Monday, November 06, 2006

I rise like a phoenix...or is it the porcupine ?


It’s been some time since I typed on this blog . 5% of my friends who still don’t know me well enough to hate me were concerned and thinking “Abhi ko kya hua ? Cancer ? AIDS ? Limfusircoma of the intestine ?” , while the rest 95% were running to their neighbours with laddoos and shouting “It’s over ! He is gone !”. But like a phoenix , I rise again ….phoenix hee hota hai na ... the creature that comes back again and again …or is it the unicorn…or porcupine maybe….pata nahi yaar …kitne saare jaanwar hai…..

Things over the last month have been as fast as a Shoaib Akhtar riding a sports bike . I have traveled between cities , made some never-seen-before changes to my life and my self ( Nothing involving preferences and surgeries on strategic parts of the body , you dirty mind ) , been through some personally challenging times , did things which altered my opinion about myself ( I am more handsome than I thought I am ) , and even downloaded Bappi Lahiri songs during a particularly intense moment of emotion . And I need to talk about all that as much as a scared girl needs a nightgown clad Shakti ‘auuu’ kapoor , so I won’t . But still , I need to let out something .

I made a promise to someone. And then I shattered it .As simple as that. I need to write about it because good or bad , I need to face myself .I need to accept what happened , I need to accept what I did . I don’t analyse what I did , I don’t analyse why I did it , but I need to accept and face myself.

Anyway , it was a Sunday today and I spent time at office ( Kya mast social life hai na ?). Work is going to explode from tomorrow as we are launching a new biscuit .So there will be a lot of stocks going out into the market and promotional activities and fighting competition and all the jazz. But office feels good on Sunday. I can sit with my shoes off and search for Dilbert on the internet while K plays quake .

K is another guy from IIM who joined work with me. We share an apartment. He prepares breakfast , clears the dishes , finds the remote when I can’t, and makes up all the reasons ranging for accidents to cancer when we are late to work . The male version of a sundar , susheel and tikau bhartiya wife .

It’s been almost five months since I joined the first job of my life. Most of my batch mates from IIM have settled into their jobs , bought swanky gadgets with the new found moolah (I bought a cellphone for dad .21st century ka sabse shareef beta .), and settled cozily in the corporate world with their laptops . As for me, life over the last five months has been composed of seven flights , a lot of train travelling , a few kilograms of lost weight , mallu distributors , eating things I didn't know existed , and a lot of hotels .( I even stayed at a little known hotel called ‘Hillarious Guest House’ . No waiter cracked jokes and the receptionist wont smile even if Osama came down and placed his rocket launcher on her temple and screamed “ Smile , you indeean infidel receptionist !” , and the hotel wasn’t even on any hill. Don’t know why the name was ‘Hillarious’). I feel all this has been much better than a desk job where I sit before a screen all day and pretend to be busy with huge excel sheets while solitaire waits on a minimized window. It’s been rough , and it’s been different , but it’s not been boring .

I look to be handling life pretty ok . I am 25 , earning decently ( And without doing anything which would upset mom or the cops ) , have a doting family , and I can cook maggi . I have made my mistakes , more so in personal life , but then , brooding over things is something I am not very capable of . But if I look beneath the surface , behind all this , I am still walking on a road with no idea of my destination . Not that it troubles me too much . Maybe there is no destination at all , maybe the destination is not important . Maybe it’s only about living each day as you want to live it . But still , it feels like I am still searching for something .Like I am still waiting for a feeling of homecoming .I am told this is not the case . But I can’t deny this feeling . I am still not home. And I don’t know if I ever will be . But then , I live this life .I live whatever it gives me.

So now I log off .To all those who have actually been concerned, do not worry. And those 95% who celebrated my going away , you go to your neighbours and get your laddoos back .

76 comments:

trash_u said...

ohh..
i guess they were all waitng for your song
"welcome to the hotel hilarous...."
..
great post as ever :)

Shekhar said...

Sahi hai....Abhi bhai is back !!!! :))))))) Awesome post. Welcome back.

And of course....


GOLD !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Shekhar said...

Booo hoooo......

My roomie beat me to the GOLD medal...

Koi baat nahi....SILVER hi sahi..

Sudipta Chatterjee said...

Broze, technically!!

Sudipta Chatterjee said...

Bronze, that is!!

Hey bhagavan, mere 400 kilo laddu-on ka kya hoga?? :(( :(( :((

Sirji, GRAND to see you back!! Kitna intezaar karwaya yaar. But koi baat nahi --- der se hi sahi. Looking forward to more posts.

And do tell us the brand of that biscuit: maybe I'll buy a couple of them if they are here! :)

Ginni said...

