Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Fat kid in the mirror

Speaking in officially cold terms , I attended the last class of my academic life recently . Of course , I hear Gandhi-ian phrases about learning continuing till the last breath . But the classroom thrill of watching the brown haired pretty girl sitting on the first bench and then noticing the dark mallu guy sitting dangerously close to you is unique . And the feeling of learning without a pot bellied professor as my personal sleep inducer shall not be the same.

After the last class ,we guys celebrated by doing some emotional stuff for the camera . Me and Himanshu felt it would be a complete insult to pass out of college without being involved in the filmy 'couple-in-the-lawn' situation . We searched for a quick girlfriend but with that not happening over the last 24 years, we had to do this ourselves for the camera . Damn the shiv sena members .

I am the guy lying down . The guy over me is himanshu. We were just grinning at each other behind the International marketing book and yelling to nishant 'jaldi photo kheench ,sacchi mein koi paap na ho jaye'.

Also , a couple of evenings ago , I attended the farewell party the juniors put up for the Dramatics cell . It was a nice evening . The girls pleasantly ignored me. When people got bored of looking at each other and saying "Party is nice na" and "Ice cream is nice na" , they asked me to do a little stand up thing . I did the telebrands thing . The thing where tall , blonde and well muscled guys dress up in underwears and say stuff like 'pehle mera wazan bahut jyada tha.Fir mere dost Tony ne mujhe iss machine ke baare mein bataya.Kamaal ki machine hai' to sell exercise equipment on TV. People say I can mimic that thing well , without being tall , blonde , well muscled and wearing more than an underwear . People laughed when I did that telebrands thing . So I think I could enact that , unlessthey were laughing because my fly was unzipped all the while.

In other news , due to some wonderfully terrible luck , I was inside a clothes store twice over the last week . My ma will have a eighty feel tall exclamation mark springing from her head if she gets to know this . She knows I hate shopping . And as if a gas chamber wasnt fun enough , I was in a gas chamber with a suicide bomber . In more direct terms , I was in the shopping thing with a lady . You give a thirsty woman dying in a desert a choice between a chilled coke and 40% discount sale on raamdulaari saaris , and she will take the latter gladly . So the only way I survived it was to plop on a cushioned seat and pretend I was brain dead while she went around the shop with the confidenceof a stoned Shahid Afridi.

Clothes stores are amazingly bad places for me to be in . First , my interest in clothes compares well with Sunny Deol's interest in the telecom industry of Jakarta . Not that I belong to mallika's say-no-to-clothes school of thought , I just don't like shopping for them . Secondly , I am very scared of that little cubicle in the corner called the 'Try room' where people get naked and try clothes without having to pay for it . Along with maths test results , Try rooms remain the worst memories of my childhood.

For the cause behind this psycological scarring by try rooms , I need to admit something . I was a short and fat kid .I am still short ( Four months ago , I went to a clothes showroom , and the polite sales girl told me the kids section was upstairs ) . But being a kid , I was shorter andbeing a very hungry kid , I was fat.

I used to hate the trips to clothes stores then . I dreaded the moment when my dad held out a little pair of trousers to me , pointed to the try room and growled 'try these trousers' . My dad can inspire a dozen nervous breakdowns by the sheer steel in his glares . It is said he once he strangulated one of his patients with his stethoscope because the guy asked if he should seek a second opinion . So I dragged myself to the try room when he told me to . My self confidence was blown into bacteria sized particles the moment I turned in there . Roof to floor mirrors surrounded me on all sides . To make sure I dint miss anything fat layers , lights bright enough to hold a one day match in the tropical forests shone on every part of my bloated body . For a fat kid to look at himself without trousers under bright lights is one of the most effective ways to develop an amazing inferiority complex . Somehow I huffed and puffed my way into the trousers which were loose enough to fit in an ethopian athlete . I defied all physics and textile engineering lessons to button up the trousers around my tummy . At the end of it all , I was left wincing wearing a trousers with atleast 5 inches of length sticking outside my feet like dolphin fins . I would open the door slightly and try to gesture to dad and call him to check out the agonising fit . To make sure no traces of self esteem remained , he gestured back to me . Which meant I had to walk all the way from the try room to my dad . So in a store where every kid was slim and smart and looked like Vandana Luthra's illicit child , a fat and short me flopped my way to my dad , who then touched me all over and declared I needed to try a size slightly larger . A large part of my low sense of self worth can be attributed to the time I spent without trousers in a little room.

