Sunday, December 25, 2005

Boyfriend /Girlfriend = Faltoo tension ?

A popular and slick and busy eating joint .Well lit. Big flat screen television playing in a corner. Round little shining tables with nice angular chairs around it . A guy and a girl seated around a table.

The guy reaches into a paper bag and pulls out a box of chocolates.

Scenario 1 -

Guy ( handing over the box to the girl ) – Hey , I got this for you , I guess you like chocolates.

Girl – Oh, Thank you ! I love them.

*Girl thinks – Ueee ma , it would be fun eating all of these chocolates .Ek ek ko chaba daalungi.Calorie consciousness gayi tel lene*

Scenario 2 -

Guy ( handing over the box to the girl ) – Hey , I got this for you , I guess you like chocolates.

Girl – Oh, Thank you ! I love them.

*Girl thinks – Ueee ma , I am again accepting gifts from him , but over the last three weeks , he has been a little cold . Since the time that new girl with the colored hair has joined our classes , he has not been his normal self .See , even the chocolates he has gifted are Cadburys , why could not he gift me those Swiss ones….maybe he hates me now that I have put on weight . Hell , I am so scared and anxious now , these chocolates look as tasty as a Dettol soap to me.*

And it makes me appreciate how much more delightful a simple guy-gal friendship , rather than a “coochie coochie –more than friendship-ishq vishq” , is .

I mean , kasam Bhawani ki , the “expectations/possession” ka funda that creeps when a girl is your girlfriend and not just a friend is one wierd issue , atleast with a ‘tension-nahi’ types insaan like me. I mean , I gifted her chocolates because she is a friend , and I wanted her to have fun gobbling them up , and that is that. And this kind of relation is so simple , natural and free of muddled feelings and assumed expectations.

But the moment a ‘proposal and acceptance’ takes place between a guy and a girl , things are transformed. Suddenly the girl, who was a friend till yesterday is a girlfriend . Till last Sunday , Rahul and Shruti were classmates in college . Rahul called Shruti his friend. Then Rahul proposed and Shruti accepted. Now Rahul calls Shruti “My girl”. I mean , yeh “My girl” kya hota hai Rahul Kaka , yeh koi cycle hai , ki “my cycle” ?

Then if Shruti decides goes out on a lunch with her ‘barso ka dost’ vineet , Rahul narrows his eyes and asks her “Tera koi chakkar hai kya uske saath?” and promises to throw export quality acid on her if the answer is in the affirmative.

If Rahul does not send Shruti a bunch of fresh roses on the anniversary of the day they first met in the physics lab , Shruti calls him up in the evening , says Hello , then coughs , sobs and breaks into a long wail which ends in “You are not the same , Rahul” or something to that effect followed by a violent slamming down of the phone.

And Hanuman Jee na kare , if Shruti goes out to shop and spots Rahul riding his bike with a pretty girl on the backseat , she will throw dangerously heavy things at Rahul till he shows her the birth certificate of that girl to prove that it was his sister he was going to drop at her maths tution classes.

I mean , dekho jee , I have minimal experience of having a girlfriend , and considering my state of existence , I don’t think I will have too much experience in this and the next few lifetimes. But to my underdeveloped dimaag , a simple friendship is a very direct , expressed and delightful relationship to have . Maybe all these complications between Rahul and Shruti would not happen , and they will trust each other come what may , and that is very comforting and kaleje ko thanda karne wali thought . But I guess it is cool to let feelings grow naturally without the thing of “having to do it” because he/she is your girlfriend/boyfriend. A true feeling needs no promise , and no promise can make an untrue feeling survive , so why promise and build expectations and lead to unfulfilled ones ?

You can yell “sour grapes , sour grapes” for me now. Infact , I am such a girlfriend-less guy , that even a forest of sour grapes may seem to be the reason behind my thinking . Maybe I am just too immature to handle all the responsibility and promises a commitment demands . But in my opinion , one can be more easy , be a lot more frank , and a lot more natural with a girl who is just happy to see a box of chocolates instead of worried over some new girl with the colored hair.


smriti said...

hey jughead....u write so well thats so true also....whenever u see a bf n galfnd....har waqt woh doosre se naraaz hote hai...she was talkin 2 that guy or he was talkin 2 that gal....he does not remember the date when we first went 4 coffee....n all that sort of irritating things....n u ve brought out this thing so well through ur post!!

gud work dude....keep it goin!

ss said...

super funny post and its so true...keep the posts coming..

