Just a Shade Darker

I have my exams from the 5th of March.That makes it 5 days to go.These exams will bring down the curtains on my first year at IIM Calcutta.I will be then be at delhi for my summers till june.

It was 24th june 2004 when i walked out of the Netaji Subhas Airport terminal at calcutta.I was loaded with one big suitcase , my computer packed in cardboard boxes and 2 travel bags.The outside was buzzing with yellow taxis and agents trying to grab passengers.

I bent down to look at a sweaty , dark driver sitting lazily in the front of a yellow ambassador , and asked "IIM Calcutta ?".

And 2 hours later I eagerly watched the gates emblazoned Indian Institute Of Management Calcutta" ,pass over my head ,to usher in a journey which has been a mixed experience till now...

Now when i used to prepare for CAt , I imagined IIMs to be some magical potion which will turn my life into a never ending golden dream.

Maybe.Maybe not.Engineering days were much more fun.I miss them.Not because they were more relaxed.But the atmosphere was different.There is something about the atmosphere here at IIM Calcutta which is not very right.just sometimes.

There have been free , lovely , moments bathing in sunshine.I have made some pals which are real gems.Truly selfless and friends in the real sense of the term.

Then the seniors have been really helpful.Some have been so truly helpful.I really am thankful to some of them.And i enjoyed so much with the seniors of my hostel wing.We dunked each other (dunking is pouring a bucket of cold water)...we talked about love and relationships lazing in the balcony ...they tried to get me drinking and smoking (i never touched it , ma !!)...they were really amazing and as they are on the verge of leaving IIm Cal, i really thank them for giving me some great moments to remember.

But I think there is one some difference between the ways seniors interact with juniors and the way juniors interacted within themselves.

An average guy here is much more competitive than an average guy at my engineering college or high school.Its good to be working hard.Its good to be dreaming on a high flying job.

But just sometimes , it gets a little too sharp and pungent.

Like people have this internal timer which keeps reminding each one that the other guy is after all a competitor.That he is here to grab the job you want.That if he does well in his exams , your grades are hurt ( we got relative grading here).That if he wins a case contest , he gets closer to grabbing the job u want.

Maybe since life after IIM would be all about being better than the other , in a way , thats what IIMs are supposed to be.

But it gets just a little too suffocating at times.

When at the breakfast table ,you casually ask the next guy "hey man..wat all finance chapters are to be read for the exam " and he mumbles " no idea "..when u can see it in his eyes , that he knows it.
When they see you with a suspicious "so-hez-been-studying" look as you walk out of the library with the books.
When threz a kinda smirk on the other guys lips when i get a below average score in an exam.

I dont say many are like that.There are carefree moments when you just go crazy laughing with the mates.

But just that such fine moments are fewer here than in other institues I have been through.Maybe i am just imagining things.But then thats it..I feel therez something just a shade darker about the atmosphere here..and its not very right sometimes.

On the Jukebox - Unwell :Matchbox 20.