Thursday, October 27, 2005

Road

Ram Gopal Verma is a kind man , so I steal the title of his movie for my title to this post. Now for the post. The day began just the same. The same wonderfully “appetite-killer” breakfast which was an insult to the hen who laid the eggs that went into its making. If that hen tasted that omelette , she would spit it out and ask the cooks, “you killed my kids to make this piece of crap ? ” . Even the newspaper was the same. Man kills wife. Woman kills husband. Then both of them kill themselves. The same old Hum Vs. Tum battle, but without the songs and the happy and safe , Saif – Rani ending.

And then I came to know that Nidhi, who is just like a sister to me, had rammed her kinetic in some kind of school bus a day before. The kids got late for their classes maybe. And the little girl landed up in a hospital. Apparently, she is relatively ok now. Some bruises and scratches . And an improved knowledge of the way the underside of a bus looks. Get well real soon , sister .

I used to have a bike when I was in my engineering college. My dad and me had made a kind of pact – “I get into an IIT. Dad buys me a bike.” I could not get into IIT. Dad still bought me a bike , though it was not presented in the “Kodak moment” manner , where dad comes up from behind and covers my eyes and asks “guess what?” and I say “bike ?!”. It was a more practical manner , where dad was like , “Ok , Ok , you bugger ! Now eat your lunch and stop slamming every door in the house.” Emotional blackmail. Harmless and effective. Try it. Girls already use it. Boys can make a start now.

So I got it , and used it for almost four years of my engineering , after which it was sold .So these days , the poor thing works hard to carry around Mr.Bhatia , Mrs.Bhatia , their kids Jaspreet -Manpreet and some particular woman from Mr.Bhatia’s office , whenever Mrs.Bhatia is not in town.

But I have never been involved in a big accident . I have driven into a vegetable cart , into a bicycle , into a group of college going girls , into a stupidly parked scooter , into a thick sardaar ji whose idea of asking for a lift was jumping in the way of my motorcycle in a rather sudden manner. But no buses or trucks. On a personal note , driving into the pack of girls was most embarrassing but most enjoyable too. Sardar ji episode comes a close second , just due its impressive score on the enjoyment barometer. To listen to abuses in a pure punjabi accent , it was good and pleasant .

But I have seen a friend spend a year in bed , when he should have been studying in USA. He chose the wrong night to test his bike’s capabilities , and spent many a night regaining his own physical capabilities.

You have seen those advertisements on doordarshan. Use iodized salt to prevent swollen necks , feed ORS to munna when he shits a lot , wear a condom all the time , and the rest .You know how boring those preaching advertisements are. So I won't make this into another “drive carefully , your kids and your dog are waiting at home” advertisements. Just that to imagine a bruised and hurt nidhi makes me feel like doing a traffic policeman act . So whenever you take out your car / bike / scooter / moped / bicycle / truck / bus / auto onto the road , just remember that a lot of people want you to return alive , primarily , all those guys whom you owe some money .If you drive some vehicle , please drive it carefully. It takes a moment to ruin everything. Do not allow that moment to happen .

And just as a little sidenote , I know the “To be continued” still waits uncompleted. And I owe you that one. But trust me , I would have done it if I could. I am really sorry for this.But believe me , I would rather marry Mamta Banerjee than acting pricey.But I got a reason this time .How is “Due to unexpected and unavoidable circumstances” for a makeshift excuse ?

And as far as my experiments with accelerators and clutches are concerned , a new chapter beckons when I start work next year. Again , me and Dad have made a pact – “ Son gets a good job. Son gets a car.” In case I get a good job , it shall be all peaceful with dad handing over the keys to me and white doves in the background. Else , emotional blackmail. Harmless and Effective.

Nidhi , wish you get well soon . And please deliver pleasant newsflashes to make my mornings more eventful. Till then , I can try to love hen-insulting omlettes and murderous spouses.

57 comments:

Ashish said...

Nidhi , wish you get well soon
AMEN.
Munnu bhaiyya aapko sharam nahi aati papa ko blackmail karte hue :O {hope u are not shameless like me;) }. well well well.. . . wait till u get married! when ur wife emotionally blackmails u even for a small saari, u'll realise the trauma of doing this !!!!!!!