Anonymous said...

You make me think(never mind lack of brains)...maybe you are right, dude.
As soon as you develop feelings towards a girl, things start messing up maybe for urself,maybe for her and surely between u...
Anyways, have been following ur posts...really funny and insightful.
you have got a great way with words dude...keep it flowing...

Sayesha said...

Friendships rock.

Relationships... err... don't rock so much. :)

pandora said...

Friendship rocks...friendz are forever...and as tasty as chocolate(woh friendz ko chatne mein maza aata hai :D)

arey yahan to sab tere friendz hi hain...khila sab ko chocolates :D

incredulous said...

I'm fast growing into a fan of your writing man. You're good.

As for the topic, I'm reminded of what phoenix wrote once upona time, here :
i had read it done and agreed, and today I agree with u as well..

Pure platonic friendships are so good, better than the advertised-committed-love that "relationships" are. Thats a farce.

Remove the complicated possessiveness and one wd realsie how wwell gals and guys go along as frnds.

Ashish Gupta said...


It takes every spice to make life a tasty bit!

I am tempted to ask you the same opinion may be a few years down the line!

!xobile said...

Ek dum mast bola..
Thats one of the reasons why I dont believe in Gfs. :D

sunshine said...

"and I humbly suggest she should start off on an intercontinental jog tomorrow morning for all those calorie infested chocolates she relished without offering me much of them."....uueee maaa... liar liar, don't tell me you weren't offered the chocolates, the wrappers were all yours. And yes, a reply post is soon on its way. Chal let's play linking linking, we'll link and reply to each others posts, okk?

BTW, chocolate etc to theek hai, par woh diamond waale vouchers, unka main kya karoon?

SID said...

I am completely in sync with you man.I had a wonderful friend but you know the inexplicable need to prove that I could have a girlfriend, made me convert her status.And it was all downhill from there.
Now we don't even talk. Marry the girl your mom talks about and till then 4get bout girlfriends.

yossarian said...

pretty true...something I have to agree with

kya karen...yeh "I love you" aisa jhooth hai ki is jhooth se pata nahin kitne lakh log do-do karke barbad hue hain*...

*Apologies Abhishek, for plagiarism

Abhishek kaun??? Abhishek Bacchannnnn...

Planck said...

How true.. How simple life is without such binding relationships.

Abhi said...

@smriti-kya re , i wrote this post in such wierd mix of hindi n english , i dnt think i write well.but nice to see u agreeing with the gf-bf ka panga thing , its too much tension , hanuman ji ki jai bolo and brahmcharya ka paalan karo tension free life ke liye.

@ss-tnx man ! ill keep em coming as long as life keeps givin em to me:)

@anon-tnx bro ! n im not for being unemotional or cold , but personally i dnt support binding anyone down due to selfish desires.

@sayesha-yup rocky , frndships are chosen relations and so more rocking !

@pandora-uee ma , you corbett ki man eater , dosto ko chocolate se compare karti hai ! mujhe mat khaiyo , im a worm wali choc !

@incredulous-oh come on bhai , people like brad pitt n matt damon deserve fans , not people like me.and am amazed at people agreeing with the post..looks like a lot of us are single !:)

@ashu- ah ah i saw it coming frm ashu the romeo;).10 saal baad yehi webpage pe milenge and poochenge ek doosre se:)

@mani - abe ghonchu , girlfriends koi ghost thode hee hai ki u dnt believe in them ! they exist , tu bol ki u dnt believe in having them , na ki u dnt believe in them:)

@sunshine-abbe charlie chingari , main bada ho gaya hu , yeh linking linking khelna hai to apne class 5 wale abhinav ke saath khel;).and uss voucher ko tu mujhe courier karr de , saale ko desi ghee mein jala dunga.

@the big S - not sure about letting mom chooose , but maybe i dnt have a choice !

@nipun - hehe..aby baby ne ekdum ultra mast dialogue maare re ! n wat happenned in IIFT ??

@sneha - yeah , waise not every relation is binding , its only when we distort them with selfish practicalities that they become suffocating.

!xobile said...

abe ghonchu!

mera matlab wahi tha!
tujhe samajh aaya na ??
enough hai

i makes a stronger impact by saying
"I dont believe in GFs"
rather than
"I dont believe in having GFs"

Mani: "I dont believe in having GFs"
Abhinav: "Abe! Then what do you believe in having ??"
Mani: "dal roti"

Samjha raamlaal ?

