Thursday, January 19, 2006

Touching memories

Blogging is like making an STD call . Both the things are easier to do at night. While lower calling rates bag it for the STD calls , a more silent and peaceful boys hostel makes blogging better at night.

Anyways , I am back from watching a show of "Zinda" at the INOX . If there are two things good for my heart , they are saffola cooking oil and hindi movies . These movies don't trouble my heart with unsuspected twists and unexpected endings. The rape scenes are invariably interrupted by the hero who comes crashing in through some expensive glass door. Honest school teachers are usually killed by the bad guy while the teacher's kid hides behind a flower pot and takes a colored mental photograph of the killer for future revenge . The good guy grabs decent airtime between being shot and being dead , which he utilises well by stopping people from calling the ambulance and telling everyone around to take care of each other after he is dead .

Of course , I have seen some movies challenge the norms , a notable example being "Saiyan Magan Pahelwani Mein" ( My guy is busy wrestling ) , which is in fact a bhojpuri movie , which I was made to watch on gunpoint by masked men who remain unidentified till date. So when I saw Lara Dutta as a Cab Driver in the flick "Zinda" , it was another 'awe and wonder' kodak moment for me . The rest of the movie was kinda drab , with Sunjay Dutt looking like in urgent need of a barber , clean bath and fresh collection of santa banta jokes to change his 'depressed-cant smile-wont comb my hair' mood in the movie . But a slim and pretty Lara Dutta as a cab driver was something unexpected for me , which made me view my hairy and creepy cab driver on the way back with a deep sense of dissatisfaction.

Speaking of the taxi ride , we were six IIM students and one non IIM driver stuffed in a cab , and as is the rule within Indian jurisdiction , I was making around 93% of the noise . 3% is attributed to a running car engine and occasional honking . 4% was coming from guys threatening me with touching statements like and "Do you always giggle without reason?" and "Move away man , give me some space."

In an twist of fate completely unrelated to the unfounded allegations about cramped space leading to inappropriate touching , our topic of conversation veered onto gays . Ok , confession time. Unintentionally , I drove the conversation right into it . In most situations , one of my primary aims is to have harmless , export quality fun . The guy sitting next to me in the cab was a bengali lad who is more interested in the stock market than a fire extinguisher even when his pants are on fire , keeps steel and sugar prices pasted on his desktop , and rebukes me with a nice little 'dhatt' when I ask him about girls . Smirking gleefully at his being trapped in a running car with me , I grabbed his shoulder , squeezed it softly and asked in a delicious throaty voice "Hey buddy , have you ever seen a gay , before me that is... " and squeezed his shoulder again followed with a crooked smirk. I expected him to shriek and lunge towards the nearest car window . And it was like I had found a beady eyed frog floating in my steaming bowl of tomato soup when he looked at me , lowered his eyes and utterred 'yeah , once'. He went on to tell us about some gay guy who had made a pass to him on a late night in bangalore. Which sent me sliding back to the flashback when I met a gay man.

I was in my engineering college then and was walking down a street after getting off a bus . A 40 something man , riding a green scooter passed me , slowed down and asked if I wanted a lift . Feeling glad that such people still exist in the northern hemisphere , I happily nodded and jumped onto the pillion. I had heard about hitchhikers being robbed or molested , but that stuff happened in cars with tinted glasses . I dint really see him robbing a college bag with a battered notebook and a leaking pen inside , and dint really see that happening on a green old scooter which had no windows , tinted or otherwise .

He started off with some sweet talk , asking me about my college and engineering , which made me a little uncomfortable as I feared he may ask about my marks next , which were so low that I needed a submarine too find them . But my "How uncomfortable are you?" measurement device blew up when he actually took a hand off the handle and placed it on my thigh in such a way , I knew this was "When Harry met Harry" happening with me . I immediately asked him to stop and got off . The freak threw a 'please come again' smirk at me as I hurried away.

If you think I am making it up for some reason, it's fine , I don't think a certificate saying anything like "It is hereby certified that Mr.Abhinav has been molested according to prescribed techniques by Mr.Freak on a green scooter" , will add much value to my CV.

