My daughter's boyfriend

Its about to happen anytime now. No bells would sway heavily at any church or temple or masjid ; no white or black or maroon smoke outta any chimneys and no channel wud cover it , not even cartoon network .But its a decently historical moment in my life. I am about to get the first salary of my life.Wont be crisp and good smelling cash but a much more "seedha saadha" cheque. Even the amount is not astronomical enough to trouble any satellites or stars up there but then its decent enough for a 23 year old bachelor with no "zamindar ka karz" to pay , no " ma ka operation" to be paid for and no "chote bhai ki fees" to handle.

In other words , its good enough for a 23 year old bachelor with no immediate responsibilities to handle.Infact , my parents have been handling all the serious stuff in my life and to my discomfort , have started to urge me to be more responsible lately.Responsible about things like awareness of paperwork regarding our property , ironing my shirts and shorts myself , getting up on time and not chewing too noisily.

And this makes me think. Now , I have got a very carefree existence right now ,as I have already highlighted in rather filmy phrases in the preceding para .All I have to do with some kind of seriousness is study. Which I have been doing to a decent degree , i sneaked into a pretty reasonable engineering college and then directly pole-vaulted to IIM Calcutta.

But now as the formal education part of my life is about to end in an year or so, provided I dont flunk , I think about life. And when I think about life after IIM , I see a job in some kind of multinational , I see my boss cursing me , I see long working hours , I see keyboards , I see career moves , I see balance sheets , and I see a lot of other important but unromantic stuff . And a little later , I see a wedding. And to my slight horror , I see that this is my wedding.This is a very crucial and "scrutiny demanding" episode of my life's soap opera .I am a little confused about this thing called shaadi .

Agreed , I may marry a person to share my sorrows and joy n moments but what if the girl turns out to be more interested in stuff like forcefully discussing about how my neighbour gets a new car every three months , or how she finds my way of chewing irritating enough to make people jump off a running train , or how she makes me watch "jassi jaisi koi nahin" instead of soccer on TV . What if shes an "ekta kapoor-TV serial-inspired" lady dripping stuff like jealousy and family politics and backbiting.

In more polite terms , what if she turns out to be someone who is not "my type" ,which anyways very very few females have been identified to be,infact i have been unlucky to bump into some highly stupid and disgustingly intolerable females throughout my nursery school , school and college.And I am certainly not the guy to follow girls like sum puppy on a leash , like some guys are.

And even if shes mature , its a hell of a job raising kids , which i think will automatically follow in a few months time frm my wedding , if I am biologically capable enough , which I vigorously claim I am.You see , the fun part about cute babies ends soon enough , n thereafter its about serious work.I would wonder how much to "donate" for their school admissions , how to stop my son from flunking in maths yet again , how to make my wife stop attending kitty parties and pick up kids from judo classes instead , how to stop my daughter from meeting that guy in her college who looks like a gangster and is found drunk every fornight. And then they grow up , and you worry about IIT s and IIMs and how to get your kid into them. And then they grow up further and you see them going off to silicon valleys and other such valleys while you are left applying "zandu balm" to the hurting joints in your body and reading spiritual articles.

In short , I see life after marraige as a little bit of fun and love and sharing and a lot of responsibility and sweat and tension.But this is just my view , and I need to figure out why almost everybody goes through this seemingly not so relaxing experience.

So I have to ask .

If you are unmarried and plan to marry , why ?
If you are already married and dont plan to get divorced soon , why ?
If you are married once ,then divorced and plan to remarry , why ?

I gotta think .It scares me to imagine about my imagined daughter's beer-guzzling boyfriend who carries a gun .

**********************************************************************************

Added later :

I just came across this quote from the movie "shall we dance".

"We need a witness to our lives. There's a billion people on the planet... I mean, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things... all of it, all of the time, every day. You're saying 'Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness."

Makes me think a little...lagta hai ghar basana hi padega....

Parting note- I got my cheque today and have been adoring it , smelling it , wiping it clean , caressing it since then.

What are u searching ?

Yeah Yeah Yeah. I am happy. Not that I have been made the CEO ,that would take some time ( centuries ?), I am afraid.But I am happy because things moved along quite a bit today as far as my summer project is concerned. I had been googling and regoogling and reregoogling stuff on the internet ,and today finally i stumbled onto a pretty useful chunk of useless data required for my project .Infact , on a philosophical note , the more I live life , the more I become aware of the importance of "Google" in supporting the human race.

When we guys were on the brink of a nervous breakdown making our engineering final year project , it was "google devta" which came to our rescue.We downloaded a decent amount of code from the net and ended up making something which we still have got no clue about . At the IIMs , google is more used than any financial or economic model ever devised.Be it a report on the cigarette industry of india , a survey on the bicycle usage in Finland , or an outlook on the undergarment industry of Zimbabwe , every burning need has the one and only Lord Google to satisfy it.

And not only the professional life , google has had a pretty divine imprint on the personal aspects of my life too.I still remember that "kaali amavas ki raat" (too much of scary hindi movies ?) , when as a nervous 14 year old ( or was it 12) , I typed down "pamela anderson pics " on the sacred google bar , leading to a very informative and educational online session.Then there was the sunny afternoon , when a frustrated 16 year old , tired of carrying around the "single-ready to mingle" tag line ,angrily punched in " how to get a girlfriend" on google's website. Googling "Life at IIM" was another regular habit till I got in. I still occasionally google the names of girls Ive had a crush on in my short lifetime , hoping to find them somewhere ,with the culmination being a happy and teary reunion , with the girl telling me how much she admired me secretly.

But even our newtonic genius called google fails at times.Recently , I had to find out about the acquistion of "Ruchi Biscuits" ( where do these sell ?) by "Shyam group" of companies(what do these guys sell ?).So i googled about it , but it so conspired that I ended up reading the review of a south indian flick with a hero named shyam and the lead actress called ruchi. But this can be classified as an off day for google ,the knight in the shiny armour for students , engineers , summer trainees , sex maniacs , parted lovers around the planet.

Bored

I swear there must be a dead lizard in this.I just got this tropicana orange juice from the office cafeteria n it tastes like some lizard committed suicide in the bowl this juice was prepared in.even the pack says " this is the closest you can get to what nature provides " .Looks like they did not rule out wildlife.im gonna tear it open , preserve the dead lizard in a can of formaldehyde , sue the tropicana guys and end up being a millionaire.

Anyways , the reason I am sitting here on a saturday , sipping orange juice (with the lizard not to be forgotten) is that we have got this IIM Calcutta freshers party just a couple of streets away this evening. And yesterday as I was lounging at home , I had this fabulous brainwave of coming a few hours early , grabbing some extra work at office ,before going over fr the party in the evening.

So I got to this place at 10 in the morning and have been whiling away time here since then. There was no other trainee save the IIM Kozhikode girl. Not that it helped.She anyways hates the sight of me and tries her best to avoid me.wat me worry.

The reason for our amazing chemistry :

IIM K girl : "Hmm..I have to go see my doctor this evening "
Me (with heartfelt concern): " Oh ,your daughter doesnt stay with you?".
IIM K girl : "Hmmph....I said DOCTOR."
Me (with heartfelt guilt): "Oh..im sorry..i heard daughter."
IIM K girl : " n you thought its possible ..".
Me (with heartfelt curiousity): " So it is .Isnt it ?".
IIm K girl : "Loser....Were you born that way ?"
Me : " Nah ! I actually was almost normal fr the first three years of my life but then a flowerpot fell right on my head n I have been this way since then."

Ok , I know i bungled up here.was too irritating for her.Im sorry.Infact , I dont wanna hurt or irritate anybody intentionally but then I dont like the way the world runs , too serious. My dad is another person who thinks I am way too useless , lazy and stupid for my age and education.

Dad : " Munnu ,u should behave in a refined and more formal manner , after all you are going to be a manager in some time."
Me (with a solemn nod): " Yea .I realise I have to be a little more formal.I am gonna take my bath in a neck-tie from now on."

Anyways , its 4 n the freshers party kicks off from 5. Cant believe its almost one year since I attended my freshers at the same venue.I guess I would just sit around today with some other IIM C guys , give some fundas about IIM Calcutta and its subjects , curriculum , lakes ,the ducks in the lakes, profs and other useless things fr a couple of hours , grab a bite and hop onto a bus to gurgaon at the end of it all.

Some questions which still stick in my mind from my freshers last year :

" Are the toilets indian or english at IIM Calcutta ?" ( It doesnt matter son , the world is a family , nationality doesnt matter).
" How do I get a room at the girl's hostel ?"(This was asked by me)
"How long are the beds over there ?" ( Helloooo....are you a basketball player?).
"Can we buy booze on campus ?" ( HIc..HIc..naughty boy).
"Do we have washer women in the hostels?" ( god , are you that desperate and frustrated ?!").

Looks like I am in for some fun this evening.

Frustrated

Nauseating is the word . Some asshole cop decides hez feeling excited and rapes a 16 year girl at a police station. Bastard.And this aint gonna stop.Because most of us are that way.Just travel in a bus and the way an average guy looks at a college going girl would put any human to shame. The cop was just one of them who got the power and opportunity to actually execute his lecherous plans.It must be tough being a young girl in Delhi atleast. Everywhere , at the bus stops , in the malls , in the buses , just everywhere are these guys who just view them as objects.