Abhi said...

Hehe , abe dal roti ke pujari , meaning convey ho gaya barabar , but correct angrezi bhi koi cheez hoti hain...shakespeare apne swarg ke 2 bedroom flat se tere comment ko dekh kar foot foot ke roya hoga..kasam hai tujhe yellow dal i , aage se boliyo - i dnt believe in HAVING girlfrnds.good boy !

Raam Pyari said...

Faltoo ka tension it so totally is!!!!! tahts one reason why i scurry away in the opposite direction, the moment any such danger looms large (sorry abt the hackneyed/banal/ cliched expressions:) ) over my head.
there is this one frnd i have,who has found her soulmate.

Now, if Soulmate does not call her 345234 times in two hours, frnd panicks and gets very suspi about some gurl with the (now )proverbial coloured hair.

Soulmate calls Frnd by such cochie-coo chweeto names that kindle in me a gentle desire to break my own head into 2.

Frnd and soulmate had an extended 2 day Valantines Day celebration year before last. last year Soulmate's great-granny died of indigestion on the 13th+ soulmate had to sit for some important interview on the 15th and hence Soulmate expressed a sincere desire,over the 440 Rs ka reliance to reliance free call connection, to curtail the 3 day celebration of their blosmming love. Frnd breaks into a sob,sniffs, tells him that he is not the same Soulmate and slams the phone down.

Bhagvan bachaye is sab se!!!!' Say no to Romantic relationships 'is my motto.

Vinodh said...

Munnabhai....easier said than done.Even I wud like to xplain such things since i am as lucky as u in matter of girlfriendz..but possessiveness is a sign of love too,not just boy-gal even kids r possessive of their parents so its basic human nature.

Rahul n shruthi sound like some infatuated skool kids..guess love in ur mid-20s dont follow that immature path.

And have a blast at ur feat.err..
wat waz its name Intaglio.. where do u IIM guys gut such an incomprehensible name dude... Cheers...

miss holmes said...

cough cough cough..ahem ahem...cough cough cough.. looks like i`ve caught a cold munnuji ( NOTE-this is divya`s evil twin... MISS HOLMES they call me. if it were divya she would never have called u munnu) [bows and withdraws]

smriti said...

tune hindi english mix likha islye toh mujhe achha laga.....thts egg-gac-tly my style of writing

Anonymous said...

is this an indirect way of telling girls you are single and ready to mingle and just want pure love without any strings attached? Sad !

i am wondering is there an IIM angle to this?!?!?!?

Sudipta Chatterjee said...

Abhinav, well said! Actually, my stand on the matter of love coming in between is this: for you to be able to stare at someone as your girlfriend, you need to consciously start looking and thinking differently. Otherwise, there are so many other people (read girls) I meet, talk to freely, crack my PJs, and you know what... without wondering about her as my girlfriend. It just seems so insane to go into that mode, because I am so well off without adding to my worries. Therefore, I agree... and therefore, well said!

P.S.- Sunshineji, ab chocolates, diamond ring ke gift vouchers, aur kya chahiye bechare munnu se??

arpz said...


Abhi said...

@ruchi-shaant gadadhaari bheem shaant !!! tune to itna dynamic and lamba comment likh diya hai ki duniya ke harr couple ka sar sharm se jhuk jayega.andaman and nicobar business trip ka kuch scene bana junior ??

@vinodg-// possessiveness is a sign of love too

maybe u r right bro , but i dnt agree with this part.possesiveness is not love , its a selfish desire to hold on to someone under the sheen of love .if u need her , thats not love for me , thats a want.just what i feel.

//miss holmes - ueee ma !!! what an image makeover !! looks like u really enjoyed cracking the dark and cold case of "who met munnu at the metro station".nice work there detective.criminals beware , miss holmes is watching.

yours respectfully,

@smriti-hailla , tu bhi hinglish ki diwani hai kya.bhaiyya agar shudh english mein likhne baith jau post to aadha janam lag jaye ek post mein , so hinglish rocks !!:)

@anon-hai hai hai ,you got me !! its amazing on ur part to uncover my evil designs. how intelligent and clever of you !but this is great - i am enticing people for a potential girlfrnd by saying that a GF is a faltoo tension !! wonderful.

@sudipta-very right man.u need to be so un-natural to really measure up someone as a girlfriend.its so relaxing to be just urself without thinking of any hidden motives.and sunshine se mujhe bacha bhai.

