiya for perfect, except for that idiotic part with Sharukh and Tabu...
I think Sathiya is what marriages are, loving each other inspite of the differences and tiffs.. :)

Abhishek said...

the first and a problem bigger than marriage you have to face after completing college is of course, lonliness.. ;)... life has too much to give but it doesn't help much if there's no one you can freak out with.. ;))

Anyway, keep rockin' like you've always... i'm a big fan of yours.. and get a dog if there are no girls around... lol

Abhishek said...

and yes, everyone is asking the same question... where did the last post go? ;))

Bulbul Gopalani said...

well... i guess all the people who have just gotten their mba degree are going through bouts of loneliness... it is too bad u are so far from home. have fun at home.

dharmu said...

are munnu,kya lonely life re, hum log hain na, sirf cell leneka, US ko call marneka. mein bhi bohut lonely feel karti hun. saatme daaru-sharu karenge, ok?

inn dino mere neighbour ki billi ko chedrahi hun. aur kya karun yaar, tp karna padtha hai.

btw, accha post hai, atleast weekly ek post release karo na, plz. tume billi ki kasam!

Bharat Jhurani said...

hey dude... hw do keep gettin better wid every post???? nd ya, Waiitn 4 ur weddin card...

sunshine said...

ha ha ha ... hilarious... every blogger seems to be on the kank case now-a-days... now i feel i gotta watch it just to make fun of it... :)

adi said...

Hey Abhi,
Have been reading few of yourblogs.. really loved it. And ya KANK is super boring all cry ekta kapoor serial kinda movie where everyone gets married to everyone

Sayesha said...

Hey what happened to the previous post?? Changed your mind about replying to commentators? Kya hua re?

sunshine said...

oops, i was so surprised to see a sunshine before me. nywayz comig back to ur post, there is something common to both the issues you have talked of here, the issue of marriage and of kank.

the point is, you aren't really qualified to have an extra marital affair till you have a marriage forst. so u see, marriage isn't all that bad as it seems. there are plenty of other incentives as well. for a comprehensive detailing, contact me.

btw, i am the original sunshine. he he.

sushant said...

kool post...but err don't defame nandlal dayaram as someone making guides....he dealt only in kunjees.
"nandlal dayaram ki saral aivam sarvottam kunjiyaan" padh padh kar hi paas hota raha hun aakhir..

Hiren said...

Since you seem to be so confused about marriage, maybe you woule like to see KANK's review with Osho's teachings on marriage.

shruti said...

hmm...u write really well...entire post is well sprinkled with humor and the timing is just right ..everyone debates about the great issues of life..marriage being one of them ..and eevryone has their style of presenting their case..liked urs..
cheers

shweta said...

i jst feel like repeatng wat u had to say few mnths back to me "Hope you find your answers soon.But hey , sometimes you just dont know and u just havta keep the faith and jump into the hole not knowing what lies in there .so dont bust ur head too much :)".....this is the only comment u left on my blog till date ..nd this applies on u so much today...!!!its jst i was making my careers imp decision ..nd u for ur everything....frm ur hapiness to ur proficiency!!!

cmon abhinav ...realx kidddo ...seriously dnt bust ur head so badly ...!!!
shwets
p.s:i jst hope u find ur rosie darling ...uff i am sick of reading ur blog wth the tone ...tht u r waiting ..nd u r waiting ...nd make tht wait luk like a eternal wait for rosie darling...!!!

Shekhar said...

Hey dude...chillax !! :)

Aj said...

Bidu,
mast post :) par itna nahi sochne ka...bakra ek din toh katega..tab pata bi nahi chalega...
on d sidelines: mujhe teri bakri ki kismat pe daya aa rhi hai :)

jp said...

oye crown is a good theatre, 30-35 bucks for a balcony ticket, its better than the ones in calcutta. trust me and go in. and as far as i know they show the latest eng, and hindi movies none o the useless soft-porn churned out.

its me said...

