Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Tanhayeeeeeeee Tanhayeeeeeeeee

Abhi iss foto ko dekh kar life mein tension mat lo , aage padne pe samajh ayega aapko ki iss foto ka iss post se kitna gehra taal-lukk hain melordddd


Abhi kuch der pehle , as I was practicing my moves to "Crazy Kiya Re" ( Arre shaadi aa rahee hai bhai , piraktice naahi karenge tho thumka kaise maarenge ) , one of my old friends buzzed me on Gtalk . Now , when I say old , it does not mean that he was born before the steam engine was invented , but I had not talked to him over the last atleast two years. So overcome by jazbaat and emotions , we talked about old school days , the teachers , the lady teachers , the kashmir mudda , undergarment industry of Japaaan and other such heart warming issues ( A lot of issues and topics have been beeped out . Bahu betiyan bhee padti hai na yeh blog.).

We talked for about forty minutes . I could have talked more but then his dad is not yet into smuggling charas/brown sugar/garam masala and he very clearly said "Chal saale.Ab fone rakhne de.Isse jyada baat kari tho pappa meri khaal utaar ke dubai mein bech denge." Not very pleased with the thought of my friend's skin being sold in some flea market in Dubai with a stallwaala yelling "Indian khaal Indian Khaal , sirf teen rupye per square metre , le jao le jao", I agreed .

But long after I kept down the phone , one question which he casually posed to me during the conversation kept goonjing in my ears -

" Yaar Abhi , tera jaisa banda akela reh kaise sakta hain ? Tujhe dekh kar tho lagta hai jaise tune paida hote hee nurse se gappe maarna shuru kar dia tha..tu akela rehta kaise hai kerala mein ?"

Now , the guy does have a point . Aaj main mika ke baalon ki kasam khaake admit karta hoon that it has not been an easy time for me in Kerala over the last nine months ( Ek tho yeh nine months bada hee khatarnaak time frame hota hain , sunte hee mind mein bacche ke rone ki awaaz aane lagtee hain ). The boy who landed in Kerala on the 20th of June 2006 was possesed of nothing more than seven minutes of cumulative experince in the kitchen , had ironed a total of three shirts , seven chaddis and one handkerchief in the 24 years 8 months of his life , had no sense of a biological clock and did not know how a man in a lungi looks like.

And today , on the kaali amaavas ki raat of 21st Farvareee 2007 , I can proudly smirk and claim to be a man who can prepare maggi , sandwiches , neembu paani and an occasional thick brown liquid which I call coffee . Mujhe pata hain aap mein se kuch kaafi shakki mizaaz ke hain , unke liye maggi ki foto bhee chipka bhee dee hain .bilaady disbelievers.And I have ironed enough baniyans , shirts ,trousers , chaddis and other chote chote kapde to get a wildcard entry into the All India Dhobi Association of Kerala . And now I know how a dark wiry malayali man looks wearing a lungi which is threateningly high and revealing . And trust me , that is one sight you don't want to know about .

I have been staying in all alone in an ajnabee shehar , in a land where I am thousands of miles away from a single soul who actually cares , in a place where I am no more than a north indian novelty who speaks gibberish . And if all this has taught me one thing , it is this - Do not take the 'saath' of your family for granted . Yeh jo aapke ma , daddy , bhai , behan hai na , inn logo ka saath ek saaye ki tarah hota hain , jiska ehsaas tabhi hota hai jab aap dhoop mein nikalte hain .For many of you , it would be so normal to hear your mother calling for you with a "Aao beta , khaana kha lo" . It would be so normal to watch a cricket game on the telly with your dad sitting besides you . It would be so normal to find your sister eating the last bar of chocolate in the fridge and attack her with a "drop that bar and put your hands in the air you vahshee bhooki !!! wo main khaaunga !!!".