And even I am to blame. Even though I claim that I have never to be one of these dirty minded fuckers , not once have I tried to stop them.I be a mute spectator everyday. The bus I travel picks up quite some girls from a polytechnic and all those jats with their disgusting grins ogle at them unabashedly .And the best a weaking like me can do is to get up and offer one of them a seat , so atleast they wont have to undergo the humiliation of being pushed around in a crowded bus. This is shit .Here I am , a soon to be IIM graduate and I don't have the guts to respect a girl. I fear being beaten up by those hefty jats , I fear I wont be able to do much , its just the damn " kyun pange me padta hai " mentality.I have a college going sister and just to imagine her in place of these girls in the bus makes all me all the more aware of my glaring inaction and uselessness.

So I am playing a part in all this sickening crap too.And even if I try to do anything , can I ? wont those guys just beat me to pulp and carry on with their ogling n disgusting behaviour ? This is no excuse for my inaction , but can I do anything ? I know all that stuff about each one putting his hand up to make a crowd .All that talk about power in unity but how is that sudden change in mass mentality going to come? I dont see the mute by passengers getting together to bash up those jats , how are things ever going to change ?

Stray cases of resistance crop up and nothing happens.And the world is back to its ways . Of embarrassed girls , ogling guys ,and mute spectators.
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And since I started the issue of my breakup on my blog , I think I have the responsibility of letting all of you know one last thing about all this.I have been weak , and I have been confused , and I have been tired , sad , angry and a hell lotta messed up with this thing..All the mess has been created by me and I am the one to blame for all this.Call me a weakling , kid yet to grow up , flirt ..anything. I dont know what I will do next , and I am not gonna touch this topic again on my blog..I know I have always been of fluctuating and unsure opinions , but on this issue , I am sure I have the sole responsibility of messing things up , and I will try my best to be a better human being .

Ladies seat

Travelling by DTC (Delhi Transport Corp.) buses is nasty business.For one , the driver would consider you a natural athelete capable enough of jumping onto a bus travelling at 25 km / hr and won't slow down much as the bus approaches the bus stop. Then there is the issue of being blessed with a seat to place your ass on , the probability of which happening can sometimes be lower than that of you beating mike tyson to pulp.Trying to weave your way through the smelly and sweaty crowd towards the exit door as your bus stop approaches threateningly fast is another heart wrenching experience..

And by a cruel twist of fate , I have to travel in a DTC bus each day.

Now , all the seats in the left hand row of a DTC bus , save for a couple , are reserved for ladies . This noble reservation is indicated by the means of "Ladies" painted in italics over the row.Now what is interesting is that sometimes the male varieties of the homo sapiens species happen to land on these elite seats marked for the females.And what is more engrossing to observe is their reaction when a male perched on a ladies seat is encountered by a lady who demands that he stand up and let her sit down on the seat.

Basically , I have managed to identify the following varieties of males caught in this lovely position , based on their reactions :

1.Raja Rammohan Roy Clan
They would jump out of the seats before the lady would know , almost push her onto the seat and follow it up with a pepsodent smile.I have rarely chanced upon these species , so much so that they can be categorised as an endangered species along with the African Wild Owl.

2."well..umm..ok" Clan
These guys would lower their heads , pretend to sleep , read , brood , look out of the window , just anything to prevent from being uprooted from the beloved seats under their asses.But the liberated woman of today won't just forsake her right and stick her head right in front of the guy's nose and growl " Ladies seat !".And the poor guy , for the fear of being publically humiliated would relinquish his throne and let the female sit down.

3. Shakti Kapoor Clan
Now these are the guys with the extra wild male hormones who spot an opportunity to satisfy their natural desires in even this seemingly uncomfortable position.What these guys do is to look up , gauge in a matter of microseconds if the lady is "good " , and instead of getting up , shift over and say with a sly smile to the lady " aao jee , adjust kar lete hain ".Now no bhartiya nari would agree to sit on a seat with two other guys , one of whom is a direct descendant of shakti kapoor.So the matter is closed and she keeps standing.

4.The Gladiator Clan
These are the disgruntled souls who don't give a damn before confronting the lady with a super aggressive outlook and yell " main nahi uthta , jo karna hai karle !!!".Usually , these are the guys who have just been scolded by their wives , female bosses , girlfriends , washer women etc etc and hence bear a temporary grudge against the entire female variety of the homo sapien species and use this occasion to let out their anger.The poor female generally steps back unless she has a mike tyson in her family.

I guess there are a lot of other varieties too , but now I gotta continue with the googling and all I have to do as a part of my summers , so the next time you get onto a bus and more importantly onto a ladies seat , watch what you do.

I removed them

Yup Yup Yup , I removed them. Nah , not the hair on my arms but the last two posts.I removed them.

Lesson learnt :

1.don't wash the dirty linen in public , use a semi automatic BPL washing machine.
2.Love doesn't fail.People do.

And thanks a lot to people like angel , karthika , rohit, V n a lot of others for helping me out.

And since I have just 15 minutes before I leave for home , the best I can do is to post the following stuff I just came across on a buddy's blog.

In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because ofstupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???....)

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."(...and you thought????...)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-oldswith head colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and....I'm taking this because???....)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (Now,somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sunbury’s peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (Talk about a news flash!)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eatnuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh....fly Delta?)

I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one: On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

Office Office

Now i know why in a multionational the management provides more coffee than you would find in a coffee estate.Thats for keeping a summer trainee awake enough to twiddle his thumbs.Before you label me a "kalank" on the glamouros face of the IIMs,lemme bring to your notice that I am actually working .Just that my project guide is on leave today and hence I am forced to indulge in noble activities like thumb twiddling , looking at the ceiling , googling on mergers and acquistions , visting blogs , regoogling mergers and acquisitions ..(loop continues).

But to be honest , I am working at my summer training.Though things get a little lazy sometimes , its getting to be a challenging and enjoyable experience.Ive got a desktop with net connection and unblocked access to all of the internet.not that I have tried accessing websites which "deserve" to be blocked.good boy.

But the bad part is that I have to wear formals to work each day.That transaltes to formal trousers,formal shirt and a tie.Now I dont have anything personal against a tie but why do they tend to land in all the wrong places at the wrong time?I find my tie's end dipped in "aloo matar' when I have lunch and in my shirt's front pocket when i visit my project guide's desk.
Between , my co-trainees are all elite and sophisticated souls from the IIMs(A-1 , B-2 , C-2 , L-2 , K-1) .So I better work hard if I have to think about making an "impression".For the record , my "not-so-serious" activities comments during a certain lunch session at the office cafeteria had the female trainee from IIM A quipping " have you ever been beaten up badly by anybody ?". So I better curb my natural instincts before some blazing girl power is unleashed on me.

And another bad part is that I have to travel in buses and autos to commute to and fro from this place to home.And considering the genre of people that travel in buses ,I in my tie and formals look as misplaced in a bus as mahatma gandhi in a pub .

Anyways , its lunch time and I have decided to skip the lunch.The rest of the trainees just formed a queue and left for the cafeteria.I think I will cut short this post and make myself a coffee now.And I will make sure I dont find my tie's end in the coffee mug this time.

Home ground

This is going to be a real concise post.i wrote all the bullshit about food at home and the Tv and the neuighbourhood aunties and the street dogs at my colony but the thing went to heaven before I could save it.

Well , I watch a lot of TV these days , I eat a lot of food these days , my parents think I am beginning to lose my mind and that my sense of humor sucks , my sister thinks I have already lost my mind and my sense of humor always sucked ,I am taking life not too seriously because a lot of serious things have been going wrong for me , I am reading psychology stuff these days , I watched pakistan screw India today , I am missing reading all the disgusting blogs I used to visit , my summers start from the 4th and I have heard they literally make you sleep in the office occasionally , I am not getting a car/bike to commute to the office and i would have to change 3 -3.5 buses /three wheelers /hitchiked vehicles /autorickshaws to get to the E&Y office from gurgaon , my time at the cyber cafe is running out , I have to buy half a bread on my way back ,ma put an "OM" inscribed gold locket around my neck yesterday , I dont have an idea where this post is going , I feel hungry now , I wanna read V's blog now, I am ending this post now , i see you thinking " wat a nut!" now .

bye bye Calcutta ..hullo delhi

I am sitting on on my bed in my room right now.I see around and see empty bookshelves and an empty clothes cupboard.Torn insitute library slips , newspapers , magazines , notebooks , empty wafers bags and chocolate wrappers , coke cans , strewn across the floor. And i see a britney spears picture pasted on my cupboard door.I cut it out from the sunday supplement to the Times of India some time back.Dont get me wrong , a pretty decent picture it is , you sit down with popcorn and see it with your family.

And i also see a big VIP a smaller VIP suitcase , and a blazing red Reebok Travel Bag.I have managed to stuff almost all my clothes , some books , and my compact disks into them.The cab wud arrive at 6 in the morning and the flight leaves at 9 to take me to delhi where I wud be till June.Sure it feels nice to know I wud be home for almost 75 days.Even though I would spend a greater part of my time at the Ernst n Young Office , I feel nice that I would be able to see people I love each morning n night , n eat food cooked by ma , n lie on clean floor , n watch TV with me controlling the remote , n won't have to wait for the mess to start to eat , n would meet up with old college pals .

Obviously , there would be someone very dear whom I would still miss.

And here on campus , placements for seniors are in full swing.Neatly ironed suits , ties , final offers , shortlists , banking , swanky cars belonging to the company wallahs ,even their drivers, all these define the days here for the last 3 days.

I am officialy in the Foods and Beverages Team which handles stuff like making sure the company wallahs be happy gorging on free pizzaz , cold drinks , hamburgers , lemonades , and just anything which can be digested without much pain.Involves a lot of running around.Mostly I get to be hungry with not much time to go back to the hostel mess n eat something.like a couple of days back most of the time I was running around hungry ,carrying around Domino's pizzaz.Everytime I looked down I saw this on the packs :" HUNGRY KYA ? " .LIfe is just so fun , eh .