Anyways , all that is history now. I am trying to build my life anew , changing clothes in dark and mirror free rooms.

And I am loving this song . I found this lovely track called 'Aankhon ke sagar' by Fuzon . The voice , the words , the music come together to create a dreamy and almost trance like state . If you have ever liked a two eyed girl for reasons other than her rich dad , this song may evoke some memories . And they would be a lot better than those stirred up by Try rooms .

85 comments:

rinku said...

mai first :)
ab nmai post padhunga...fir cment krunga!!!

rinku said...

are jara ek0-aadh video idhar fenko na vo telebrand acting wala..:)

mast post hai as usual...:)

//I was left wincing wearing a trousers with atleast 5 inches of length sticking outside my feet like dolphin fins
Hhaha....what a comparison!!

chimera_nids2abhi said...

hey me happy to see some activity here

:)

Now will read the post !!

Ashish Gupta said...

yeh kya tha munnu bhaiyya ?? kinda puzzled after reading last para :|


PS: @nidhi: Grrrr >:) mujhe pehle! DHOKHA! Sharam nahi aati ;-)

dkjariwala said...

Hi Abhi,

My name is JD, a new fan of yours! :) I really want to write 'You are funny' but that's like telling Brad Pitt that he is handsome. [Borrowing your style of comparing weird things to generate humour! Hope you don't mind!]

BTW, I am not hardcore fan like 'rinku'; but I guess very soon, I will be!

It's interesting that you have complex about you being fat while I have a complex that I am too thin. Believe me it's does no good to your confidence to find that your girlfriend has bigger biceps than you do!

Keep writing, keep bringing the laughs! :)

JD

Mitthu said...

It was hilarious!

I demand a disclaimer to be put at the start of the blog saying “Please don’t read it in the office”….

// Roof to floor mirrors surrounded me on all sides. To make sure I dint miss anything fat layers, lights bright enough to hold a one day match in the tropical forests shone on every part of my bloated body

Ise padhakr hasoon nahi to kya karoon, mera buddhua PM mujhe aise dekh raha jaise mujhe abhi kha jaayega….

Anonymous said...

shilpa said..
hey the couple in the lawn snap is funny....how many takes?....

Niharika said...

hi, a fab post as usual.. u bet the try room syndrome haunts me too!! its like suddendly everything you take in to try comes out too tight or loose.. the daunting images u get in the mirrors surely provides you with a big dent to ones self esteem!!

Surya Ragunaathan said...

Hey, Nice post! Btw, if u liked that song you must listen to 'mora saiyan mose bole na' by Fuzon again. You are sure to like it.
cheers!!

Chitochat said...

For once a 'not-so-good' post.
An over-dose of self-deprecation to generate humour.
And the fly-open thing, its right from Sidin's blog.
Want Abhi of old.

Jaggu said...

Looks like the remainder of ur stay @IIM-Cal is gonna be pretty nostalgic nd sentimental !!

Dijas said...

Hilarious !

Deez said...

he he he....now i thank god for letting maa buy clother for me without me havin to try them. never knew it could account for so much when i grow up. =))

and that's an awesome song.... try "mora saiyan mose bole na" , same singer same album. and i say ....U r welcome, since i know u r gonna thank me for it already :D

arpz said...

hmmm, good to know someone shares my agony! I still hate changing clothes ! :(

sunmay said...

and then ppl blame the poor green scooter wallah !

chitra said...

