Friday, September 30, 2005

Dream Neighbour


I could blog about how I actually dreamt of Mallika Sherawat playing the role of Mother Teresa in her next movie, which is a soul disturbing thing to even dream of. I could blog about how I found ‘Aashiq banaya aapne’ , which could well have had the audience sending asking the director – ‘Yeh kya banaya aapne ?’.I could blog about how I have been listening to the song ‘Humsafar’ by Silk Route so many times in a day which must be making my winamp beg for a bullet by now.

But I did not blog over the last week.

I wish I could have said “You see , managing three highly violent and Mithun “hoye saala” Chakraborty influenced kids is just so difficult and time consuming , it just does not allow me to blog”. But due to lack of appropriate people and opportunity , I have no kids.So I just have to blame Robin for my failure to blog over the last week.

Remember Robin ? The “gareebo ka maseeha” outlaw.His merry band. The Sherwood forest.The sheriff of Nottingham.The ballads.The pretty Queen Elanor.Ok , now do not yell “mujhe sab yaad aa gaya !”.Because I am not talking about Robin Hood .

Instead I am talking about a certain Robin Sharma , who wrote a certain “The monk who sold his Ferrari” , which is about a certain monk selling a certain Ferrari .He also wrote another book “Who will die when you cry?”..err…its “Who will cry when you die ?” I picked up this book and spent the last week reading it and thinking over it.Now , I am not the intellectual and liberated youth who sports a little goatee , wears ‘kurtas’ over faded jeans , has ideas on poverty elimination and capital punishment and can spend light years arguing social topics over coffee with more people of his kind.I hardly read anything which is not a comic strip.It was just that the last time I was at the airport waiting for the flight to home , a 'no-lack' of free time and a lack of headphones, combined to create acute boredom for me , almost a mild form of depression infact.So I walked into a book store at the airport , eyed the glossy health magazines with young and slim ladies smiling on their covers , contemplated if those were silicon implants , and then bought the “Who will cry when you die” thing , primarily because of its low cost.

So a major part of the last week was spent reading it , writing things for the various B school contests happening around , watching movies , listening to music and attending classes for a change.Now , this book , in its chapter 17 , suggests the reader to make a little list of people one wish would live next door to him/her.Robin jee says , that this would help one get clearer about the attributes he / she likes and then be aware of the need to inculcate them within oneself.Now , I found this interesting.To think of people I would want to stay in my neighbourhood.Let me try.



1. Aishwarya Rai

My university results are out.I flunk in three subjects.There were three subjects in all.Dad shouts at me.Mom looks away.Slamming doors.I feel suffocated and angry and walk out into the street. And just then , aishwarya jogs past in a pink track suit . She slows as she passes me , flashes a smile and cheerfully says “ Hi !”.I if I do manage to say anything , I would just mouth “Aishwarya jee , I just flunked my exams ,all of them , that too by a huge margin. But trust me , I never felt better than I feel right now.”

2. Jim Carrey

I am out of sugar .Wife is too lazy to move her little finger . I go over to Jim’s door to borrow some sugar. He invites me in and … before you think we go into his bedroom , stop thinking. He gives me the sugar and asks me to stay for a quick coffee .And over coffee , even if he does ten percent of something like his ‘Dumb and Dumber” act , I would be laughing my diaphragm out.I really want to see this guy living around me. He is the funniest guy I have seen.And I would pray we run out of sugar.

3. Mike Tyson

I understand this imposes a considerable threat to my “izzat” and the “izzat” of the colony’s “bahu and betiyan”. But this guy is entirely for security purposes.With a “tyson’s” house in the locality , any thief needs to be suicidal to even think of doing his business in our colony.And I may just get to be friendly with Tyson , with pleasing advantages. Boss shouts at me. Tyson beats boss. “Sabjiwallah” charges me higher for tomatoes.Tyson beats “sabjiwallah”.Wife shouts at me.Well , that’s normal.

Ps – My original choice for the brawny neigbour was Salmaan Khan , but with his kind of driving skills and feelings for Aishwarya , he had to be disqualified.

4.Sri Sri Ravi Shanker.(Is there one more 'sri' ?)

Now this guy is important.Whenever I fail in life , spirituality comes in handy. I make fifty thousand bucks in stocks and I go to posh hotel and land up in a sauna bath and I feel fine.I lose fifty thousand bucks in stocks and I go to guru jee’s house and he says ‘ money is an illusion’ and I feel fine.


5. Beep
No , the name is not an expletive.But it is of one of the bloggers , whom I find kind of interesting .I do not know if I would want a permenant residence of this character in my neighbourhood , but at least a rented accommodation is desired .

The list would run longer than Shilpa Shetty’s legs , if I keep going on.So this is it for now. Between , who is your dream neighbour ( s ) ?

