Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Billy kee jaan khatre mein hain

The next time Bill gates is addressing a press conference , a guy wrapped in a smelly old brown shawl may just spring up from the crowd , run up , jump over the stage while the security personnel run in , and plunge a gleaming knife in Mr.Gates’s heart followed by a cry of ‘Microsoft Word murdabaad’. Of course , then the security guys are going to capture me and mommy can see me on CNN and Punjab kesri . Infact , till last week , my class 8 history teacher topped my '50 people to kill before I am 40' list , closely followed by Kareena Kapoor. And I thought Bill Gates was a good guy . But after I spent a good part of my weekend creating my CV on Microsoft word , Mr.Gates has climbed to the third spot and is sniffing the back of Kareena’s neck . Page setup. Margins. Headers . Footers . Indents . Tabs . Yaar yeh line lambi kaise ho gayi ? Ohteri , yeh extra currics wale section ki bullets kahan gayi ? Hey raam , why dint I save itbefore the computer crashed ? I swear on your left leg , it was pure torture working on MS Word .

But on the better side of life , I caught some great movies over the last few days – 15 Park Avenue , 'main meri patni aur woh' and ' Sookhi nadi mein behti laash'. You need to be a miss india to fall for the last one . And Mrs .Rashmi Bansal was kind enough to publish something I wrote for Jam . But as the placements come nearer , I realize I am gonna make the leap from a sweatshirt –ketchup stain – uncombed –dad’s atm card guy to an ironed shirt – surf safedi – combed – 'beta kamaata hai' guy so soon , it makes me scared and excited at the same time .

It’s like a chapter of my life is coming to an end . The chapter which started when my ma walked away from me on my first day of school while I checked out the little girls sitting in the class . School . Ahluwalia maam whose name still reminds me of potatoes . The terrible school choir which justified the invention of ear plugs . The weirdly strict Clive maam , who used to slap me so much , she almost made a fingerprint album of my cheek . The Board exams which were great till the results came out . My computer engineering which made me realise how much I hate it . My bike which was my first true love . The beautiful microprocessors teacher who was again my first true love . The makkhan marofying to the lab assistants . The entire student thing is going to end in less than two months from now . People look at me and say ‘Munna mere laal , the day you report to work , this ‘tension kya hain yaar’ smirk you got on your face is gonna vanish like Anil ‘Hairy’ Kapoor in Mr.India . Add to that the fact I am not even applying to the plush investment banks and consults where employees drive eight feet long cars and own sweater clad french poodles . I did my summers in financial consulting at Ernst & Young , and the only thing I enjoyed there were the lunch breaks. So after introspecting on what I want , I am aiming for a marketing job which though considered almost as glamorous as the hair on Laloo’s ears , is my kind of hair.

All in all , I look back at my student life as a time well lived , having its share of achievements , disasters , fun , tears , cheating , determination , laziness and laughs. The work life calls out to me , but the echoes of this life I am leaving behind shall remain.

When I was a kid , I wanted to grow up so that I don't have to write exams . But now , when just a couple of exams seperate me from getting the last degree of my life and then going out to work
and steal mouse pads and permanent markers at some office , I pause , and think , and realise that I should not think but just quote Aamir in rang de basanti -

“College ke andar hum zindagi ko nachaate hain , aur college ke bahar zindagi hum ko nachaati hai … tim-lak-a-lak-tim-tim-lak-a-lak!”

Dance or no dance , only time can tell . But Bill gates shall pay for his sins . Someone get me a smelly old brown shawl.


Nikhil Mahajan. said...

Nd I have been waiting for long time to be the first one to comment on your blog...and here I am ..

Well one more good post to say the least...

One more thing..i wud like to add. We few guys here at US discuss about your blogs as if it is about our own life hehehehhe ..

Cheers.Keep posting !!!

amyth said...

n i happen to b the 2nd? wow!
now that's a good gift for myself ;)
great post dude.
i really wish u the very best in "ur hair".. i mean ur career :)

ichatteralot said...