Then yesterday I was a covol for a slot 1 bank.Before you fish for a dictionary , a covol is a guy ( a gal maybe..between even the third variety may choose to be a covol ) ..anyways , he/she/it is someone who handles the placement interviews coordination part.Like I stood outside the interview room all day , wearing a white shirt , a dark blue trousers and a tie which wasnt lemon yellow in color.I had to maintain the candidates waiting in working condition , offering them water , snacks , advice , nerve soothing actions .So if you are impolite , you may want to infer I was a peon in formal attire.And I had to ask the company wallahs if they wanted to eat their 14th pizza since morning , or if they would like to have another bucket of coke , or if they wanted just anything which could be arranged without resorting to crime or indecency.

Anyways , right now the only things on my mind are not forgetting anything while packaging , with HER being on my mind as a default setting.

So guys n gals , here I am .about to go home .Hope to be around using some kinda cyber cafe or something.Ill sure be. Till then , don't murder anybody and don't get murdered. cya folks.

Just a Shade Darker

I have my exams from the 5th of March.That makes it 5 days to go.These exams will bring down the curtains on my first year at IIM Calcutta.I will be then be at delhi for my summers till june.

It was 24th june 2004 when i walked out of the Netaji Subhas Airport terminal at calcutta.I was loaded with one big suitcase , my computer packed in cardboard boxes and 2 travel bags.The outside was buzzing with yellow taxis and agents trying to grab passengers.

I bent down to look at a sweaty , dark driver sitting lazily in the front of a yellow ambassador , and asked "IIM Calcutta ?".

And 2 hours later I eagerly watched the gates emblazoned Indian Institute Of Management Calcutta" ,pass over my head ,to usher in a journey which has been a mixed experience till now...

Now when i used to prepare for CAt , I imagined IIMs to be some magical potion which will turn my life into a never ending golden dream.

Maybe.Maybe not.Engineering days were much more fun.I miss them.Not because they were more relaxed.But the atmosphere was different.There is something about the atmosphere here at IIM Calcutta which is not very right.just sometimes.

There have been free , lovely , moments bathing in sunshine.I have made some pals which are real gems.Truly selfless and friends in the real sense of the term.

Then the seniors have been really helpful.Some have been so truly helpful.I really am thankful to some of them.And i enjoyed so much with the seniors of my hostel wing.We dunked each other (dunking is pouring a bucket of cold water)...we talked about love and relationships lazing in the balcony ...they tried to get me drinking and smoking (i never touched it , ma !!)...they were really amazing and as they are on the verge of leaving IIm Cal, i really thank them for giving me some great moments to remember.

But I think there is one some difference between the ways seniors interact with juniors and the way juniors interacted within themselves.

An average guy here is much more competitive than an average guy at my engineering college or high school.Its good to be working hard.Its good to be dreaming on a high flying job.

But just sometimes , it gets a little too sharp and pungent.

Like people have this internal timer which keeps reminding each one that the other guy is after all a competitor.That he is here to grab the job you want.That if he does well in his exams , your grades are hurt ( we got relative grading here).That if he wins a case contest , he gets closer to grabbing the job u want.

Maybe since life after IIM would be all about being better than the other , in a way , thats what IIMs are supposed to be.

But it gets just a little too suffocating at times.

When at the breakfast table ,you casually ask the next guy "hey man..wat all finance chapters are to be read for the exam " and he mumbles " no idea "..when u can see it in his eyes , that he knows it.
When they see you with a suspicious "so-hez-been-studying" look as you walk out of the library with the books.
When threz a kinda smirk on the other guys lips when i get a below average score in an exam.

I dont say many are like that.There are carefree moments when you just go crazy laughing with the mates.

But just that such fine moments are fewer here than in other institues I have been through.Maybe i am just imagining things.But then thats it..I feel therez something just a shade darker about the atmosphere here..and its not very right sometimes.

On the Jukebox - Unwell :Matchbox 20.

Rat Race ? nah im not GaMe !

As life progresses , im beginning to gain the "ability" to NOT take it too seriously and grimly.

Ive been through IIT-jee ( ok , the rank looked like a telephone number) and ive been through CAT.Ive stayed at hostels and been through whatever they do at boy's hostels.Ive been beaten blue by school bullies and slapped red by frustrated teachers.Ive been termed a decently intelligent scholar by some people (were they drunk ?)and been labelled a total waste of flesh and blood by many (now this is some sensible stuff ).ive been through crashing my bike into a wall.ive cried like a kid watching rajesh khanna die in "anand" and cowered like a old woman watching the "omen".

Im just 23 and have quite some years before i crash into hell (heaven for me ? try telling mr.god).

But even now if i look back at my life ,its just like a story with its share of laughs , tears,triumphs , dissapointments , ridicule , pain and joy.

And as i read all these blogs, i find that mine is just a story amongst millions.I see that even though I tend to look at the world as if i am the central pin of the world with all this stuff happening around me, im not.i am just one of billions of people ,each one living his or her story.

Everybody thinks his/her is "THE" story.but if i step back a little and see at my life from the outside ,like another person would , i find i am just a little peg in this big thing we call the world.and my story would see its last too one day.

So i just want to have a good time.or as jim carrey wud say , a "Gooodd!!" Life.

Life is not an exam to be cracked for me.just live life.just have a good laugh , love and be loved.take it easy.

I don't want my story to look like a research project.I don't want it to have many complications.I dont want it to have too many intense and soul searching moments.Not the story where a villain beats me blue for 90% of my life till at the climax , i rise like a phoenix to be a memorable victor.

I don't need to win the world.I dont want my statues to be erected all over the place with pigeons dropping their digested breakfasts over my stony head.I dont want to be applauded with the world falling at my feet.

I just want my story to look like a little and light romantic comedy.A few tears and more laughs.Hugs and smiles.A little simple sweet story with no villains.Where the president of Microsoft doesnt know me but my neighbour thinks of me as a nice guy.I wud just be content to have a house full of laughs, stumbling kids, satisfied parents and a wife who thinks i am tolerable(am i tolerable , silly ? ;) ).

I wud love just to sit with my family on a chirpy sunday afternoon.having a good time teasing and laughing.eating a yummy (and cheap) lunch and a cool vanilla icecream as the dessert( n i wont share it ,got that ?).

A little house with trees around.with music playing and love and trust in the hearts of my loved ones.....oops , 3..2..1..bam ! back to reality now.

Am i unambitious ? Is there some problem in my head ? Some of you would term me a coward.one who doesn't have the passion and the killer instinct.one who is wasting IIM's resources.Have mercy on me , o great victors !

But then guys , i am sorry.I dont say I won't work hard or that I don't have any goals.For heavens sake , I am really into an IIM , I worked HARD for it and am happy to be here and have more plans in store.You can have doubts on my abilities if you want. Its a source of satisfaction for me and my parents , that I have got into an IIM and stuff like that and I would achieve more things too , I know.

But I won't let myself be sucked into any mean and fast rat race , if that's the concept of life for anybody.I want my life to sound like a little , sweet n love -filled symphony.may not be noticed by the world , but sweet nevertheless.Thats cool.

I wish , I hope

I want to adopt a child someday.When I used to go for morning walks with my mom , i used to casually remark this sometimes.She thought something heavy had fell on my head when i was a baby to get me into this condition.She told my dad and he thought I would be all right after marraige.He told my sister and she bet on the fact that my would-be-wife would ditch me within 50 months of marraige.I hope they were joking.

Not the adoption of the kind where I write out a cheque every month and it goes to get the kid some notebooks and toys and crayons.But the type where that kid grows up in my house and gets my love and affection.

I want to do this.There are so many kids out there who have no one to love them as a parent would.No mother to caress them when they scrape their knees.No dad to ride piggy back on.No one who knows their favorite dishes and cooks them as a surprise.No dad who scolds them when they flunk in maths.No mom to check if they have the quilt drawn upto the ears at 3 in the morning.

I find it a little false to be content with bringing in your own kids to the world and then just restricting the love to them and pretending that all is well.The kids who don't have parents are just as innocent as anybody and deserve the same love and care.

Ive got a childless couple in my neighbourhood at gurgaon.They should be in their 40s.They havent adopted and prefer to keep a German Shepherd instead , who is a rather ferocious one.

The lady once remarked to my mom "dekho ab apna baccha to apna hi hota hai".(After all , nothing like an own kid ).

So its ok to bring in a new kid to life and look after him .and its wrong to love and nurture a kid whoz already out there , feeling lonely and unloved.You want to light up a candle but not to protect one in danger of being blown out.

I dont really give a damn to what people say , especially these pesky relatives.I dont believe that I should respect anybody just because I am related to that anybody.I like more people outside my relations.If a person is good , i like him even though he may not be from the same planet.and i dont like many of my relatives because all they are interested in are things like which car was "gifted" at my cousion sister's marraige or if my cousion brother has got a girlfriend at his college or if my aunt's newly bought diamond set is a genuine or fake.
So I don't care about what they say or think about me.Because at the end of the day , it's myself I have to answer to.

Its ok to plant a fresh sapling and nurture it.But I think I don't want to ignore a sapling which may wither away without love.I don't know if I would be able to do so.Its always easier saying things than doing them.I want to do a lot of things , yet I don't.I wish I do this.

Am i mother Teresa - II ?

ouch ! just look how these quizzila guys interpret a monster like me !