Abhi said...

@arpz-uee ma , u put ur smiley while i was typing out my replies.kya mindblowing timing how do i reply to a :) ?ummm.....--> :)))) ?

lotus dew said...

now how may guys do u think are there who wd gift me chocolates and wd expect just a smile from me in return......

Anonymous said...

yar , am so social scientist to know about all the guys or even all the girls , but when i gifted her those chocolates , i expected her to smile and say a thank you.and its not so tuff for this to happen , a girl or a boy , a friend is a friend !tension kya hain ..ladka bola 100 rupye udhar de , de diye..waise hee ladki ko chocs de is simple , right ?

arpz said...

lols ... no need to have replied , put in the smiley cos the number of comments show that almost all kinds of reponses would have already been recieved ... din wanna be repetitive !

Abhi said...

@arpz-Chill maar yar , tera smiley hee enuf hai.waise repetetive hone mein bhee koi tension nahi hai ,bollywood mein every movie is so repetetive , yet is a hit.repeat karr diya karr.allowed hain.

riya said...

Things can be watevr u want them to be.That insecurity feeling is bugging becasue u dont wanna lose some1 u (imagine) thinkng is imporatnt love coupled with understanding cud make things wrk,even if that's a far-fetched notiont

arpz said...

but then ... does love always have to be the way it is

myths said...

well said, buddy..and rightly said ;)

i too have wondered (and still do) why this happens.. or rather happened (to me)

sometimes i feel remaining just close buddies that she and i were, we would have been a lot more happier than we are now as a "girlfriend-boyfriend team". but other times...i do consider myself damn lucky to have got that close buddy of mine as my "girlfriend" and "partner in life and crime" forever :)

Planck said...

By relationships I meant the boyf girlf types.

Abhi said...

@riya- Things can be watevr u want them to be.

Thats as true as the Geeta.But we people are too weak to really make it happen.The concept is right , but most people mess up with the execution , we pull in selfishness and insecurities in there , hence a gf-bf thing becomes a burden , in my opinion.

@arpz - yaar subah ke 5 baje aise senti n philosophical comment ka jawab nahi de paunga.maafi.

@amyth - ummm...nah , bro , now that you have chosen each other , you guys have made a good decision and would be happy !! I am sure you have the maturity to keep the relation in its right perspective.All the best to both of you.:)

@sneha-yeah thats a given.i wasnt talking about a mom-son relation either.:)

Ashish Gupta said...

a boy and a girl can never be frnds ;)

Amit said...

Aye Abhinav bhai. Sacchi boloon na baap you need to get a girl dear. True platonic relationships have their own charm but that doesn't mean romantic relationships have no meaning... Being in a relationship has its problems and all these "tensions" but believe me in the end you remember even these things fondly. Don't let your youth go by without getting into some of these chakkars. Another thing...real relationships are mature and deep and understanding but to get to that point you have to first go over a few speed bumps along the way. It makes life all the more interesting if you ask me...
Happy new year buddy.

Moron said...

nice post!!

badgirl said...

hi dere

i like d way of ur writing jhkass word use karte tum :)))
by the way i too agree with you . i luv to make fun of those lovebirds, dats why i got so many comments frm my frns ruk ja beta tera time aayega tab hum maje lenge :)))

Trinity Teal™ said...

hey me 1st timer here :)
ur style is very funny! Wud love to say sth , but i m a biiig zeroo in dis dept. lemme jus say dat was a funny post!

ArChaNa said...

darn funny n yet ture!!

Surya said...

hey ....u said ur not into having a girl friend in ur life...but trust me, ur very much true dude....hats off for writing so well without knowing how it would be to have would ur escription be if u really had one?

Demonic Dude said...

Good one dude.. very funny and insightful

A said...

Its damn funny ....and so real

Good work !!!

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Ravindra Shelke said...

Really funny and true.
Today relationship levy some binding on a person. It grows in healthy manner keeping in mind personne's interest.

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Anonymous said...

hey abhi....u r just gr8 yaar...sahi mein..kasam unn choclates ki...maza aa gaya...good going....

Anonymous said...

hey abhi....u r just gr8 yaar...sahi mein maza aa gaya...

Charmed. said...

:)Great thoughts dude....but the day you actually practice them , do let me know.

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I agree with you yaar...bhagvan ki kasam sahi hai yaar..I went throught this and thought being friends was the thing that would had kept both of us happy..

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