Sunday, June 03, 2007

Totally Random

The needle on the speedometer flirts with the 90 mark. The car cruises down the broad road which spreads out before me like a neatly ironed silk ribbon .Mustard fields dotted by yellow specks of flowers sway gently on either side. And I , going back to Delhi after spending five days in Ludhiana, sprawl on the back seat , watch the fields glide by , and wonder – why do senior guys in the corporate world wear suits all the time ? Though technically I should not care, because I am not one of the senior guys yet, and can attend office covered by Banana leaves ( Waise in that case , what will the people at office say on a day I look good ? Nice leaves ? ) . But I find all this suit-wearing as ridiculous as Upen Patel. All these VPs and CEOs must have ponds of sweat formed in their underwears by the time they get back to their homes.

And when I checked into the hotel I was staying in , the receptionist smiled and asked me “Would a room overlooking the swimming pool be fine , Sir ?”. I had instant visions of ladies looking strikingly similar to the Miss India contestants splashing in the water on a 24/7 basis and blurted out “Yeah sure ! I love water so much , people mistake me for a submarine !”.But all through my stay , the only things waddling around in the water were overweight uncles so hairy , three sweaters could be made out of just the chest hair of the cleanest uncle. No wonder our nation has not been able to produce any good female swimmers. No girls seem to be practicing.

And if you thought god exists, here is proof that even if he exists , he is not guiding the Indian Music Industry . One fine day, Shekhar Suman woke up , switched on the TV to catch a promo of Aap ka Suroor , and thought – “Here is a short , unshaven guy who is respected only by the member of Indian Cap Manufacturers Association and sings with a very wrong part of his body . And by god , he is a movie star now ! Given my personality , I should be playing the lead role in Spiderman 4 , but I will start with a music video for now !.” So if you haven’t caught the spectacle by now , watch out for a music video with Shekhar swaggering down a beach with a guitar , sunglasses and a girl who should be addressing him as Shekhar Chacha .

And someone should launch ‘Indian Idol chaap tissues’ urgently. You would think someone of national importance has died if you happen to watch an Indian Idol show. The hosts , ( Mini Mathur in a sleeveless dress , and some guy I don’t care about ) , would thrust a microphone in the face of a girl who has just been told her singing sounds like a noisy table fan , and Mini would ask – “Kaisa mehsoos ho raha hain ? Dukh ho raha hain ? Mummy ko kaafi ummeed thee kya ? Unhe takleef hogi ?.” I mean , what is the girl expected to say – “Bott mast mehsoos ho raha hain ! My heart is dancing like a peacock ! A million flowers bloom in my heart ! And mommy ? She is already buying carrots , she is preparing gajar ka halwa to celebrate my being kicked out ! Yay !”. If the show would have been a little more permissive , Mini would have been grabbing even the judges and shouting “Ro saale ! Warna kal se full sleeved dress pehan ke aaungi !”.

And have you ever been informed by your mother that the comments on your last post include two ‘I love you’ statements and one ‘mmuuaah’ ? My family knows about this blog , and it is their belief in charity that they are letting me stay at home after such comments . ‘I love your blog’ and ‘I love you’ are statements as different as Bappi Lahiri and Rajpal Yadav , and while one with a terrible reading taste can love my blog after reading it, one needs to know me in my entirety to love me . Nobody hates attention , but every emotion of yours is priceless , you should invest them in a deserving guy you know , not in a unknown guy who writes a blog once in fifteen days . And writes it using terrible grammar .

And I really appreciate your giving some feedback on Bingo . We marketing managers are used to being blasted . So tell me your neighbour choked on Bingo , your dog attacked a cow after being fed Bingo , your girlfriend left you after you fed her Bingo , tell me anything as long as it is honest . Because consumer feedback is an intergral component of the Iterative loop of Product improvement . I learnt the last phrase at IIM.

Chalo yaar , now I shall get back to watching the fields glide by as I cruise on this road which spread out before me like a neatly ironed silk ribbon , flanked by yellow fields on either side . The ipod plays some song called ‘Beete Lamhein’ ( From Train ? ) which sounds good. Though any other song would sound like a grammy winner once you listen to Shekhar Suman sing.

41 comments:

Arpz said...

First!
now to go read the post

Arpz said...

Truly randomly random - I agree .. but as I told ya
the 'and' should have been 'are' here -
//I love your blog’ and ‘I love you’ and statements as different as Bappi

Garam Bheja Fry said...

oye apun rajywardhan dingh rathode...silbher medal jeeta hai!!!!

acha wala comment maarunga!! ruk jaana!! [:P]

Anonymous said...