=)) =))

how can you run into a group of girls...... of all things, GIRLS!!!!!I have tried so hard but I always keep missing them - guess I am bad behind a bike's handle :(
But yay! I have enjoyed bruised knee-caps a lot- showed them proudly all thru' my childhood :P

I'll pray that you remain equally bad at the handles of a bike and keep missing interiors of trucks and buses. AMEN!

Aj said...

Abhi i think tere papa is bar better choices denge,
Good job=>
Car
Bad/No job=>
Rickshaw to earn some money :p

Akhir tere papa ne bhi blackmail tackle karni seekh li hogi teri
:))

Anyways, i agree yar safe driving is the way to go. If you have to drive fast better choose empty roads rather than 'showing off' in street roads.

Ashish said...

@aj: rightly said buddy. Here in iitb many road accidents of ppl falling from bikes happen at the turn in front of girls hostel =))
and I always cherish those moments when guys skid as if friction suddenly disappeared from road!
muaahahaha *wicked me*

Viveka said...

next yr i'll get my scooty (most probably...lets hope widout emotional blackmail...harmless but effective ;) ) n m hopin i dun run into vegetable carts, sardarjis n most importantly COLLEGE GIRLS!...tht wud be so damn embarrasing!

!xobile said...

You blackmale people ???
thats bad... coz when u black male them they look like they'r from africa.. and that's bad!

and ya i think its time u stand on your feet
"Beta! Apne pairon pe khade ho ke dikha.. kab tak pair rent pe lega ??"

ANGEL_NIDHI said...

hii abhi.. a post enlightening nidhi... :)

thankx buddy :) thankx ..
:)

dad ko blackmail?? huh !! sudhar jaa munnu.. :P

ive had 3 major accidents n 1 minor in last 4 years.. :D .. my mom n dad.. n the horoscope makers :p say im accident prone... :D hell yeah!!

n last accident i had was in nov last year.. i bumped into asardar ji's scooter.. he fell off.. broke 2 of his front teeth huh !! :P

he filed a case against me.. :|

hehe... fir case settle ho gaya.. story over,. par tera sardar case was funny :P
chal.. ab my fingers r askinme to stop.. n so is my collar bone :) ..

ouch ouch ouch..

thankx .. ill get well soon.. inne saare logo ki well wishes :)

nidhi

Anonymous said...

//wear a condom all the time

Dude, how does it feel to wear one all the time?..haha

Anonymous said...

Hope she gets well soon..and yeah u dont have to stop living ur life..but just look arnd, be a little more careful..doesnt take much..could mean a lot..

Ms. V said...

Just last month, my dad was being driven by one of his best friends. In a few seconds, my entire life changed. Ironically, my dad is a road-safety freak. He is so particular. But the other people on the road just don't take things seriously. I hope they never have to learn the hard way. In my case, it was like being punished for a crime he never committed. Sorry for getting all senti. But this post really hit home...

Sayesha said...

Hahaha! Can't imagine you as a sulky refusing-to-eat-slamming-every-door-in-the-house kinda guy! :D

And when are you marrying Mamta Banerjee... errr... I mean giving us part 2??

Sayesha said...

Hey Munnu,

I noticed something just now! Spammers don't seem to spam you inspite of you not having Word Verification! Since you're not the kind who'd delete spam off your blog, pray tell us what kinda emotional blackmail you used to prevent the damn spammers trying to sell you ceiling fans?

divya said...

wishing nidhi a speedy recovery. i will remmember all ur words when u buy me a ....(u know what), six months from now. i wont drive it into a group of college going girls( waise ,ramming into a group of boys is allowed na??) ,i will not drive my vechicle into a sardarji either. i promise

chhutki said...

nice post munnu...hope nidhi recovers fast..and u better stop blackmailing..u never know what ur dad comes up with next

"Surprise beta..new mom ;)"

:D
:P

sunshine said...