You are a human shadow. If a loved one needs you,
you are always right at his or her heels! Your
deep social connection with human beings
produces your qualities of genuine caring and
charisma. However, at times you are naive to
the true nature of your loved ones. Remember
that humans' gift of free will does not always
lead them in wise directions. But your essence
of love and friendship represent the other
precious gifts of humanity. Overall you are a
strikingly valuable and innocent being who has
a lot to give.(please rate my quiz cuz it took
me for freaking ever to create)



What Kind of Shadow Are You? (with gorgeous pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

baby's day out

It was around 7:30 this evening .I was watching "When Harry met Sally" ( ahh..sissy me )on my computer and munching on Lays Wafers (Spanish Tomato flavor.i love details) when i got a call from X (psst..privacy u see )from the other hostel.

X : " hey game for a movie at INOX ? we r goin to watch BLACK ! ".

Now i generally find it a little distressing to get dressed in presentable clothes , spray on a deoderant which goes my mind go dizzy n then blow bucks for a movie which can turn out to be a disaster made by a loony and bored director.

But just half an hour before X 's call , my parents were raving about the movie on the fone.And It had been recommended by "Her" too.So .

Me : " Hang On lady! Im gettin over there in 10 minutes ! ".

So i did turn up at the hostel's gate in 13 minutes.There were 11 of us.We jammed into a couple of cabs.I was made to sit in the front seat between a friend and a driver with terrorist looks. And it did get quite distressing every time the driver brought in his left hand to change the gears.
The ride was pretty reasonable.Most girls generally tend to laugh at stupid jokes.So they did laugh a couple of times at mine.

We landed at the multiplex at around 9.00 and grabbed the tickets for the 10.30 show.The Calcutta crowd though not as good at Delhi is pretty much decent and I had a pretty tolerable time pass till 10.30 with a veg pizza thrown in.

Now for the movie.

lemme explain the circumstances first.

We were in the second row from the front so i suspected all that we would be able to see would be armpits of amitabh bacchan from down there.And I had to crane my neck up all the time as if i was looking at the Qutub Minar.

And my cell battery had gone spoof by this time so i cudnt message her or recieve hers so that was also eatin me up a little.

But the movie..what do i say..its a piece of fine art.Every single frame of the movie has been crafted so elegantly,its almost surreal.Now I have never liked blogs who give out movie reviews and im not gonna be one of them.But for those who havent watched it , dont miss this one.Its almost one of the finest movies I have ever seen and I really belive this is some serious oscar stuff.

So the movie ended at around 12.45 .we got into cabs and the girls tried to sing on the way back which only served to irritate the driver.I got back to my room and plugged the cell into the charging socket and her messages flowed in .She was worried about my cell being switched off.Neways , i assured her and she is sleeping her beautiful sleep rite now.

So im planning to hit the sack now.Ive got an economics class tommorrow morning but im gonna bunk it now.Its 3.25 in the morning but the movie "BLACK" which i finished watching around 3 hours back still got me with its hangover.Do watch it.

ps - any mensa members out there ? ive got the mensa test on the 9th of Feb .First time for me so donno if i need to read anything for it.

marketing or finance ?

It was a class last week.The bearded professor in the kurta pajama asked casually "How many of you read the Economic Times ?"
.
I remembered the colourful "The Times Of India" copy i left on the bed before leaving the room.And even amongst its "non-management" flavored pages , the sports page interests me most.How unbecoming of an IIM student , eh ?

Anyways , the professor squinted with his mouth agape at the "not-to-the-profs-expectations" number of hands that shot up.

And he regained his normally sarcastic tone and remarked
"looks like most of you want to specialise in marketing ...pretty unambitious lot of wannabe managers".

Now this is what beats me.There is this thing about IIM C atleast , and i dont know about the other B Schools, that marketing is always treated as a poorer cousion of finance as a specialisation.Its almost like a gleaming new sportsbike and a scooter with a torn seat.
How can u compare marketing and finance when all about the stuff they involve is so different ?But its like if one opts for marketing job , the first thought that shoots through the mind of a typical student here is that "so the goof bungled up in the finance jobs ".

I came to IIM C with an inclination towards marketing .And after spending 7 months here , it has only increased.Thats nothing to do with my A in marketing management and C in financial accounting though.

And its the first time I am making a conscious decision regarding my career.When i did my tenth , this name IIT came in from somewhere and pasted itself on my life for the next two years before i could know whatz happening.Not that it was a bad thing to happen.I suspect i was too naive at that time to think of anything so important as my career so it was the right thing to settle for an IN thing , and IIT is an IN thing.I prayed to god to get me into an IIT.But god was on vacation when i took the IIT-JEE and i got a lowly rank of 2828 and had to settle for a lower engineering college.

And then suddenly during my third year in engineering , IIM was the IN thing to be studying for at college.Career launcher and IMS replaced microprocessors and operating systems.
Everybody wanted to be in an IIM.So I thought if everybody wanted it so bad , it must be good , so i tried for it.Now this wasnt a very deliberate decision at that point of time ,but my experience with the "oh-so-interesting" technical subjects and my expertise with them only served to reinforce the decision and by my fourth year of engineering , i was as sure of wanting to do an MBA as Australia is of beating Bangladesh.

But this decision about marketing VS Finance has to be very deliberate and calculated.Because there is no next institute for me.This is it.I am actually gonna do wat i decide now.My summers is in the finance domain , a financial consulting summers at Ernst and Young.I hope I find out enough during it to make a right decision.It better be.

slow and easy

I have always been a little slow.i mean , i dont like to rush things.The huffing and puffing part.I have got these internal speakers which keep beeping "take it easy" every now and then.I always like to do things slowly .

I used to wait at the bus stop to get to my college when i was at Delhi.And these DTC (Delhi Transport Corporation, in case u r from pluto ) buses used to rush past every now and then.And they used to be so jam packed as if the conductor was handing out cash instead of taking it.So i just stood at the bus stop . with my bag slung over my shoulder and watched the buses slow down a little , and a mob of middle aged office goers , young college going junta , teenagers going to school , women going to office to chat all day ,jump over each other to get on.And i just stood there till i got a bus which was relatively more free of humans .


And then when i was at the hostel at DCE ( Delhi College Of Engineering , for those from jupiter), there was this guy at the mess who brought to the table these "rotis" which shed more flour than a flour mill.And if i was in luck , i got the last one left.If it was a normal day , the guy next to me gave me half of his own roti.If it was an unlucky day, i said im on a diet.

And even now at IIM C ,i am one of the last one to amble in to the class with a battered notebook and a pen (in not sure if it still writes ).

I always been like this.Do the guys who rush really enjoy it ?Guess they are better off than me.They get the bus , they get the rotis and they dont have to tell the professor the reason for being late to class.

But can i change myself ? change.it has to be an internal thing .like those internal speakers have to suddenly change from saying "take it easy " to " move urself sloth !".I guess it cant happen.Im not lazy.I do my stuff and do it well sometimes.And i am in control of my life.But I just dont see the point in running so fast.I mean , these things wont get over.I get over with a thing and another crops up. So isnt it better to go a little slow and enjoy urself along the path rather than zooming ahead in a ferrari , if I dont have the time to roll down its windows ?And rushing to where , i dont think this road would end anytime.i dont think its like people get to a point and say " yea, i got it all now ".

so when therz no final destination i see , what do i rush for ?sure i do have my targets and i would achieve them , but i got to do it my way.taking it easy.

I dont know.Maybe ill make a dreadful manager.Am i in the wrong place ? I dont know.But the only way for me is to just move on.normal people may term me slow.But i dont think im slow really.my mind works fine and fast sometimes.Its just that i dont see the point in rushing.

The "screwed up grades"creature

exams are over.they went off ...umm..decent.and when i got back from the exam hall after the last exam , i flipped away the pen and the question paper with the arrogance one feels after the end of exams.you know.therz this euphoria just after the exams end and I feel happy ,even though at the back of my mind i know that the answer i copied from the next guy may be wrong , i feel relieved.

Neways , now that they are over.I have started with reading "5 point someone".its about three guys at IIT who messed up their grades and were pretty messed up in their lives too.now i am an absolutely irregular reader and if i happen to get caught in a group discussing anything about reading , i generally tell them that i have to make a call and then proceed to hide till they are back to topics like movies and music.

But I do enjoy reading whenever I do.Readers digest has been a favorite.neways , but this novel reminds me of my screwed up college days at my engineering college.n when i say screwed up , thats because i dont recall a worse phrase.

The only decent thing I did during engineering was to decide that I had to do an MBA.Those C++ codes and microprocessors still hold the power to wake me up with sweat on my forehead and terror in my eyes in the middle of the night.

I understood all that technical crap but i didnt enjoy it.ENJOY.its a word which is not treated with the importance it deserves.if I enjoy a thing I do it pretty well.but i dint enjoy all that technical shit and as a result I got really screwed up scores.

And you know what , grades get screwed up and people think that I am insulting humankind by treading the earth.I didnt flunk any paper at college but that was it.I was always the part of the gang who was composed of the "thrown-out-of-the-class-unashamed-chalk throwing-backbencher" guys.And there was this group of guys who had this dream of dying in a library.they discussed wi-fi technology while we talked more about having a wife.the professor smiled at them while he looked like he had just been diagnosed with AIDS when he came upon my group of rascals.They did all their assignments while we didnt know that we needed to submit one.

And I am not proud of all this.I should have studied but I just dint enjoy all that technical stuff.

