Friday, July 29, 2005

Lucy says

I love this room.All this dirt. All these dirty plates still lying here.I love this room.I bet this is the dirtiest place within a radius of 1.42 kilometers , as there is a public toilet at a distance of 1.42 kilometers.My cousion julie stays there.But I stay here , W 204 , Boys hostel , IIM C.Oh , did I intoduce myself ? I am Lucy .A fly .I share the room with Abhinav.If you think I am too insignificant , you have never had a fly entering your nose.
My parents are at Delhi.No siblings.Family planning .That too without condoms.Ever seen a condom for a fly ? My dad and mom are based at the dustbin of a fast food center at Delhi.Pretty posh area.But I am worried .All that fast food is doing a lot of harm to their weights.The last time I flew back to Delhi , mom looked so fat , I thought it was a frog.And to think she was once the most pretty fly around , all the frogs and cockroaches and flies of the area used to stand outside our dustbin to catch a glimpse of mom.Mom says once a dog proposed to her .My dad , unfortunately , cant move.It was a terrible mid air collision with our neighbour Ms.Jenny the honeybee.My dad lost three legs.So he just lies bent at home and writes poetry with his remaining limbs...I really miss my family ,but have to be here at IIM C for my degree in Garbage management.

Abhinav's cellphone is ringing now.This guy sleeps , and a Tata sumo runs over him , and he will sit up , look around with half opened eyes , yawn , and go back to sleep.Oh , thank god , he is moving now.Yeah , got the phone.
"Uhmm..Hullo...yeah....mommy...yeah..had my breakfast..hmm..uh ?...we had ..dosas for breakfast today...yeah..masala...masala dosas...yeah..ye..with the sambar ...yeah mom yeah..the chutney tooo maaa...yeah...........huh ..nah nah im here..ye I had breakfast ma , I had it...ohkkk...yeah i did not ..did not have the breakfast..ok , I will eat something now..yeah...bbye..yeah i WILL eat mummy ..bye".
This guy never learns.He still doesnt know how to balance a balance sheet.and still doesnt know how to lie to his mommy. Now he sees the clock.He looks at the hands of the clock .His sleepy eyes open up and his eyeballs shoot out to a distance of two feets outside his face.He has missed the 'strategic management' class yet again.Imagine you are a british white guy.Your white wife is in undergoing her delivery in the hospital room , while you wait outside , anxiously.After a lot of waiting , the doctor breezes out all excited , and yells "twin boys !".You let out a chuckle and run inside.twin boys.One negro.The other chinese.The expression on the husband's face.Thats the expression on Abhinav's face now.His class attendance records are getting to be so low , they are almost underground.And he is as related to studies as you are to Brad Pitt.I bet his professors will be cutting out big thermocol F's to stick on his grade sheets.
But the poor guy is not to be blamed for this kumbhkaran-sque sleep.After all , he was involved in a brainstorming session till late last night.A couple of his group members had came over.They were supposed to prepare a presentation on sports utility vehicles segment of the Indian Industry.As I perched comfortably on the bookrack and eyed the boys ( now I am a girl too ) , the one in the maroon shorts and flourescent yellow Tee shirt settled at the computer and gawked at the priyanka chopra wallpaper .Now you have not read psychology.But you dont need to.Three guys.1 in the morning.Boys hostel.If you expect them to talk about vehicles instead of girls , you might as well expect ostriches to speak in hindi and Monica Lewinsky to marry Manmohan Singh .So they got into talking about girls.They argued passionately and came to the conclusion that the girls at IIM calcutta were as pretty as 83 year old women , except one , who was chosen to be as pretty as a 76 year old woman with warts.
Now he has dozed off again.Today is friday.He has the "services marketing" class in some time.I hope someone rings his cell and wakes him up.Even an Airtel executive calling him up about the chance to dine with Sachin Tendulkar would be appreciated by me.He needs to wake up now.
But before you think those guys stopped at girls , nah.Its an IIM after all.They did get onto the sports utility vehicles(SUV) project.After some three minutes , they decided the problem with SUVs in india was their high prices.The trio of budding managers decided to suggest changes to bring down the prices of a SUV .Replace the engine with a Bajaj Chetak scooter's.Replace the seats with wooden ones.Make it a pedal driven thing , with the passengers hitting the pedals to drive the vehicle.Take off the roof.Take away the flashy headlights and put two candles on the bonnet to help night driving.
I am sorry , but I can not take this any more.He has to wake up now.No phones , no one knocking.I will have to get into action now.Mom says no one can keep sleeping with a fly in his ear.I am all set to find out if its true.
****
This is for "her".If you read this , just drop a comment.I can't reach you.Just let me know that you are safe in all these floods....Damn. Lucy ! Get out of my ear now!
------
Added later :
Everybody says I am not fine.But why I am feeling fine :
1."She" is fine .
2.My dear sis Angel just left a comment on my blog proclaiming the return of the queen.
3.Lucy is out of my ear.I have promised her to get up on time from now on.
4.I presented the SUV presentation earlier in the day ( yeh , we have classes on sundays).My group has been awarded an A+ , the highest grade anyone can get.Its like a monkey getting to kiss Aishwarya.Obviously , we left out the pedals and candles ideas.