Coming back to the safer cab ride , for next half an hour , it was a soulful confession class for six IIM guys who went about telling about the gay men some of them had come upon . It was discovered that three of us had actually felt a gay thing being done to us . One of us used it to claim that he was actually a cute guy and hence considered suitable enough for this noble attempt by some creep . Defying my penchant for stupidity , I was not the one to claim this . Fearing he may feel left out and hike up the fare meter in anger , I almost asked the driver if he wanted to share any victimised memories about gay guys , but my pals had this sudden flash of an angry driver thrashing me on a crowded calcutta street and suggested otherwise .

Anyways , it's almost six in the morning now and I got classes in six hours from now , so I need to hit the scooter..err , sack now . I don't wake up in a cold sweat yelling "stop the scooter" and I don't turn into a "green scooter owner" killer at 2 am every night , but it did scare me . And it makes me feel how tough it must be for girls with eve teasers as common as stray dogs . I really feel I should have kicked that scooter guy that day , instead of sneaking away . But I hope to find him someday. So if you got a green scooter , you better paint it some other color.


lotus dew said...

nice post.
so now i know, its not just me who has stories like these to tell, it happens with guys too.

Suds said...

Nice post buddy.. That exp of urs was a bit scary..:):)

Upper Berth said...

Abhinav, I too had that unimaginable experience.It happened during my college.I used to sit with my frnds on the beach bench and discuss useless things happened on that day till police comes and asks us to go to the hostel, the police became frnds even. one night, by around 9:30 PM, after having dinner, I went alone becoz i had flunked in two important papers and wanted to relax and get back to my normal self. I was sitting on the same bench and enjoying the bliss of moon light on the sea, suddenly i felt a hand from behind nearing my private zone, Soon i relaised and turned back, a lean, mid-aged,smelly guy no gay was about to hug me, i pushed him on the floor and was making move to give one kick at him, he ran way.I felt more uncomfortable the whole night,why he chose me? But consciously or consciously,u know what i did, i enrolled for gym and started to build my physique and grew a dark malayali moustache to look more manly in my outward appearance.(Well, iam not a malayali)If i see that gay anywhere, i will crush his......



hehe ! munnu !! hehe


hows da movie by the way ? :)

Jaggu said...

hey abhi...u have an awesome knack of puttin across serious issues in ur own self-styled sense of humor...yup dude,homosexuals exist nd they aint from another planet....However here in India this whole homosexuality thingy is so much shoved under the carpet sort of.....I was workin in technical support for Cisco nd used to directly interact wid American customers ...... i have had numerous instances when some american guy-callers used flirtish talk, asked for mail addresses nd in the extreme case even offered to provide air tickets to come to america.....some of my ex-female colleagues have had similar experiences with lesbian callers.....!!
Homosexuals( atleast most them ) are wat they are not by choice but by chance( misfortune one might say).....Surely they dont have the damn right of sexual exploitation ( as in ur scooter-incident) but i feel they get a vey inhumane deal by the rest of the society which treats them as outcasts( atleast in india )......Things r much better for them in Europe (Elton John finally gets into 'holy' matrimony after years of live-in with his beau) but i guess in india society needs to open up to these ppl....
They are human afterall....!!!

Ashish Gupta said...

Heard some cases around here too; bad luck I never came across anyone ;)

Oyeeeee! I meant to beat someone black 'n blue after being asked out >:) Would be more fun than beating each other black and blue in the wing ;)

anu said...

ok so u hav seen zinda ?initially i thought u remembered some 'touching memories' while watching it ....but as most of the time it turned out totally unexpected...well how was movie ? plz say it was fine i wil make ma to c it u no the her comments na !!that will be more fun to listen her comments rather actually seeing the flick !!

myths said...

hmmm.. some not so pleasant "flashbacks" for me. i have had quite a few encounters with 'em gays. always wondered if am one of those "gay-attracting" material. no way. i don't take that as a compliment, what so ever. i have nothing against a guy being gay, but my advice to them is, u can be my friends, but don't try ur tactics with me. i'll turn out to be a "gay-attacker" then.

u are so right. i wonder how the girls manage with the eve teasers.

Ms. V said...