And when I got into IIM Calcutta , it was like India had been attacked by the rest of the world combined.I mean , how could this rascal , useless joker , screwed-up-grades creature , get into one of the more decent B-schools of the nation.That was seriuosly cool.I remember one of the more highheaded guy actually waving down my bike soon and ask
" hey , did u get into IIM Calcutta.as in Indian Institute Of Management?".

His expression was like somebody had jammed a high tension eletricity cable in his ear.n i thought "yeah dood, these IIM guys bungled up.this creature got a percentile of 99.74 and got into IIM Calcutta".

i hate thinking like this.it makes me feel sick and ashamed and ungrateful, because i know god has provided me with whatever i have .but a handful of guys thought that me and my gang of guys was a burden on mother earth and it felt good to make them know otherwise.

But I dont need such big achievements to make me happy.I still think that the real happiness of life is not in a few big achievements but a million small everyday things.10 heartfelt sweet messages on my cell make me happy . If i keep waiting for big things , I would have to wait a lot.So i prefer to grab my share of happiness in little sweet stuff of everyday life.I dont mind the big stuff, who wont like getting into an IIM and stuff like that but hell, i cant wait years for such things to make me happy , i would prefer her sweet smile right this minute.

its clean..for now..

hey its true.

i cleaned my room a couple of days back.know my exams roll from the 24th so i thot "hey a clean room leads to a better frame of mind " . so i jumped outta my bed , rolled up my sleeves , put my hands on my hip , looked around the place n thot

"umm...can we do this tommorow ?".

naah , i am gonna do it today.yea , i am.

the bed is the first target.u know , its been days since ive slept alone .before u get any pleasant ideas , ive been sleeping with a couple of dirty sweatshirts , a shirt with ketchup stains, some 3 books , an empty ruffles lays pack and a compact disc case on my bed ,to name a few.

all rite , ill be sleeping alone tonite u buggers , off u go to ur respective places . wow , my bed is big enough i realise.n as a cherry on the top , im gonna change the bedsheets too.a pink new sheet with green flowers and the smell of napthalene balls is found at the bottom of the clothes almirah.spread out on the bed.cool.ive this urge to jump into the bed rite now.

but hold urself the brave room cleaner ,the job is yet to be completed.

lets look at the computer table.besides the computer ( kinda obvious ,eh ?)...i see an empty aquafina bottle toppled across the mousepad....a ponds cold cream (ah,my soft skin.. )...a torn apart "hide n seek" biscuits pack....2 empty pepsi cans(one of them still has some pepsi in it..shall i try to shake the drops into my mouth)......n a deoderant spray long exhausted.

they go off.i see my mousepad in its entirety after weeks.cool.

now for u my dear bookshelf.besides all those thick textbooks which i havent touched in weeks i find buried between them a couple of readers digest ... a shakuntala devi puzzle book(why did she have to get her face on the cover ?)....2 india today copies ...n a ahem..let this one pass.

now for the closing ceremony marked by the sweeping of the floor.now we have got sweepers for this but my room is at the top floor n gettin down n finding the guy get him to climb up all those stairs is more difficult than kissing a witch.so i bring out my personal broom (hey JHADU sounds better yaar!)

i found a shirt which had been there for about a month (serious)...3 socks(n not even one pair amongst them)...a passport sized snap of myself (who else)...n a lot of dust under the bed.

neways , i managed to gather as much as i could and carefully pushed them to the door.i paused at the door , lifted the broom backwards a little and swished down on all the stuff to get it outta the room.

wow , so i did it.now wen my mommy asks "bete room clean kiya ?" , i wont have to lie.she catches me anyways.

now for some celebration on achieving this historical feat.i pull out the top drawer and fish out a 5 star bar.my favorite.wow.i unpeel the cover and slowly relish the soft taste slowly.aah..it was as good as ever.hey now wat fr this chocolate cover in my hand.
i pause a little..and then flip it into the air n watch it land lightly near the table's leg.

its allrite yaar , i can do the cleaning some other day now.

dont be greedy

ok.the fingers are back on the keyboard.i just cudnt help it.neways, im back to life.lemme see.cool.here i start.

The TRip To Home

At 4 in the morning on the 5th of jan , i chek my air tickets n cash fr the last time in my travel bag,put over a relatively clean sweatshirt (im going home yaar!) ,clean my shoes(im going home yaar!),lock my room n jump into a yellow ambassador waiting outside the hostel.The driver puts on some bengali music.i cant understand it.he looks at me n ask if we shall move.nah, ill like to move to this wierd music instead of moving , u dumbwitted guy.move brother , ive got a plane to catch !

the ride was pretty decent.he dint try to molest me and the music though not understabdable was pretty much tolearble.

I got thru the security check things and waited in the queue at the boarding gate.Therz this pretty much decently good gal just ahead of me.hmm,looks like this flight will be cool.n i look behind to see if ne more prospective birds are in the queue.n immediately behind me is this 35ish something guy.centre parting.pencil moustache.protruding lips as if searching for a kiss.suddenly he grunts,gathers it in his mouth, searches momentarily,spots a dustbin ,leans over n "thoop !"spits in it.

im so sorry to offend ur sensibilities.but this happenned.just imagine the mental scarring ive been subjected to.

neways , i settle into my "window wali" seat in the plane.ok god , now u just get a girl besides me n ill take over then.i wait.n then a young father n his around 5 year daughter come towards me.he places the lil girl in the seat next to me.shes got a ponytail at the top of her head.its ok.atleast kids r lovely n fun to talk to, i think.she draws out a colour book n a box of crayons frm her pink lil bag.cool.ill teach her how to color.

n then there is this arguement between some guys over the seat numbers.swapping of places.glares.arguements.n then things settle down n guess wat , that "spitting guy" is sitting besides me now.o god,why did u do this to me.

he looks at me.i remember the dustbin.he pulls out a magazine on pottery frm the flight mags.he looks at the photographs with the "hmmm...nothing new u see,i got them all" expression.
the plane begins to move forwards now.he pushes back the mag , leans over n places his face rite in front of me to look out of the window , n asks me " is it moving ?".

n i say " looks like we r moving .i guess we have to."

the flight takes off.suddenly he leans forward and pulls up a black leather bag onto his lap.i suspect hez taking out a gun or a rocket launcher or something.ok,he pulls out a 500 ml plastic bottle which has got some thick dark liquid.he stops an airhostess n says "plain glass".she gets a glass of plain water.he struggles with his expressions n repeats "plain glass".finally we decipher he wants an empty glass.he gets it n pours this liquid in it n keeps inhaling it with all kinds of sounds emnating frm his nose.im almost teary thinking of an imagined girl sitting besides me.

he packs up his bottle n decides to relax now.he moves back the seat n puts up his hands behind his head which means his left armpit is just next to my right ear.ok.im ok.n then he turns his head towards me which means his nose is just next to my right ear.im almost ok.ok.

the hostess brings the candies tray n he almost jumps onto the tray.the food comes n he keeps sticking his elbow in my ribs all thru it.n then we hear that we will soon land.at this he brings his face agonisingly close to mine to see outta the window n looks at me n says " fog ".

i somehow move my lips without touching his cheeks n say " hmmm.foggg"

by the time the plane landed i was like "hey mr.pilot,gimme a parachute,im jumping out now".
the plane was completely full n hence these guys cudnt allow a seat change.

i guess it was my greed fr a "next-seat-telephone-no-exchnging" girl that god did this to me.so the next time u hop onto a plane,just remember,things can be bad.

ps-ne idea if i can send free sms using some website or somehow.my cell accnt running out fast n i gotta send these messages.

im coming mommy !

Just finished with watching "finding neverland".it touched my heart.A very simple dreamy movie.n at the climax , when tears fill the little boy's wide n clear hazel eyes and slide delicately down his fair and pristine cheeks ,its difficult to deny the tears in your own eyes .Death of his mother it was.

Death is a painful thing.Not the pain of the body.But the pain of the seperation.Of not feeling the smell of her hands.Of missing the moments when you threw your arms playfully around her neck.Of not watching her folding the clothes.of not hearing her voice.

I know that death is not a pleasant thing.But just if we remember that it is there , waiting for of all of us,life can be more sincerely lived.Just remember that at the twilight,you will just have the moments made of these emotions and feelings to savour.nothing concrete.no money.no cars.no houses.no businesses run .no empires built.just these little moments.so we must be good.
a fast brain u may do without.but have a beautiful heart.People wont remember the money u got , but how you made them feel.

And the good news is that this thing called life has lately been, not exactly as horrible as listening to bappi lahiri songs .

Im getting reasonable scores in my tests.After my first term scores ,anything greater than zero seems a reasonable score.

Checked today that my attendance records for the last term are adequate .So I dont need to feign a broken ankle or brain cancer to justify my absence from the classes.

And I am going home.

5th dawns and those two hours in the sky would carry me from a world of deadlines,assignments,notes and submissions to one of my parents smiles and my sister's mischiefs.A kinda hole in the heart remains when I am away from home.And the most painful part is when on the 10th ,I will haul my travel bag on my shoulder and look back and wave to them at the departure lounge of the Delhi airport.Thats life,I think.

And know what , I may get a chance to actually help little poor kids as a part of the work being done by PARIVAAR , an ngo run by an IIM C alumnus here at Calcutta.They wanted IIM C students to help out and some of us volunteered.Lets see.I would really feel glad to do something like this.

So people , thats very much it.Pray that a girl sits besides me on the flight and if u got time , ask god to make it a pretty , single and "telephone-number-exchanging" girl.

the year that was

a very happy new year to you , ur family , ur neighbours , ur pet dog , ur milkman , ur newspaper boy and ur postman.

its 3.30 am and my love with insomania continues.the year was pretty reasonable , perhaps the most defining of my life.so lemme look at the tyre marks im leaving behind on the road called life this year.