71 comments:

Harsh said...

Thx for making me smile middle of the night as i tyr to decipher some quant probs.. You should hire a band or something to wake you up hehe

Ms. V said...

This is the cuuuuuuuuuutest of the lot!!! I so enjoyed reading this post. You are damn creative! :D What else can I say? Lucky Lucy! ;)

angel_nidhi said...

hehe
wooden seats .. with .. candles as head lights..chetaks's engine.

sounds like flinstones car with chetaks engine :P

nice post .. hows ur ear .. n did the fly find a way out thru the same ear it entered .. or right across ur head thru the other ear .. hehe kiddin ..
this post had to be here.. after the PJs u had to tolerate .. more PJs commin soon .. :P kiddin

bbye
tc

I said...

bhai jaan,

i guess ur roommate is better than u ;) she is much more sensible. learn something from her :))

dirty boy...take bath sometimes..otherwise lucy will die of the stinking smell...everything has a limit afterall...

Miss Sea said...

Even ur pet fly speaks so much nonsense!

Smitali Chopra said...

nice post i must say... so did u get her out of ur ear or not? will this mystery be solved in the sequel?

amit said...

too gud...
extremely creative...
ur blog rocks....

Sowndarya said...

Hey Abhi! Have you been reading/watching too much of FLINTSTONES or what ? :-p

Ha haa haa....Pedal driven-wooden seats(can imagine when you hit on a speed breaker or Ghadda :-O )- Candles for headlights (Looks like Twinkle khanna has sure good business in coming years )..... Oh my my.....

Lucy agli baar kaan mein nahin, muh mein ghus jaa - when he yawns ;-)

Good going Kiddo!

RiSHi sArAf said...

yeah interesting but the fly need not worry she will get a free ridewhether it is bajaj drive or a ford driven...RISHi

Dushyant said...

This is the BAAP of all blogs.Keep writing buddy.
We all appreciate the fact that u find time to update ur blog even tho' ur so busy at IIM Cal.

karthika said...

hey...this is cool y dont u marry the fly in that case u wil never be late for work and do not have to buy alarms at home too...

abhash said...

this blog is yum yum :-)

the_free_soul said...

awesome dude...i say u quit iim and join the J R Tolkien club with ur series of THE GARBAGE MANAGERS

Sam Baptiste Connor said...

Hav u ever thought about writing 'SHORT' stories, I am sure you will earn enough fame and money to have that 'little bit of sunshine' in your life. If u suck as a manager after IIM give it a shot ;-).

u no who i m said...

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i m again said...

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Arnav said...