I love gay guys. They're like the best friends for girls to have! The gay men in India sound like creeps though. Maybe because they can't come out in the open. But over here, they're just way too much fun. To me, a gay is a guy who will be friends with me without having any "ulterior motives". So it's PERFECT :D

pandora said...

hahaha....interesting! oye bach ke rahiyo :P

arpz said...

i have a specimen in my office whom we ( me and a coupla frnds) suspect to be a gay ! his walk is trendier than Madhuri's Dance in "Maar Daala" . Would he be classified as a gay?
I am usually put to shame at his smooth and girly manners ... is he a gay?

arpz said...

whoa ! wat did I do? I just typed in a [i] hazaar[/i] words in your comments section !!!! :O
oops sorry

Vaibhav said...

I was hit upon by a two-wheeler rider once too...

Guy Giving Lift (GGL): So... do you enjaye Sax?
Me (ME): No. (thinking he was just another frustoo who "enjayes" talking shit)
GGL: Muhahahaha... cum on yaar, everybuddy should enjaye Sax... sometimes with gruls and sometimes with bais
ME: bais ? (trying not to imagine him with our cleaning lady)
GGL: Yas! (turns with a chilling smile) I like bais!!
ME: I hate bais...and I don't get time from my studies (goes to show how desperate I was to get out of the situation)
GGL: Muahahahaha... itna parai karke kya karogay, mere dost!?
ME: Apne papa ki tarah Police Officer banoonga.

GGL: kahan utarna hai?

nidhi said... was my 3rd exp.readg
a blog...urs was very nice!!!
atleast now can u understand what we go thru everyday.
And yes i just cudn't help laughing at the way u hv written ur blog.keep it going.

divya said...

oh-ho,u`ve been through it. oddly ur post reminds me of the phirang freak that i ran into, at sparks a few days ago. he scared the living daylight outta me. now for the offliner that i left u on messenger!...i see that u`ve followed my instructions to the T,u`ve stopped being a lazy boy and ur back with a post... miss holmes is grinning.

Fursat said...

Tu pagal hai tu pagal hai tu pagal hai :P

ok ok yeh comment nahi hai..

bechara tu shuru se apne marks ko leke kitna insecure feel karta hai :) chal ab tu acha baccha ban ja ..chahe woh lecture doordarshan ke music programme jaise boring bhi ho naa tab bhi usse thik se sunna...haan kabhi-2 jayada boring ho to muje sms kar sakta hai :P

chal tu ab thoda sa araam kar le itna thoughtful post likha hai tune :)

take care

God bless u !

Anonymous said...

Haha....Love the pun in the title

USK said...

I loved the title.....
I feel ur titles are as gud as ur posts. Touching indeed :))

Ramlal said...

Hey abhi remember that dialouge from zinda Tum 14 saal se kisi aurat ke saath nahi rahe and the act that followed. how on earth people can cook that up.
i think i have to learn Karate now. the world is not safe for Ramlal

Phoenix said...

U scare me!

Gaurav said...

hi chotu,
good the title and the description of the moment as usual funny.... good one.

Anonymous said...

Amazzzing! Can't stop laughing at "The good guy grabs decent airtime between being shot and being dead , which he utilises well by stopping people from calling the ambulance and telling everyone around to take care of each other after he is dead."


Anonymous said...

dude, sidin ( quit his job to pursue writing as a career. i am betting the next one to be YOU!!!

he he!

best of luck!

Abhi said...

@LD - yes dadi ma , guys have bhayanak yaadein too.Its a big bad world , kid.:)

@suds - A bit scary , for you.For me , as scary as getting into a taxi with aman verma , shakti kapoor and gulshan grover inside.

@TF - A fellow victim.Want a hug ? :p And a dark malayali moustache is too big a price to pay for that dark evening yaar .With my kind of height and looks , a moustache will look as suitable as a Hema malini is a boys hostel.

@nidhi - u r laughing.if cruelty had a face , it would have been yours.I am emotionally scarred , sister .

@nidhi - Movie zinda aisee thee ki saari audience soch rahee thee ki hum zinda kyun hai aisi movie dekhne ke baad bhi.

@jaggu - yeah bro.they are human.Just different.But what was freaky in my incident was not his being gay , but having the balls(?) to actually mess around with people ( me in this case ).Be whatever you are , but hey , dont let me know it .:)

@ashu - go to for mahatma his ahimsa theory.Jab dekho ladai jaghde ki baat karta hai tu munna.;)

@anu - zinda has a lot of teeth being plucked out , hands chopped , eyes get the idea.if you dont , its not for girls and nice boys like me.