But all this seems as precious as RBI locker ka password once you move away from home. Beta door yahan lungiyon aur sambar ke desh mein jab office se wapas ek 'kabristaan sa sunsaan' kamre mein aaoge , when no one will be around to care if you are seven minutes away from dying a maut due to starvation , when you have to watch every cricket game alone and when Dhoni hits a six , even do the little bhangra alone , then you realise what a family means .So while you are with your family , relish every moment , walk into the kitchen and try to pick up a hot aloo ka pakoda while your mommy scolds "Uff ! Thanda tho hone de ! Yeh ladka bhee na bass !" . Watch every match with your dad and argue if sachin should have left that ball outside off stump alone . Fight with your sister over every chocolate she eats . Because kya pata , kal ho na ho .( Uee ma , karan johar mujhe sue karne aa raha hain , bachao ).

But some good things have also popped out of this tanhayi tanhayi ki mp3 which has been playing in my life over the last nine months . Umm..like I have read more books than I ever had . The most intelligent piece of literature I had read before coming to Kerala was "Super Commando Dhruv aur Pratishod ki Jwala" . ( It was the one where "Grandmaster Robo" kills Dhruv's mom and dad when they strayed in Robo's garden playing chupan chupai , which in turn , forced Dhruv to turn into a "Super Commando" from a nanha munna boy who used to watch Pogo all day ).But now I have read books which involve more than parental murders and revengeful kids . Also , I have learnt to be comfortable with myself . I can spend 120 years in a dark dungeon locked up all alone now , although the company of Sushmita Sen would not be a problem . And I have learnt to eat stuff which is called "Mutter Paneer" but looks more like Fried Ostrich balls ( Eyeballs , you insensitive animal hater ) floating in the blood of Jackie Shroff . ( You dont believe me ? Theek hai , iss mutter paneer ki bhi foto chipkaaunga agle blog mein ).

Anyway , chalo mere gol matol desh wasiyon , main ab apna pallu tuck in karke wapas "Crazy Kiya Re" ki dance moves practice karta hoon . Yeh blog tho maine apne personal "Nach Baliye" ke commerical break mein hee likh diya . So all righttttt..3..2..1....Crazy kiya re aha aha..:p

51 comments:

PritS said...

Crazy and funny as usual.
Living on your own is good fun.
Add to it a new place, it becomes an experience of lifetime.

Xpressions said...

Crazy hua re...for getting silver out here!! today must be a lucky day for me.....

I am from Kerala...& i luv Cochin...Its more than lungi clad guys & u also get good food in all decent hotels....

Bullshee said...

top three.......not bad at all.....seems you hav a mallu phase going on....

Anonymous said...

gud as usual...

Anonymous said...

good one.. forced me to think.. while i was laughing out loud...

Anonymous said...

COE: COOL AS EVER

Spiritual_Flame said...

hi...
I am regular reader of ur blogs. Your blogs are fantastic...commenting first time..as usually i read blog when number of comments are already in 70's.. SO today leaving a comment before reading ur blog. it wil be superb...congrats on finding ur aish...

whoelsebutme said...

hey...cant believe m in the first ten...good post abhi..keep them coming!

Santosh said...

achha likthe ho!! bahut baar padha hai tumhara chitha aur padh kar babhtu hasta bhi hu. magar eik baat bolunga jindgi mai kuch pane ke liye kuch khona padta hai. jaise tumhe naukri mili magar mummy papa se dur. yaar meri halat to tumse bhi kharab hai. its more than 12 years since i am away from home. saal mai eik ya do baar ghar ja pata hu.. wasie very funny blog.

Let me tell u something more. u have progressd really well. at least u know how to cook, iron cloths.. i am yet to know that.. never took gas conection because of that.

Thisisme said...

hehehe...this was really funny!!

U write v well..too cool :)):))

and yea..ghar se durr rehne ka gham humme bhi pata hai :(..but ab aapki toh shaadi hone wali hai..so fir kahey ka tension ;) ;)

Bharat Jhurani said...

awesome.. as usual..
Dude, Can there ever b a bad post from u.. jus 4 the record sake u know..
Diversifying the portfolio...

Vamsi said...

awesome dude..! Best post for quite some time nw... :))

so..when u comin out of that mallu land?? :p

Sudipta Chatterjee said...