45 comments:

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cathythruthelookinglass said...

i liked that question, who would you like to be your neighbor. keep reading.

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rohit kaul said...

ummm....u seem to be pretty busy deleting comments :)....I wud like to have one of my exx prof at NSIT as my neighbour so that I can blare my 4.1 system at 5 in the morning and screw him as he screwed us :D

adios

rohit

bunnu said...

abe ye kaun hai jiske comments delte karne pad rahe hain??
aur is beep ka blog ka link bhej.

!xobile said...

the problem u pose is really tuff and evil..
perhaps instead of answering it, I could give U an evil idea!

pass on this Q to people as a tag with some more mirch masala.. im sure u can do that.. then u c .. mazaa aayega

Miss Sea said...

Beep, Beep, Beep and Beep ;)

Raam Pyari said...

munnu jee...namaste namaste....
as usual very nice post...

sunshine the padosan. said...

Is "Beep" Bipasha Basu? Make me your neighbour in that case, so that I can see John Abraham every day, 7 days a week. Ab I'll have to tolerate you and have daymares and nightmares, but never mind. Waise I'd love to have Haldiram Bhujiawala uncle jee as my neighbour. Bas unke ladke ko patao aur kaju burfi, laddu etc. muft mein khao. Even you aren't a bad choice. That way I'll train my dog to shit in your garden everyday and my laadla not to sleep till Munnu uncle has read him stories from story books. But please, roz roz sugar maangne ka bahana banake humein disturb karne na aa jana.

Sayesha said...

Awww come on, Abhi! Don't be selfish.

Share the wealth - give us Beep's blog URL! :)

Darth Midnightmare said...

Neighbour? Hmm.....wouldn't mind Michael Schumacher!!!! God Himself (if he exists, He is Michael) living next to me....and an entire fleet of Ferraris to boot!!!! And he has a daughter too, you know ;-)

Cheers!
M

the_free_soul said...

wont aish and jim like to live together ...considering the no of affairs jim has , u better keep one house 4 both of em.

Ashish said...

munnu bhaiyya job mein aane ke baad jab settle hoiyega to bataiyega. aaju-baaju ke ghar lenge :D

Celebrities suck! At least I'm indifferent towards them. I just want average guys/gals as neighbours- who can think nice for me, not be jealous or proud of anything, have a greaaaaatttttttt sense of humour to entertain my kids when I am busy (apna munnu bhai comes in here :D) and are human-lovers!

Harsh said...

Damn.. if you are having Aish as your neighbour .. can i be your neighbour :))))

HoliDevil said...

I want to have George Bush, the most intelligent President of US as my neighbour.

Ranj said...

Shashi Tharoor. Abhishek Bachchan. Jasper Fforde & Pratchett :)

(quite predictable, hmm?)
PS- It's Sri Sri Sri, I think! :p

s said...

beeps url plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

abhi said...

@cathy - yeah am onto a book called 'walden' these days.and the 'handling sorrows' article on your blog was simply amazingly profound.

@RK - thats a noble thought.spike up the deck to full volume , and you can play "subah ho gayi mamu" at 4.30 am every day.and u can play "so gaya yeh jahan" at 12.30 am every night.but i have this feelng ur parents wont like it either.

@bunnu - Mallika sherwat line de rahee hai.was talking dirty on this blog.and url nahee bataunga.

@ze chapaater - tag ! the word sends freeze waves down my spine.am not gonna be so evil , Dr.evil !

@TT - hailla , such secrecy ! oooaoao..mysterious girl..are you the type who wears a long black coat , a black hat , collars reaching upto the ears , moves quietly in dark back alleys amd talks in a hushed tone.itnee bhee kya sharmaana laajwanti .;)

@ruchi - arre tu ! and people say "bye bye" , "Ta Ta " , "wah wah" , but yeh "namaste namaste" ka stunt to pehli baar dekha.

@sunshine - Chee chee.after just coz beep sound like beep-asha dsnt mean its her.And after watching her in 'No entry' , i wish me and her stay in different continents , forget localities.and man , i wud love to be ur neighbour.ill teach your dog how to shit , puke , piss on your costly sofa on weekdays and to piss , puke , shit on your dining table on weekends.and i will teach your boy to dance to anu malik numbers and to bunk classes and flirt with all the fat girls of the colony.and finally ,ek katori cheeni milegi jee ?

@sayesha - hey hey hey sayesha.it may be you , for all you know !

@mike - man , ur wife would be looking at all those ferraris and taunting you day and night - "kab tak yeh 1988 ka scooter chalate rahoge ? miss.schumacher ko dekha , aaj nayi ferrari mein jaa rahee thee !".and how do we spell it..."paedophile" ? ;)

@freesol - tyson wud be my buddy.tyson , go beat jim !