BTW, MaaTV is a Telugu Channel ( iknow, i know it doesnt make any difference)hehehe
learning the language could be a good start to get rid of the boredom..

Anonymous said...

hey..great write-up..I think Karan Johar n the likes should be be bid alvida for all the trash they are springing on us :)
hmm..destination Calicut..lonely life..but ur blog is as alive as ever..keep it going!!
--ruchika

sunflower said...

hey nice post as usual

Harsha said...

:)

shivangi said...

visited for the first time..liked it..uncannily similar to my kinda writing style !!...
am currently doing MBA at ISB Hyderabad...had a friend in IIM Cal..where do you work ?

Abhi said...

@anon - I mean its like theres an entire fleet of trucks , buses , jeeps , two wheelers and cars parked here and you ask "Where is the tricycle ?".One missing post doesnt bother me . and I dont think it should bother you :)

@anon - Uee ma , how much did naukri.com pay you ? :p

@Rachit - Welcome to Joka my boy.I guess I will be dropping down to the campus sometime in Nov.And 26 isnt too young to get married if you are at a female starved kerala.

@vids- You are an angel.I really needed this phrase.Atleast now I can tell them that I dont understand them.

@just a girl -You havent seen kank trailers ? where are you ? zimbabwe ? They are all over the channels yar :)

@abhishek - Yeah , I am on the verge of taking that all crucial step.Just cant decide between a french poodle and a lhasa apso.

@bulbul - Yeah .And just after staying in a hostel bursting with people and life at its seams , even a mall can seem empty to one.

@dharmu - Billi ko bhee nahi baksha tune paapi devta.bass ek baar maneka gandhi ka cell number mil jaye , fir dekh amreecan police station mein milegi tu.:p.and post release to aise keh rahee hain jaise mere paas saari posts suitcase mein rakhi hain , likhnee bhee to padegi an dharmu jee :)

@bharat - arre main khud bhee wait kar raha hun bhai , mujhe bhej diyo photostat kara kar.

@sunshine - Yeah do watch it , but carry along a couple of family sized tear absorbing towels .

@adi - haha ! yeah half the movie is spent marrying people and the rest burns up in seperating them.back to square one.isse accha movie hee na banate.

@sayesha - arre nahi bunty baba , reply to kar raha hun sabko.yeh dekh tera wala reply bhee over ho gaya.

@sunshine - haha , how do I know you are the original one ? chalo answer this code question ? what fast food outlet in calcutta is renamed as a memorial monument to a couple of great people of once ate at it ? answer upto three decimal places.

@sushant - mea culpa.and sirf tu hee nai bhai , iss desh ka harr honhaar ladka ND ki kunjiyan ka product hain.nandlal dayaraam is a pillar of the indian education system.

@hiren - Osho ? I once read something it wrote and it contained a lot of over 18 stuff.chee chee.

@shruti - Thanks ( Short replies are the IN thing now )

@shweta - hai allah , sab yaad aa gaya mujhe paarvati.meri teaching aaj tune mujhe hee dekar meri eyes ko bott jyada khol diya hain.Thanks.ab to rosie ko doondh ke hee ann jal grahan karunga.

@shekhar - kaise karun chillax ? fridge mein ghus jaun to chalega ?:p

@aj - abe tu ?? kahan hain aajkal ? ab to bada ho gaya hoga tu .

@JP - yeh crown wale ab online marketing bhee karne lage ! :p

@its me - haha !!! oh , i feeel so happy now , it was telegu after all ! :)

@ruchika - oh my ! I thought you had fled india forever and living underground.its great to hear frm u.how are you ??

@sunflower - sukkriya.nice comment too :)

@harsha - :) :) :) ( lips mein dard ho gaya , aur smile nai karunga ab ):p

@shivangi- Work ? Never heard of this disease.How does it look ?

nobody said...

oh KANK was horrible! WORST!
now i have to bathe 100 times and tell pi (number) in reverse to wash myself off paap gained by watchin tht movie!