What will your dad buy you when you get married? A rocket? And man, if and when you get a job, don't you think it is YOU who should be buying a car, coming from behind, and surprising your dad? BTW, your post should be made into posters in bengali and put all over the roads of Kolkata. Given the rash way the bus drivers drive, it is high time they learnt to understand that when they are on the roads, the lives of hundreds of people are at stake.

Raam Pyari said...

hello...u see..i read this post yesterday i think but by the time i typed the m-u-n of the 'munnu jeee 'i was goin to type i had sneezed atleast 20 times. So i got excite that myb...just myb...this mite be some sort o a guiness ( okay if nt guiness then atleast coca cola...eh...miranda...nah...limca buk of!!!)records
but naah! that was not to be...:(
so here i am typing away to glory inspite of a body temp. of 102 and also inspite o 2 midsems to be braved kal....
munnu jee...gimme some bravery award!!!!
okay..thats a stupid joke! good post and speedy recovery for ur sis nidhi.

Miss Sea said...

As a kid, I once came under a cycle :D

Miss Sea said...

also, get well soon Nidhi!

Sayesha said...

Ah, love the new look of the blog :)

Fursat said...

thats a nice post..and as usual funny :)

pathetic hen and pathetic eggs whose omelette was eaten by you :P ok no kiddings...

everyone shud drive carefully...i hope my brother will understand someday :|

Loads of wishes to Nidhi...

Get well soon....

u take care

God bless u !

atul lakhotia said...

i hve tried that emotional method many times and the succedd ratio is 100%.it really works!!!!

The Godfather said...

For the emotional blackmail method, ROI is pretty high, but you tend to loose on customer satisfaction and business ethics. This brings about repeated customer(read parent) complaint about declining moral values and lots of gyaans(from parents). So, try it, but @ your own risk.

divya said...

black is back :-)

Anonymous said...

Hi :)

You have a great blog! Keep up the great work, and I'll be sure to visit regularly.

I have a criminal justice degree online related site, check it out if you get some time!

Look forward to reading more of your insightful post!

smita said...

criminal justice degree he he..guess ur dad needs it more dan u..

abhinav said...

@ashish - yaar sharam aati hai , bott aati hai , but achanak jab mujhe nayi bike ka vision dikhayi deta hai to main sharam ko wapas bhej deta hun and blackmail jaise kukarm karta hun.and looks like my mommy's aatma entered you - abe dnt scare me with this shaadi taalk chote bhai.abhi meri umar hai kya hai..and thanx fr the truck-bus-avoidance wish , u drive safely too.

@aj- good job => le beta car keys!
wrong job => get out beta.fast.

@viveka - boys should be the target for you.dont kill em.just bump lightly.thats romantic enuf.

@mani honey - oye africi log bad hote hai kya ! tu africi junta se panga matt le ! kasam barbara bush ki , indo-africi riots ho jayenge.

@nidhi - dnt type idiot.dnt sit up stupid.just take care sweet sis :)

@anon - in all of those words , u find the condom to comment upon.hiya ! someone got a dirrrty mind here.;)

@anon - yeah.thats wat i meant.i wanna live.

@vidya - I understand vidya.But your spirit is awesome.no one can take away the pain , but u know how to get over it.keep going.:)

@sayesha - arre nahi nahi , i do the sulking act on very rare occasions .hailey's comet appearing is more frequent than those doorslams of mine.ekdum shaant seedha saadha munnu.and mamta banerjee se shaadi ! ye sunne se pehle ye aasman mujhe kha kyun na gaya ? ye zameen mujhe nigal kyun na gyi ?

@sayesha -

spam walo , mujhe dekho , kya iss chehre ko dekhkar tumhe lagta hai ki main kuch bhee afford kar sakta hu ? kya main tumhaare ceiling fans buy karna afford kar sakta hu ? kya main health insurance khareedne ke paise rakhta hu ? kya main tumhaare weight reduction programme ke liye required fees de sakta hun ? nahi.kabhi nahi.so hata lo mere blog se yeh spam.hata lo mere saamne se ..hata lo..hata lo..

This emotioanal blackmail essay works with spammers.

