Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Go regret it

There is something about the 'Kal ho na ho' title song . It makes me fall into a contemplative mood amazingly fast . It's like :

Me : How can the pepsi people be stupid ? Do they eat stupidity pills in lunch ? how could they create something as intellectually challenged as Pepsi TV ?

* Somebody in next room switches on the TV . After a jumble of sounds resulting from violent channel surfing , such as 'Bharat aaj vessht endeej mein..' , 'Nahi !!!! Kehdo yeh jhooth hain' , 'And datz a sixx' etc etc , the person settles on a channel and the soft sound of kal ho na ho floats in *

Me : Why am I born ? Reincarnation happens ? Do I have spirits watching me right now ?

I mean , you get the idea . Songs like these take my mind off the small things in life . Like Pepsi TV and my maid's family plans and the shining new potato peeler ma just bought . Songs like these make me slow down , pause , step back a little , look at my life , and say "Hmm.Maybe I should have done this ? This could have been better ? Should I do this ? Am I happy ? ". Songs like these make me look at my life as a whole , and not the insignificant and hurried things that clutter life . And whenever I do that , a bunch of little slimy green creatures scratch the inside of my skull with their little pointed claws and say " Hi ! Remember us ? We are the regrets you have " . Now I am not a guy who mulls over my regrets with the devotion of a teenage girl choosing a lipstick shade . I don't take them to heart . I hardly think about the bulky lady I pushed off the elevator because she was putting on a very irritating and fake angrezi accent . But still , there are things I wish I had ( make that a red sports car with three blonde models sitting cramped on the backseat and the frontseats stuffed with smelly wads of dollar notes . Make that four blondes if you are in a real helpful mood .) , things I wish I could do ( Breakfast with Priyanka Chopra , Lunch with Rani Mukherjee , Dinner with Aishwarya Rai , followed by an informal meeting with all three ) , things I wish I did not do ( Ok , maybe , I should not have pushed her off the elevator .Maybe .).

Like I wish I had the good looks which would make me get up every morning , look into the mirror and say "Phew . You should be in a movie , boy ". Right now , I am like "shit ! Which shithead invented mirrors ?". Especially in a place like Delhi , where every second guy roaming in a mall looks like he just slipped off the Lakme Fashion week ramp . I hope the ITC people post me to some remote village where every male looks like an accident victim , so all the 'gaon ki choriyan' go crazy over the shehari babu . My filmy knowledge tells me every rural romance starts with the guy asking the lass for some water from her matka , so I guess I will hang around the village well with all my rugged looks .

And I wish I would not have caused so much hurt to people . To make a promise and then break it comes naturally to me . "I will call you" , " I will send over a gift" , "I will take out your dog for a walk" , I keep saying things only to discover I am watching star world when I should be doing these things . I really have disappointed a lot of people , with rather violent repurcussions . I promise I will get a 'Highly unreliable' tattoo one of these days , so that people know .

And I can't dance . While the rest of the people scare away traffic with their gravity defying dance moves in a 'baraat' , I shuffle around nodding and smiling at relatives I last saw in the stone age . Even my dad would jump in and do some real disturbing jig with kids half his age , but I just don't have the rhythm to pull it off . The only creature around who may come to understand my pain is the horse , what with a well fed groom perched on his back , a thousand watt band blaring in his long ears , and a road full of dancing maniacs facing him .
Anyway , this is just a very superficial skimming of my regret bank , the proverbial 'tip of the tuft of hair on the top of a fly sitting on the top of an iceberg' . I haven't even started about the bigger and whackier skeletons in my cupboard which when let out can make for one big week long round of discussions over cups of coffee and rounds of cheese sandwiches . I am talking about my little teeny weeny mosquito bites when I can talk about the seven bullet shots all over me . And I don't even want to talk about them and plunge you into a 'dukh ka saagar' lest you spend the rest of your lives gulping anti depression pills .It is just that this song makes me go all dreamy and sigh-sigh and I type down stuff which is a disgrace to any trace of logic , grammar and sense . I guess I will just switch over to some raunchy remix number now , and go back to the million dollar and thirty three cent question - How could they create something as stupid as Pepsi TV ....

49 comments:

Nidhi2Abhi said...

Me FIRST !!

Jeez!! the way ppl get thrilled at coming first.....guess i should also dance to himmesh rehammiya's tunes !!

:P :))

Nidhi2Abhi said...

Now this is such a cliche in the space here.......:P

But it was sooo phunny!! shining new potato peeler !! and teenage girls choosing lipstick shade :P

Nice.... ITC walon ko aapse aur aapko ITC walon se bahut umeedin hain...