I do not read blogs that often....it was somehow jumping from one link to another link that i landed in your blog...and i must say ur writing and the way u include humour in everything u write keeps one glued to the screens till he\she finishes the complete blog........for the past few days i have been covering ur previous blogs....and i guess i have just read 40% of your blogs..and there is still more to go..............and btw m happy to be the 4th person to leave a comment for u......i saw that there is lot of competition to get that position.

Regards,
Vikas

shweta said...

errrr...!!!brrr!!can't think of nething sensible to write.hehe
shwets
p.s:u r tagged!!!

ketki said...

badly wish u should have written this post a four days ago

Chaos said...

he he he....arre yaar, jab himesh reshamiyaa apni sacchi prem kahani bana sakta hai to shekhar chacha apni bhatiji se ishq kyun nahin lada sakte.......:D....ulta pulta hai.

and well i could not comment on the last post. but i share your feelings. main jab drive karta hoon, mom literally holds her breath, even if i am crusing slower than a buffalo. yaar yeh mummy log kabhi nahin maanenge hum bacche ab bade ho gaye hain, aur seekh gaye hain cheezein ;)

Anonymous said...

I love you....mmmuuuaaaaahhh

P.S:I am a guy.

Crazy Dhakkan said...

//Nobody hates attention , but every emotion of yours is priceless , you should invest them in a deserving guy you know , not in a unknown guy who writes a blog once in fifteen days .

Well said! :-)

Abhi I have this commentor's block! :P cant think of anything to write! So more later!

Anonymous said...

Bingo ads suck!!!!!!! big-time!!!

I guess u should write the script for those ads!!
:-)

Anonymous said...

mummy key anchal sey niklo, high time u become a man and reclaim ur life.

The Soul of Alec Smart said...

Bingo rocks! But truly, the advertising could have done with some more wit rather than being so straightforward funny.Nonetheless, it'll sell :)

'jo said...

mmm........nice post as usual...goes without saying.....

Ritu said...

Shekhar Suman's album too!! sad...So did u finally got to see any Miss India contestant in the pool!?!? ;))

Zee said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
crazyBugga said...

If only Bingo ads could match ur posts... :)

Shalu said...

Oyee hoyee.. tussi toh senti ho gaye paapa jee!! Aurr saiii btaa.. Saii mei Auntie asked bout that "Love you" thing. Saaarii hai uske liye yaarr..
Aurr why it should be like that "I love your blog" and not "I love you". Arrey bhaiii if I love you toh I love you hee hoga naa..
Maybbe I dnt know you all in and out but as you have been sayin in this whole blog book.."I delibratly try to be myself". Soo I believe that while writing your heart out you are not faking.. You are writing being Abhinav, the person he is.. And I like this person and Sorry Aunti jee but I love him.
Aurr Abhinav No waste of emotions buddy !!
Kaun kehta hai ki you can love just one munda on teh earth. I toh love Hitler also ;)
Aurr ek baat btaoo.. Me frm Gurgaon and now in Noida and that time in Calcutta.
Chal Enjoy maadii !! Luv ya!

CuriousCat said...

This comment is more for your family than you abhi...I am old enough to be your mom (if I had married early enough!!):))

Thisisme said...

I havent seen the bingo ads..as i dont watch indian tv..so no feedback there :P
but ur posts r amazing n rock big time in a funny way :-) so keep posting!

Raam Pyari said...

@abhiz Mom--namaste aunty:)
@abhiz dad--namste Uncle:)
@abhiz sis--hey, how u doing?

@abhi--yaar..i have not had bingo and all[ coz of some dental work, otherwise wud have tried them ]
but I must confess the ads do not make sense:|

Ravish said...

i love u...muuuaah.

ps: I am NOT a gay.

i have read your blog which tickles...which couldn't have been the case if i'd been eating bingo while reading..;)

Fathima said...

As u asked for honest feedback on 'Bingo' adds, I am giving this.
I have been in Tamilnadu since my birth. Though one of the Bingo ads which has Tamil reference looks funny, I find it irritating at times. Its not the "always-feel-good" creating type of ad.
And other ads, dont make me remember the name "Bingo". An ad shud unconsciously enter ur mind and linger for long even after its time is over. I am not getting that effect in Bingo ads.
Moreover, sometimes it appears as a copy of "Sprite" concept at times.

kashika said...

i totally agree with u over the shekhar suman album.but every tv personality whose work is being appreciated, is trying his hands at almost everything.by doing this they become (horrible)jacks of all but sadly master of none.