Haan...bahut achi song hain! Try listening to others as well :) !

badgirl said...

yaar dat photu is really fandoo , naughty guy lolllllzzzzz.

and dis trial rooms horrific exp yeah i too hv n i always try to forget those horrfic images of my own i m also just lil bit fat :)

Fursat said...

finally you posted something. you were fat..you never disclose that fact :D

"waise bhi fat to salman khan ki shirt ke tarah hai..aaj hai kal nahi"

hehe kisne kaha tha yeh :D

anyways..good to see you back and the song by fuzon is really nice. tune yahi suna hai? baki nahi sune?

chal take care

badgirl said...

i like TERE BINA more :))))

ashish said...

fuzon kya hai? koi band hai kya? ya movie :-/

sunshine said...

eekkss... et tu, munnu? just see that snap.... grrrrr.... 1st i thot u just gloried in rubbing the backs of hairy men, and now all this? how much more wud i have to see?

and u never told people abt the funda of the right sleeve....

Kunal said...

:)) :)) Quite interesting blog ... though i wonder why the author of such a funny blog is named as Hitler's soul!!

Shekhar said...

Oye Abhinav, kya post maara! Seedha sixer. Cool. One more suggestion for ur next pic: Dip two straws into the same nariyal, one straw for u and one for Himanshu.

He he.

Shekhar said...

Mmmm...just observed...still wearing the Deloitte t-shirt??!!

Suds said...

Are Abhi bhaya sahi post hai. Toh mubarakh ho aapka college khatam ho rahah hai. Welcome to the big bad world. I know u will do well. Best of luck.

Now abt other stuff.. Shee shee shee yeh kya kar rahe ho photo mein abhi bhaya...:( Aap se yeh umeed nahi thi..:):):) sahi hai lekin ek pal ke liye to laga mujhe bhi IIM C join karna chahiye agar aisa saab hota hai campus mein toh. Kisko pata tha ki both are guys. U can replace "u" with "a". heheheh...

Enjoy man..

lolita said...

after looking at tht picture of urs in homosexual act,i guess u need to anaylse urself again,neways best of luck for u future ..........

Viveka said...

readin ur blog is da best way 2 relax...seriously...

Anonymous said...

hey cool post..u really do make words speak :)
pls do check out http://coolanku.blogspot.com

this is my 15 yr old cousin :)

Kaps said...

hehe..jaate jaate humne bhi poore college ka chakkar lagaya tha..aur aisi dher saari foto khenchi thi..farak yeh tha..ki hum library mein gutar-goon kar rahe they :D..

and I agree with one of the comments..that it was too much of a "Main Aisa hi Hoon" types post..or may be u want to go the limits of self-burai and test ur readers :))
...sun bhai..yeh sab round-about tareeke karne ki koi jaroorat nahi hai..
junta yahan aayegi ..irrespective of ur appearance..aapko junta ke dimaag mein apni image banane ki jaroorat nahi hai :)) and u know that.

write for urself, not for the gallery.that is wen u do ur best.

ref.:- ur old posts

and did u click those standard pics--..class mein sote hue, bathroom mein nahate hue, room ke posters, GH ka guard, hostel ki mess mein table bajate etc. :)

Sudipta Chatterjee said...

Bhai I can agree with your 'hate-shopping-syndrome'... I experience it myself as well. But don't worry about the fat and or short part of it:

"Hum mote hain to kya hua dilwale hain!!"

P.S.- Frustration itna badh gaya ke ab ladke ke saath photo kheechane lage? :D

me said...

yaar how cud u.....how cud u...how cud u do such a thing, i mean how cud u write so amazingly well.every tym i read ur post iam short of words to describe ur talent.u r toh sum pechle janam ke shakespear ke relative...pakki baat hai.
another phunny phunny post.n dont u think motu n chotu n gol matol kids luk cute.....very cute.
Aankhon ke sagar is a nice song. hv u heard other songs of the same band. i also lyk neend na aaye n aankhon ke saagar!!!
n boss keep updating jaldi jaldi....pple get really tensed when ur blog is not talking.so keep talking:)

Aj said...

Abhi,


Two things..
first,yaar Woh Gas chamber with a suicide bomber wala scene se toh muje bhi sahi darr lagta hai ....
I mean the shopping thing with a girl ;P

Mast tha post, Thank god tu sahi salaamat nikal rha hai mba se,Maine suna hai log badal jaate hai :) woh photo dekh ke toh aisa hi laga tha , ;)

second, yar tu mere comments ki reply nhn diya last post mein,

MS said...

