chill !!! no suicide for me.

heyyy ! the last post sure created sum concern around this place .guess that was a post resulting outta lack of sleep and watching too many movies.Let me say that I am pretty much Ok, i think this world is a beutiful place and i am lucky to be having a good life and I am not contempleting suicide or anything remotely connected to that.
Another of those exams are looming with them starting frm 13th Dec.Ive scored relatively better marks in the mid terms this time and can score a pretty decent grade provided I do my stuff over the end terms.No other restraints to hold me back n i hope that I do well this time.Lifez has been good over these last few days.The drams thing went off coolly , i got a good summers , n got that at delhi (mommy !im coming home),and mid term scores are not that bad.Spent a lot of time checking out blogs after getting free from the summers placement and it sure was fun checking out the different lives going around.
neways, I gotta get up now and catch sum grub at the mess.got up just half n hour b4 the class in the morning and had to miss breakfast . wait a minute , watz this growling sound....my tummy !!! mess walon , here i come !!!!

song : "sohniye" ---donno whoz sung this one !!!!

when the times are hard....

The world is a sea of pretentions.Fools pretend to be intelligent , cheats pretend to be honest , foes pretend to be friends, and all of us go through such stress trying to be what we are not.We are so mindful of what others think of us.We fear hate and rejection.

But what i have learnt so far is that trying to please others is like trying to move a mountain.there are very few people who are really happy with one's success.Whenver I have achieved something , with the exception of my family and a few close friends ,I doubt people have really felt happy for me . Hence I have acquired this care-a-damn attitude about what others think of me.I hate to pretend and always try to be my own self.Its difficult but once you acquire this ,it can be the most comforting and liberating attitude to have.I am still pretty popular because I am a kinda fun character to be with.But I doubt how many of them will be around when bad times come upon me.

Its easy to be the centre of attraction at the hostel mess table ,cracking jokes and sharp ,witty one liners .What is difficult , is to find a person to talk to when you dont have any joke to crack.Its easy to gather "friends" for the party a class topper throws , what is difficult is to find a friend who will listen and comfort you when you fail the exam.Its easy to find people for company for a stroll in the garden , what is difficult is to find a friend to accompany you during a hard trip under a burning sun.And I realise that there will be times in my life when there will be ill have to make this hard trip,when i will have no wit to entertain nebody,when i would have failed.It is in these times when a true friend is needed.And for this true friend , i would not need to pretend.The friend would not need me to be someone he /she desires,but would accept me for what I am.Who would like me not for being at an IIM , not because I have a good job,not because I am a "so called" academic achiever but would like me for what I am , and not for what I have done or not done.It is so very difficult to find such a person , but to find him / her , you dont need to pretend to be someone else,but to just be urself.

I know the above crap would not make much of sense ,and is nothing new , but just wanted to write it down , just wanted to express how phony this world can sometimes be.

song : main nashe me hoon -jagjit singh

please be scared !

Last night , at around midnight , i bolted my room's door from the inside,drew the curtains,switched off the lights and sat down to watch "Vaastushastra".It had been a long time since I had watched a horror flick and hoped that my blood would freeze and my spine would chill and I wud almost get a heart attack.

But after watching it , I would say that If u got scared by this one, even mother teresa would have managed to scare you.Some highlights :

1.Therez this particular tree which seemingly harbours ghosts.Every time the camera focused onto it,there was this "growling " sound.It was like the sound a hungry tummy would make upon thinking of hot aloo paranthas with butter.

2.They should have distributed night vision goggles along with the CD. There were all kinds of elegant chandeliers and lamps all over the house but it looked like the electricity board forgot to lay down the cables.So the people chose to roam around in absolute darkness for half of the movie.The director must have had a tuff time directing people he cud hardly see.

3.The ghosts looked like house painters who had accidentaly splaterred cans of white paint over themselves.The only diffrence between ghosts and non ghosts was that of colour. Ram gopal verma saved some real cash here.Just a coat of white paint and lo,here is our scary scary ghost !

4.Even sushmita sen dint look hot to me this time.She anyways spent half the film roaming around asking "who is there ?".

