Sunday, August 14, 2005

Murder at the washbasin

Warning : Absolute No brainer.Its not even funny.But to be frank , I do not care.I enjoyed putting it down.And that what I wanted.And I am not drunk.I am plain crazy.
Beep.Beep.Nothing happens.Beep Beep.My left eyelid sleepily pulls up like the shutter of a shop being pulled up.Beep Beep.Beep.Beep.Yaaaaawn.I sit up on the bed groggily and reach out to switch off the alarm in my cellphone.I try to feel the cool breeze on my face , try to smell the flowers , try to feel lucky to be alive and try to think something on the lines of " Wow.This is a beautiful day!".But nothing of this sort is felt and I look back at my pillow and imagine myself sleeping open mouthed.My imagination changes channels and I see my professor waving a big pink coloured "F" wrapped in yellow ribbons.The threat of getting the F grade makes me decide i have to get to class.I fish out my toothbrush and toothpaste. ( commercial sidenote :Close up gel toothpaste.Kill bad breath.Grab the close up confidence ! Now a 200 ml tube in just 12 rupees ! ding dong.) I walk upto the bathroom on my floor.I get to the washbasin.I stare at the mirror.I think I resemble Shahrukh Khan in a way.I lean in closer to the mirror.Look at those eyes.I am cute , I whisper to myself with a smirk.

"Never heard a girl say that to you though."
Huh ? Who said that.I turn around.Nobody.I know I should not have watched back to back movies last night.It does strange things to my hearing.
"And now don't brush too hard , lazybum....and dont look around like you have woken up on Jupiter , I am here , right here in your hand.Soft hands though , I must say."
I look at my right hand.I have my fingers curled around my toothbrush.Ok.I have never seen Michael Jackson reciting the Hanuman Chalisa.I have never seen George Bush singing "Roop tera mastaana" on CNN.And I will never see a toothbrush talking to me.These things are impossible.
"Now dont look like you have just seen Laloo Prasad Yadav in a Bikini.Its me,your toothbrush."
Me : Gosh.I feel like I have seen a Laloo Prasad Yadav without a bikini.How are you able to talk ?
Toothbrush : Just shut up .Lets talk about the Book meme you have been tagged with.
Me ( "caught-while-stealing-eggs" expression ) : Err...ahem....what book meme ?
Toothbrush : Now do you want me to jump and stick my bottom in your nose ? Its the stuff where you have to write/talk about the books you have read and all.And you have already been tagged by Deepti , Priya and Vidhi.
Me : Shit.was your daddy brush used by the CBI director ?
Toothbrush : Interpol chief.Now for the book meme.
Me : See.You can expect tendulkar to play for the Indian Kabaddi Team.But you can not expect me to talk about reading.I mean , I have minimal reading habits.Even my illitrate grand mother would have read more than I have.
Toothbrush: Shut up.Lets get started.Total number of books do you own ?
Me:Man,this is gonna take some counting.Lemme count.One.Two..Two...yeah...Three...umm...Three...Threee..Threeeeee
Toothbrush :Man , you are pathetic.I hate that I have to enter the mouth of someone as ill read as you are.
Me ( looking at my feet ) :Yeah...I know..actually I got my comics on rent , never bought them , you see and...
Toothbrush : Cut the crap.Last book you bought ?
Me : Ah , I know that."101 ways to eat a talking toothbrush."
Toothbrush ( suddenly looking up):Wha... Wow, that was scary.My bristles are trembling.Last book you read ?
Me ( with a wicked smile by now ) : I read the same one.
Toothbrush ( in a slow and cautious voice ) : You mean "11 ways to eat a talking toothbrush?".
Me ( with a "gulshan grover" lecherous expression ) : 101 ways to eat a talking toothbrush.You missed 90 ways.
Toothbrush ( voice a with a shade of trembling ) :"Huh...Bah ! ....I ...I once bashed up a shaving brush.And killed a shaving razor that threatened to shave me....he ...he he....Dont you think I am scared......Five books that mean a lot to you ?"
Me ( eyes fixed on the brush , smacking my lips , deliberate voice) : I wish I had some ketchup right now.About the 5 books..My experiments with toothbrushes , To kill a mocking toothbrush , The monk who ate his toothbrush , Harry Potter and the Half eaten Toothbrush and....
Toothbrush ( Eyes as wide as a toothpaste tube's cap , voice as choked as the paste in six year old toothpaste tube) : ...and ?
Me ( husshed voice ) : 101 ways to eat a talking toothbrush....
Toothbrush suddenly clutches its plastic chest , lets out a little cry , sheds off its bristles , and collapses in my hand.It is dead.Of a heart attack.
Me ( looking up at my image in the mirror ) :Man , I knew this book meme tagging thing would end up ugly.
*****
There is a young woman in Singapore.Her husband has been taken away frm her and forcibly detained in Cambodia by his own family.I read this here -- www.darlinglife.blogspot.com
I do not know how you can help her.But atleast pray for her.If god exists , he may just answer it.Its very painful to be away from a loved one.No one should undergo this.

