Friday, August 19, 2005

Miss Sis

Help ! My crush wants to tie a rakhi on my wrist !
(By the way , this emotional picture was sent to me by anu chachi , my aunt staying in Jhumri Talaiyya)


"Are you really Abhinav's sister ?"
" Yes , didi."
"I mean , Abhinav , the one standing there , the one with the green water bottle and the wierd hair , his sister ?"
"Yes , didi."
"Real sister ???"
"Yes , didi."

That was 1988.The place was the playground of my school.The interrogator asking all those questions was Sagarika , class V - E ,The Air Force School.I studied in class V-E , The Air Force School.The one saying those little timid "Yes Didi" was my little sister , Aradhana , class II - B.
Sagarika could not believe that Aradhana was my little sister.But that was nothing new.So could not my school bus conductor , my school peon , my class teacher , Aradhana's class teacher , my drawing teacher and the maid servant at our home.
We were as similar as Uma Bharti as Catherine Zeta Jones.If somebody calls me fair skinned , that man needs help crossing the road.And my sister was fair skinned .And she was green eyed.In short , she was the angelic baby of our house , while I was the dark boy who could be easily mistaken for a domestic help , even by a polite guest.
Whenever we went to functions as little kids , my sister was the apple of all eyes , while I was more like the 'worm-infested apple' of all eyes.Young aunties lightly pulled her cheeks while I stood around with a "Somebody please pull my cheeks" signboard around my neck.Old women with incredibly dark dyed hair commented how pretty she was , while I considered plastic surgery for myself.Of course , mom loved us the same way.But the moment we went out of our home , it was like she just needed to breathe to be noticed , while nobody would notice if I was being electrocuted.
And any elder sibling would appreciate how trying it can be to be an elder sibling.She used to hit me real hard.She used to hit me on the head .With her biggest doll.Oh, she is your little sister , munnu , dad would say.She is just teasing you , munnu , dad would say.He would even smile at her when she hit me with her biggest doll.Sometimes , she would hit me and laugh , and dad would laugh with her.And even if I slapped her lightly on the head , she threw down her doll , open her mouth large enough to scare away a dozen hippopotamus and let out a super sonic wail.Dad would come running to her , mom would come running to her .They would check her head to see if there is any bleeding.They would tell me that I am very violent.They even named things like Brain Damage and Memory Loss which can be caused by hitting on the head too hard. My pushing her was like pushing her off a cliff and her driving a truck over me was cute.
And my "violent-dark-elder" brother disadvantage continues to this day,with rather added features.She has grown to be almost my height.At functions,where she wears heels, her friends look at me and mentally think "ohh , Aradhana's brother is shorter than her " while I try to put on a "small-is-beautiful" smile with disastrous consequences .A couple of years ago , I almost cut off the heels on her sandals with an electric saw.
But in spite of all this , I think I do not hate my sister.Umm...ok...I think I like my sister.Ohk , now I have to admit it , even though she once tore my favorite comic into some 51 bits , even though she caused permenant handicap to my He-Man toy by brutally pulling off his right arm , and even though she has to always watch Star movies when I have to watch ESPN , I love my little sister.

And to Sow didi , Shipra didi , Teju and Nidhi.I know just words dont make anyone a good brother.But I hope to prove myself a good brother some day.I am so sorry about this "low-on-cash-below-poverty-line" boy being unable to send all of you gifts this time.I am so broke. I am collecting rain water to drink.I am so sorry.:(. But by next rakhi , I shall be drawing a salary.Tell me what color of mercedes you prefer.
And every brother loves his sister.But I guess sometimes brothers tend to chide sisters a tad too much to really let them know that .So lets be good and polite to our sisters for a day.It would be like Saddam Hussein taking white daisies to the US armed forces.
And in response to a comment to my previous post , which hinted at me being a girl-chaser , as reflected by the "girl-infested" sidebar on my blog, i would love to have all of those ladies as my sisters.Including the person who put that comment.:)
And a very joyful Rakshabandhan to all of you.Sisters are great , even if they hit brothers on the head.With their biggest dolls.
Added later :
The courier guys decided to take their time.I still have not recieved the rakhi my real sister sent me.And then , right on rakshabandhan , the courier guy delivers a rakhi and a gift , sent by my didi whom I have never met , but know only in cyberspace.Thank you didi. A rakhi is tied to my wrist now.Thanks to you.
Added much much muchhhh later :
Ok , mummy always says I speak too much.And aaj , after all these years I agree ! Abe 8 cars ranging from mercedes to Indica have already been booked by a battery of sisters.In view of the important fact that my second name is not gates or Bacchan , the offer to hand out cars stands suspended now !
No more gaddi shaddi bookings ! Ek ek chawanni bacha bacha kar jeeena padta hai yaaar ! :P


Sudipta Chatterjee said...

Yeah, being the eldest and having sisters at the same time is a double whammy (with the biggest doll) anyday, I know :)

Harsh said...

Damn i do envy you .. i have no siblings and always wanted a sister .. and i really dont mind getting bonked on the head with a big doll.. i have heard many of my friends telling me ur lucky to be a single child.. but i know they would not be able to live without their respective siblings... Happy Rakshabandhan to u and ur sis :)

Fathima said...

Yeah, I too have a younger sister(6 yrs younger than me).The same happened when she was young - I wasnt allowed to beat her, when she beats me, as "She was too young". I can perfectly identify with u on those lines.

Miss Sea said...

happy rakshabandhan bhaiya. i would like a Black Scorpio pls.

Sayesha said...