The best part was when the credits rolled at the end.

bunking classes , brat !

see, i know that a lot of people see an IIM as the ultimate temple of learning and it is as great a sin as kicking pope in the ass to bunk a class here.But i cudnt really help it after a night out yesterday.So here I am ,carelessly tapping the keyboard , while another of those learned souls is showering the pristine gyan on sleepy students.the subject I have bunked is" Data Processing".Its a very computers related subject and being a computer engineer,i considered it my birthright to score well in it.That was till the mid sems.My scores in it suggest that my paper was written by laloo prasad yadav,instead of me.neways,I was delving on the bunking.The professor is really cool who has been kind enuf to allow students to sleep given the absecnce of snoring.And the probability of ashwarya marrying salman khan is more than his doing a headcount after attendance .So I have asked one of my pals to put in my proxy.

Now,why the night out yesterday ? naaw,not another of those back breaking workload but our play directors took the cast out to dinner ! we had a lot of fun and chatted away to 6 in the morning after dinner.pretty cool.

The summers have been great and I am awaiting for official claearance b4 I post some details.meanwhile,u can catch up on the details of IIM B summers here :http://www.pagalguy.com/cat/viewtopic.php?t=6065&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0

chalo yaar,I am still human enuf to attend the next class ,its marketing management and I am to read some stuff about goodyear tyres as a preparation for that.So signing off now!

song : Blue -All Rise

chill life

just woken up.the breakfast starts in nother 30 mins so just doing some random browsing right now ranging from "Economictimes.com" to "shaadi.com".slept early last night after watching "Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam".the movie was released a gud 7-8 years bak but had missed this one.was a real romantic one and surprisingly ,i actually liked it and even got emotionally moved in a couple of scenes.I think ill have to visit a company today fr a BS project.My group members are planning to visit ITC.What we will do is get to the company,try to get in and grab a couple of lazy and jobless blokes in there and ask them sum amazingly stupid questions like " Who is a leader " and submit their answers as a report.

between,read this story about this real gutsy guy:http://www.tehelka.com/story_main8.asp?filename=In112004he_choose.asp

its so hard to hear one's own inner voice in this world bustling with noise but this guy managed to hear it n follow it. kudos.

song- "jhonka hawa ka.....(HDDCS)"

thank you god

these are the two most relaxed days im havin in a looong time.that bcos i was placed in slot 1 at summers in "Ernst and Young" and hence no load during the slot 2 which extends fr another 2 days.but u need to see the thing to believe the huge logistics this thing demands with so many comapnies converging on the campus.its really great of the placereps to manage such a huge process.but i am satisfied even though i was kicked outta slot 0 since iu got into one of the better companies of slot 1.thanx to god for that.went out last night to celebrate that at a kinda upmarket restuarant at park street .park street is the only place here which resembles a metro thing with the reamaining city more about fish n shaky chawls.

so nuthin much to do these two days.gotta straighetn my room.the drams thing immediately followed by this summers thing really zapped a lot outta me.but im happy that all those ardous form fillings ended up with something.n therez a gud chance that ill b placed in delhi.so that allows me a great opportunity to be at home during summers.the CAt this time around was a lil diffrent n i guess the guys r as tensed abt the results as ever.i think ill visit the blogs of sum of the aspirants i am following to find out more.

song-hoshwalon ko khabar kya...(jagjit singh)

ill be back

hey folx.i know.been along time now .in fact,this is so long,i almost forgot my blogspot password and spent half an hour guessing it. but im not gonna leave this thing.just gimme a week more n ill be back .the summers start tommorrow.ive got a slot 0 interview and gotta read up so much stuff about i banking n all.it was quite a shock that an i bank shortlisted me .cant disclose much u see,with all the b schools running their summer placements.all i can say is that i am excited,scared,hopeful etc etc all rolled into one.just hope that this turns out to be fun.

n all the best to all ye guys n gals takin CAT tommorrow.as they say here at IIM C -"put crack !!".

sane again

hi there.im in the midst of the exam week.4 down,3 to go.got Social science tommorrow.its pretty boring,so i keep gettin distracted by things like checking emails,the online notice board,changing the song.on the top of that,i slept 5 hours staright after the exam today.got up at 8 in the night.the dinner was so crappy...all that ghobi and sad rotis.went up to the departmental store guy at the hostel to check out my account,and was shocked to find its already more than 600 bucks in a very short time.i think i shud study economics harder.since then,been trying to study this social thing.thinz aint moving too fast but then since im game for a night out,the syllabus wont be a problem hopefully.exams hav been going off pretty tolerably,considering that i was pretty scared since the drams thing had eaten up a lot of my time.chalo guys,back to the books.till i decide to change the song again.

current song- "Breaking My Heart" (MLTR)

watz the deadline ?