~~ I got out of my engineering college gracefully , without a single back paper.thats an achievement.seriosuly, with my kind of IQ , i deserve the nobel prize for doing that.

~~ I got into IIM Calcutta .This was like sachin hitting a century after 10 consecutive ducks.I had been tagged a useless joker all through teh 4 years of my college.So for once it felt good when even that pretty girl in the other class knew that this guy did something decent.

~~ I had to live away from family for the first time in my life.im doin a tolerable job , i think.though my room looks like an assortment of dirty clothes , empty wafer bags , coke cans and chocolate wrappers ,books and magazines, im alive and brush my teeth everyday .

~~ I travelled in an aeroplane for the first time .now this is all relative.i had never done that earlier.so i think its worth a mention amongst my life changing events of the year.The air hostesses were not as pretty as those in the movies.And I did not get a window seat.and an old grumpy man sat besides me and he kept fingering his nose every 9 minutes.and i travelled by air 2 more times after that.

~~ I am not doing as well as i wanted to in my MBA . But i kinda make up for that by assuming a spiritual face and saying " i dont want too much money , u see ".

~~ I managed to start a blog and keep it going.Though many of u must have had this urge to send me a letter bomb due to this blog , ive enjoyed it.

~~ I still love the same girl i loved at the start of the year.her parents named her aishwarya rai.u might have heard of her.

~~ I made the path breaking discovery that humans can survive without sleep.the guinea pig was me for this experiment , courtesy the not-so-lovely work schedule at IIM C.

~~ I developed this funny ability to know when to stop.and i feel i should stop now.

a very happy 2005 to all of u again.be happy and make others happy , atleast make me happy.

Of Indian Government Offices and my love for them

I hate them.I know hate is a bad word.But i really hate them.More than I hated that school bully who used to eat my lunch and sing vulgar songs complete with pelvic gyrations when I was at school.

The targets of my poisonous hate are these bloody "sarkaari" indian government offices or "daftars" which have been serving the public , as they would like us to believe.

Ladies later.Men first.The men behind the rotting files on the shaky tables chew paan with open mouths, smoke cigarettes , drink tea / coffee endlessly , and some even bring in their radios and listen to altaf raja songs at the office. The men are mostly middle aged and have their hair dyed jet black with some locally made dye like " kala jadoo" or “black diamond” or something. They generally have yellow teeth because of their tobacco eating exploits .And mostly commute using shaky scooters or public buses.

They get this delightful gleeful twinkle in their eyes whenever some female walks into the office. Yeah. They are just so frustrated of their equally frustrated wives that any female would do for them . Even the sweepress is good enough for an occasional flirting session. The men of the office jostle to attend to the female while the male visitors are subjected to that “why-don’t-u-die-rite-now “ look and told to wait.

One of the major sources of "job satisfaction" for these lazybums is to harass some educated guy and thus grab the "see-my-power-u-mr.educated ?" category satisfaction.

The women gracing these government offices are more irritating than kareena kapoor in "Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham".These 40-50 year olds blotch their lips with colors as gaudy as daler mehndi's turban's. Their big drooping bellies complete with their stretch marks peep out and they generally tend to have huge waistlines due to the sedentary nature of their jobs , made all the more sedentary due to their own sedentary nature.

The handbag is the integral part of the armory of such women and they like to carry an umbrella to help them protect their imagined fair complexion from the sun. They feel that wearing sleeveless blouses makes them look as irresistible as Julia Roberts , if not more.They have this affinity to improve efficiency by multitasking office work with chores like slicing ladyfinger, potatoes, kheeras and other vegetables.The winters favorite is knitting half sleeved brown sweaters for their grumpy husbands. The “challenges” at the job include proving “my bittoo/raju/pinky/whatever is so smart ...he can dance all those hrithik’s moves ” .

Another feature which marks winter time is the wide availability of oranges and peanuts. And these eatables leave off their legacy in the form of orange skins and peanut shells which can then be found sprinkled liberally all over the office till the gang of sweepers decides to take a break from playing cards and move off their bony asses.

I have developed such a harsh and venomous opinion of these great institutions based on my experiences at my school office ,the bus pass office , the college administrative office , the driving licence office , the colony telephone exchange and the colony electricity department complaint cell to name a few ,triggered off by another of desk hopping sessions at one of these damn offices recently.

I know that some good men and women work at these temples of inefficiency too .I do feel for them .But then forgive my narrow mindedness, I just hate these places.

Whatz MY "success" ?

ive been thinking lately.thinking about the concept of success.Am I on the right track ? will I be a success ? Am I moving towards that stage when I will be called a "successful" man ?

Actually this was sparked about a little discussion that happenned with a friend of mine during the class yesterday.We were flipping through the latest businesstoday edition when we chanced upon the pictures of a classmate of us who recently won the BT acumen debate .congrats to him.

n my friend dint seem to be very impressed while I was like "hey look ! thats our classmate in the snap !" i remarked that this guy wud be a "success" one day.That this guy was better than me ,infact than most of the guys in the class.

So my friend says " how can u say that he is "better" ?n i reply "because the society thinks so-the society rewards him not me, felicitates him not me".

and my buddy retorts-"If u let society define success for u , u wont find ur own success."

wait . isnt there like a common definition of success which has been laid down by society and all of us will be termed successful when we meet the parameters laid down there ? we dont have our own concept of success at all.I want an easy life , but i will be successful if im working my ass off at some I bank in new york.wait,this doessnt make sense.I will be "successful" as per society even though im doing something i dont want to.nah,this is wierd.I wanna spend time with my family , but ill b successful when im at a job where i work day in n day out in a different country.this wont do.kids are working crazy to crack CAT bcos its been told to em that they will be successful only if they get into IIMs.a collective common defintion of success has been fed into their brains.

so whats the way out ? looks like I need my own concept of "success".which will have things which I want.not what the society deems necessary for me to have.yea,this sounds right.we all need our own definitions of success.u may need to crack CAT to be a success , n u may not.it all depends on what "success" is for u.

n yea, a merry christmas to all ! may this season bring ...(all thats printed on those greeting cards ;))

On the Jukebox :"Jab Tum Yaad Aye "- Alka Yagnik

Flashback

i feel like somebody just used a "time catapult" to throw me back in time. all those mock CATS.the analysis.the timing strategies.what makes me more assured about me being a nut is that i had exactly "37" minutes alloted to DI.the ranks.the time AIMCATS.i cant recall my TIME AIMCAT reg number.it was like somethin starting with GR or sometthin which stood for gurgaon.and i liked the receptionist at the TIME centre .yeah,she was sweet.her smile was.The career launcher receptionist wasnt good, she was fat and smudged her lips with thick red lipstick and i dint like the way she looked at my legs.u took that seriously.

And it aint that im in the terminal stages of blood cancer to revel in old memories and feel "thrown back in time".what brought about this cerebral flight is the decleartion of CAT scores some 5 hours back.the same stuff happens again.heartbreaks.celebrations.whoops.sobs.grins.breakdowns.high fives.But the important thing is to decide upon the future.if u want an IIM hard enuf and missed out this time , u deserve a next chance,dont be afraid and give it ur best shot the next year.maybe its easy for me to say that.i dont know.

But if any of you deem me capable of any help regarding CAT and the GD/PI ,dont hesitate to get me on the yahoo messenger at abhi844 or mail me at abhi844@yahoo.com.
But mind you, my devastating ideas have ...well, devastated a lot.

And ive noticed there are a lot of lovely blogs around,i think a lil blogroll revision wont kill anyone.

So if u think that u will like ur blog to be added to my lil list here on the sidebar,please leave a little request comment to this post along with the blog url and send me a thousand dollar cheque and a sexy blonde girl. n I will be glad if u link to my blog from yours.

Ok,lest u start writing the cheque , make it simple,just cut out the cheque and the babe.infact,i was jolted into action to do this by Ravi Handa's blogroll revision.

I think ill watch "love actually" the movie now.3 in the morning is the perfect time to commit such an act.

On the Jukebox : BACK TO UR HEART - Backstreet Boyz

all right , back to work i go

so the "pit stop" is about to end.the fueltanks have been refilled.the tyres have been changed.ive got a new helmet.its anotherlap.another term here at IIM calcutta.the classes start tomorrow for a fresh and glistening term 3.

n the weekend that was a very pleasant one.i slept and ate and watched movies.it was the kinda weekend wen u have the liberty to lose the sense of time.to watch back to back movies.u dont need to shave.or to take a bath.u can get up at 1 in the afternoon and the only troubling question facing u is which is the next movie u gonna watch.

So the movie which brought down the curtains on this lovely weekend was "KAL HO NA HO".i hadnt watched it earlier.its ok,be shocked.and i cried watching it.infact, i cried more than i had watching ne movie.yea, im a 23 year old guy n i cried.n i think that real men do cry.why do they need to keep their feeling bottled up..now dont tell me guys dont feel as sad as girls.i felt sad and i believe my male hormones are working all right.atleast i hope they are.
and as is customary at the start of nething, lemme think what should be my targets this term.the CG thing goes without saying.ill study regularly.yea,u gotta watch this,ill do it,rite from the first day.and ill keep my room cleaner.it looks like a hurricane tore through it rite now.the only things in place are the walls.anything they hold between themselves is so disorganised,including me.yea,that reminds me,i need to organise myself.and i need to think about my future.before deciding wat kinda gal i wanna marry and the no of kids i wanna have,i need to decide upon the more immediate issue-the MBA subjects i wanna specialise in.i came here with an inclination towards marketing but god decided to grant me a summers in finance so am as confused as george bush wud be in an english grammar class.n i need to be more considerate when im talking to my parents.they call me up and im doing this assignment and i kinda rush through the conversation without much attention.i feel guilty doing such things.ill call them up more often and be more nice talking to them.
So thats about it.hope the term turns out to be fun.bcos at the end of the day,thats wat life is
supposed to be , it gotta be fun.atleast mine gotta be .