Hey Abhi!

That was as usual - 'Seriously Funny' or should I say mmmmm 'Teary Fun' (I mean hanstey hanstey aankhon mein paani aa gaya :))

***In other news , due to some wonderfully terrible luck
***Clothes stores are amazingly bad places for me to be in
Hey tumhara yeh oxymoron ka isstyle kaafi unique hai tumhare sabhi posts mein yaar....we juz love em....keep them coming...

BTW, lagta hai tumne yahaan janta ko hansaana apni Fulltime hobby bana liya hai... :D
N V juz Njoy these yaar....

Cheers!!
MS

Arti Honrao said...

Nice post [as usual]
Two ppl can make me smile wen am emotionally down ...
1 ~ Silverine and 2 ~ You :)

Wishing u luck for lessons of life without the brown haired pretty girl n dark mallu guy n pot bellied professor :)
Also, nice photu :D


GBU
Arti

archie said...

lol at the pic..n yea cool post dude!

Manufacturing Consent said...

Im telling you, they exist. See for yourself http://www.bestufopictures.com/

Manufacturing Consent said...

We are not alone http://www.bestufopictures.com/

anu said...

oh to ye ho raha hai...maine print out nikal liya hai abhi aunty ko speed post bhi kar diya hai, fone karke poochna jara ki ek important mail pahunchi hai ya nahi ?

Shreyansh said...

:DD

That pic is going to make an indelible mark on the memories of all the children reading ur blog.

:P

Shriedhar said...

at first look , i thouht u did ur job as part of shivsena obligations :) courtesy: ur post on feb 14th :)

u must hv had a nice valediction.

hope u'l continue ur blg after this :)

Dreamcatcher said...

I am sitting in a cybercafe reading this and right now everyone is staring at me bcos i laughed out loud :(
which shop is this btw?

HoliDevil said...

hw cm u became slim nw

Teri bhook ko kya hua munnu

Anonymous said...

in short you were a football whilst u grew up n now ?

Anonymous said...

@kaps: he still writes for himself..im sure he njoyd writin dis post as much as v did readin dis post..:-)

rachana said...

I am a new reader of ur blog.read many of ur posts..U made me laugh a lot!Thank you.. As u r about to go in a corporate jungle I wish u have all the success over there..

Anonymous said...

thought this one a little senti,
something like "Tere Bina" by Fuzon

Phoenix said...

WHAT apic!!

=)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

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Nidhi2Abhi said...

Hmm...after being the second to comment on this post here i come again to spare a few thoughts...

Time spend in company of 'friends' is special for the simple reason that they are part of our memories wether we like them or not...I have met few of my kinda ppl and many otherwise...

And towards the fag end somehow nostalgia does creep into the mixed feelings...and these are special days..for its the end of a definite chapter in our lives.

The pic is hilarious...24 years ka kya tamasha hai..aare 'normal' stuff is so boring..this was far more interesting and I am sure the memory will remain forever...International Marketing ki book......Peecha chuta !! ;)

All the best !!

poorva said...

whoa!! this was hilarious to say the least..i reeely love ur blog..it is super cool an the one thing u havta read wen u wanna have sum fun..
Kudos to u man..write on!

Kobe said...

Obs my man..sochha ek post main bhi daal hi doon.u know u have to write about PP...usko global market main lapet le!!!!!

Raam Pyari said...

heheheh....
yeh pic toh ossum hai!!!!!!
I think i'll down load it!!!
bad mein kalemail ke kaam aayegi!!

sunflower said...

hey nice one munnu, have read ur entire blog! great going. a bright future in a writing career:) nyways hope u land up in a real cool and comfy job. good luck:)

Ankit said...

HEHE ... me n my frnds also do this telebrand thing quite a lot. Our fav line is "Yakeen mano JOHN".

Aise i got my IIM C ka interview on 13th march any words of wisdom???

divya said...

:-)

Priya said...

hi abhi!
i wonder y r u still single..u are the perfect boy friend material.

munnu ki munni said...