My taskbar shows it to be 5:21 am.ive just spent two hours completing a summers application form .We guys r not allowed to disclose much info abt summers on public forums.if any of the placereps catches me doing such a thing,u may see me preparing for CAT next year.who knows,i may get into IIM-A but for the time being,im avoiding such misadventures.

neways,the point i am trying to make is that life is getting to be so pushing here.u may think-this nut is just trying to show off but im not.infact,i am genuinely disgusted.believe it or not,sometimes i really feel scared and sick thinking that the rest of my life may be so fast and demanding as this.maybe i am a wrong kinda guy for this kinda life.I havent slept more than 10 hours over the last 4 days as weve got our exams frm tommorrow,a hell lotta forms asking all that global shit and some crucifyingly boring PPTs lined up where some ass in a suit tells us that his company is the No.1 and the best ever.life is an unending sequence of deadlines.as soon as i catch up with a deadline,the next one starts threatening me.

I think the only thing which is helping me survive is HUMOR.I just cant afford to take myself too seriously or the entire situtaion will just eat me up.we IIm guys r supposed to be having the best of careers but for now,i am just plain zapped n sure understand why someguys drop outta IIMs.

im sorry if this post goes to discourage ne aspirants...i guess its just the combination of so many thing happening so fast thats caused this kinda disgust ....but im sure u guys wont find thinz so bad once u get here.maybe even i wont find them so bad once i grab 8 hours of sleep.but how the hell do i find those 8 hours !!!!!

watz this Orkut thing ?

one of my pals sent me an invitation to join orkut(www.orkut.com).had heard about this being some sort of online community.accepted the invitation n so i am part of this community now.still to work around the site to develop an idea of the stuff going around here.fyi,i am known as "Abhinav Jain" over there so if nebody wants to include me,im game.these guys wanted a pic of mine fr the profile,i had got none on the comp,atleast not with a "presentable" expression,so i picked out jim carrey's pic frm Dumb n dumber.i guess thats presentable enuf.

return of the ....whatver.....

im back.recharged n rejuvenated n revitalised.err,this looks like a pharmacy clinic ad.neways,ive had the time to pause n see the direction im going in n the one i shud go in.n they r quite different.so ive decided to do a lot of things differently frm now on.n i better do them fast fr the next month or so is gonna be a super sonic ride.my mid terms start on the 1st,the play on 14th n the summers start frm 21st.

thankfully,ive managed to straighten up my room after i landed here at about 10 in the morning.but the mess wont start b4 tomm, so im facing a lil nutritional crunch rite now.neways,the stuff i got frm home is coming in handy.wait,i just remembered that one of the things i decided to do differently is to spend lesser time on things not causing an increase in my academic performance.n i think blogging wont lead to ne kinda increase in my CG under any circumstances.so the shutters r gonna be pulled down on this post.but ill b back with a lot more on what i did,read,watched n most importantly "thought" during the hols. ya.u read that right.i actually THOUGHT a lot.

going to ibiza...err...gurgaon

ever heard of a thing called LBG ? the phrase stands fr Little Green Bastard n refers to an insect a specimen of which just flew straight into my hair.dont know if this happens every year,but as soon as the sun goes down,hundreds of these damn things enter every room.they r on the PC,on the bedsheet,the books,n on me.n the name describes what they look like.the bastard part is just a result of their annoying presence,i guess.

i just came in back frm the dramatics rehearsel.we had our first full play run thru n being a firm believer in honesty,ill have to say it was
pretty shaky.we forgot dialouges,locations,girls giggled on stage when they forget dialouges.about me,the directors described my walk as a "stroll in the park" when it shud hav been nethin but that.but the play part gotta wait now,ive got to wrap up stuff b4 i fly away to gurgaon.
ive gotta return the library book,meet up the prof whoze got attendance issues with me,pay up all bills,gather up all clothes,arrange fr the taxi.must be more tasks.

n i hope to study n catch up with the stuff going on in the class during holidays,being polite n good with my family,watch TV,eat fried food every day,lie on the floor,n catch up with the engg college guys stayin around.

dont know if there will b another entry before the 24th.if there will be,ur lucky.if not, ill be back.