On the jukebox : EVERYBODY - Backstreet Boys

a lovely day , and im in it

i just love it.the feeling.when the eyes dont feel heavy.the head doesnt feel heavy.when the mind feels as a spring garden .fresh n rosy.the feeling u get seeing a vast countryside field with the windmill and the cows and the cool breeze.thats what happens after 10 hours of non stop sleep.with no deadlines to fear.no assignments to submit.no alarms to shock.when u wake up at 10 in the morning, n dont think -"fuck ! i missed the class again ".instead , u smile knowingly to urself,and pull up the sheets to ur ears.ok, i know im making sleep look as precious as jennifer lopez' bottom.but 6 months at an IIM , n im ready to swap 10 hours of sleep with that.maybe.
n i did see SAW yesterday.

not the "see saw" fought over to sit on by 5 year olds during lunch breaks at the playgrounds.i mean i saw the movie "SAW" yesterday.was a bad decision.the movie wasnt bad.dont crucify me now.but u gotta have a frame of mind to watch a movie.my frame of mind was like - " 5 days of exams n 14 hours of sleep over these 5 days".so i shud have watched a movie that wudnt have demended an ounce of my battered n bruised cerebral contents.mebbe a jim carrey thhing.but i watched SAW.it was a movie which was blood , blown up bodies,shreds of flesh,more blood,psycopaths,guns,and more blood.n i being a person who feels dizzy at the sight of blood in real life ( yeah , thats true, n my parents are doctors) , had to look away from the screen at times.so i gotta watch some bubbly movie now to make up fr this blunder of mine.wait , ill send out a request over the LAN network rite now.yea.done.

n ive been reading blogs.its cool.just looking at the way different people have diferent lives n different ways of thinking.some are grumbling, some are excited,some ae sad,some are funny.iim students.bored housewives.teenage girls.software programmers.CAT aspirants.music freaks.IIT geeks.sometimes it feels a waste of time reading all this but it kinda puts my own life in perspective , just to realise that there are so many people and viewpoints out there, n im just one of them.helps one break free of the "im-the-centre-of-world" viewpoint.
CAT results are gonna be out soon.wish all the aspirants a lot of happiness and luck.it sure fels good when i got that sms from my dad - "C,L,I,K confirmed....CONGRATS munnu".incase u wondering why I recieved the sms directed to this "munnu" guy,thats my nick within my family circle.

guess what ! i just downloded "padosan" from the LAN .the kishore kumar,mehmood riot.now this is gonna be FUN. yea.lemme grab my bag of chips n the coke n the popcorn n turn off the lights now.
tada fr now pals...its showTime !

the "normal life" weekend

the exams are behind me and two days of sleeping+movies+table tennis+music+reading blogs await me.i dont think i did too well or too bad.n neways,due to the end-of-exams euphoria ,nebody wud feel like pretty cool.so lemme feel good.no exam talk.
a lot of guys are leaving for their homes today.n the rest are loading up their comps wid movies n games to chill out over the weekend.we got this message broadcasting tool here on our comps so neone can send out a message to the entire network here.so im seeing a lotta messages rite now which look now - " ne jim carrey movie wid someone";"musafir CD 2 ?";"ne comedy out there ".the girls are asking for "bridget jones diary 2 ". even im downloading SAW now.ive heard its a lil too complicated.n i dint sleep at last night so dont know if its a good idea to test my comprehension skills on this movie.
u know , at times like these ,wen the exams have just got over, u see the real kid in these IIM students.its like someone has pushed up a cage's door and all birds are flying out to freedom.sometimes i feel scared n feel we guys are like machines out there to grab marks and wud kill happily for the grades.but then u see that these are normal kids all right just trying to work hard.so its nice.u feel like ur back to a normal life for this weekend , not an IIM life.
mebbe ill go out tonight.though i know i shud catch up on sleep. but the gangs are planning to move out tonight , so will havta go with the majority.therz some talk about watching "Swades".been a long time since i watched a SRK flick.
one thing i did wrong these exams was trying to study in bed.thot a comfortable body leads to a better frame of mind.but trying not to sleep and study while in bed at 3 in the morning is like turning away ashwarya rai when she wants to kiss u.so it was a kinda sticky position to be in.i think im obsessed with ashwarya rai.but who wudnt.can neone be more delicate,more pristine,more elegant,more pure,more beautiful.shez like the definition of beauty.
im feeling sleepy now.the SAW is almost copied.let me see if i can undertand it right now.or else, ill catch up with ashwarya in my dreams.not bad.

exams ? tell me sumthing new.

here they are.all the 6 of them like dangling targets to be shot down.the end terms for term 2 roll off tommorrow.ive faced so many exams over my education,it no longer excites me.of course , CAT did.n IIT JEE did.the resta have been rather "routine".

n it is the most "global" subject to cut the ribbons.business ethics.its about why we shud not cheat n bribe.so its the kind of subject where one can write a lot of crap.n the professor may just like that.i suspect girls will tend to get higher marks here.in fact , girls do have an advantage here at a b skool.im not debating this.its an accepted fact.the placement figures support that.n its natural.a bank wud prefer a pretty lass over me to meet their old n frustrated clients .in fact, even a not-so-pretty lass wud do.

i just recalled a snippet from the last ethics class:

the professor had orgnised a last class fr the term at 8 in the morning.so the class had a lot of hungry and sleepy souls.the class gets over at 9:30.the professor lets out a contended sigh.he expects that it has beeen a life changing experience for us.n that the sole aim of our lives is to follow "business ethics" on this planet.
so in keeping with the above thoughts , he looks around the class and asks in a deliberate ,slow voice:
"so as students of a premium b skool,what do you plan to do now after studying all this ?"
n one guy replies-" breakfast".

neways,i dont have much to study for this tonight,ive kinda covered the stuff.mebbe ill search fr sum more stuff on the net.but im feeling a lil drowsy after the aloo parantha n veg sandwiches i had half n hour bak.nah, i am not a lazy couch potato to eat all this , i had to eat that since i skipped dinner.

wish me luck pals.

listening to - Oh CArol !

wherez the cold ?

most prolly uve heard this song b4.neways , herz the lyrics:

http://www.icdc.com/~dnice/sunscreen.html

pretty practical and simple things.yet so rarely followed.we guys tend to forget the things dat r the most basic."respect ur elders".heard it a zillion times.simple words.yet so seldom practiced.there r so many intricate n complex stuff in life dat these lil basics of life have been pushed to some dark corner of the brain attic.

air tickets have been booked fr the 5th of jan.im coming home again fr 5 days.that will be great.winters are good at gurgaon.sitting in the warm sunlight.munching on peanuts.sucking on orange slices.the morning cold which makes the ears go red.n the nose too.wearing woolen socks.the mufflers.the room heaters.the blinding fog.the frost on the windshields i stratch shapes in.those heavy quilts.how the mood lifts wen the sun comes out.thats real winter.n thats good.im missing the north indian winter.winter here is letdown to the concept of winters.its hardly cold.infact,its kinda warm.this is no winter.i really miss feeling cold.therez nuthin better than reading comics wrapped cozily in a quilt.

oh, i wanna be home now.hey "5th of Jan",cant u come around in december this time around ?

cant slow down !

man , that was the precise feeling to depict the day i had .slept at 6 in the morning as i was wurkin on that report abt the telecom sector. dragged myself out of bed at 8:30.grabbed breakfast and got to the cost accounting class at 9.45. decided to complete the report by bunking the next class.an hour into the class , i get a call frm the guy supposed to sign for me sayin there were too few people in the class to safely do so. With my attendance already being on the brink , i am forced to play the brat who walks in the class more than an hour late ! n guess wat,the subject was "ethics".the prof turned out to be an angel and ignored this.god bless him.tried to pick up some cost accounting in that class .had a quiz at 5.30 in the evening , u see. but the angelic prof decided to bring in a lil of satan and forgot the concept of time while teaching.that left me with just half an hour for lunch.that included the trip to the hostel n back.n suddenly i remember the telecom report.worked upon it during the break n dint bother my digestive system.rushed to the next class.was relatively cool.i dozed a lil sitting at the back.zoom to the end of class.got to my room n wrapped the report.emailed it.grabbed my calculator and rushed to the quiz hall. tried to get something over the next half n hour. trudged back to my room.took a bath,had dinner and grappling with accounting numericals since then.

i feel i need to get a grip on my life.been kinda drifting of late.like my engineering days.im still not clear abt the specialisation i wanna go in.u know , CAT is said to be the tuffest exam around n with so many guys working their asses off to crack it, i feel lucky to be here at IIM . n not doing my best here makes me feel kinda guilty .So thinz will be changing a lil now.i need to get a grip on my life .yea.

