Billy kee jaan khatre mein hain

The next time Bill gates is addressing a press conference , a guy wrapped in a smelly old brown shawl may just spring up from the crowd , run up , jump over the stage while the security personnel run in , and plunge a gleaming knife in Mr.Gates’s heart followed by a cry of ‘Microsoft Word murdabaad’. Of course , then the security guys are going to capture me and mommy can see me on CNN and Punjab kesri . Infact , till last week , my class 8 history teacher topped my '50 people to kill before I am 40' list , closely followed by Kareena Kapoor. And I thought Bill Gates was a good guy . But after I spent a good part of my weekend creating my CV on Microsoft word , Mr.Gates has climbed to the third spot and is sniffing the back of Kareena’s neck . Page setup. Margins. Headers . Footers . Indents . Tabs . Yaar yeh line lambi kaise ho gayi ? Ohteri , yeh extra currics wale section ki bullets kahan gayi ? Hey raam , why dint I save itbefore the computer crashed ? I swear on your left leg , it was pure torture working on MS Word .

But on the better side of life , I caught some great movies over the last few days – 15 Park Avenue , 'main meri patni aur woh' and ' Sookhi nadi mein behti laash'. You need to be a miss india to fall for the last one . And Mrs .Rashmi Bansal was kind enough to publish something I wrote for Jam . But as the placements come nearer , I realize I am gonna make the leap from a sweatshirt –ketchup stain – uncombed –dad’s atm card guy to an ironed shirt – surf safedi – combed – 'beta kamaata hai' guy so soon , it makes me scared and excited at the same time .

It’s like a chapter of my life is coming to an end . The chapter which started when my ma walked away from me on my first day of school while I checked out the little girls sitting in the class . School . Ahluwalia maam whose name still reminds me of potatoes . The terrible school choir which justified the invention of ear plugs . The weirdly strict Clive maam , who used to slap me so much , she almost made a fingerprint album of my cheek . The Board exams which were great till the results came out . My computer engineering which made me realise how much I hate it . My bike which was my first true love . The beautiful microprocessors teacher who was again my first true love . The makkhan marofying to the lab assistants . The entire student thing is going to end in less than two months from now . People look at me and say ‘Munna mere laal , the day you report to work , this ‘tension kya hain yaar’ smirk you got on your face is gonna vanish like Anil ‘Hairy’ Kapoor in Mr.India . Add to that the fact I am not even applying to the plush investment banks and consults where employees drive eight feet long cars and own sweater clad french poodles . I did my summers in financial consulting at Ernst & Young , and the only thing I enjoyed there were the lunch breaks. So after introspecting on what I want , I am aiming for a marketing job which though considered almost as glamorous as the hair on Laloo’s ears , is my kind of hair.

All in all , I look back at my student life as a time well lived , having its share of achievements , disasters , fun , tears , cheating , determination , laziness and laughs. The work life calls out to me , but the echoes of this life I am leaving behind shall remain.

When I was a kid , I wanted to grow up so that I don't have to write exams . But now , when just a couple of exams seperate me from getting the last degree of my life and then going out to work
and steal mouse pads and permanent markers at some office , I pause , and think , and realise that I should not think but just quote Aamir in rang de basanti -

“College ke andar hum zindagi ko nachaate hain , aur college ke bahar zindagi hum ko nachaati hai … tim-lak-a-lak-tim-tim-lak-a-lak!”

Dance or no dance , only time can tell . But Bill gates shall pay for his sins . Someone get me a smelly old brown shawl.