AWESOME!!!!!!!!!! I am really awed by your writing skills. The wit,humour & sensical non-sense ,,is just so interesting.. BTW where's SOMEONE??

Pallavi said...

I think its the journey that matters-the mistakes,regrets, happiness are all a part of it and at the end of the day it makes us who we are..better to be living in the moment than to be contemplating the past or worrying about the future! You'll do fine, and that feeling of 'missing' will surely go away! :)
ohh btw...IIMC has been amazing fun-never thought I would say it!!

Anonymous said...

Welcome home!

Stuti said...

I relate to your feeling of something missing.Kerala feels like a different world altogether (the culture,language everything) and my new job should feel good too;I am independent after all.It is not a feeling of loss or despair more of contemplation about changing perspectives.

its me said...

:) good to see you back!!!

aMyth said...

good one as usual, dude. and hey, though i too used to worry about the destination, i now realized it's the journey that matters, coz destination for everyone, is same. i dont know if u have seen this earlier, but watch this video if possible. it's really inspiring and one of the most beautiful vids i've seen. try it :)

Anonymous said...

I know a rather saintly man who woke up this past diwali morning and went down to the kitchen for his morning chai with family.

But boond boond par likha hota hai peene waale ka naam..and that very man was no more in the next instant.

Would've been a real shame if he had wasted his last momments thinking about his destination in life...no?

Don't think..just live...it's all that we can do :)

neigh ha said...

Gud to have have u back...
I read all ur previous posts in this time...ws waiting for a new one..ths ws a gud one.

Anonymous said...

You're alive (!), and thinking way too much about life and assorted crap.

Hope the ride gets easier for you in the rest of this quarter.

-T

arpana said...

:) ( getting back to old ways , sine you are getting back to normal .. so a smilie is all you will get from me now on :p)

shweta said...

errr..now i am angry ..nd so r the airtel wallahs ...grrr...i thot u mite be sucessful in dng the monkey act of climbing a airtel tower..!!
newayz for the post .."u bend u break nd then u stand up ...nd then only u noe tht it was worth the bending nd breaking up ...to stand up again ..."
tke care
shwets

Anonymous said...

Dude,
Good to see u back...Just enjoy the journey of life.. Do not ponder on life so much ...Past is past right ...
Cheer up....dude
Phoenix renews itself every 500 years ..but U renewed ur self after 5k years or wot...

Life is good

Cheers

Anonymous said...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Purpose_of_life

Maybe u'll find urs

Scorpion King said...

Kya re Phoenix tuney MBA kiya hai ya MBBS? ( Limfusircoma ? kya naam dhundha hai ?)

One question , Do u really like your job ? Tere post se laag raha hai ki you r not enjoying ur job ..
Something is missing ...

Aur LADOO tau abhi deney ja raha haun, ki bahut dino ke baad tu
wapas aya hai ..

SSSSScorpion King

Anonymous said...

Hey Phoenix, welcome back and keep away from Egypt.

Somya said...

Great post...ur hillarious hotel reminds me one of those dhaba's we had our lunch while travelling...there was hardly anything happy abt it. Food was pathetic n so was the service. We left feeling anything but happy. Talk abt ironies ha....

useless said...

man....had been waitin desperately for ur post..and now u come....
abhi's back..is the common cry..
it feels gud to read ur posts....
btw..hotel hilarious must hav been really hilarios i guess...
anywyz..mayb u cud tell abt the last deleted post..
anywyz..welcome bak!!

nobody said...

yahoooooooooooooo u r back!! my neighbors wont give me the laddoos back so i m pretending i didnt give it to them by celebrating ur return :D
(did that make sense?? :D )

YOU ARE BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK! :D

Anonymous said...

unimaginable man....
i never though that imagination have this sort of permission to fly...
salute to you

Anonymous said...

chalo der se hee aap wapis to aaye..nice post as usual..
dont take hasty decisions..
not every mistake is a learning..some mistakes can be corrected...but you need to be persistent for some time atleast...things are not always over even when they appear to b, at the surface..

Sayesha said...

Abbe tu zinda hai??? Phew! :D

Anonymous said...

Welcome back. Looks like you are back after ur hibernation. Good post as always.

- Karthika Kalyan

Ritu said...

this one's hillarious!!

but I feel something is missing...

Anonymous said...

Dude u really are a wonderfull writer. All of go thru days like you, but getting 'em down in text with mindblowingly humorous corelations to other things takes a genius!
You are not just another IIMite. You are a saint. A BABA. Just by the sight of your textual preaching & factual realities of life every contemprary young guy faces , you make things turn around. The day goes well & the work seems fun!
Thanx a ton BABAji...
May you write more & regularly update your preachings, i mean posts!!
-UT

Anonymous said...

thank u.

divya said...

uff thank god ur back. i need to talk to u yaar

Bharat Jhurani said...