For someone who has always longed to be in the management schools your blog is a good way to live vicariously. Anyway maybe I mightcdump all and join ISB but in the meanwhile being with one of the global MNC giants is good fun but you know what ... our true blue desi companies are much better to work for .. all this mnc glitter is just glitter ... chew on that!

Shriedhar said...

//“College ke andar hum zindagi ko nachaate hain , aur college ke bahar zindagi hum ko nachaati hai … tim-lak-a-lak-tim-tim-lak-a-lak!”

for u IIM guys it won't suit man.
u ppl alwayz make the world dance around u :)
cheers !!!

Miss Sea said...

kaam mein itni tension nahin hoti bhai. chill maar.

Jaggu said...

hey dude all the best for ur Final Placements... May u get placed on that famed 'Day Zero' day in ur dream company....Heres to the future Marketing Head,Microsoft India "Oye Kakhe....Crack the Placements "

Footnote : do keep us posted on ur placement experiences

The Bhandari's said...

:D good one... had a good time while reading this. I too feel MS word becomes naughty sometimes

Sachin said...

bhai , itna load na le .. job mein inni tension nahin hoti .. but u deserve a bigggg applause for ur writing skills .. anyday u feel marketing job is doing what comedy does to an indian film .. i.e sucks .. go to writing ..

tinku said...

Munnu tere ko kitni baar pehla pyar hua hai? :))

Padhai khatam hone ke baad corporate jungle mein bhi mast rehne ka hai...
RDB wale dialog mein thoda sa twist lao..
"College ke andar hum zindagi ko nachaate hain , aur college ke bahar zindagi ko hum nachaate hain"


Fursat said...

tuje bill gates kyon itna pyara hai ab muje pata chal gaya..main jab kal tuje apna musical show suna rahi thi..tab bhi tu usse hi yaad kar raha tha :P

all the best for your kinda job..and i m sure you gonna prove a naughty but acha beta for your family :)

take care

God bless u!

Ms. V said...

But hope you don't forget your priorities in life once you get a job, okay? (In other words, DON'T FORGET TO BLOG!!!)

Niedhie said...

Hey another humorous treat indeed!!

diya said...

Nice one again!!

Anyways all the best for all those 'one and the same' tests and interviews coming up.

chimera_nids2abhi said...

Arre bhai yahan toh mere naam ke kitne log aate hain....:P,aur kyun nahin aapka post funny bhi hota hai and realistic bhi and with a sprinkle of noatalgia and ...bahut saare ingredients hai yaar!!

waise toh MS Word pareshaan karta hai but i hate working on excel sheets with all the financial calculations....:P

Naukri shayad itni badi bala nahin hogi..me too joining for the first time...aur aap toh hamesha mast hi rahenge.

Cheerios !!

AJITH said...

Whatever profession u end up with, make a point to continue your blogging..This will win laurels for you one day .


sunshine said...

And now, you make me go all senti with this post. Laao ji, ek rumaal lao. I wish you could attend at least one class of mine before your student life gets over.

"My bike which was my first true love . The beautiful microprocessors teacher who was again my first true love."

And then miss.sunshine came. And the rest is history.

Bol munnu, tere ko science/maths ki class karni hai?

Nothing better than having CBB as a student.

Shreyansh said...

//All in all , I look back at my student life as a time well lived , ....//
And that was the most important thing.

College ke bahar ki zindagi ke liye good luck.
Tim lak lak tim tim lak luck!

Suds said...

Are Abhinav Bhai yeh kya haal bana rakha hai kuch lete kyon nahi..Are word mein kam karte waqt har 2 minute mein save karna chahiye..That is first rule of using word. App toh abhi se pareshan ho rahe ho.. Marketing mein jaa rahe ho toh mainly word aur ppt mein hi kam karna padega...:)

Are actually pata hai real life is also lot of fun. Log uuhi darate hain actually u have much more fun in job compared to school. School mein to padna padta hai aur exam bhi dene padti hai. Office mein kya hai roj ana aur tp kar ke chale jana aur upar se paise bhi milte hain...

I am confident u will do well in life. I don't know u personally but based on ur post I can imagine how u are and am sure u will enjoy ur job in marketing and will do really well.