Ranjith V K said...

"Crown = This is the only cinema hall in the city I am" -------- Being a proud Kozhikkodan (short form of Calicut citizen) here is the list of cinema halls within the city.
1. Davison
2. Blue Diamond
3. Kairali & Sree
4. Coronation
6. Pushpa
7. Radha
8. Sangham
;)

Abhinav, I have been a regular reader of your blog. I am a Bangalore based (you might have guessed now... :) ) software engineer from Calicut. On this weekend I am coming home and the purpose is... "APSE BADLA LENE KELIYE..." Let me know if you are still at Calicut :)

aMyth said...

I do understand ur plight.. Kerala can be a very lonely place..if u don't take someone with you. Am from Kerala but I avoid going there for a long vacation. Coz even though I grew up there, none of my friends are around anymore. Everyone's elsewhere, thanx to the shortage of good colleges and courses back then.

But like Ranjith said, Crown isn't the only theatre.. And Calicut..or Kozhikode is one of the better place to find something to do :D

All the best dude..and have a great time when u go home :)

divya said...

oye hoye new post! seriously kank trailers on all the news channel..ridiculous. when u coming to bangalore?

just_a_girl said...

i know, i should start watching TV again!!! I havent touched the remote since months!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)
Am online all the time, watch movie dvds on my comp... TV sucks! :)

yossarian said...

haha..KANK??
bhool se bhi matt dekhne jaana..250 kharch karne ke bavjoot, we left the movie midway, strolled in the mall, and came back to catch some post interval action, went again, came back again...movie na hui, derivatives market par talk ho gayee.. [:P]

shivangi said...

ok i shud've asked...which is the airconditioned office where you sit on ur bum the whole day :)

Anonymous said...

babloo ... nice post as always .. aur last part .. of 2yr planning padh ke .. mere nazar dhundlaa gyi (might be bcos of black bkgnd as well though :P )

rt said...

a much awaited post after the purpose post.. even i remmeber ur another post which seems to have drowned in backwaters of kerala...
neways this post is amazing!! ..ofourse as usual..
keep posting..its a nice treat to read them ...

Chaos said...

Hey abhi,

once more a great post :)). have just recently got hooked on to your blogs.

About KANK, well the other day i had a ticket to the movie and then i so called "sacrificed" it for a freind turns out it was not that big a sacrifice.:)))

Anonymous said...

You are an IDIOT

Bj said...

just a small correction...sun Tv, K TV and Jaya TV are tam channels...not mallu..we southies are very particular about our languages..:))

arpz said...

ok, when u come here in Nov , I can get u married

Querty said...

PLEASE change that "black" background of ur page. it makes reading difficult for my old eyes.

I frequent ur page often and have marked it as "favourite".

Abhieshek said...

Ex-Computer Engineer??? I always thought "once an engineer, always an engineer"...u seem adamant to prove it wrong...:-)

divya said...

@abhieshek- this ex-computer engineer cant even recall the defnition of an operating system.

Vinodh said...

Munna..another good one..and yaar sun and jaya are tamil channels not malyalam..reminds me of this line..A northie girl knows only madras after the vindhyas..and speak to her in telugu,malyalam or kannada she wud say its a madrasi :) (kinda blond joke)..

Just try to know more about the place u live that may drive away ur boredom.

White Forest said...

"I may get married in couple of years and usher in a wonderful life of companionship"

All hte best :)

Genius in the Making aka Pallavi said...

haha..nice entertaining blog..I stumbled across it while googling 'IIMC'. Neways me going down there for the coming semester for exchange-hope to have a ncie time..
ciao..hope you find some form of entertainment there!
take care!

Shweta said...

hey...amazing blog...shudnt have expected an less frm an iim-ian (?) i gguess...

smriti said...

abhi bhai aap hasana kis din chodoge????

Abhieshek said...