Do u need a hilarious hotel 2 laugh??? U hav such n awesome sense of humour...

Anonymous said...

Welcome back! :) Loved your post! But you must've been really emotionally distressed to have downloaded bappi lahiri music man!

Aashun said...

welcome back! Junta is happy seeing you back.

chipmunk said...

Yaay! I guess the break did some good, finally I see a post thats all fresh and renewed...yup phoenix hi jaise kuch...! am glad :D

Ummm i think 2 things for that hollow feeling inspite of having everything in the world and yet not feel at home feeling...1. prolly its just human nature - we wont realize what weve got till we actually lose it - the reason being that we dont know what weve got

2. perhaps its just coz our lifes not planned and rigorously worked upon as some ppl's is. Shayad going with the flow and accepting everything as it comes is the culprit here... lack of adventure and decisions to take risks is just about non existant, and not takin up the responsibility to live our life on our own terms and rather be "footballed" between kaam-ghar-kaam-ghar-kaam-aur kaam feels like a bummer...

life after grad school is not the one we know or have ever imagined ...isiliye adjust karne ke liye time to lagna hi hai...i guess woh kya kahte hain, "Hum thoray se bokhla jaatey hain" in this phase in life..and then to add insult to injury is that we feel all alone, bitterly alone... never realizing for a sec ki, millions like us in the same age bracket are going thru the same shit...

aur phir aise empty thoughts ko depression ke pehle symptoms kahein ya phir"tryin to come to terms with reality" kahein?... pata nahi...

hope u continue writin with this renewed outlook and dont go dhhoos all over again after a while...stay afloat, rab rakha!

Phaniendra said...

Beginning of the post looks similar.....

one from the 5% janta said...

Lolz
Nothing can marr you spirit..way to go...

William said...

dude I have been an avid reader of ur blog for the last few months and I must say its the best hav come across.

Ya and I understand kerala can be a yay-yak place sutimes for north indians, but tats kerala for u dude..I too felt the same thing when I came north frm kerla but u will get used to tat...

way to go dude, dont get dampen by life.

William said...

dude I have been an avid reader of ur blog for the last few months and I must say its the best hav come across.

Ya and I understand kerala can be a yay-yak place sutimes for north indians, but tats kerala for u dude..I too felt the same thing when I came north frm kerla but u will get used to tat...

way to go dude, dont get dampen by life.

anon_iitian said...

i can relate to things even better.
since i happen to be in the same industry...and doing similiar things as you...

so its more fun every post for me

ak

Niedhie said...

Hi Soul!

Good to read you after a long time! You rock as ever... I too have been very busy all these days, likhna to chhoot hi gaya hai.

And enjoy being with yourself, start loving yourself more than ever and you will feel at home!

Anyways, keep posting!

syrals said...

hey glad to see your post coming in again. I was wondering what had happened.

Your post kind of lightened the tensed moment I had today and made me laugh a lot!

:)
-Rani

ketki said...

i think u really have gr8 life
anyway, it was nice reading a new post after a lllllooooonnnnngggg time!

ketki said...

and yes, why did u delete the previous post?

Anonymous said...

munnubhai,
good to see u back. it was a "hillarious" post ;)
hope u will be free from work soon so that u can blog more. :)

shri ram charith said...

hallo saar...wat hppnd.deleted orkut account..left ur mobile.donno where...wat hppnd...y this isolation all of a sudden..plzz..repli..plzz...howz life?...and wat bout tat SOMEONE u met..remember..i wanted 2 ask u ?wat hppnd?

Anonymous said...

dont wanna talk to me then dont..atleast have some guts to say this on my face...

anyways..i wish u all the best on your life..may you get everything you want..

God bless u !!

you know very well who i am and dont wanna make u feel embarrassed infront of your fan. tc

nidhiinsearch.blogspot.com said...

zinda hain ?

nidhiinsearch.blogspot.com said...

zinda hain ?

Zee said...

49 comments in 2 days of putting up your blog! shows how much we all missed you......welcome back!

Strider said...

welcome back!!

Vaibhav Jain said...

Gr8 Boss!

raven said...

welcome back dude! i can see life playing games with you... but hows the company treating you? any chances of moving outta tha mallu land?

Anonymous said...