It seems this will work good for you !! :)

bachcha said...

hey

i hv been reading ur posts for quite a long time now, never left any comment tho coz mostly all ur post tht i read already hv some bazzilion comments.


just want to say ...you rok man... all ur post r just too funny .. hope u continue like this

bye

akshara said...

yeah - can u believe it - juts 3 comments - u're slipping man ;)

Kamal Chopra said...

Hey man you rock. I guess by this time you might be fed up watching PEPSI TV. he he...

amyth said...

dude, u too? ;)

bada bubbly channel hai yaar..!
:P

i so hate that ad.

pepsi's quality in india is questionable. the drink and o'coz the ads. and to think that some of their international ads are still in the best of the best league..

just_a_girl said...

Regrets, they tke so much of your energy, its the hardest emotion to live with..
I wish i could undo so many things i did or said on impulse and anger..
i would have been a lot more at peace with myself then...

Prayank said...

awesome post ... makes me think and laugh .. obscene at his best ...

Ms. V said...

You SHOULD listen to "Heartbeat", the instrumental version of Kal Ho Naa Ho. I'll change my name if it doesn't bring tears to your eyes.

And don't underestimate your looks, buddhu :p

Ms. V said...

I can send it to you if you wish :)

sanyukta said...

hi bhaiyya..wussup...?

[havent read the post yet so sorry can't comment about it]

shweta said...

hiii
when u say u cant dance it jst reminds me ..of my guitar sir(hpe he is not reading this)....he tried hard in the initial period ..of teaching me ...to make me get back to the rhythym ..nd haan ..tht object thts usually used to create a lullaby sound for babies ..i ws supposed to sit down nd play the guitar tht way nd strike the strings accordingly ...aaargghhhhhh ..while others were ...playing kalyug ka song ..i was making my way ..to the initals ...but yes the smile of satisfaction which he got after me getting back to the rhythym well i cant forget tht ...newayz ...oyee yeh bahut sento shento blog tha ...
its almost like saying ....
pls this is too meetha ..i want the typical delhi ka traka de style ...wth a little bit of ur humuoros twitch ...kidding its ur space use it neway....
nd yeah itna sorry kyun ...for the electricity lapse ..
i am also in the same town ...nd i noe ..this god damn electiricity cuts ...
chal take care byee
shwets

Shriedhar said...

//The only creature around who may come to understand my pain is the horse , what with a well fed groom perched on his back

LOLZ :D

n reg ITC posting-remote village:
yaar, i guess evn those village gals might hav changed nw. u shd perhaps try a new trick :)

smthin like chloro mint ad (that bearded wallah guy pataaying a shop owner's wife ;) )

Overall , it's a funny post.

If im not wrong there's smthin in between the lines.I understood :|

dun wrry. be happy :)

ketki said...

hillarious!!!!!
how do u manage to write so gud and funny things all the time?????
neway keep it up..

Restless said...

awesome!!!:))
i am fan of urs...~smiles~
i had a really tuf day today... and just came back...
u r refreshing;)

Nirwa said...

Maybe you should try listening to Altaf Raja.. :-)

You know.. when I read your posts.. it seems as if someone has written down my thoughts.. hehehe..

Had great fun reading it, as usual! Please don't stop!!

Nirwa

praveen said...

had a hearty laugh...

I too agree, Itz sick..

maybe, they could hav a tag like this:
PEPSI TV bada UGLY channel hai!

Sirius Black said...

lolzzzz , well they have 2 hot SIRENS in the AD who cares abt the logic :P

dharmu said...

"chahe jo tume pure dil se
milta hai who mushkil se
aisa jo koi kahin he
bas who hi sabse haseen hai
us haat ko tum thamlo
who mehrban kal ho na ho"

i love these lines for a lot of reasons,

munnu,kabhi bi gaon ki gori ke matkea paani mat peena,GADBAD HOO JAYEGA.sirf pepsi mineral water hi peena.

aur ho sake to south india posting lena,yahan kisi ko lakhme ke baaremein pata nahi.who road side gutter ke paas, peepal ped ki neeche waale barber se baal katatein hain.

Surya Ragunaathan said...

Just back from a week's trip to Delhi...And I didnt think the guys were out from Lakme Fashion week...a lot of them infact looked similar to the junior artists in Altaf Raja's latest album song...LOL!!

The Kal Ho Na Ho song has a nice tune :-)

cheers!!

candid diary said...

u have the looks,
Hitler's soul!

Bruce Almighty said...

hmmm.... pepsi tv is dumb alright and i am being polite..

hitler got great looks man... that moustache if u can manage, is one of the greatest ever...

R@ghu said...

well done

Bharat Jhurani said...

hilarious as usual.. gaon ki chori han!! keep goin BOL... and lemme finish fast, as kal ho na ho... (Bad one...)

mdev123 said...