Hahaha! Yeah man, when I was in school, I could never understand why a girl would wanna tie a rakhi to the guy who just confessed he had a crush on her! At least respect his feelings yaar!

priya said...

raksha bandhan is like collection day!! im minting more money than the people in nasik tht day .. and tday's tht blessed day..wakaw!!

the_free_soul said...

ya ugly babies n kids hav a unnoticed childhood...except 4 the parents n luved ones to whum they r always bful....and i wish i had a gift giving rakhi sendin cyber-sis did u make 1.

Sayesha said...

Have blogrolled you, buddy.

Anonymous said...

oh boy...hats off to u Tipsy Topsy...ya TT!!..i love the way you and abhinav pull each others leg..

abhinav said...

@sudipta:You understand the agony.but we should not talk about it.we are the 'elder' ones , remember ? :)

@harsh :Thank you harsh.And you can consider aishwarya rai as your sis.:p.just kidding brother.nom.

@fathima:6 years.thats huge.looks like you have been subjected to an advanced level of "you-cant-beat-em-u-r-elder" syndrome.:)

@TT:*writing it down in my yellow notepad*.order taken you want a chaeffeur ?(is the spelling right ?).

@sayesha :girls have this habit of being extraterrestrialy cruel sometimes.oh so you gave me this rose and said you like me ? I like you

@priya:you sound like a local goon going around collecting "hafta" from poor sure u dont need any brothers to protect you.wakaw !

@freesoul : be a brother.n u get a sister.:)

@sayesha:npw that i visit ur blog regularly , i better do it too.

abhinav said...

@anon:hey buddy , i never pull TT's leg.i just cant.she is too smart n clever to let me do that:p
(oye TT , no offence meant!)

amit said...

wah bhai mubarak ho... aapne kafi saari 'nayi' sister bana li sirf ek post mein.....

sona said...

Hi abhinav Bhaiya
i caught u on rakhi day..koool...
keep ur this sis happy also...:)
i m the only girl in dad's big family with 9 i get all the luv n concern..:)
hey..u didnt take my comment seriously..i was kidding..:)

Ellipsis said...

Happy Rakshabandhan :)
and your wish can be granted (at least partially) :)

I said...

Happy Rakhi bhai


Sayesha said...

Hey Abhi,
Always wanted to ask you this -- who's the unfortunate chap whom you've cropped (save for an arm) outta your profile photo? And what does he have to say about it? :D

Handa said...

that was an advert for AXE if u didnt know

Anonymous said...

Hey, you have a great blog here! I'm definitely going to bookmark you!

I have a terry dean site. It pretty much covers terry dean related stuff.

Come and check it out if you get time :-)

Miss Sea said...

It is Chauffeur and NOOOOOO. It is my dream to drive one.

Miss Sea said...

Just noticed anon's comment. and ur reply. Glad to add some more entertainment value to this blog though i doubt if it needs any!

Anonymous said...

I was surfing for stuff and came across your blog. Not what I was looking for but I've left an invitation for you to visit me if you are into how to lose weight quickly and easily. Let me know what you think.

abhinav zeta jones said...

@amit : Haan thakur.Looks like i will really need all the salary i can earn next rakhi.kuch udhaar milega ? pai pai chuka dunga chote sarkaar.

@Sona : Hey sis : ) , n i knew you were kidding.But I am not , i am not not not not a girl-chaser.

@Ranjhu : Thats beautiful.Thank you.:).another car in my shopping list?

@s : happy rakhi shipu.tujhe red merc chaiye thee ya yellow ? bhool gya....

@sayesha : That guy is the one who owned the camera.And even though i licked his boots to allow me a solo snap , he remained as cold as a penguin.and i had to cut off his arm fr the profile pic.gabbar wud have loved that waise.and he dsnt even know abt this.kitna clever huun main , nai ?

@handa : i know that."axe effect" , ladkiyon ko aapka deewana bana de.n i doused myself in axe once , but nothing like that happenned.

@terry : man , i had been searching for you since 1983.aa gale lag jaa.

@TT : You will drive.I will put some extra first aid boxes in the boot.atleast help the people to the hospital.dont just hit and run away.and you sure add some color around here.:).but plz , do you really need to drive ?

@anon : you are my angel baby.quick , take my body and gimme back a salman khan types body in 13 days.will you ?

Dreamcatcher said...

HMM i beg to differ i have an older sister who used me for boxing practise and well dont you think you are biased?
And ohh boy you are giving out cars?
One red Ferrari please Bhaiya!

Cherubin said...

Happy Raksha Bandhan Bhaiyya, I really fancy red coloured cars :)

abhinav said...

@DC , angel : Tum sab mujhe footpath pe laoge !:p.abe gaadi hai , toffeee nahi .and my name is not abhinav gates.

Anonymous said...

hey from cal??me tooo...

interestin pic..:)
i ve an rakhi update on my blog visit nytime..



Fathima said...

Abhinav, a Tata Indica is sufficient for me!

Fathima said...

Abhinav, published a post!

Nila said...

Abhi! u write really well. I happened to hop-in here through another blog. Amazing stuff. :-)
I esp liked the lines 'while I stood around with a "Somebody please pull my cheeks" signboard around my neck'

Abhi said...

@sonali : Hey sonali , yeah me too here in calcutta.but not fr long now ! mba finiss n apun gaya.n ill hit ur blog now.n is ur second name bendre.kya re , am i an optimist !

@fathima : colour ?

@nila : You liked that ? i liked it too ! :).that line was the one i enjoyed writing most.aate raheiyega.( in typical umrao jaan style !)

chayanika said...

interestig blog :)

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