34 comments:

Anonymous said...

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Sayesha said...

Oh no Abhi, these guys got to you too. Damn the spammers!

ashish said...

hey abhi absolutely mind-blowing.... a very witty post! . . . and nice way to ward off the taggie game by fellow bloggers :P

good going.. keep writing n have a good time this rakhi!!

Miss Sea said...

hehehehehehehehehehe

u seem to read all the right books ;)

much better than reading the book memes written by others :D

the_free_soul said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
the_free_soul said...

nice comic post.but i dont believe u r tht illiterate...30 mins of reading sensible stuff / day is gud ...thts wat the monk who sold his ferrari says.

ir said...

haha..keep 'em coming, abhinav..

Aj said...

Hey Short Ckt!

Man ur creativity is of utopian levels
Great goin !

do describe the lectures sometime :)
Cheers
Aj

Zarine said...

Tht's the best book meme post I read so far :)

Kill tht darned meme,man!I dunno why ppl keep infecting innocent bloggers with it..I, inturn,infected those who I knew would never carry it ahead ;)

tootbrush killer said...

@anon : sure buddy.lets kill cholestrol.:p.

@sayesha : they add to the fun , dont they.lets make cholestrol a dead thing.

@ashish : tnx ashu bhai.n i will have as much fun as i can on rakhi at a boys hostel !:p

@TT :Thank you TT.u were actually giggling ? sacchi , thats an honor.to make TT 'angry young woman' smile.:p.

@freesoul : what has he written.i cant read.someone help me read it.:p

@ir : know wat buddy.these days im beginning to get ideas about making this blog go down.

@ajay : are yaar kaun kambaqth lecture attend karta hai :p.but sacchi , u know guys here at iim r like "wow , this is iim , we wont say a thing about our classes , lectures et al".some friggin "iim bloggers code of conduct".bah !snooty asses :p

@zarine :thanx zarine.know wat , i saw ur posts on PG since my engg days.u , anil , a lot of other guys did a great job there.n it feels not so bad to know u found something i wrote decent enuf.

Ms. V said...

I'm still religiously reading your blog, sir! Just so you know.

And that's a nasty thing to do to a toothbrush. Though I guess it's better than when I accidentally pushed mine into the toilet bowl!

Sudipta Chatterjee said...

Are you sure it was your toothbrush that shrieked and not the man in the mirror? Eh-eh, now I begin to understand why(or rather, how) you went to an IIM. BTW, what if you were to be picked by amazon.com? Another post from the toothbrush to its late owner, mebbe?

Keep these coming,...

ahaan said...

hi Abhinav.Everytime i read ur posts i just wonder , how u r able to write
such imaginative posts .Anyway great post ...

And the title "Murder at washbasin " makes me laugh ..Too good man .Keep it going

Ahaan

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amit said...

abe kya bakwaas hai... kuch aur nahin mila...:)

Leon said...

Good one.. I've been tagged by two people so far and have been putting it off..

Would never have thought of such an imaginative post though.. :-)

abhinav said...

@vids : man , you are the only "Foren" reader of my blog i guess.

@sudipta : err..ahem..wat do u mean by how i got into IIM ?? ( caught while stealing eggs look recreated)

@ahaan : tnx man.i wanted to name it simple "murder".but the bhatts had already picked it up.

@dushyant :lol.lol.lol.man that was some real humor.:D.

@amit : abhi tu mujhe jaanta nahi thakur .mera bheja bott ajeeb hai.:p

@leon : I hope no one dares to tag me now.:p.

Prayank said...

lovely post abhinav

small request .... the font size on the template that u r using is a little small ... doesn't make reading easy ... any plans to change it ....

Cheers...

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