@divya - oye miss.promise kaur , u think i bumped that sardaar ji intentionally ? accident is like love , kiya nahi jaata , bass ho jaata hain.and then u can just say -kyun , ho gaya na !

@chutki - oye lady tarzan , my dad is a 100% patnivrata pati !

@shoeshine -
"And man, if and when you get a job, don't you think it is YOU who should be buying a car, coming from behind, and surprising your dad?"

umm...no..no...NO.ever heard of the word shameless ? thats my middle name.

@ruchita - tujhe to dhamaka jawaab de hi chuka hun na beemar insaan.

@TT -gosh ! cant u walk carefully ?? do u have any idea how costly a cycle is these days ? dnt harm em !

@sayesha - hailla ! u liked it ! i like it too.same to same thoughts we have , eh ?

@neetie - thanx neetie.the way u care for her , its so nice.:)good people are hard to find , but i think u have one in yourself.

@atul - seeee , i told ya ! lets keep doing it mate ! its blackmail time !

@dhrubjyoti - oh no! u doin some mba ??? ;)

@divs - yups kiddy.real men choose black.( hailla , did i sound mako..err.macho ? )

@criminal wale anon bhaiyya - my lord , iss comment ka iss post se koee talluk nahi hai , i object !!

@smita - sshhh dnt say that loudly !!!! my dad may just hear .

Sayesha said...

Hahaha! Awesome strategy for spammers!

Oh by the way, Munnu, I think you should change your profile pic. That extra hand sprouting from your shoulder is becoming a part of you man! You dun want pple to not recognise you when you meet them and then say, "Arre you have only two hands???"

abhi said...

hahahahaha ! Well , now that you have pointed out the anatomical distortions my cyber image may sprout , i shall change the pic soon.or if i really wanna surprise em with "hey the third is in my pocket " , the "snap mein hand wala guy" stays in the room opposite to mine , you got an electric saw ?

You are phunny yaar.you substituted for my nescafe today.perfect start to my day !

Leon said...

I had the same pact with my dad. I did not get into IIT. And I DIDN'T get my bike. I should have met you then.. :-).

Btw, I kinda think a white background makes a page more readable.. but then maybe that's just me..

!xobile said...

mani honey ??
ze kya naam huva ?
aur ha!
mai kisi se baap se bhi nahi darta!
(now dont ask who kisi is)

Viveka said...

bumpin into a grp of gurs sounds fun...lets hope if tht eva happens i dun send 2 or 3 of them 2 da hospital...m pretty clumsy at times :P

Viveka said...

guys*

Sayesha said...

//Btw, I kinda think a white background makes a page more readable.. but then maybe that's just me..

Leon, as an editor, yes, I'll agree with you. In fact, that's what we're taught. That black text on white background is more readable than the other way round. But in this case, it's a change, and a nice one at that. :)

I supect Munnu probably reduced the readability to ensure that jo log usey bilkul sache dil se chahte hain, only those will strain their eyes enough to read his blog. :)

Ab spammers ki toh waat lag jayegi! Unless they love him sache dil se! :O

tinkerbell said...

JHatke to padte hain even wen ur not responsible so wat about the whole drive safe issue??

Anonymous said...

Background wapas wahi kar do mere bhai..meri nazuk aakhon ko dikkat hoti hai..

Raam Pyari said...

respected Greatest Mouse Trapper of the Deacde (GMTD),
I think it is such an honour to just be able to wish YOU a happy diwali (wow! i cant believe that a lesseer mortal like me has mustered the courage to leave a msg for you)
Aapki ki jeevan gaatha sun kar toh mein inspiration se bhar gaayi...bachpan mein mujhe bhi choohon mein bahut dilchaspi rahti thi..but alas mere parents ne mujhe kabhi encourage nahi kiya...shayad aap ke jaisi oonchaiyon ko choona meri kismat mein hi nahin tha...:(
khair crap aside .. this is just to wish u a fantastic diwali. Have a nice n safe diwali,abhi, and a great year! (beatific smile)
btw, umm..ummm..woh na...frnd ka budday aa raha hai....by ne chance 7500 hai kya tumhare pass lend karne ko?

