Thursday, April 19, 2007

Karate that Racist Dog !

What would you do if after a tiring day of minimizing solitaire windows and installing yahoo messenger at office , you get back home at 8.30 in the night , ring the doorbell of your apartment , and the apartment caretaker ( who , by the way , is a mallu . Racist me.) answers the door with an expression which is on the lines of ‘hai-mai-lut-gayi-barbaad-ho-gai’ and says..

“Saar..TV..speak..go.”

If you are a 6’3” broad shouldered north Indian ‘tired-after-office’ guy , you yell “What the duck are you trying to say?” , and without waiting for the answer , smash his nose with your laptop case just like Sunny Deol , and walk in as he lies on the floor clutching his nose and screaming ‘aiyyoo’.

However , since I am almost as tall as a sitting Rani Mukherjee , I chose to murmur a “Eh..ok..that’s wonderful” and walked in without any bloodshed when I faced this situation this evening . Soon I discovered that what my profoundly verbose caretaker was trying to say was that the sound in my TV had conked off. Now I am real good at lip reading , but just could not do it as well as I would have liked when I tried to watch what the judges on American idol were trying to say during the four minutes I tried watching the TV without its voice , so I decided to get back to good ol’ racist blogging tonight.

Now , lately , a lot of people have been pretty angry with me on this blog , accusing me of being racist . People have quoted clippets from Indian Penal codes supposed to make me go “Mommy!I don’t wanna go to jail” . Comment after comment has labeled me a jerk as insensitive as a paralysed elbow . Little pink Kids all over North East are being trained in Judo to grow up and take revenge from the racist and wicked blogger Abhi. ( See , with such sarcastic statements , I still can’t stop being wicked ).

Now , initially , I was amused . I was mesmerized by the innate ability of people to dig out a national issue out of a blog post .I mean , I was like “Wow. When were these guys born ? During some riots ?”.I was like “These dudes are really concerned about this country , such passioned emotions about four lines on a web page ?”.And to be honest , I still am . I mean , honestly , it takes a huge amount of passion , vocabulary and free time to write such focused comments , dissecting me , my sexuality , my sense of belonging to this nation , and my significant contribution to the scum of this country .But somewhere , a little bit of irritation took me over too . I mean , it’s not everyday work for me to be blasted apart on a public forum.And then , sometimes I don’t think clearly ,like when faced with such disparaging remarks after a hard day at office. So during one such moment , I allowed myself to get irritated over this .

But now , after eating a full dinner of a steaming bowl of Maggi ( and watching four minutes of soundless American Idol ) ,as I sit on my bed , with the ipod crooning a dreamy lucky ali’s voice in my ears , I know it was my fault . It was my fault because I expected people would not judge me .I expected perfect strangers to see the world the way I see it. I expected some unknown guy I would never meet to keep aside his self-importance for a little while , for over the three years I have been writing this blog , I have laughed at the cost of myself , my as-high-as-a-side-stool height , my as-low-as-Amrita-Rao’s-neckline grades , my as-outdated-as-a-fossil cellphone , my as-crashed-as-a-MIG 27 relationships , my as-twisted-as-a-roller coaster life. And in writing this blog over the last three years ,from a lazy engineering student to a more lazy manager , I learnt to laugh at myself , but perhaps , I forgot that people still judge me here . I forgot that people judge my words, they judge me . Now I can’t change the attitude of anyone who reads my blog , hell , I have trouble changing my socks ( I have been wearing the same pair to office over the last three days ) , forget a person . But still , all I ask you , is to lighten up . Life is too important to be taken so seriously.

Now before anyone screams “He is still so racist , bring out that Indian Penal code book please ! ” , let me log off now , wait for “She hates me” ( Kinda situational , isn’t it ?) on the ipod to finish off , and then watch reruns of Friends on the laptop . Much better trying to lip read what that black judge on American Idol was saying . Oh shucks , did I say ‘black guy’ ? Am I into apartheid now ?

Ps - Anyone working with TOI/HT/NDTV/any of media houses ? Need some help for a friend .Please mail me. Do not worry , mailing a racist isn't a legal offence.

57 comments:

Anonymous said...

too rude!!!!

divs said...

too good!