Haa sir... sahi kaha. Cheez rehte unka value samajh mein nahi aata hai :) Gharwaalon se dur rehne ki life to bhai... jo raha hai wahi jaane

Santosh said...

By the way the post was written and posted on 20th of Feb 2007. but i dont know y are u using the date 21st of feb that is today...

Anonymous said...

Hey Abhi,

Congrats for getting married.

O have being reading your blogs from very long time but never posted any comments.

All the very best for future.
Take Care
Aru

Ravish said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ravish said...

I just want to say,"I love..........................................................................................................................................................................
...reading ur blog...".....U rock...and readers also rock the chairs or anything they have put it on....with the guffaws while reading ur poshts....

Somya said...

wow munnu chala aishwarya ban ne...crazy post you'ave written...good to read that thanks to Kerala u'ave done some homework b4 ur marriage in things other than dancing.

cardamom said...

hehe to aisa laga jaise nostalgia ke tel me fry kiyaa hua tanhaayee ka pakodaa khaa rahaa huu...saath me nariyal chutney bhi hai.. kozhikode special...

maggi waalo ko Noble peace prize dena chahiye...kitne singles ka pate paala hai inhone..*sniff* *sniff*....ek baar mere saath achee tragedy huyee...packet khola maggi ka to andar masaale ka pouch hi nahee tha..:O

akshara said...

So brilliant I sent link to may family - see, your blog is bringing us closer together!

Anshul Agrawal said...

Serioulsy your blog ne "Crazy Kiya Re..."

This one forced me to remember my family. I njoied reading this n wasn't able to control my laughter....

rishi said...

Abhi Bhai ko adaab,

Hum bhi akele reh rahe hain 2 saal se aur aapto gas pe kuch paka bhi lete hain, yahan to heater se hi gujara chal raha hai jispe maggie banane main bhi 20 min lagte hain, par akele rehne par aadmi bahut si cheezon ki ahmiyat samajh jata hai, well aap toh waise bhi kisi ke mr. hone wale hain tanhayee toh duur ho jayegi bhale zindagi ka shore badh jayega.

cardamom said...

btw Gtalk se phone par kaise aa gaye aap friend se baat karte karte..:P

ek baar post kaa wo wala portion padhna..:)

jeet said...

Hilarious dude...Why so sad? Loneliness brings out the worse in people but after reading this post i dont think you are at that stage yet. When family is around, every kid wishes they would go away and let you be..
atleast you are in the same country as ur rents..
me, same country to chodho not even same continent..ooo ka kahat hai 'saat samundar paar' batua

listening to tanhayee ( I am guessin from Dil Chahta hai).

rt said...

simply hilaious..
cardamom pointed out wat i was thinkin'..
see we read ur blog with our thinking glasses on ;)

O said...

nice one..

Sirius Black said...

congs dude 4 ur marrg :P shockers shd b the name of this blog now ;)

Sirius Black said...

ohh nd btw try the songs "kuch is tarah" and "Jalpari" by atif aslam ;) they r good
http://www.pakimp3.org/PakistaniMusic/Atif%20Aslam%20-%20Doorie/Atif%20Aslam%20-%20Kuch%20Is%20Tarah.html
http://www.apniisp.com/songs/pakistani-singles/2/1.html

mini'mum' said...

~laughs~..cool post

'gol matol desh wasiyon'..nayy:P.. only 16% indians r overweight as compared to 74% americans;)..long way to go:P

"like I have read more books than I ever had "..~disbelief~.. which ones!? (and u still owe me a book!;) )

ur culinary skills are better than mine.. so when am i gettin that dinner invitation?

~smiles~.. i didn't expect a new post so early!.. loved it :)

and being alone is not that bad.. you gonna value ur family n frnds more now :P

The Pirate said...

too muchh ;) ...

Nipun said...

Have you noticed that the number of comments per post has come down drastically since you announced your marriage plans..

bechaari female fans ka dil tod diya tune yaar .. :P

Anonymous said...

Simply aawsommeee!!!!