Anat said...

Aapko Deepawali ki bahut bahut shubhkamnaye

abhinav said...

@leon - thats the tragedy of we non IIT sons.we dnt share ideas.but now fr a start , u know abt the door slamming tactic.we shall suffer bike-less no longer.

@ze exxagerator - beta kisi ka baap kuch na kahe , kisi bott maarega tujhe ! ;)

@viveka - u wanna do some social service ? just dnt drive , n that wud be a great service to MAN-kind.;)

@sayesha - "I supect Munnu probably reduced the readability to ensure that jo log usey bilkul sache dil se chahte hain, only those will strain their eyes enough to read his blog. "

thanx fr putting it so philosophically buddy.ek template change kara tha , and dekh tune usko kya kya bhayanak philosphy se link kar diya.:)

@tinkerbell - jee jhatke to padte hai even when u r not responsible sometimes , but by being careful , maybe u can cut out the part where u are responsible fr those jhatkas.:)

@anon - arre yaar wo white background dekh dekh kar eye cancer ho gaya tha mujhe.tu itna naazuk kab tak rahega mere bhai , thoda mazboot bann na.

@ruchita - arre chinta nahi . jab main mouse trappers and associates limited ki branch andaman and nicobar mein khlunga , to tujhe udhar ka Chief Chooha Expert bana dunga.and a very happy diwali to you too , may god bless u with all the happiness and less greed. ;)

@anat - same to you and ur family bhai.:)

Camphor said...

Hope she's okay soon too!

Girls already use it. Boys can start now. Ahem. My brother is miles ahead fo me in this aspect at least. Wheedle, emotional blackmail, sweet-talk. Whatever it takes. Trust me, some guys do it by instinct. I remember hte ime when he was a wee baby in my mother's arms... (I did ask, but apparently a three eyar old was not a the right person to trust with an infant... :P)

You write very well... haev this way of putting things in perspective.At least my perspective. Blogrolling you!

YogAFReak said...

You make me proud!

Cb

Tom said...

Dear blogger,

I found your post while looking for info on
href="http://www.normism.org"> charity foundation
while I found your post

to be very interesting, it was not the exact type of info on

href="http://www.normism.org"> charity foundation
. So anyways I thoght I

should drop you a few lines and thank you for the good job that you are

doing, and at the same time spread the good news about this site that

demystifies a lot of concepts like

href="http://www.normism.org"> charity foundation
. The new age prophet

Seyed Bahram Mirkalami while demystifying subjects like

href="http://www.normism.org"> charity foundation
, states that he has

declared heaven on earth with the power invested in him by "God". And

anyone who accepts this declaration will have immortality and peace in

life right away. Here's the link one more time:

href="http://www.normism.org"> charity foundation


God bless all.

Ricky said...

Dear blogger,

I found your post while looking for info on
href="http://www.normism.org"> catholic belief
while I found your post

to be very interesting, it was not the exact type of info on

href="http://www.normism.org"> catholic belief
. So anyways I thoght I

should drop you a few lines and thank you for the good job that you are

doing, and at the same time spread the good news about this site that

demystifies a lot of concepts like

href="http://www.normism.org"> catholic belief
. The new age prophet

Seyed Bahram Mirkalami while demystifying subjects like

href="http://www.normism.org"> catholic belief
, states that he has

declared heaven on earth with the power invested in him by "God". And

anyone who accepts this declaration will have immortality and peace in

life right away. Here's the link one more time:

href="http://www.normism.org"> catholic belief


God bless all.

Emily said...

Dear blogger,

I found your post while looking for info on
href="http://www.normism.org"> astrology relationship
while I found your post

to be very interesting, it was not the exact type of info on

href="http://www.normism.org"> astrology relationship
. So anyways I thoght I

should drop you a few lines and thank you for the good job that you are

doing, and at the same time spread the good news about this site that

demystifies a lot of concepts like

href="http://www.normism.org"> astrology relationship
. The new age prophet

Seyed Bahram Mirkalami while demystifying subjects like

href="http://www.normism.org"> astrology relationship
, states that he has

declared heaven on earth with the power invested in him by "God". And

anyone who accepts this declaration will have immortality and peace in

life right away. Here's the link one more time:

href="http://www.normism.org"> astrology relationship


God bless all.

