Sunday, January 30, 2005

The "screwed up grades"creature

exams are over.they went off ...umm..decent.and when i got back from the exam hall after the last exam , i flipped away the pen and the question paper with the arrogance one feels after the end of know.therz this euphoria just after the exams end and I feel happy ,even though at the back of my mind i know that the answer i copied from the next guy may be wrong , i feel relieved.

Neways , now that they are over.I have started with reading "5 point someone".its about three guys at IIT who messed up their grades and were pretty messed up in their lives i am an absolutely irregular reader and if i happen to get caught in a group discussing anything about reading , i generally tell them that i have to make a call and then proceed to hide till they are back to topics like movies and music.

But I do enjoy reading whenever I do.Readers digest has been a favorite.neways , but this novel reminds me of my screwed up college days at my engineering college.n when i say screwed up , thats because i dont recall a worse phrase.

The only decent thing I did during engineering was to decide that I had to do an MBA.Those C++ codes and microprocessors still hold the power to wake me up with sweat on my forehead and terror in my eyes in the middle of the night.

I understood all that technical crap but i didnt enjoy it.ENJOY.its a word which is not treated with the importance it deserves.if I enjoy a thing I do it pretty well.but i dint enjoy all that technical shit and as a result I got really screwed up scores.

And you know what , grades get screwed up and people think that I am insulting humankind by treading the earth.I didnt flunk any paper at college but that was it.I was always the part of the gang who was composed of the "thrown-out-of-the-class-unashamed-chalk throwing-backbencher" guys.And there was this group of guys who had this dream of dying in a library.they discussed wi-fi technology while we talked more about having a wife.the professor smiled at them while he looked like he had just been diagnosed with AIDS when he came upon my group of rascals.They did all their assignments while we didnt know that we needed to submit one.

And I am not proud of all this.I should have studied but I just dint enjoy all that technical stuff.

And when I got into IIM Calcutta , it was like India had been attacked by the rest of the world combined.I mean , how could this rascal , useless joker , screwed-up-grades creature , get into one of the more decent B-schools of the nation.That was seriuosly cool.I remember one of the more highheaded guy actually waving down my bike soon and ask
" hey , did u get into IIM in Indian Institute Of Management?".

His expression was like somebody had jammed a high tension eletricity cable in his ear.n i thought "yeah dood, these IIM guys bungled up.this creature got a percentile of 99.74 and got into IIM Calcutta".

i hate thinking like makes me feel sick and ashamed and ungrateful, because i know god has provided me with whatever i have .but a handful of guys thought that me and my gang of guys was a burden on mother earth and it felt good to make them know otherwise.

But I dont need such big achievements to make me happy.I still think that the real happiness of life is not in a few big achievements but a million small everyday things.10 heartfelt sweet messages on my cell make me happy . If i keep waiting for big things , I would have to wait a lot.So i prefer to grab my share of happiness in little sweet stuff of everyday life.I dont mind the big stuff, who wont like getting into an IIM and stuff like that but hell, i cant wait years for such things to make me happy , i would prefer her sweet smile right this minute.

Saturday, January 22, 2005

its clean..for now..

hey its true.

i cleaned my room a couple of days back.know my exams roll from the 24th so i thot "hey a clean room leads to a better frame of mind " . so i jumped outta my bed , rolled up my sleeves , put my hands on my hip , looked around the place n thot

"umm...can we do this tommorow ?".

naah , i am gonna do it today.yea , i am.

the bed is the first target.u know , its been days since ive slept alone .before u get any pleasant ideas , ive been sleeping with a couple of dirty sweatshirts , a shirt with ketchup stains, some 3 books , an empty ruffles lays pack and a compact disc case on my bed ,to name a few.

all rite , ill be sleeping alone tonite u buggers , off u go to ur respective places . wow , my bed is big enough i realise.n as a cherry on the top , im gonna change the bedsheets too.a pink new sheet with green flowers and the smell of napthalene balls is found at the bottom of the clothes almirah.spread out on the this urge to jump into the bed rite now.

but hold urself the brave room cleaner ,the job is yet to be completed.

lets look at the computer table.besides the computer ( kinda obvious ,eh ?)...i see an empty aquafina bottle toppled across the mousepad....a ponds cold cream (ah,my soft skin.. )...a torn apart "hide n seek" biscuits pack....2 empty pepsi cans(one of them still has some pepsi in it..shall i try to shake the drops into my mouth)......n a deoderant spray long exhausted.