The Pirate said...

ki fark painda hai munnu bhai, why take such load yaar, not the first time this is happening ;) ... itna senti nahi hone ka ;)) ... chalta hai sab .. haha

aur sunao baaki kya haal chaal ? ... hahaha

Anonymous said...

too good...

Garam Bheja Fry said...

@ Ano-nee-mus :D

isne C++ me koi code likha hai iss blog ke refresh button ko loop me daal ke...jaise hi post likha ki comment chhapis!! :D

chadda saab !! ye huyee na baat...ab koi kuchh bol ke to dikhaaye..shaolin temple me aarti utaar dunga uski.. tu bindaas dilli pahuch aur paraathe khaa..maggi bhi khaaliyo bhala ho jaayega inka..

Garam Bheja Fry said...

arey 1st comment waale anonymous ki baat kar raha hu..

sab anonymous bhaai ek saath aa gaye :D

Himank said...

Well couldnt agree with you more dont understand why people cant have a life of their own why do ppl hav to have an opinion of everything and just let other ppl leave their life as they wish... but you just continue writing coz there are 100s of fans of the great ABHI....

Udham Singh said...

chill maar yaar... puri duniya agar ek hi dhun mein chalne lagi to bhagwan ko kaun poochega.. isliye har jagah do do opinions hain.. jyada bada lappa ho gaya..
You are a great writer man. don't let some idiots tensionize you. (Did I tell you I failed in english X) :)

Anonymous said...

yahoooooooo... moi in top 10. now lemme read the blog..
------deepako-------

Anonymous said...

Munnu bhai,
nice post yaar... u kicked some serious a$$
u r true to urself abhi, u need not care about the fools who call u rascist in ur blog. keep blogging... as himank says there are 100s of fans for gr8 abhi, if not 1000s...
@ garam bheja fry : all anonymous are not bad ppl :)
--------deepako--------

Anonymous said...

:) The essence of blogging is for letting out personal thoughts not maintaining a journal...which lots of them seem to have forgotten. Nice to see you having stood up the way you have...no point giving into their comments and changing yourself.

Ramya

Bhoot said...

Nice Read. I suppose you are the same guy who had some trouble with the coffee machine at ITC.

Anilz said...

Munnu bhai kaheko tension leneka ... And for the ppl who tag others as racist ... bhai koi party join karo lo ...do smething gud for country .... u have a gr8 political future ahead of u .... Why do u peek into others personal views and use u r full fledged english vocabulary ....

Anonymous said...

love u.

Ravish said...

"She fcuking hates me" is a nice song...and enjoy maadi...joi bhi likha hai likho...kya farak padta hai...

aur karate classes to aap aur hum bhi join kar sakte hai...poori fight do jaegi...

Cheers

Mudra said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mudra said...

Lol... why bother? If someone doesn't know you, your life, your ideas... he has no right to judge you. And if he DOES judge you, that just shows how narrow-minded he is being.

Love your similes (as-high-as-a-stool height et al)... cheers!

[I removed the last comment because it had a spelling error. Yes, I'm nitpicky. :)]

Mudra said...

Didn't know what all the fuss was about because I hadn't visited the comments section... just did.

I don't understand why people take themselves so seriously!! :) As Indians, we are so diverse geographically, culturally and lingually (is that a word?) that every community has its own peculiarities and crazy stuff... laugh at it man!! Those peculiarities are what make us so unique and lovable! And no one is suggesting that EVERY person of a particular community follows a set pattern of personality traits... sheesh! Lighten up, people!

Somya said...

Awesome post...I would have loved to give u a booker for this post. There r certain ppl who judge every single thing I think best way to deal wid them is to ignore them completely n to stay cool. U enjoy ur maggi:-)

The Girl Who Sold The World said...

Hahaha, kickass! I've been visiting this blog twice everyday since that racism jazz and was waiting for another post as a sort of reply. This one was too good! Sure, you might not be 6'3" tall and you haven't punched the cry babies physically but this was way better than a real ghoonsa on the nose. And you wouldn't even be sent to jail for that. Cheers. :P

PS: In my college, a few kids have found this special deo for stinking socks. Try looking for it there. Very useful. You don't need to change your socks for over a week. :P

Anonymous said...

Great ! as usual. May your blog writing never stop........All the best for everything.

XioniX said...