I had heard IIM students were very creative when it came to preparing presentation and reports within a s hort period of time, but for once the creativity is finding a more interesting outlet...even if it's your alter-ego Lucy that's doing all the talking.
Really nice post...and it's obvious why you seem to have such a fan following

Lucy's roommate said...

@harsh : No problems bhai.And band ? I think Lucy is doing a good enough job .(Lucy !please!come out!).

@vidya :And I enjoyed writing this vidya.But if it made you smile ,thats like a diwali bonus and new year bonus awarded together.

@nidhi :The fly is having a great time in the big hall in there.The space between my ears is as empty as a classroom on sunday. And i am sure you would be now saying "abhinav!!PJ!!".

@s :You know didi , it has been confirmed that water will run out soon if we keep using it the way we are.im just doing my lil bit towards saving it by avoiding a bath.and then god has invented deoderants .my suggestion - save water.dont take a bath today.

@TT : my fly pet blabbers all this nonsense coz its "MY" pet.like master , like pet.except that she can get into my ear , but i cant get into hers.

@Smitali : Shes still in there.Ambulance.Fire brigade.Police.Military.call anyone but get her out.Lucy betaaa , ive got a new garbage slice for you....now plzz come out,cooochi coochi.

@Amit : Dekh le bhai , I never thot I wud be writing about a housefly at an IIM.

@sowndarya :Oh how mean , looks like you are Lucy's didi instead of this sleepy little poor boy.To refresh your memory , and to scare you as an additional effect , I am running out of places to hide the bodies.please be scared na.

@rishi : she sure will.And she even gets to choose the songs on the car music player when she rides.pretty dominative fly.

@dushyant :

little bloggie - halt.who goes there....who are you ?

my bloggie - turns around slowly , looks down at the little bloggie , and growls :rishte mein to hum tumhaare baap lagte hain , naam hai ...(looking at me)abe naam kya hai yaar ?

Chill maar brother , I enjoy this , hence I write this.And no baap betas here , each is just a lil different.

@Karthika : you are saying this ? wat happenned to our next weekend plans ? the 'in house' mba coaching ? how cud you forget all this ? how cud you do this to me ?

@Abash : yum yum.see bhai , I can buy you a burger , please dont eat this blog.

@the free soul : I dont need to quit.The way i am going , the IIM authoroties may just force me to quit soon.

@Gaurav : yeh buddy , thats one of my intended plans after i earn enough to send my kids to a english medium school.someday , ill be rocking on a rocking chair and thinking up stories and writing them.thats my plan.

@ you know who : I know who.Tnx for these lovely words.I appreciate them.and if my being a little "badtmeez" makes you smile , I plan to be a "badtmeez" for a long time to come.dekh le , anchal pe no daag.gutentog.or was it gutentag ?

@arnav : yeah buddy , for once , my creativity is going towards writing about houseflies !my dad is gonna pull back my IIM fees if he gets to know of this.

and please yaar , no fans here.they just wanted to say something about what they read .just people coming together for a few moments through a blog.:)

sona said...

hi abhinav

one more post to show ur craziness....n it surpasses all other posts n blogs tooo...:):)
Luc..a great lady companion...u didnt tell wats her age...n hw it looks...better than most IIM C girls i suppose...dnt they cum to ur blog...u will get killed after they read this.....:)
Lucy will be so thrilled to share space in the best blog around...:)
take better care of Lucy...get dirtier..:):)

Cherubin said...

hey bro...guess who's back :)...this one reminded me of my cockroaches post on my old blog...but this one is way too superior

divya said...

i cant stop laughing... wonder whats keeping lucy`s friends suzie and martha away? or is lucy very possessive about her man?? i thought i was the only master story teller around..

Miss Sea said...

yeah..and u can squash her but she can't squash u. :P

congratulations on the a+. care to share ur excellent ideas here?

priya said...

cheers to the only person who can blog better than me.. :P dont throw slippers or rotten veggies at me!!!!!!!!!
..p..