they go off.i see my mousepad in its entirety after

now for u my dear bookshelf.besides all those thick textbooks which i havent touched in weeks i find buried between them a couple of readers digest ... a shakuntala devi puzzle book(why did she have to get her face on the cover ?)....2 india today copies ...n a ahem..let this one pass.

now for the closing ceremony marked by the sweeping of the we have got sweepers for this but my room is at the top floor n gettin down n finding the guy get him to climb up all those stairs is more difficult than kissing a i bring out my personal broom (hey JHADU sounds better yaar!)

i found a shirt which had been there for about a month (serious)...3 socks(n not even one pair amongst them)...a passport sized snap of myself (who else)...n a lot of dust under the bed.

neways , i managed to gather as much as i could and carefully pushed them to the door.i paused at the door , lifted the broom backwards a little and swished down on all the stuff to get it outta the room.

wow , so i did wen my mommy asks "bete room clean kiya ?" , i wont have to lie.she catches me anyways.

now for some celebration on achieving this historical feat.i pull out the top drawer and fish out a 5 star unpeel the cover and slowly relish the soft taste was as good as ever.hey now wat fr this chocolate cover in my hand.
i pause a little..and then flip it into the air n watch it land lightly near the table's leg.

its allrite yaar , i can do the cleaning some other day now.

Monday, January 17, 2005

dont be greedy

ok.the fingers are back on the keyboard.i just cudnt help it.neways, im back to life.lemme i start.

The TRip To Home

At 4 in the morning on the 5th of jan , i chek my air tickets n cash fr the last time in my travel bag,put over a relatively clean sweatshirt (im going home yaar!) ,clean my shoes(im going home yaar!),lock my room n jump into a yellow ambassador waiting outside the hostel.The driver puts on some bengali music.i cant understand it.he looks at me n ask if we shall move.nah, ill like to move to this wierd music instead of moving , u dumbwitted guy.move brother , ive got a plane to catch !

the ride was pretty decent.he dint try to molest me and the music though not understabdable was pretty much tolearble.

I got thru the security check things and waited in the queue at the boarding gate.Therz this pretty much decently good gal just ahead of me.hmm,looks like this flight will be cool.n i look behind to see if ne more prospective birds are in the queue.n immediately behind me is this 35ish something guy.centre parting.pencil moustache.protruding lips as if searching for a kiss.suddenly he grunts,gathers it in his mouth, searches momentarily,spots a dustbin ,leans over n "thoop !"spits in it.

im so sorry to offend ur sensibilities.but this happenned.just imagine the mental scarring ive been subjected to.

neways , i settle into my "window wali" seat in the plane.ok god , now u just get a girl besides me n ill take over then.i wait.n then a young father n his around 5 year daughter come towards me.he places the lil girl in the seat next to me.shes got a ponytail at the top of her head.its ok.atleast kids r lovely n fun to talk to, i think.she draws out a colour book n a box of crayons frm her pink lil teach her how to color.

n then there is this arguement between some guys over the seat numbers.swapping of places.glares.arguements.n then things settle down n guess wat , that "spitting guy" is sitting besides me now.o god,why did u do this to me.

he looks at me.i remember the dustbin.he pulls out a magazine on pottery frm the flight mags.he looks at the photographs with the "hmmm...nothing new u see,i got them all" expression.
the plane begins to move forwards now.he pushes back the mag , leans over n places his face rite in front of me to look out of the window , n asks me " is it moving ?".

n i say " looks like we r moving .i guess we have to."

the flight takes off.suddenly he leans forward and pulls up a black leather bag onto his lap.i suspect hez taking out a gun or a rocket launcher or something.ok,he pulls out a 500 ml plastic bottle which has got some thick dark liquid.he stops an airhostess n says "plain glass".she gets a glass of plain water.he struggles with his expressions n repeats "plain glass".finally we decipher he wants an empty glass.he gets it n pours this liquid in it n keeps inhaling it with all kinds of sounds emnating frm his almost teary thinking of an imagined girl sitting besides me.

he packs up his bottle n decides to relax now.he moves back the seat n puts up his hands behind his head which means his left armpit is just next to my right ok.n then he turns his head towards me which means his nose is just next to my right almost ok.ok.

the hostess brings the candies tray n he almost jumps onto the tray.the food comes n he keeps sticking his elbow in my ribs all thru it.n then we hear that we will soon this he brings his face agonisingly close to mine to see outta the window n looks at me n says " fog ".

i somehow move my lips without touching his cheeks n say " hmmm.foggg"

by the time the plane landed i was like "hey mr.pilot,gimme a parachute,im jumping out now".
the plane was completely full n hence these guys cudnt allow a seat change.

i guess it was my greed fr a "next-seat-telephone-no-exchnging" girl that god did this to the next time u hop onto a plane,just remember,things can be bad.

ps-ne idea if i can send free sms using some website or cell accnt running out fast n i gotta send these messages.