"tim-lak-a-lak-tim-tim-lak-a-lak" that was great...:)

lolita said...

hmm,i happy abhinav tht ur realising tht u'll be out in corporate world soon and have to accomodate urself according to situations even if u dnt like them,but i wish u best of luck for ur future...but i kno for sure u'll be a different person all together..

Anonymous said...

bhai, mujhe feeel ho gaya....btw maalum hai na............"u r one of a kind."and that is why wherever u r , we ppl in this cyber space r not gonna leave u...arre tussi blooger world ke amitabh b jo tharaeee

Anonymous said...

we love u abhi..tussi ekdum senti kar diye..oye with ur kinda sense of humor u r gonna rock da marktin world..da best marktin plans..da best ads..u gonna rock dude..

IdeaSmith said...

LOL.....pretty damn funny.

Wanderlust said...

I sometimes wonder , how so few of us ever land up doing what we truly wish to ...Just read about Tanmay Rajpurohit a few days back ,whos dared to form a political party after a B Tech in aerospace from IIT Bombay followed by an MS from GeorgiaTech and double masters in arts.
Kudos to him and his mates for what they have dared to do .....
I wish all of us had the courage to do something similar...be it however little for this country of ours rather than lament ki Is desh ka kuch nahi ho sakta !!!

Wish u all the best for the days to come man !!
Keep writing though.

me said...

another wonderful post....ur blog rocks man:)

Page setup,Margins,Headers, Footers,Indents,Tabs,bullets, tables,graphs,n wat not.......really painful things, bill gates ko meri taraf se bhi ek chapad laga dena.mujhe bhi coll ki dp report ki tension ho rahi hai yeh sab padh ke.

n yes student life rocks....nothing lyk it:)

pple who get tired after hectic work, ur blog cud be a delighful refreshment for them.....for me atleast so plz hv sum daya bhav on others n keep updating.kisi ka to bhala ho....hehehe.

Pavan kumar said...

Give OpenOffice.org a try, and you could save Melinda Gates' sindoor.

Could you post some insights (as the students get air-lifted by companies) on the payscales and companies coming to IIM-C?, and how do ppl there react when other grads get real good pays: IIT-ian getting $100k, and another getting $80k this season. It would be interesting to hear straight from the horse's mouth.

!xobile said...

oh yaar
ab tu munnu nahi raha bache
ab tu bada ho gaya hai

Mr.Abhinav Jain ban gaya hai!

Bade log.. badi baatein... billu shillu

anu said...

oho to ye planning ho rahi hai..khabardaar hoshiyaar moochdaar...jo aisa kiya..meri rozi rotee pe laat maarne chale hai janab..oho i m going to join bill's team after 2 yrs..n moreover giv u an idea first of all do kidnap him ,make him giv order to his team to prepare a better version n den kill him...seedhe marne se kuch nahi milne wala usi ms word version se kaam chalana padega until i do develop new one !!

Shekhar said...

Oye...main to first year main hoon, mujhe abhi se daraa diya..

rinku said...

becharee Kareena se aapka kya bigada hai Maalik!!! taras khao huzoor!!

aur job mast hota hai yaar..total time paas aur paisa alag...bas sala kabhee onsite mt jaana..yahan bahut kaam krna pd raha hai mujhe jaisee kaamchor ko bhee :(

aur as ever post was DIL SE!!! mai to hamesha haath se type krtee hun..tussee dil se kaise type kr lete ho !!!?

Kaps said...

all the best rahega.

arpz said...

**rolls Eyes**

Phoenix said...

I almost died with a heart attack already.

Thank god i have my personal version of MS Back-Gates working fine!

Phoenix said...

That last one was Bill gates reaction to ur post when I telephonically interviewed him to get the soundbytes this morning!

arch said...

hey abhinav...
u really have a way with teh pen man..ur blogs r damn interesting to read.. keep blogging and ya all teh best for ur placements..

Naina said...

Awesome blog...

And anyone having anything to do with cal seems to have some laash connection...

My friend had come up with "Howrah Bridge pe Latakti Laash" for a Dumb Charade once...