Who told you he is still single? Ya'll are jealous of me!

Tinki aka munni

!xobile said...

hahahaha
mast kalia hai re tu...

if you have ever liked a two eyed girl for reasons other than her rich dad

oh shit! itni tuff condition.. yeh kon fulfill kar payega yaar.. tu bhi na!

Anonymous said...

@priya: stop wondering start acting !!! wont get such a match in a lifetime. he has wanted stuck all over his place - go grab the opportunity!

remeber these lines from "when harry met sally"??
"I'm saying that the right man that you ought to be out with right now, is out there. And if you don't grab him, someone else will, and you'll spend the rest of your life knowing that someone else is married to your husband."

LMAO =))
jokes apart, grow up lady! Thrrbbbbtttt!

abhash said...

man...this blog is getting better day by day....i still remember the days when u wrote the senti stuff and since i was also going thru
a similar phase cud relate to every single word that u wrote here....like intution writing also seems to be that one thing...u have it or u dont.....bahut jyada ghisoge to bhi mediocrity se bahar aana lagbhag namumkin hai...:-) ur blog reminds me of salingers school of writing....keep rocking....:-)

Niedhie said...

Oh Man U Rock!! What a great sense of humour... I must say that u can give concrete words to abstract thoughts... and a person who can laugh on himself can generate the most humour.

Kudos! Keep it up, we enjoy laughing reading them.

Anu said...

I don't know if you have been told this before but you definitely do NOT have Hitler's Soul. Sorry to disappoint you if you are! Though there is a possibility that Charlie Chaplin's soul might have got stuck in you somehow :P
I love reading your blogs! They keep me alive during mid-sem exams!! :-)

Ekta said...

Hey,
First timer on ur blog and it got me nostalgic of my last few days in MBA!
Can totally relate to the feeling of doing all the craziness possible before leaving!

Anonymous said...

dude, could you please help me kill that brat? he is also in my mirror, though my friends could not find him in my mirror.

~Pavan

Abhishek Khanna said...

mast post...

George said...

Hi Abhi-

I was kind of bored at work today ( happens every other day ), and so read thru all your posts and was stiffling ( is that even a word ) laughter all day. Bahut maja aaya padh ke, about you and yours. Naukri milegi fikar mat kar, chokri toh milegi hi milegi.

Anonymous said...

Now this post of yours brings me out of the khao pio khisko mode .. As usual a great one :) .. keep it up dude !!

Anonymous said...

Oh.. boy.. loks like urs is the most popular Indian blog... u r obviously rocking dude


Anil Sharma

anil_y_sharma@yahoo.com

Anonymous said...

Oh.. boy.. loks like urs is the most popular Indian blog... u r obviously rocking dude


Anil Sharma

anil_y_sharma@yahoo.com

Anonymous said...

kya baat hai... kya baat hai,
dal-bhat hai...
am here since yesterday... 'n I'M LOVING IT ;), every bit of it...
wish i were going to Cal, so that i cud hv got access to some of ur videos ;).. but i'm only going to Indore :(..
luv ur below-the-belt kinda humour 'n all other kinds that i'm gonna discover (do i sound like a fan in the making...)
vikalp a.k.a
venerable-vermin.blogspot.com

Lavender said...

Hi,your sense of humor is simply amazing.I liked that tryroom part...it really gets on you...everybody experiences the nuisances of a tryroom but what you have described out there is hilarious!!!!!Keep it up!

Anonymous said...

phod diye tussi munnu...kya likhte ho yaar..
dil khush kar ditta...

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gcmmello said...

The average person understands that stethoscopes are important tools in the medical profession and that their function is to allow the practitioners to hear sounds in their patients and diagnose problems before they become more lilfe-threatening. Stethoscopes are obviously critical equipment for all healthcare providers and may be used to listen to heart, breathing and blood flow as well as to hear blockages or unorthodox movement in the intestines. Anyone who works in the medical field needs to be very familiar with the use and the importance of stethoscopes in patient health. For more information about stethoscopes and their role in medicine today, visit my site at http://medical-supply-stethoscope.info/

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