Its grand that in this "voyage of life" you have RE-DISCOVERED yourself. And that is the purpose of life which you were always hunting for & kept mentioning in your blogs. Variety in experiences help you in understanding the worth & worthlessness of different aspects of this journey. You are capable of recreating and redefining yourself in every experience. Keep up the great search.Life is always beautiful ; we only see our own reflection in whatever we go through here. Include me in the long list of your admirers......best wishes to you munnu

kay said...

hey, i have never been a commentor on ur blog, but i have been more or less been a loyal "occasional" reader and have trully enjoyed reading ur blogs.will keep on reading in the future..:)

Bullshee said...

hey you said:"Dude , I was having a day belonging to a horror movie.angry boss , huge traffic , angry girls , I had it all to qualify as a troubled guy.Then I read this blog and I am happy and bubbly ! Thanks .
"
coming from The Abhinav jain of blogspot fame....Leaves me happy and bubbly myself!!
Cheers!

Anonymous said...

Dude,
Ask your folks to stay with u for sometime, U will feel better

Take Care
~Dudette

Sumit said...

babblo bhai .. journey pe chalte chal ..

aur dec mein milte hain ..

aur haan .. tune mudde ki baat sahi chhupayi :)

flaashgordon said...

Hey
I actually saw a "Hillarious Chit funds" at Calicut Bus stand once !!

am a recent reader- tho' been bloggin for quite a long time now -Do keep writing man..Really awesome writing...completed readin all ur past blogs

Keep rising like a porcupine.

do check out my blog too..its the genre as urs

cheers
flaash

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maverick said...

if u keep rising like a porcupine or watever, tht means ur still alive..

Satya said...

hey.. i do not comment on blogs usually. i do read yours and sunshine's blogs. both are very different. But enjoy both throughly. What I want to say is, do not bother about things. They will happen when they have to. Till then enjoy your solitaire and try and get work done in between. :). The emptiness keeps coming and going.

Satya.

Prerna Gupta said...

yay! ur back!! i'm sure your life is going somewhere great. no need to know exactly where just at the moment, you know? don't worry about whether it's going somewhere or where or how. just keep doing what you want and stay happy. rest will all work out. you have that special spark of someone who will do great things in life. and that's obvious since you are already famous ;)

send me an email sometime, just to reconnect. don't worry about the stuff we discussed before.

btw, i'll be in delhi in december. would love to see you...

OrganizedChaos said...

Welcome back!!!!

Life Lover said...

yay!!! you are back *wide smile*
keep blogging

Anonymous said...

namsakaaaaar....sahee dude.....
lage raho

Anonymous said...

Hey Abhi..Welcome back..I have faced same emptiness after a couple of years of wrk too...& I believe & that's just my opinion...we need someone really close to share our life with other wise the life becomes realy empty & if we just stick with go office-come home-sleep-think & analyse bout things-blog-sleep-go office again routine life has no meaning...reach out to more people, do some social service (it's not as boring as it sounds), learn more abour yourself, ur emotions and life and be generally more useful to society at large. U'll find urself then & the meaning of the emptiness. One such organisation which will help U find the answers U seek is Art of Living. Enjoi Buddy!! - Ashwani

Anonymous said...

I don't really see what all the fan following is about. You seem to have a lot of people "awed by your writing skills", some even checking for new posts on your blog more frequently than their emails. But for all the fanfare, your post seems to make little sense. You start off saying that you are back after a long time, talk of guilt pangs and intense soul searching about breaking a promise, then talk of K, then your job and "Hotel Hilarious", and finally some overly cliched lines about walking the road without knowing the destination. I mean, come on. Could be be any more cliched when you say that maybe you just have to take each day as it comes? There is no continuity in your blog, no flow of thought, no message getting across.

And it is Lymphosarcoma. Not Limfoircoma.

Anonymous said...

hey Abhi,
must say you have a very good sense of humor....n u seem to be a kool headed guy...
n abt the promise if tatz wat is makin u hollow it doesnt matter coz no ones perfect...
somethin says ul definitely make it big in life:) take care nice write upz.....

just_a_girl said...

Hillarious guest house!! Hahahaa!!! :):)

Ravish said...

Limphocircoma of intestine...babu moshai...u need a doctor immediately...but as anand said,"Zindagi aur Maut Upar wale ke haath hai Jahan Panah ...
Hum Sab to rang Manch ki Katputliyan hai...
Kaun Kab Kaise Uthega...
Yeh Koi nahin Jaanta.. Ha HA HA HA..."...god has choosen you to live and give a reason to other to smile...have become a big fan of urs...keep it up brother...u rock...!

pushkar said...

hehe, very funny....but I think you are working too hard - 0.5% + 95% < 100 %...baki 4.5% kya kar rahe they ?

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