Abhi I am posting this after midnight from office PC, yes I am still in office. I must say that you made me laugh after a really
hectic day work (you know how these firang clients are). I find this time very comfortable to read your blogs as no one is around and I can laugh loudly :-).. Keep it up..How is work in ITC? It is good that you still find time to write this..

Anonymous said...

I can just about make out y u call urself hitler's soul, eventhough none of your traits match his. Nahi uski re-incarnation nahi hai .. .
n don worry dude girls want money at the end of the day

Abhi said...

Hi, you should now change the title of your blog from Pursuing MBA to pursuing ....u know it best!!

ichatteralot said...

I remember I didn't get off a taxi till the song (kal ho na ho) ended - whats a few extra rupees for a nice dreamy song?

P A said...

jus kal ho na ho

vijay said...

yeah , Tht's a very stupid Pepsi AD . It has Won The race Among The stupid ad of other soft drinks ( Fanta , Miranda etc.) I think ur Blogs can be a ways to Pick SOme Ideas Up .. LIke a hOrse .. Tryin to Grab A PEPSI <> TO chill out after a.... BAAARRRRRAATT...
I hope u wont copyright the Idea . [:D]

Rose said...

Ya.. i think pondering abt the Pepsi ad is better for u than wondering abt ur regrets..as the latter was making u INSANE!!!!

Hope u find ur village girl wid the matka of water... hehe

;)

..Me

sabkabaap said...

read ur blog for the first time, liked it for the reson that it can bring a smile on.. liked the the baraat and baraat ka ghoda references..pretty true those things...

Pal said...

lol!
very well written!

ketki said...

:)
Just one more smile to ur post
neway, posts gud!
thanx a ton for the comment .
to me,ur comment is the bigest applaud to my post since it was ur blog i admired the most eversince i came to know abt blogging!
so a sincere thanx!

Raza said...

Impeccable. Combinations of a few letters of the english alphabet are by no means sufficient to say how funny your posts are. May be you are the only one who could do that.

I could certainly relate to this one for I hate to regret.

Dude, continue making others' life better by writing.

neo said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
~neo~ said...

and here comes baba sehgal for rescue :)

http://www.public.iastate.edu/~anup/Baba/

oye whenever ur radio catches the regret-regret signals listen to these evergreen numbers of baba
sehgal.

le kar aaya hoon main baja manjula
baja bajaa ke bana main raja manjula
juice piye ga raja aaja manjula \:D/

manjula is the best song ever :p

and im sure u missed baba sehgal on DD last sunday.. abey ghonchu superhit muqabla fir shuru

hogaya DD par :) dont u miss him this time ;)
sunday 10 PM.

bbye take care !!

~neo~

The Smiling Girl said...

//'tip of the tuft of hair on the top of a fly sitting on the top of an iceberg'

I liked this...:)
And I just understood how to make a really funny post over nothing..:)
Good one...:)

And do tell me where you get posted.. would like to check you out with all your rugged looks... nopes not with the paani ka bucket.. ok?:)

Anonymous said...

Hi abhinav

Wrote this mail to u on ur yahoo id(abhi844) in april....but i think u didint see it

hence ctrl_c_v (copyy-pasting) it here as a comment

cheers
ashish
___________________________________________________________________________
Hey Abhinav

I first saw your post on rashmi's blog...youthcurry

And over the weekend i have read your posts dating back to 2005

And in 1 sentence...your style of writing rocks...& rocks bigtime

Somebody said that making people laugh is much harder than making them cry...and you excel at the former

BTW congrats for ur ITC job...but if u ever decide to switch or get bored...u can always be a hugely successful author...

Infact most readers of ur blog will agree with this suggestion of mine:
U must write a short humourous account of your time @IIMC and i can safely say that ppl will lap it up and it will be an all time bestseller

hopefully i have learnt & will imbibe some of the gr8 qualities..ability to get girls drooling with ur blog posts not the least among them :D

i dont know if u relaize this but u have a knack of weaving humour into ur writing and according to me thats 1 heck of a skill to have

but whatever little i have come to know about u(by reading a dozen or more posts by u in the last 1 day), my guess is that u dont try to do it consciously...ur personality is like that...and it shows in ur writing too

chal man,
take care and all the best with the job

hope u (finally :D)get a gf at itc :D

cheers
augustya

p.s. do take my book suggestion seriously

ps2 wrote this comment on this post of yours http://mydayzwithmyself.blogspot.com/2006/03/heartfelt-thanks.html last sunday but didnt know if u see it there

so writing this mail

Sumit said...

babloo .. yeh baraat n ghodi n shaadi pe bada ref. gya .. to maine in betw the lines padh ke samjha .. tujhe apni shaadi pe nachna nahin padega .. n as it is .. ghodi tera bhaar uthane ke baad.. aur kisi shaadi mein nahin jaa payegi !!
kya samjhe !

anon_iitian said...