14th Oct.7.00 am.IA flight.

coming home.....

i wanna go home.n so i am on thursday morning. a 2 hr flight n i'll be the same again fr another 10 days.im just tired of all this-the grades,the presentations,the library,the summers,resume making,placereps,the competition.i just wanna go home.with no one to compare me against nebody.....

random thoughts

things are a lil dizzy these days.the dramatics rehearsel stretches upto 4-6 hours on an average day and on the top of that i gotta mug up all my dialogues,take care of the emotions and tones and remember when to speak them and to whom.and then i havent really started with the studies part.this drams thing is turning out to be much more tuff than i imagined but then its a moral responsibilty of mine to carry the play forward.n i might as well enjoy it while i am at it.the staging would happen in november during our annual alumni party.

and ill be leaving for home on the 14th.its really wonderful to imagine seeing my parents after all these days of hearing just their voices on the phone.between,believe it or not,i again missed my first class today due to oversleeping.the atmo gettin to hot up with the summers placement startin in november.we gotta submit all these resumes and certificates and all that crap reminding me of the IIm GDPIs.

One thing i hate about this place is the concept of relative grading.its not about me gettin lower or better marks than nebody else but the sheer feelings this devil of RG generates is sickening.though i dont quite think that many of us succumb to it,but just to think of ur pals as ur competitors who may just hurt ur job,ur grades,ur career is nauseating.seriously,RG sucks !

the race continues

im back frm the XL-IIMC sports meet.we lost miserably,but this disloyal student doesnt care.i was there to have fun, n fun i had.with my sporting skills being not exactly good,its implicit that i was there as a so called "cheerleader".but i wasnt dancing around in a miniskirt every time IIM-C scored a point.the bus trip was real fun with sum 3-4 guys includin me getting real raucous to the extent that there was a genuine threat by some distressed people to throw us out.thank god,for basic human kindness.

neways,lifez bak on the race track now n it looks like there is a lack of pit stops this term.the drams practice runs fr an average of 3 hrs daily after college hours n this can only get longer.i also got grades fr 2 subjects of term-1,theyr like A min and B.speaking in understandable terms,its like an average show but the good thing is that ive dun reasonablly well in the end terms.but the mid term sins a catch up to drive down the overall grade.gotta study hard this term round.

a brand new term

i suggest u never watch a movie from 2-4 in the morning.besides the unearthly hours associated,it makes u sleep till 12.30 in the afternoon n miss the FIRST class of a brand new term.thats wat happenned to me.the movie was great -"life is beautiful".if u havent watched that one,uve missed something.absolutely moving tale of a loving man n his family who r taken to a concentration camp during the world war.neways,the movie was superb but its after effects were me missing the first "cost accounting" class.

n thus the term 2 started.weve got 7 subjects this time.i plan to study regularly.i intended to do the same thing 8 times during my 8 sememsters of engineering.lets not talk abt the implementation part.n yea,we r goin to XLRI during this weekend for the annual IIM C-XLRI sports meet.its like an ind-pak match for us.most of the guys,including me are going there as the "cheering" contingent.u know the way 22 year old males who are drunk "cheer",rite?

another of those rankings came out.its outlook this time,we r ranked second here.although that sparked some celebration here,i am still of the same opinion that these dont matter.infact,i pointed out to some guys here,wen we were fourth in the BW poll,they trashed the ranking concept,but are endorsing it when we are placed second!!

the summers will start on 21st nov n i gotta work up some serious stuff abt them.we also got a dramatics play slated for mid november.the auditions for that happenned on saturday nite till 2.30 am.being a drams club member, i came back to my room after that n watched "chupke chupke"(the AB-Dharmendra comedy) till abt 5 in the morning.that just reminds me to warn u again,dont ever watch a flick at such wierd hours.makes u miss the first class the next day.

waiting for tommorrow

so the last day of my first term at IIM Calcutta is about to arrive some 50 minutes from now.got a subject called "environment and development" exam tommorrow.basically,we had to choose an elective outta 3 and i gleefully opted for this subject after assurances from the seniors about it being too comfortable and absolutely useless.i recall hearing things about stuff like sanitation in sikkim,sulabh toilets,garbage in the rivers and dung cakes in its classes.gives u an idea about the "value-add" i had during this course.newways,the bubble bursts tomm at 12.30 n ill be launching on a movie spree this weekend.before the fun starts again from monday in the form of term 2.