Tom said...

Dear blogger,

I found your post while looking for info on
href="http://www.normism.org"> saint patricks day clip art
while I found your post

to be very interesting, it was not the exact type of info on

href="http://www.normism.org"> saint patricks day clip art
. So anyways I thoght I

should drop you a few lines and thank you for the good job that you are

doing, and at the same time spread the good news about this site that

demystifies a lot of concepts like

href="http://www.normism.org"> saint patricks day clip art
. The new age prophet

Seyed Bahram Mirkalami while demystifying subjects like

href="http://www.normism.org"> saint patricks day clip art
, states that he has

declared heaven on earth with the power invested in him by "God". And

anyone who accepts this declaration will have immortality and peace in

life right away. Here's the link one more time:

href="http://www.normism.org"> saint patricks day clip art


God bless all.

Joe Berenguer said...

I was searching blogs,and I found your site.Please,
accept my congratulations for your excellent work!
If you have a moment, please visit my site:
widgets astrology
It pretty much covers widgets astrology related issues.
Have a good day!

James Baker said...

Hey Fellow, you have a great blog here! I have a web
site & blog about yahoo astrology chart.
Yours is top-notch!
If you have a moment, please visit my site
yahoo astrology chart
I wish you all the best!

Paul Adams said...

I just came across your blog and wanted to
drop you, Blogger, a note telling you how impressed I was with
the information you have posted here.
If you have a moment, please visit my site:
pennsylvania home equity loan rate
It covers pennsylvania home equity loan rate related contents.
I send you warm regards and wish you continued success.

Paul88888 said...

Lots of interest in your blog. For some great new sites, click scooter, scooter, electric scooter, cheap electric scooter, razor electric scooter, kid electric scooter.

auto insurance policies said...

A fantastic blog yours. Keep it up.
If you have a moment, please visit my auto insurance policies site.
I send you warm regards and wish you continued success.

used tandem bikes said...

Your blog I found to be very interesting!
I just came across your blog and wanted to
drop you a note telling you how impressed I was with
the information you have posted here.
I have a used tandem bikes
site.
Come and check it out if you get time :-)
Best regards!

best home owner insurance rate said...

Hey, you have a great blog here! I'm definitely going to bookmark you!
I have a best home owner insurance rate site.
Come and check it out if you get time :-)
Greetings.

blue shield health insurance said...

Hi Friend! You have a great blog over here!
Please accept my compliments and wishes for your happiness and success!
If you have a moment, please take a look at my blue shield health insurance site.
Have a great day!

funny videos said...

Your blog is really incredible! I thought your blog on sexy girls is really fantastic!

Happy double oooh seven to you, and all your visitors!

funny videos said...

Your blog is really great! I thought your blog on sorority life is really neat!

Happy double oooh seven to you, and all your visitors!

Anonymous said...

What a great site Volvo xc90 mp3 player The windows media player dvd xpack free List of all powerball numbers apersonaltouchwedding cathysexpress com xenical Big ass bootie free free buy xenical information online mobile alabama lawyers for bextra Convertible sunfire xenical What is didrex used for 2004 suzuki hayabusa 1300 yoshimura find looking for car gps reviews

Anonymous said...

http://www.watiti.com

Hi,
Join me and my circle of friends at http://www.watiti.com, an online social networking community that connects people from all over the world.

Meet new people, share photos, create or attend events, post free classifieds, send free e-cards, upload music, read blogs, upload videos, be part of a club, chat rooms, forum and much more!

See you around! Bring all your friends too!

http://www.watiti.com

Viagra info site said...

Viagra is a drug that is prescribed for a very fragile disease like erectile dysfunction. Hence people prefer to go for this drug after going through the viagra info sites. In these sites people get all the information required and related to the drug.

Anonymous said...

http://cardiffmiller.com/pubs/buyvalium/#drug valium onset - effects of valium and alcohol mixed