The sad version of the title song is much better!!!
Well Shakal aur akaal are the two things this world cares about.
I hope people like us make up from the second requirement. Atlest you seem to make up
ak

Akash said...

Hello Saar, remember me?

Abhi said...

@nidhi : nooo ! not him ! I cant bear the sight of you grooving to 'Jhalak Dikhlaajaaaaaaa' . :p

@nidhi ( fir se ? ) : madam , ITC walo ko drop maaro , hume aapse bott ummeedein hain - biscuit

mangwao na plz.:)

@baccha : arre chill bhai ! comment maar diya karr jab dil kare . And dont know if im funny or

what , just what I am .

@akshara - :) , mummy mummy !! I feel scared !!

@kamal - hey hi ! Bhaiyya kisi ne dekh liya TV ke saamne pepsi peete hue to bezzati hogi badi.

@amyth - Yeah , I guess pepsi guys are running outta ideas. First the cafechino thing , not

this.and this while the 'thanda matlab coca cola' is kinda cool.

@just a girl - yeah ! but regrets are like bad marksheets , make u cry but dont stop u from

doing good in the next exams . so bade chalo dost !

@prayank : haha ! kaafi dino se kisi ne obscene nahi kaha yaar , aaj aisa laga jaise NH mein aa

gaya hoon fir se.:)

@vidz - hey infact i was talking about that version :) , sorry dint specify that . and vidya

beta , you will go 'someone take me to another planet' once u 'see' me roaming around on earth ,

so dont overestimate my looks :)

@sanyukta - Hey sanyukta :)..tere exams kaise hue ? ( sorry dont know exams the bhee ki nahi ,

but yehi standard question hota hai na :))

@anna - sorry , I dont talk to haryana wale people.they smell kuch ajeeb sa na ? :p ( Ab dont

mind haaan , tune hee kaha tha :)!!!) take care :).

@shriedhar : Naah dont say that ! u mean the village dames are out too ? ab kahan

jaun..umm..saturn par girls hain ?

@ketki - Umm..I use a keyboard usually :)..Chill yar , bass likh do jo dil mein aye .

@restless : I am refreshing ? haha , I feel like roohafza now :)..and , we need to talk about

the 'will' soon !

@nirwa : listen to altaf bhai ? haha ! u sure want to add to my regrets.:)

@praveen : haha , nice spoof on their punchline :)

@sirius : Nahi dost nahi , cold drink peene se kareena nahi milegi ,ad mein dekh kar kya mila ?

:p

@dharmu : chal re , what do u know about rural romance :p..matke se hee peeunga , tummy upset

hho bhee jaye to kya , basanti to milegi .

@surya : Hey how were the exams ? :)

@CD : Kya baat kar raha hain ? How do you know ..ummm..secret cameras ? :0( gathering the collar

around my neck )

@rohan : arre dinn mein teen ghante lagte hai yaar iss muccchi ko groom karne mein.sochta hoon

lamhe ke anil kapoor jaise mooch uda doon.

@rags : Umm..Ok :)

@bharat : hehe ! nah , not a bad one.waise bhee ismein judge kya karna hain , bol do jo bolna

hai yaar :)

@mdev : am glad I can make u spend valuable office time on a stupid blog :)Work at ITC starts

next month , so here is ur thanks :)

@anon : abbe teri ! bata na kyun rakha maine yeh naam ??:)

@abhi : Now that's a sticky one..I don't know what I am pursuing !

@ichatteralot : wow , wish I was ur cab driver :)

@p a : hain ? jai mata dee.

@vijay : haha ! nice one man , and that's a marketing manager's job buddy , I just copyrighted

the idea.now talk to my lawyer :)

@rose : oye I am already an insaan :p

@sabkabaap : Uee ma !!! sabke pappa ? bada stamina hai yar :p..dont mind , jus kidding :)

@pal - balle balle !!! :)

@ketki - oh chill Ketki ! I liked it , I left a comment . No hidden designs here , just a simple

and sweet case of me enjoying what u wrote :)so no thanks please :)

@raza : I make lives better ? That's philips I guess :)

@neo - Superhit muquable is baccckkkk ???

@LS : haha ! sure buddy ! I will let u know of the well's location.

daddy tera akad gaya hai manjula ! danda lekar pada hua hai manjula !

Riding a cycle peeche michael dr dhingra !
Dreaming of laila with umbrella dr dhingra !

@augustya ; Man ! I am so sorrry ! Will reply to this through email :).Am mega sorry !

@sumit :ssssshhh...ghodi exploitation case mein andar ho jaunga !

@anon iitian : 'seem' is the keyword man !

@akash : hey Hi !!! how r u doing champ ! :)

just_a_girl said...

So well said, Abhinav. Its a Quote!

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Anonymous said...

Superb post....

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