Nidhi said...

Hey...started reading your blog some time back and as many others claim, I keep coming back for more :)
Well, I suggest that your blogs should be prescribed by medical practitioners as anti-depressant medicine and a health tonic. Needless to say "I LOVE UR BLOGS!!! (Well, it surely will take a lil more than just blogging ability for me to love a person) ;-)

nasia said...

Seems like you got thrashed on by your mom, after all the "I love you`s". Hmmmm...
I liked the beginning, little hatke from your general style.

Have a very big doubt, did you by anychance give the idea for the "Vaingo Poongo ad". It needn`t be the best ad around, but sure catches ones attention.. so purpose served.

And I wish Shekhar Suman Reads your blog and stops making pukish videos.

Ankit said...

Bingo's campaign is among the best one i have seen in the recent past. The buzz has been created and most of the people sounded pretty excited. I saw lots of activities being carried out in Bombay malls based on Bingo and people seemed pretty interested.

But i have a diff issue.The product in itself is a disaster i have tried 3 flavours and "mad angles" ko chhod kar nothing is worth all the hype which has been created. Especially the nimbu achar flavour chips were pathetic.
One more thing is many people dont know its an ITC product something which u can leverage....

just_a_girl said...

Hey I love the Bingo ads!! They are catchy and fun :))
But no way i am gonna ask the shopkeeper to gimme "Chatkila Nimboo aachar".. hahah!

Tasneem said...

Hi,

Just logged on to your blog for the first time... Are you the one behind the BINGO Ads? its really good & entertaining. After ages of searching the product in the supermarkets i could get hold of one. But sorry to say that it was terrible. dont know whether its the flavour i choose (i dont rememberthe flavor also :-))... We still love watching the ads though :-)with 'Lays' in our hands!!

Anonymous said...

bingo ads rock! the live wires thingy does rock with Signature, too!
~Shubho (i hope u remember me... ur dramcell junior)

prachi said...

Hi Abhi....been going thru your blog since the past 1 year, ur funny bone really works...wud have caught u on air if u cud have posted the info a day earlier, was in delhi that day...koi gal nahin, there's always a next time...keep blogging....:)

Nidhee said...

been reading your posts for a while. It was recomended pretty highly by a junior of yours.

Bingo ads are pertty bad except the vango one. I havent tried it... is it available in mumbai? havent seen it around.

Anonymous said...

THE PANEER TIKKA BINGO IS THE MOST HORRIBLE THING I HV EVER PUT IN MY MOUTH..IT TASTES LIKE PANNER WHICH HAS ROTTED IN THE SUN FOR OVER A MONTH !!
H/E THE MAD ANGLES AND MUSTARD CHIPS R VERY VERY NICE

Sowmya A said...

jus came across this blog & man, is it funny. u hv a very good style of writing abhinav, keep it up.

Plz visit my blog All good things in life & do comment whenever you find the time.

Anonymous said...

the bingo versions taste very similar to lay's and kurkure imho. the indian flavour theme for the chips is something i appreciate, though i believe u need to invest more in distinguishing the end product a fair bit more to sustain interest, and develop competitive advantage

arun

Pri said...

heyy was juss bloghopping...real cool blog i muss say ...n yess dont sue me, im complimentin ur BLOG! heehee... ;p

Jeet said...

funny as always...I would go for the "room with a view" too. But def asking for a "preview" next time.
tc

Deepali Patil said...

Just found u on another blogger's list........and i know from now onwards i am going to be a regular reader of ur blogs......u have got a great sense of humour .....do u also write for newspapers?....someone who could write so wonderfully has to be a good orater.....u shd try out stand up comedy....
luv ur writing
Deepali Patil

lavender tulips said...

But there aren't any deserving guys around! (trust me on that one...)
Hence I still stick to my previously mentioned comment- Marry me!!

ada said...

Sir, you can any time leave chetan bhagat, anurag mathur, etc miles behind you. Frankly, not trying to impress (read pataofy) you by considring u better than some celebrity authors n by calling u Sir. Giving u itni izzat n bhav only cuz u hav sensible humour wich seems as non existant as polio cases in india (not tht i wud wanna cm across a polio patient, but comparision/ simily k liye aur ki example mila nahi. Happy selling of ur Fiamma D'wills, bingo, etc.

Regards,
A Fan
(of ur blogs only)

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