@myths - thats one compliment no one wants , except a gay maybe.Girls sure have it tough , imagine , I met one gay , they run into eve teasers every day .

@ms.V - you sure have nothing to fear around them.And for a girl as gutsy and strong as you , you dont have to fear anyway vidya. :)

@pandu - badi chinta hai tujhe.tabhi comment ke shuru mein hee 'haha' likh diya.meri barbaadi ka tamasha na dekh , and zinda bhee matt dekh.

@arpz - ok ok.Someone tell arpz I still havent got my 'how to identify a gay' diploma.Else I wont have hopped onto that scooter.I have taken a print out of ur comment.Its not a smiley .

@vaibhav - LOL .Presence of mind and a sharp wit.They just saved your izzat buddy.:)

@nidhi - yeah , though its way too big for me , I can just begin to feel what you people have to go through .And not only the guys do it , but we guys who dont do anything against it , are to blame for your laughed at what I wrote ? looks like even a dead crow can make you laugh then .:)

@divs - Now you cant compare your case with mine , divs.You are pretty , but me ? Why me o green scooter monster ? And bangalore is a much safer place than delhi.I hope.The things your offliners make me do.

@neets - insecure hona to natural hai na.saare school college ke marks collect karu to meri little finger ke size ke hotein hain.Tu kya jaane low iq logon ki problem :p.

@anon - yeah , i liked it too.:)

@usk - Haha . yeah , its all about touching lives , you see.:)

@ramlal - Man , that was like the weirdest dialogue of the week or something.And to make matters worse , a couple was sitting right next to me.Jaago ramlal jaago , yeh duniya badi zaalim hai re.karate classes start.

@phoenix - why are you scared ? Gays.attack boys.remember ? :)

@gaurav - Thanks ustad ! :)

@Tara - Thats bollywood for you.Hollywood entertains with its variety , Bollywood entertains more due to the lack of it.

@anon - oh man , i read that .he is one titanium heart guy .And a god with the keyboard.As for me next in the line , even saying that is an honor.:)

Jaggu said...

i totally empathise wid ya man...wat that man did was totally worth a kick on his ____( well u get to decide that)... i was just commentin on the general homosexual clan, most of the innocent ones get a raw deal from society nd r forced to lead a life full of guilt for somethin they aint responsible for....!!

Viveka said...

u write jus 2 well....
u shld thank god 4 not havin 2 travel 2nd class in a train durin da peak hrs...u can b sure of gettin molested...dsa no. of gays in bbay is risin like hell man...

Phoenix said...

I know that. I was scared by ur thought, wat kinda conversations u make up!
I wish I cd meet u!

Raam Pyari said...

tussi great ho boss!!

p.s. vatsa : beta boht wait kara tumhare comment ka!!

Wanderlust said...

He He He...Recently me and another bloke from my office went to the estate agent here searching a decent house for rent.She asked us whether we were couples !!!!!!.....or how else could we think of staying together in a 1 bedroom hall flat .....
Wonder what she would have said of my Mumbai falt where for some time there were four of us together .....Gayer I assume..
Kind of banished this colleague from my vicinity since then ....
Good post buddy .

Wanderlust said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
pandora said...

mere pyaare bhaiyya

arre mai kya karoon....keyboard mein kuch gadbadi aa gayi thi naa..."ha ha" ke 'a' ke bad 'i' nahi print hua naaa.."hai hai" :P:P:P


raven said...

oye.. have you removed rss feeds? enable kar... cant access ur posts otherwise.... immediately enable kar

Planck said...

You are... I tell you... Incessantly humorous.

Ellie said...

He he he...Gay giri gyaan session of the future 'gurus' :-p enjoyed it! Your posts sure make my day...any day!

Ankit said...

i m all amazed wat a post ..... FISTS UP for u .....

Ashish Gupta said...

arre aapko nahi pata kya golden rule of relationships & frndship or love ????
Ladne jhagdne se pyar badhta hai :">

Ashish Gupta said...

How was FD2 ??

I am sure such an extreme thing as FD would have brought in a lots of thots in ur head! wanna write something FD centric ??

PS: the key d,f and g being next to each other i typed gf instead of fd and it read as ".. wanna write something GF centric".. silly me :D *stupid wali grin*

silverine said...