Anonymous said...

tumne galat likha hai..
Super Commando Dhruv aur pratishodh ki jwala main grandmaster robo nahi..koi dusre circus ka jubisko naam ka banda dhruv ke "parents" ko maarta hai unka circus jalake
itne saalo se raj comics padhke bhi yeh yaad nahi...chhi chhi :P

anshuman
anshuman.iit@gmail.com

shitij said...

Hi man,

Good to find that u still blog...cause most of the people whom I used to know left blogging.

Keep up the creative work.

Regards,
Shitij

Anonymous said...

Hey come down from the "North Indian" mantle man!! Stinks of chauvinism..

itchingtowrite said...

Bahu betiyan bhee padti hai na yeh blog.)... haa haa made me laugh
1st time here. i agree the dangerously revealing height of the lungis in south. dare not look down!! came in thru cardamom's blog. office ka kaam neglect kar ke i am reading ur posts

Anonymous said...

hey dude!
you have an awesome sense of humor!
very nicely written !

Venkat said...

New reader of ur blog. awesome--looking forward to frequent ur page and increase ur already high site cout

Zee said...

tumhari maggi white kyon lag rahi hai? masala nahin dala kya? kya khilaoge biwi ko?

Hariom Sharma said...

I've couple of ur blogs and laughed couple of times with my stomach out. Thanks for all that.

True, cherish the moments with the family. But staying alone is one of the biggest blessing at the same time. You are there always for you.

Once you get married, you will not be getting time to be with yourself quite often.
Its personal exp, brother. Enjoy every moment, kal kisne dekha hai.

gundeep said...

u are good bro....n all the best with 'crazy kiya re'....hope it works out for ya

Anonymous said...

awesome writing man....as usual very funny on outside but pushes a deep thinking inside....quite creative and I lile your instant innovation...carry on...would like you to write more frequently....

Anonymous said...

staying alone is bitter exp. in life...that's why it is a lifetime exp....Loneniness gives you something different which you can cherish at later point of time when you will be with your wife......you will discover living alone is a blessing....

sumit. said...

absolutely awesome ....if we would have to give a nobel prize in humor...it is you to whom it should be given ...realy lively n humorous. i think you must try writting a book or novel.

Sandeep said...

Look you didn't sent me an invite... but I managed to read your blog still nice han...

awanti said...

Hey....Superb stuff..U have an amazing sense of narration..filled with loads of humour...Keep it up!!!

augustya said...

hi abhi aka munnu

awesome as usual

i experienced some of the same feelings when i was away from home(delhi), working in bangalore

now i am in the us..doing my masters & miss home even more

this may sound a little senti & philosophical ...but it seems we are always running after things we dont have, and then, we start missing & longing for, things we originally have, but now dont.

Anyways, i am missing my parents alot, after reading this

thanks a ton buddy

keep up the gr8 work

cheers
ashish

p.s. are u really getting married ?

if yes, my congrats to u & bhabhiji :D
( no i am not surprised u found the girl of ur dreams.....just that
with your style of writing, one can never be sure whether u r serious / joking)

And i can understand, why u didnt send an invite on the blog for the wedding ...
Judging by the no. of comments left on the blog, even if 1% of all the readers of this blog decided to turn up, teri shaadi, ke liye ek-do stadium book karne padenge :D

ALL THE BEST

neo said...

Nice post. The one para where you describe the scene of returning to home and stare at loneliness steals the show.

BTW, the Dhruva trivia is wrong. I was wondering whether someone in the 47 comments already on this post had corrected it. Thankfully, Anshuman has already done the honors. :)

Elf said...

A frnd forwarded ur blog to me...you write really well! Your snippets on gharwale being the saya was beautiful! Having been away from my family for so long, even I so often wish I had done more of that...

Smile said...

Its the first day i'm reading any blog.. And almost read 5 blogs of yours.. N all are amazin.. Especially Tanhaiyeee....
I hope n try to spent my tanhayee with books n smile :)

lavender tulips said...

I've been living away from my family since 2003. Wowzer! That's a long long time!
This post really hit close to home with me! I miss my ma & my baby brother so much! Who's now so so so much bigger! =) Family is definately the most important thing in life! I would kill for them & I know they'd do the same for me!