Really good fun.

divya said...

goodluck abhinav,but dont stop blogging on entering the corporate world :-)

Anonymous said...

Awesome work Dude!!! I agree to what Sachin said - If your discover anytime that your corporate work sucks, take to writing. I am damn surde you would make J.K.Rowling run for her money
Well, to add to ur woes regarding the Microsoft Word, i just came across a forward about an amazing thing in MS Word.
Just open up your MS Word and type :
=rand (200, 99)
and hit ENTER.
You will be amazed to see the results.
A brazilian happened to find this and the whole of Microsoft kept wondering on what had happened. It seems there is no answer to this "discovery" till date.
Hail Microsoft !!!
Keep Blogging dude. You Simply rock.

Dreamcatcher said...

Dont worry be happy as the song says. I am sure you're gonna rock at your job and even if you ever actually mess up you have a wonderful sense of humor to woo your employers.
Good luck.

amit said...

haan badia hai... CV bana aur crack macha interview mwin.... aur kabhi ho sakein to in doston ko bhi yaad kar le

'Anil ‘Hairy’ Kapoor ', u seem to hv been visiting a particular website man.......:)

Aj said...

Hahaa.. gud post
but why r u after Bill man!

Uski windows mei hi tu songs sunta hai saara din aur na jaane kaha kaha surf karta hai :)

aaj se 11 saal pehle ( ie bfore win '95 )
kisne socha hoga ki itti progress hogi..

i am in favor of bill

Tuje meri lash se hokar gujarna hoga :))

Waise Word is a pain in a..
untill u master it ...I never did/try
Always used already used templates in resume's :)

Anonymous said...

And it's MS word that is responsible for your blog's feed not working.

raven said...

good one re..

..good to know u've finally made up ur mind for Mar.... we could do with some good ppl like u in thr.

...with <50 days to go, isnt it interesting to note that most ppl thinking of mar and sys companies are starting to get senti over the end of it all, while the fin/consult junta is too buzy mugging to even notice the days in mess!

and finally... "College ke andar hum zindagi ko nachaate hain , aur college ke bahar zindagi hum ko nachaati hai"

rocking hai!


badgirl said...

oh yaar maine kitna kutch miss kar diya last kutch dino se tumhare blog nahi chk out kar pa rahi thi ;)

anyway i m back, mummy ke ladle.
i will see how u can escape frm bad pepl :)

harshdeep said...

Hmm... microprocessors teacher... i wish she could read this :)
i'll try asking her to check out your blog if i catch her on alumni dinner on 25th... i hope tera kuch ho jaye yaar... so that you don't have to dig pitches next valentine's too :)

namrata said...

1st time comment on ur blog
awesome is one word which i get whenever i read ur posts... reading since quite some days now...kya kare ctrl hi nahi hota (reading ur posts)
whtever u write humour senti is just so honest..
also the bond that is there btween all u frds is commendable its so cool to see ppl so attached to each other.
as for ur placements wish u all the best and be assured u will b well placed (atleast i am):)and i know u too r.
its nice to see good hearted ppl ard.

Anonymous said...

u really write well! :)

Paresh said...

All the best for ur placements!

BarnsleyFreeads.com said...

If you want a seriosly good laugh watch these hillariously funny videos
http://watchthisfunnyvideonow.com/taf/?x=23077XlRf business

Aparna Kar said...

Read this one for the first time. Liked it. All I want to know is : Do you like your marketing profile better than financial consulting at EnY? Just curious. Finance can be a dry subject sometimes. I'm planning to major in Marketing... but what with the hype with MBA and all.. at the end, I feel I am still far away from what I want to be..

Anonymous said...

I don't leave a leave a response, but I browsed a ton of remarks on "Billy kee jaan khatre mein hain". I do have a couple of questions for you if it's
okay. Is it just me or does it appear like
some of the responses come across like they are left by brain dead visitors?
:-P And, if you are posting at additional online social sites, I would like to keep up with you.
Could you list of all of your social community pages like your Facebook page, twitter
feed, or linkedin profile?

my website - microsoft office