the exams went off satisfactorily this time around and i think my hours at the library may save me the pain of avoiding people just after the results are declared.

i think i should study now.back to the dung cakes.

enter the library

they r here again.the exams.the end terms start frm 13th n will end on 17th.after my below average performance in the midterms,i gotta save my ass now.been studying okish.

another thing im tryin out is studying at the library.the library here is the biggest in ASIA.or something like that.im not sure,though.thats amazing to hear with so many countries n libraries that must be in asia.but it doesnt look so huge when u see it frm the outside,though the no books in there is awesome.spend some time in there n u see all kinda characters.

the classical scholars with their thick glasses who look up from the book to glare at the guy whoz been disturbingly tapping his pen on the table.they fervently underline useless things and smile knowingly on getting a funda clear.they get to the library as soon as the limited human capabilities allow them to and generally its the security guard who has to ask them to leave when the library shuts down at 1 in the night.

the guys who r there in the hope that just being at the library b4 the exams wud improve their marks.they get up frequently to drink water,look around to see if any girls r around,or just smoke a ciggy on the library's rooftop.n they leave when its snack time at the hostel mess.they can have a real good time if they manage to find another of the same category.

then the guys who r trying too hard prevent falling asleep.they want to get the darned stuff in the book but they r feelin to sleepy to make ne sense of it.but the very thought of sleeping in this temple of learning called the library leaves them agonizingly suspended in this half-awake-half-sleeping state .

n there are some who are actually sleeping open mouthed with their heads on the books.passing ppl giggle at them and the library staff wakes them up to cut short the fun.

now,its not that ive only been observing others while being there,ive also put in some studying hours.hope my visits to the library help my scores.

stoppin here,gotta make a cash flow statement.hmmm.

hey god,i dont want too much

its been like this all the way through.

just work hard for another x no of days/months/years and then ur life will be a lot better,I AM TOLD.work ard during 10th boards,ull get a stream of ur choice, n life is better.work hard during 12th boards, n ull get into a good college n ur life will be better still.work hard fr CAt,bcos if u manage to get into an IIM ,ur life will be gloriously better than ever.

this is what i was told,or rather i imagined them to be true.

but today when i am lounging here in my hostel room at IIM Calcutta,away from my parents,my home,the place which bears memories of my childhood,i pause to wonder-
is my life better,or is it just my CAREER which is better?

i admit that i suspect my career is on the right track n ill be able to feed my children two meals a day n send them to a decent english medium school.but my life is much more.more than just career.

maybe im not ambitious.i dont know if this is a normal thing but i am happier eating dal-chawal sitting on the floor at my home rather than having lunch at the Taj with Vice president of a multinational .i feel happier sitting on the kitchen floor chatting with mum rather than brainstorming at some plush air conditioned office.i prefer watching cricket with my dad rather than watching powerpoint presentations at a corporate meeting.
i know that i need money.everybody does.but its just an instrument to get what you want,to make ur family happy being one of them.n if u sacrifice these ultimate sources of happiness for money,well,then,i dont get the idea.its like having a pen but not having the time to write a poem.i see old couples living alone,supporting each other's frail lives while their successful children are attending meetings at the silicon valley.it is said that the best ne parent can wish for is the child's success,but i dont accept that this old mother who spent her life caring for this child,and is now left to live her life hoping that the child will remember to call her from his apartment in california,doesnt feel the hurt.

so i just hope that i am not so "successful",that i dont care for the little but real joys of life.i dont want a big car or a mansion or a job which pays me like crazy but makes me crazy with all the workload.

yea,i can do without a great CAREER , but give me a great LIFE god.

music at 3 in the morning

the seniors here have got their vacations going till the 8th of next month.so am the only homo sapien in my gallery of the hostel.this in turn,allows me the liberty of playing music at full blast at this unearthly(for the "normal" junta) hour.

so i am playing all kinds of C grade govinda brand numbers which are generally preferred by the rickshaw pullers of UP.some interesting titles-
"kisi disco mein jaaye"
"ankhiyon se goli maare"
"suno sasurjee".
i dont really share the tastes of our rickshaw pulling folks,but just feeling too wierd too care.
between,also put in some work abt statistics,one of our courses here.been playing nonstop while solving some 30 questions .do u think its a good idea to have some music going while studying?
the clock reads 3.22 am.the birds will start chirping in some time n the delicate glow of dawn wud appear.i think i should turn down the volume now.