Too good man... mooh tod jawaab diya... I cant think of any better way you could have put it up.

There is something about taking the high road that doesnt come to all of us. Very few traverse it, and very special these few are...

Keep it up man... lookin forward to lots more entertainig stuff.. :)

arpana said...

:)

Thisisme said...

arre amazing dude!!
mast jawaab diya hai..logon ki bolti-ich band kar di!! yeh hui na baat :D
n ek baat meinu samajh nahi aati..jab wah-wah karna ho toh naam ke saath comment maarte hai..gaali dena hai toh anon banke :P woh kya kehte hai..'baazu mein dum nahi, par hum kisi se kam nahi' :D:D:D bas itna hi dum hai inmein :P:P
tum apni bloggin jaari rakho n dil khol ke likho!let all the sunny deols, mohanlals, bruce lees et all read n enjoy it :D:D:D:D

@garambhejafry
woh c++ wala joke mast hai :))

Anonymous said...

ha ha...thats the Abhi as we know him. Good job. :)

PS: I really didn't like your previous post (racist waala ;)) and I wudn't mind to say that unlike some of ur chelas & (choicest expletives) like mudra, xionix and others who make a point to lap up each and every post of yours.

Mudra said...

@anon: Read my comment again. It's about the situation, not the previous post. I haven't said anything about the previous post.

mac said...

:)..

Anonymous said...

you are ducking good man!

rohit kaul said...

bolne de yaar... gaane sun yaar... maggi kha yaar... and nice reply too...aur abb sab log bas karo yaar.

pr:dtam said...

dont worry, my dad works in Doordarshan...central govt aapke saath hai :P

pr:Dtam... said...

lage raho!!

Nidhi2Abhi said...

Abhi...I don't know u well...but what I know of u....u write for urself...and if ppl read it..or read too much into it ..its there problem..

I can say that specially because u r the kind who wud get the maximum laugh laughing at urself...and someone who can do that can never really be mean..

ur ideas and ur observations are absolutely welcome...ppl who judge ur post in isolation...'speak...go', mute them

cheerios !!

Deepali said...

:)

aMyth said...

to the point. well said :)

ketki said...

well.......
why dont you look at the comments once again?
the are good ones too!
and if it comes to changing people's attitude,
well, yes you did change mine!

Anshuman said...

awesome post dude...hu needs to learn martial arts wen u can punch everyone into silence with such a gr8 post.
aur load mat lo..dont let some stupid comments made by some "stupider" people bother u..we all luv u for wat u r
keep writing such "ducking" gud posts :)

Surya Ragunaathan said...

I watched Bheja fry yesterday...ya jhakkas movie hai...Must watch...

vaise mujhe tere post se zyada tere caretaker ka line achha lagaa...cho cute! hahaha!

Aparna Kar said...

Chill!
If you have a way with words and people listen to you, you will be forced to write "politically correct" things.
But people who seem to have been following your posts for years now don't seem to understand -it's all in clean mirth.
If they want serious discussions- they can go and visit some other space.

People will be offended by what you say. You can't help it. Keep posting.
You write ducking well ! And you know it

Prashant said...

might be of some help.... raj.prashant@gmail.com ....work for one of the media houses

Zee said...

i can't believe you've wasted mindspace and energy thinking and writing about some 5 out of the 100s of people, if not more, who read ur blog and get a laugh out of it! ignore them......

Sandeep said...

Guru from the Guru Movie "Jb log apke bare me bolne lag jaye to samjho tarikki kar rahe ho"

Keep up the good work. When I am the best I give a damn to this world. You follow that too.

Chaos said...

I swear people do have tons of time in the world to judge all the others in the world [:D]....

light le yaar, yahan log richard gere ji ko to nahin chhodte, to phir aap to RK Laxman ke common man ho.......aapko kaise bakshenge.......lolzzz.

anyways, good that you got over that irritation quickly buddy. it was natural for you to be irritated. but good that you let it pass over.

by the way kaunsa maggi khaya tumne, normal vaala ya aata vaala? [:D]...just curious.

Sudhir said...

Good post yaar. After a long time I came to your blog, last few months to go at school. Enjoy life buddy. :)

Abhishek said...

too much!!!!

barbi said...

a typical softie..
just no time for anything.
forget the morning jog, the late night movie, the breakfast, an evening date.

at least you have maggi..