Leon said...

Outrageously funny.. :-)

Anonymous said...

hi d floods r under control ,n me fine 2 , n d post was cul, hey luckyz a nice name 4 d fly ......u njoi ur classes n presentations bt plz dnt prepare it one day b4 ,sitting d entire nite n completng n dan presntng in d morng like u used 2 do earlier, bi wud chat later.

take care.

bunnu said...

fundoo be..tu to writer ho gaya saale..
abe iim chhod kitaabein likh..we will start a publishing house..

Anonymous said...

It was nice reading ur posts(yes,i have read almost all of your posts) and this one was the pick of the lot.....
Me gonna be a regular here :-))

-Nagi

Harsh said...

Congrats on the A + dude... e- hug from my side .. the brotherly kind... these days cant be too careful with ones words..

Ms. V said...

I love this post so much that I reread it. And this line "mom looked so fat , I thought it was a frog." just cracked me up all over again. This is definitely one of your best!!! :D

Tera Baap said...

Obscene oye. Bhot shana ban riya hai tu. A+ kya aa gaya puraane doston ko bhool gaya. Ab makhi machar aur chuhoon ke baare mein likhega. Saale hume bhi aayega. Tab hansenge hum tere upar aur tujhe tere hi scorpooter pe chadha kar muh kaala kar ke kolkata ghumaayenge. Obscenity macha rakhi hai tune. Mummy ko bol doonga.

abhinav said...

@sona :Thats the greatest blessing , no gal frm IIM C reads this.or so i think , till one of them beats me up.

@angel : oh come on sis , a cockroach is so much bigger than a fly , so ur post is superior.

@Divya : Lucy is damn possesive.I get a little late from the classes and she yells "the next time you go to the canteen with a girl , im flying into ur nose"

@TT : Oh , i cant squash her either.I cant risk maneka gandhi's wrath now.and u really wanna hear about my ideas ?

@priya : Hey priya , duck quickly !!!!

@leon : Thanx man.

@neha : neha , im a reformed kid now.I make the presentations even before the prof asks me to.I hope u r silly enough to believe that .

@Bunnu : oye bunnu bhai , ab 6 mahine to reh gaye IIM ke , yahan tak sambhaal liya to degree lekar hee nikalta hun.fir milkar rowling brothers banenge.

@Nagi : All of them ? Thanx for that.:)

@harsh : e-hug to you too bhai.and yeah to all of you , we are not gay !

@Ms.V : its all my pleasure to see you enjoying it , vidya.

@Anon :Bhandaari / dalaal / whoever , bhai i know u r one of my hostel guys , and i have no problems with any wierd comments , am used to them , aint I ? but a lot of other people hit this place.So if this was supposed to pass off as your sense of humor , it did not.ur wish man.I am as chilled as ever.

Aj said...

Hey Abhinav

hilarious post buddy.

never thought a fly can get so inspired to write a blog post @iimc :)

Sudipta Chatterjee said...

Excellent! I found your blog mentioned in some other places, but now I know why it was mentioned!

u no who i m said...

badtmeez how many times hav i told u dat its gutantag not tog..c o kitni baar hamari life me ata hai kabhi blank copies main 0 bankar kabhi 0 sunkar muh banate waqt ,aisa muh ki apki lucy bhi usme ghuus jaye to plz is o ko kabhi to free choda karo...n yes no anchal pe daag n r u enjoying swimming in keechad's talab ?

Miss Sea said...

yes..yes..yes :P

SonnyBoy said...

Too good man! Another gem!
And where is she? Need some help myself in Pune!!

aDiTyA said...

@SUV presentation: tell them what the rest of the class got? :))

@regding last post: it was not sarcastic. That post was brilliant and credit was due.

@regding this post: ur back to your usual level. (hint: sarcasm here!)

;)
cheeros

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