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

im coming mommy !

Just finished with watching "finding neverland".it touched my heart.A very simple dreamy movie.n at the climax , when tears fill the little boy's wide n clear hazel eyes and slide delicately down his fair and pristine cheeks ,its difficult to deny the tears in your own eyes .Death of his mother it was.

Death is a painful thing.Not the pain of the body.But the pain of the seperation.Of not feeling the smell of her hands.Of missing the moments when you threw your arms playfully around her neck.Of not watching her folding the clothes.of not hearing her voice.

I know that death is not a pleasant thing.But just if we remember that it is there , waiting for of all of us,life can be more sincerely lived.Just remember that at the twilight,you will just have the moments made of these emotions and feelings to savour.nothing businesses run .no empires built.just these little we must be good.
a fast brain u may do without.but have a beautiful heart.People wont remember the money u got , but how you made them feel.

And the good news is that this thing called life has lately been, not exactly as horrible as listening to bappi lahiri songs .

Im getting reasonable scores in my tests.After my first term scores ,anything greater than zero seems a reasonable score.

Checked today that my attendance records for the last term are adequate .So I dont need to feign a broken ankle or brain cancer to justify my absence from the classes.

And I am going home.

5th dawns and those two hours in the sky would carry me from a world of deadlines,assignments,notes and submissions to one of my parents smiles and my sister's mischiefs.A kinda hole in the heart remains when I am away from home.And the most painful part is when on the 10th ,I will haul my travel bag on my shoulder and look back and wave to them at the departure lounge of the Delhi airport.Thats life,I think.

And know what , I may get a chance to actually help little poor kids as a part of the work being done by PARIVAAR , an ngo run by an IIM C alumnus here at Calcutta.They wanted IIM C students to help out and some of us volunteered.Lets see.I would really feel glad to do something like this.

So people , thats very much it.Pray that a girl sits besides me on the flight and if u got time , ask god to make it a pretty , single and "telephone-number-exchanging" girl.

Saturday, January 01, 2005

the year that was

a very happy new year to you , ur family , ur neighbours , ur pet dog , ur milkman , ur newspaper boy and ur postman.

its 3.30 am and my love with insomania continues.the year was pretty reasonable , perhaps the most defining of my lemme look at the tyre marks im leaving behind on the road called life this year.

~~ I got out of my engineering college gracefully , without a single back paper.thats an achievement.seriosuly, with my kind of IQ , i deserve the nobel prize for doing that.

~~ I got into IIM Calcutta .This was like sachin hitting a century after 10 consecutive ducks.I had been tagged a useless joker all through teh 4 years of my college.So for once it felt good when even that pretty girl in the other class knew that this guy did something decent.

~~ I had to live away from family for the first time in my doin a tolerable job , i think.though my room looks like an assortment of dirty clothes , empty wafer bags , coke cans and chocolate wrappers ,books and magazines, im alive and brush my teeth everyday .

~~ I travelled in an aeroplane for the first time .now this is all relative.i had never done that i think its worth a mention amongst my life changing events of the year.The air hostesses were not as pretty as those in the movies.And I did not get a window seat.and an old grumpy man sat besides me and he kept fingering his nose every 9 minutes.and i travelled by air 2 more times after that.

~~ I am not doing as well as i wanted to in my MBA . But i kinda make up for that by assuming a spiritual face and saying " i dont want too much money , u see ".

~~ I managed to start a blog and keep it going.Though many of u must have had this urge to send me a letter bomb due to this blog , ive enjoyed it.

~~ I still love the same girl i loved at the start of the year.her parents named her aishwarya rai.u might have heard of her.

~~ I made the path breaking discovery that humans can survive without sleep.the guinea pig was me for this experiment , courtesy the not-so-lovely work schedule at IIM C.

~~ I developed this funny ability to know when to stop.and i feel i should stop now.

a very happy 2005 to all of u happy and make others happy , atleast make me happy.