Perceptive girl said...

that was a really good one! lol. n yea, why bother about some idiots who have so much free time they create tension othr ppl's lives and to dedicate one whole long paragraph on "them!" ??

anyways, chill.
sigh.. i wana have an iPod too.. kitna kamana baaki hai! hmm..

see u!
keep writing!

Swati said...

hi! visited ur blog for the first time. must say i like the way u express urself (keep aside the content bit). its simple n humorous. keep writin'...

cheers!!

d_tox_ed said...

This is actually the first time I'm commenting on your blog. Was far too busy reading what you've written all these days. In words like yours, "Kader Khan ki kasam, you write well".

Actually what did motivate me to comment was the fact that you seem to be the butt of some pretty irate statements from people who don't see eye to eye with you (wonder how they see eye to eye with anybody though is a mystery....Watch Bruce Lee's eyes up close and you'll know why ;-) Just kidding.)

Anyway, all I wanted to say was, irrespective of who thinks what, I feel your blog is "VERY" humorous and a pretty pleasant break from all the stuff around. I mean I'm the kind of guy who's normal face makes people go..."tu udaas kyon hai yaar aaj??" Now if you can put a smile on that every once in a while.... Then I sure say, your blog does do a teensy weensy bit of good on this planet....be it giving me a smile which'd put Mona Lisa to shame, or be it entertaining the masses who throng to read stuff you've written. Whichever way you look at it, it's all good. So brush aside the comments, and keep writing.

Besides, there's a reason "writing" isn't spelled "righting". It needn't be true to be written :-). So blog on dude, after all, we have a right to your opinion too :)

gunj said...

was hillarious....loved every bit of it!!

sushant said...

bahot sahi

Bharat Jhurani said...

another hilarious post.. n care a damn abt the detractors.. i want my share of laughs.. keep postin...

Anonymous said...

great work... keep posting dude...

doubtingdaisy said...

this is the second time i have read your scrap!congratulations!i can't accuse you for changing over night!you are still your smarty pants best!dood!who r u trying to fool here.why do u think u r writing a blog n not a diary!cos u want to be read by other people.when u write a blog,you write to make you writings other people's business.so dont go all "oh why cant people leave me alone!" its like movie celebraties wanting privacy!seriously...your blog got me split into laughter...not cos your content was funny...but cos you were gettng away by fooling yourself and so many other people!so next time you stir a hornet's nest be prepared to be stung!

Ashutosh said...

Nice post as always.

Problem is not that u made those comments, but that u made them in a public arena. u cant simply say "if u dont like, dont read it". U r shouting in a public place, and that u have to do with some responsibility!

I really like ur blog posts and I understand that its not for me to teach u morality. In a million things u seem to be much sincere and considerate that I can ever be. But then I see comments of ur fans who r so elated that u 'kicked some serious a$$es' and I think somewhere blogs like urs r also creating a cult of "Bas-munh mein-jabaan-hai-to-jisake-baare-mein-jo-dimaag-mein-aayega, bolenge-Rok-sako-to-rok-lo".

I gather that so far u dont get if there is something wrong with ur noodle comments. Its simply that u r generalizing about some people and then making irrelevant analogies based on that. Take one thing between a group of neutral people and a another negative group and then based on that equate everything else between them. Osama wears beard, so all the bearded people are terrorist. Why there are so many bearded men in Bangalore, I am thinking of opening a bomb shop there. Ha ha. Very funny. And because I call myself 'as- short- as- a- stool' and and all that, I get the right to say everything else to anybody I get to see.

But u wont get the point because by now it has become a 'izzat ka prashn' to u. So more people write, more stubborn u will become. U will get this when u urself someday are commented upon like this- In India some riot happened. Oh u r Indian? Can I buy u some petrol bombs?

mesmerized said...

hahahahahah that is funny, talking about being racist.. check this blog out.. my office is full of racist.... people lol( we dont mean it but its the best way to laugh at someone)

www.watculture.blogspot.com....

am i buzz marketing .... no no ... i think being racist for the fun of it is kick ass ...!!

inamihajuha said...

Heyy "Life is too important to be taken so seriously." well said!!

nyways my roomi wid NDTV if u still need info!!

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