@divya

operating system??? what's that??? lol...

sparsh said...

hehehehe....get married dude...serioualy. 'roz roz marne se achchha hai ek baar mar le'.....
I gotta see this movie now. can't torture myself any more after reading so much about crap aka kank on blogosphere. crap has become too inticing now:D!!!

munmun said...

hail hitler!

another of great posts.. i was laughing loud in the office, using hanky to cover my face and reduce the hahahaha volume!
vaise i know what you mean yaar! i spent independence day in the office! but now i have resolved to go out of the city every weekend, and it does do you good.. only i am luckier than you - i have a cousin in the same city.. and we jump in delight wheneevr we come across "english speaking humans"!!
neways.. wish you luck.. hope you find good buddies soon...

Anonymous said...

Hey u actually wrote a post on my birthday...im so happy!!! Nice one...much awaited too..:)

Deepak said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

Nice one dude. If you are really getting bored, go to Google and videos section, and seach for "The Angrez". You should see two parts of this movie. Watch it, it is hillarious. It will make your day.

JK

Atticus Finch said...

Hmmm!!! Nice place you got bro!

But half of those you listed aren't Mallu channels :( Deeply offended :)

Been there and done the Joka drill... Now with TAS - VSNL... Where be you in these post-Joka times?

Niedhie said...

Hey Soul!

What you lonely??? No buddy we all are here for you... Keep smiling and keep writing!
Regards :)

Niedhie said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ichatteralot said...

So the 'gate ke us paar' life is treating you well it seems!

Anonymous said...

ur boredom is soooo obvious in ur writin style n evn da way u replied2 da comments..hmmmmm..how abt settin urself targets at work n catchin up on sum gr8 movies n novels on weekends..take care..hey how abt teachin at sum ngo school on weekends..newayz hop u wud fig out sum way2 KILL time:)

Ujwal Dinesh said...

Hi abhinav,me a 43rd batcher,and a regular reader of ur blogs since my prepping days.Well, the issue is junta like me need the feel good factor ur blog generates ,the more frequent the better:-)

ns said...

Abhi,
I have come to office (free internet uc) on Sunday to read your blogs (old). (I found your BLOG only last week :-(, and I wasnt in Honalulu all these days)

I am your (DUNIYA ka SABSE??) BADA panka....
Dont know if somone has already constructed a temple for you... or wrote a letter with BLOOD (or ketchup may be) scanned and sent you... Or has travelled(walked may be) all the way (from Nagaland/Manipur) to Kerala to see you outside SeeQueen..

I am fan to Kalam Sir, Sachin, Dravid, Hrithik Roshan of KNPH and Laetetia Casta(is that spelling correct?).. some others....
but tussi very special :-)

Long live HAPPILY buddy..

planning to start smokin as a token of appreciation to ITC, which hired you :D j/k

Dude said...

No offense mate ...but of those 5-6 channels u listed , just one of them is Malayalam ! The rest are Tamil, Kannada etc ....(not that it wud help u, in any way :) )

Fathima said...

Abhinav, anything u dont understand is not Malayalam:-) Sun TV, K TV and Jaya TV are Tamil channels(Tamil is also a south Indian language).
And BTW, being a SRK fan, I watched KANK. From the start to end, Rani Mukherjee was weeping, weeping and weeeeeeeeeeppppinnnnnngggggggggg

Anonymous said...

sun tv is tamil

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dare_the_enemy said...

Wonderful writer U are Abhinav..
Im truly inspired by ur writing and love it.
Such a nice way to go about the life's drudgeries..isn't it?
But from what I read in your writings, my guess is that you had a great life so far whatsoever.Grown up in a rich suburb with doctor daddy, studied in IIT and then IIM, how do you manage to induce this touch of subtle sadness to your writing?
Waiting for your next Post.

dare_the_enemy said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

of all the channels mentioned only kairali tv is mallu :(

Anonymous said...

bolo hazaar bar,
sun tv is tamil
jaya tv is tamil
maa tv is tamil..

and from next time watch asianet, kairali, amrutha, surya, jeevan tv also....these are all mallu :D

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