@ashish - man , i see my future pretty clearly.me in a house drowning amongst neighbour's kids.and i am not complaining.but hey bhai , tere 2 se jyada bacche nahee sambhaalunga ;)

@harsh - no way.forgive me brother , dosti mein aa gayee daraar , apne beech mein hai aish kee deewar.

@holidevil - u clever devil.say it , u want jenna and barbara bush in there.and even a laura is not bad maybe ?

@ranj - thats as predictable as a mad monkey's behaviour.and sri sri sri ? this guy sure loves long names.

@s - hey s , i hate to tell you this , but i cant tell you.am so sorry bhai.so so sorry.so so so so sorry.the next thing has to be eight 'so' before sorry.its a GP.

Sayesha said...

//@sayesha - hey hey hey sayesha.it may be you , for all you know !

Whoa! Hamaari aisi kismat ki Abhi would want me as his neighbour! Oh man. Calcutta ki toh waat lag jayegi if both of us live in the same neighbourhood! ;)

Btw, this is probably the only instance in history that someone would actually feel flattered about being called 'beep'! :)

Aj said...

Abhinav

yar niche aaja, none of them would want you as neighbour ...except mayb a jim carry types...interests would match u know :) .... hey i dont mean bedroom ones ;p

dotty_pixie said...

oh..tht ws really entertaining..really...lol
but u shud really be carefull..having aishwarya rai nd mike tyson in the same neighborhood...nd u in the middle..ur setting urself up for disister!
:)

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s said...

hmm lets c if i can crack da mystery beep..i guess u lik 2 play table tennis.. ;-)

divya said...

ur neighburhood has to be in and around iimc right...i`d give anything to be ur neighbour!!

@nivindya- that was the first thing i told abhinav, but he seems to have researched quite a bit on this topic, and his research says " mike tyson only likes black women" now for the sake of ash`s safety and more importantly abhinav`s safety lets hope its true.

bobbyg67 said...

Nice site I too have a ceiling fan site at ceiling fan ciao

Sayesha said...

Abhi, dekh tere 'fan site' ka yeh spammers 'ceiling fan site' bana rahe hain!!

Enable word verification, yaar!

Anonymous said...

boss pls put up one of those word verification thingies to prevent spammers

madmita said...

nice journal..umm thoughts..
my list of neighbours
the sun and
the moon.

ahaan said...

Such a neighbour hood can only be a dream :)
mine list would be most probably same as ur except Aish..This girl can land u in more trouble than anyone..lol
Who knows even tyson falls for her ..

abhinav said...

@sayesha-I wish had named the fifth neighbour "golden faced langoor" instead of beep.Ive never seen someone feeling flaterred at being called that.And nothing to be flatterred about that sayesha , you are one of the most unpretentious ( watever the spelling ) and natural bloggers around.

@aj - sorry bhai , the lift going down is out of order, i guess im stuck up here.and wat do you know about me to say "not the bedroom ones" ? ;)

@nivindya - I wrote something in all its solemnity and u found it entertaining.try to spot the philosopher in me ;)Abt the tyson-aish-munnu triangle , i dnt need to worry.have been visiting the gym lately.

@ayoye- gratuites moto !! now thats my dream site.

@s - Yeah i love playing TT.Never mind that I always lose.your serve ? ;)

@divya - 500 gold biscuits.1 ferrari.red.and a chewing gum.jaldi de.

@bobby jee - chale jaise hawaaein !where were you man , ive been waiting fr ur fans since 1984.

@sayesha - come on sayesha.they add to the fun , dont they ? reduce weight , buy fans , treat depression , they are a colorful lot.

@anon - i dont think its important yar.read the above reply.lets accept our spammer brothers.

@madmita - now thats unique.sun and the moon ? looks like the solar system is gonna reside in ur colony.which planet are you.;)

@ahaan - man no fear frm tyson.ive been visiting the gym.just look at this chest ..broad , eh ?bring it on , mike.

madmita said...

well since you asked...
i am from Pluto...
currently living on Saturn.
and if you ever get bored on earth-try a rollercoster ride on saturn's ring!

s said...

:-)

Abhi said...

"Now , I am not the intellectual and liberated youth who sports a little goatee , wears ‘kurtas’ over faded jeans , has ideas on poverty elimination and capital punishment and can spend LIGHT YEARS arguing social topics over coffee with more people of his kind."
Light year is the unit of distance and not time :P

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Bart Simpson said...

Uhmm I know it's a little late to post a comment here..but I read this today..and uhmm.. errs.. hehe
Light year is a unit of distance not time.. (Fine I am an engineer.. 1/4 of one at least.. and I notice all this first)

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