Wednesday, December 29, 2004

Of Indian Government Offices and my love for them

I hate them.I know hate is a bad word.But i really hate them.More than I hated that school bully who used to eat my lunch and sing vulgar songs complete with pelvic gyrations when I was at school.

The targets of my poisonous hate are these bloody "sarkaari" indian government offices or "daftars" which have been serving the public , as they would like us to believe.

Ladies later.Men first.The men behind the rotting files on the shaky tables chew paan with open mouths, smoke cigarettes , drink tea / coffee endlessly , and some even bring in their radios and listen to altaf raja songs at the office. The men are mostly middle aged and have their hair dyed jet black with some locally made dye like " kala jadoo" or “black diamond” or something. They generally have yellow teeth because of their tobacco eating exploits .And mostly commute using shaky scooters or public buses.

They get this delightful gleeful twinkle in their eyes whenever some female walks into the office. Yeah. They are just so frustrated of their equally frustrated wives that any female would do for them . Even the sweepress is good enough for an occasional flirting session. The men of the office jostle to attend to the female while the male visitors are subjected to that “why-don’t-u-die-rite-now “ look and told to wait.

One of the major sources of "job satisfaction" for these lazybums is to harass some educated guy and thus grab the "see-my-power-u-mr.educated ?" category satisfaction.

The women gracing these government offices are more irritating than kareena kapoor in "Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham".These 40-50 year olds blotch their lips with colors as gaudy as daler mehndi's turban's. Their big drooping bellies complete with their stretch marks peep out and they generally tend to have huge waistlines due to the sedentary nature of their jobs , made all the more sedentary due to their own sedentary nature.

The handbag is the integral part of the armory of such women and they like to carry an umbrella to help them protect their imagined fair complexion from the sun. They feel that wearing sleeveless blouses makes them look as irresistible as Julia Roberts , if not more.They have this affinity to improve efficiency by multitasking office work with chores like slicing ladyfinger, potatoes, kheeras and other vegetables.The winters favorite is knitting half sleeved brown sweaters for their grumpy husbands. The “challenges” at the job include proving “my bittoo/raju/pinky/whatever is so smart ...he can dance all those hrithik’s moves ” .

Another feature which marks winter time is the wide availability of oranges and peanuts. And these eatables leave off their legacy in the form of orange skins and peanut shells which can then be found sprinkled liberally all over the office till the gang of sweepers decides to take a break from playing cards and move off their bony asses.

I have developed such a harsh and venomous opinion of these great institutions based on my experiences at my school office ,the bus pass office , the college administrative office , the driving licence office , the colony telephone exchange and the colony electricity department complaint cell to name a few ,triggered off by another of desk hopping sessions at one of these damn offices recently.

I know that some good men and women work at these temples of inefficiency too .I do feel for them .But then forgive my narrow mindedness, I just hate these places.



47 comments:

Anand said...

I should have known this was coming, after ur not-so-pleasant episode at the PGP office. :)
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Abhi said...

yea anand.those guys really pissed me off.n sorry fr the goofup..i clicked on ur link n it showed up some wierd bearded guys blog.will put up the correct link soon.abhi to i gonna watch a movie.;)

rohit kaul said...

kyaaa man bole toh solid waat laga di sabki !!! agar koi admin wala padhega to heart attack se mar jayega.;-)
After having suffered endlessly at the hands of admin staff of NSIT i felt the iims must be better place but then u know "soorat badal sakti hai, seerat nahin".

adios
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Miss Sea said...

Saw the mention of college admin office in the list. My college, inspite of being a DU college, had the most amazingly helpful and efficient admin staff who were nothing like what u described! They did go play cricket during the long lunch break but we got great support from them. Thank God for that!

deepti said...

easy there.... i wanna join the government services myself one day... big dreams of making a difference and all that! wait for the day.... ;o)
ps... managed an iimi call even with my score.. any advice for interview

Anonymous said...

tipsy topsy mam u r really lucky....me too frm a du coll(not my mistake) that tooo an engg insti(again not my mistake) and the admin staff here is soo good (pun intended) that i feel like giving them a one way ticket to alaska.
adios
rohit

Handa said...

well.. the staff in kharagpur is good.. and i mean real good (no puns intended)... sometimes it feels as if we r not in bengal anymore.

Anonymous said...

@ rohit -- now wat do i tell u junior..we know the way our NSIT "works".u still got that fatso guy named satish or something at the office ? plz smash his head on my behalf.

@tipsy topsy -- i was also subjected to a DU college during my grad and i wiped my monitor and refreshed the screen to make sure i was reading it right.DU and efficency ? almost as seperate as laloo and IT.lucky u.

@deepti--congrats fr the IIM call ! n am sure u wud make a "difference" .just hope its for the better.;).n yea , ne help u need,just buzz me @ abhi844 on yahoo msgr.dont blame me fr ne consequences though.am sure u wud make it.all the best !

@handa- hey ravi.hmm,staff is good..hope u aint talkin about the ladies working over there.n 8 kgs in one month ! am going home myself on the 5th of jan and ur latest post scares me thinking of all those goody eatables mum got lined up fr me.8 kgs...im still shakin my head buddy.

@ all of u -- thanx fr dropping by.

abhinav

Dreamcatcher said...

Yeah the offices suck big time , not only are they agonizingly slow and boy they are all amazingly cranky and bad temepered..
My school was efficient enough but my coll is a terror..
probabaly one of the worst in Cal.

Gul said...

ure absolutely right, these places absolutely suck. i hate going by myself, i find these places sooo confusing!

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hehehe.. my mom is one those fewwwww ppl whoz an extremely efficient govt. employee :)

Anonymous said...

hehehe.. my mom is one those fewwwww ppl whoz an extremely efficient govt. employee :)
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Abhi said...

@dreamcatcher -- i know the feeling but i still think u gotta watch out for delhi university to get a real taste of inefficiency.

@ gulmohar -- nice name ,it reminds me of the gulmohar tree we have right in front of my home.i wanna go home.n u got a nice blog.

@nabzz - yea , thats the reason i put in the disclaimer towards the end of the post.now u cant sue me for defamation.

abhinav

Anonymous said...

Its easy to comment and criticise any system of working. No doubt the Indian government offices are pathetic but, don't you think it is better to suggest ways to improve it rather than pin pointing in a gruesome manner? We all know what these places and the people working here are like. Secondly,don't be very judgemental about their way of living. Its tough to live a sophisticated life in govt salaries. They can't afford to commute by car everyday!!!

Abhishek Ravra said...

hi,

i don't think what u talked about is just the case of a government office. everywhere,everyone(large no.) are
trying to show the work they do as mercy upon others.
they are there to do that work itself but they are not self satisfied or they don't have the ego drive to that work. i think it's in our BLOOD. no difference in
government or private offices. there should be right person for the right job, which is very difficult.

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