After a long time I am coming across a good humor blogger. Hilarious rambling. You are so right that girls have it tough. But we have learned the hard way and do not accept rides. Guess you guys will soon wise up too.

Niharika said...

i read your blog and i must admit u have a very good flair of writing.. the way you give a comical edge to even serious issues is amazin!!!
i am new to this scene but am trying to write good...thanx for inspiring me..i have added your link to my blog though..

Mind Curry said...

hi abhinav..fantastic post and great writing style..laughed a lot..i guess most people have some kind of attempted molestation story..if not physical, verbal atleast. i feel terrible though for people who really get abused and scarred for life.

myths said...

"hail hitler" ;)

Cherubin said...

Hey...I don't wanna be Hitler's souls sis...the pic still looks funny bro :)

Cherubin said...

BTW...tum dariyo naa bhaiyya...tumhari sis tumhe definitely protect karegi...I'll distract them with my wide array of respectable gay guy would ignore that...or maybe I'll just scare them with my freshly scratched faced ;)

Abhishek Khanna said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
kal said...

i just wanted to interact with u after reading ur post,i m quite IT illiterate .although i heard this word quite number of times before.i never tried to explore.neways u write

kal said...

just wanted to add wat u already kno'u write well'.

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Ashish Gupta said...

abe Oooooo

yeh kya ****** hai ???

plastic surgery karwa li kya ?? ya phir purani wali photu fake thi :-?
waise yeh asli chehra lag raha hai! suit karta hai ;)

Jaggu said...

Jughead to Hitler - A radical transformation we say,
is that coz Jughead looked vaguely gay?
fear arises ur new dictatorial makeoever wont give a damn to ppl's view,
Coz ur Hitler now but hey dude, spare me coz i aint a Jew !!

uttara said...

if u are hitler i am saddam.

Ramlal said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Ramlal said...

Don't know why the first comment did not had a working link let me try this way you may like to pass it to others. realy serious stuff

Abhi said...

@jaggu - oh yeah .Philadelphia.It said it all.

@viveka - thankk you god.for not making me travel second class in a train during peak take care .:)

@phoenix -my thought process ? Man , I get molested and I am scary ? ;).Just kidding.I AM scary.

@ruchi - boss kya kerega , aage junior ko hi sambhaalna hai bijness.

@amitabha - hey man ! I stayed at DCE with six guys in a flat .She would have called the cops if she knew that right ? :)

@pandora - chup raha kar lallu.Boards hai na ! :p

@raven - Help Help .Someone just shot a round of technical gibberish at me.

@sneha - I don't think so.The world is too amusing to let me be serious.

@ellie - hey ! here after a long time eh ? :).Hope you dint bump into that MTV 'coffee peene chalogi ?' guy again .

@ankit - Ok.Up.:)

@ashu - abbe tu apna in house love guru hain.dekhta hu kya gyan baant raha hain.

@silverine - yeah.I am wiser after the incident.I know green scooters are bad.

@jat land - oh yeah been to your blog.You are fun .enjoy writing , buddy :)

@mind curry - yeah , I cant even begin to feel what those people undergo.Nice sunflower.

@amyth- haha ;).Apne muh se kya tareef karun abb .:p

@cherubin - whoa ! my pretty little sis turns herself into a scratched red devil to protect her bro.go sis go ! :)

@kal - Thanks kal.You liked the movie 'kaal' ? .Stupid question , just that your name reminded me of can mail me if you want.

@sara - :)

@ashu - yehi hai mera asli roop.Gas chamber jayega ghumne ?

@jaggu - haha ! I tell you man , you are good with this rhyming thing.Real good.:)

@uttara - ok.I am not hitler.So now you are not saddam ? ;)

@ramlal - *clicks on link*


I too met gays in my life 2-3 times. See my blog for the story.

Libra Litrou said...

Interesting stuff here.


Libra Litrou

mdev123 said...

Hey Abhi
Congrats you have found a new pankha ;-)for your blogs. Abhi Rocks!!
You discuss these topics with such a ease that is really commendable.

Hope to see spme more fun happening at placement. You are planning to be a marketing guy, just be aware you will get this kind of people everywhere.

Erik Mann said...

another great blog...erik

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