About the heartbreak, i feel fine now .mebbe it was just infatuation.but tnx fr the consolations.i think ill do just fine without a gal around fr sum time to come :)

end of it

hi.i need to write this down.i need to get this outta my system .I need to move on.This is too personal a thing but then i wont get killed for letting it out here.The girl whoz been in the mention over the last coupla posts has pushed me off the cliff of my dreams.events over the last 2 days caused an almost direct offer(the placement lingo wont leave me ?) from my side and she rejected me.straight.atleast thats the good part.no dilly dallying. im not her type.shez not my type.and now i feel so stupid doing such a thing when my parents have sent me here to study.im sorry folx.thank god it got over.ive been popular and cool with the gang of guys and now plan to have it for the resta of my time here at IIM C.people who know me would find this post wierd.tell u wat, it was wierd.but im not drinking or searching for poison or planning to lie on the rail tracks tonite ! sorry devdas , but im not a believer in ur philosophy.end of chapter.life, here i come.

stats and glitches

the wonders of technology again caught up with me with the comments section of blog throwing up some tantrums.and being a computer engineer who freezes at the mention of ne word containing even sounding like coding , i dint wanna mess around with the html codes the blogspot guys wanted me to do.so i chose the "no tension" option of pulling up an entirely different template. and thanx to rohit for pointing out the snag.

the site provides me the hit counter also provides a list of the terms which have led unsuspecting and innocent souls to stumble upon my blog.here it is:

iim
placement
quark
pagalguy
csc
abhinav
calcutta
papers
http://www.businessworldindia.com/sep0604/coverstory01.a
wipro
summers
cat
neha
kalra
funda
prerna

wat else, the damn exams will be here in nother 10 days. im downloading the movie "garfield " from the LAN as i type this.i plan to study riskman tonite.mebbe will catch the movie during the short breaks i plan to have.i swear,will keep em short!;).

song-"It wasn't me -SHAGGY"

chill !!! no suicide for me.

heyyy ! the last post sure created sum concern around this place .guess that was a post resulting outta lack of sleep and watching too many movies.Let me say that I am pretty much Ok, i think this world is a beutiful place and i am lucky to be having a good life and I am not contempleting suicide or anything remotely connected to that.
Another of those exams are looming with them starting frm 13th Dec.Ive scored relatively better marks in the mid terms this time and can score a pretty decent grade provided I do my stuff over the end terms.No other restraints to hold me back n i hope that I do well this time.Lifez has been good over these last few days.The drams thing went off coolly , i got a good summers , n got that at delhi (mommy !im coming home),and mid term scores are not that bad.Spent a lot of time checking out blogs after getting free from the summers placement and it sure was fun checking out the different lives going around.
neways, I gotta get up now and catch sum grub at the mess.got up just half n hour b4 the class in the morning and had to miss breakfast . wait a minute , watz this growling sound....my tummy !!! mess walon , here i come !!!!

song : "sohniye" ---donno whoz sung this one !!!!

when the times are hard....

The world is a sea of pretentions.Fools pretend to be intelligent , cheats pretend to be honest , foes pretend to be friends, and all of us go through such stress trying to be what we are not.We are so mindful of what others think of us.We fear hate and rejection.

But what i have learnt so far is that trying to please others is like trying to move a mountain.there are very few people who are really happy with one's success.Whenver I have achieved something , with the exception of my family and a few close friends ,I doubt people have really felt happy for me . Hence I have acquired this care-a-damn attitude about what others think of me.I hate to pretend and always try to be my own self.Its difficult but once you acquire this ,it can be the most comforting and liberating attitude to have.I am still pretty popular because I am a kinda fun character to be with.But I doubt how many of them will be around when bad times come upon me.

Its easy to be the centre of attraction at the hostel mess table ,cracking jokes and sharp ,witty one liners .What is difficult , is to find a person to talk to when you dont have any joke to crack.Its easy to gather "friends" for the party a class topper throws , what is difficult is to find a friend who will listen and comfort you when you fail the exam.Its easy to find people for company for a stroll in the garden , what is difficult is to find a friend to accompany you during a hard trip under a burning sun.And I realise that there will be times in my life when there will be ill have to make this hard trip,when i will have no wit to entertain nebody,when i would have failed.It is in these times when a true friend is needed.And for this true friend , i would not need to pretend.The friend would not need me to be someone he /she desires,but would accept me for what I am.Who would like me not for being at an IIM , not because I have a good job,not because I am a "so called" academic achiever but would like me for what I am , and not for what I have done or not done.It is so very difficult to find such a person , but to find him / her , you dont need to pretend to be someone else,but to just be urself.

I know the above crap would not make much of sense ,and is nothing new , but just wanted to write it down , just wanted to express how phony this world can sometimes be.

song : main nashe me hoon -jagjit singh

please be scared !

Last night , at around midnight , i bolted my room's door from the inside,drew the curtains,switched off the lights and sat down to watch "Vaastushastra".It had been a long time since I had watched a horror flick and hoped that my blood would freeze and my spine would chill and I wud almost get a heart attack.

But after watching it , I would say that If u got scared by this one, even mother teresa would have managed to scare you.Some highlights :

1.Therez this particular tree which seemingly harbours ghosts.Every time the camera focused onto it,there was this "growling " sound.It was like the sound a hungry tummy would make upon thinking of hot aloo paranthas with butter.

2.They should have distributed night vision goggles along with the CD. There were all kinds of elegant chandeliers and lamps all over the house but it looked like the electricity board forgot to lay down the cables.So the people chose to roam around in absolute darkness for half of the movie.The director must have had a tuff time directing people he cud hardly see.

3.The ghosts looked like house painters who had accidentaly splaterred cans of white paint over themselves.The only diffrence between ghosts and non ghosts was that of colour. Ram gopal verma saved some real cash here.Just a coat of white paint and lo,here is our scary scary ghost !

4.Even sushmita sen dint look hot to me this time.She anyways spent half the film roaming around asking "who is there ?".

The best part was when the credits rolled at the end.

bunking classes , brat !

see, i know that a lot of people see an IIM as the ultimate temple of learning and it is as great a sin as kicking pope in the ass to bunk a class here.But i cudnt really help it after a night out yesterday.So here I am ,carelessly tapping the keyboard , while another of those learned souls is showering the pristine gyan on sleepy students.the subject I have bunked is" Data Processing".Its a very computers related subject and being a computer engineer,i considered it my birthright to score well in it.That was till the mid sems.My scores in it suggest that my paper was written by laloo prasad yadav,instead of me.neways,I was delving on the bunking.The professor is really cool who has been kind enuf to allow students to sleep given the absecnce of snoring.And the probability of ashwarya marrying salman khan is more than his doing a headcount after attendance .So I have asked one of my pals to put in my proxy.

Now,why the night out yesterday ? naaw,not another of those back breaking workload but our play directors took the cast out to dinner ! we had a lot of fun and chatted away to 6 in the morning after dinner.pretty cool.

The summers have been great and I am awaiting for official claearance b4 I post some details.meanwhile,u can catch up on the details of IIM B summers here :http://www.pagalguy.com/cat/viewtopic.php?t=6065&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0

chalo yaar,I am still human enuf to attend the next class ,its marketing management and I am to read some stuff about goodyear tyres as a preparation for that.So signing off now!

song : Blue -All Rise

chill life

just woken up.the breakfast starts in nother 30 mins so just doing some random browsing right now ranging from "Economictimes.com" to "shaadi.com".slept early last night after watching "Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam".the movie was released a gud 7-8 years bak but had missed this one.was a real romantic one and surprisingly ,i actually liked it and even got emotionally moved in a couple of scenes.I think ill have to visit a company today fr a BS project.My group members are planning to visit ITC.What we will do is get to the company,try to get in and grab a couple of lazy and jobless blokes in there and ask them sum amazingly stupid questions like " Who is a leader " and submit their answers as a report.

between,read this story about this real gutsy guy:http://www.tehelka.com/story_main8.asp?filename=In112004he_choose.asp

its so hard to hear one's own inner voice in this world bustling with noise but this guy managed to hear it n follow it. kudos.

song- "jhonka hawa ka.....(HDDCS)"

thank you god

these are the two most relaxed days im havin in a looong time.that bcos i was placed in slot 1 at summers in "Ernst and Young" and hence no load during the slot 2 which extends fr another 2 days.but u need to see the thing to believe the huge logistics this thing demands with so many comapnies converging on the campus.its really great of the placereps to manage such a huge process.but i am satisfied even though i was kicked outta slot 0 since iu got into one of the better companies of slot 1.thanx to god for that.went out last night to celebrate that at a kinda upmarket restuarant at park street .park street is the only place here which resembles a metro thing with the reamaining city more about fish n shaky chawls.

so nuthin much to do these two days.gotta straighetn my room.the drams thing immediately followed by this summers thing really zapped a lot outta me.but im happy that all those ardous form fillings ended up with something.n therez a gud chance that ill b placed in delhi.so that allows me a great opportunity to be at home during summers.the CAt this time around was a lil diffrent n i guess the guys r as tensed abt the results as ever.i think ill visit the blogs of sum of the aspirants i am following to find out more.

song-hoshwalon ko khabar kya...(jagjit singh)

ill be back

hey folx.i know.been along time now .in fact,this is so long,i almost forgot my blogspot password and spent half an hour guessing it. but im not gonna leave this thing.just gimme a week more n ill be back .the summers start tommorrow.ive got a slot 0 interview and gotta read up so much stuff about i banking n all.it was quite a shock that an i bank shortlisted me .cant disclose much u see,with all the b schools running their summer placements.all i can say is that i am excited,scared,hopeful etc etc all rolled into one.just hope that this turns out to be fun.

n all the best to all ye guys n gals takin CAT tommorrow.as they say here at IIM C -"put crack !!".

sane again

hi there.im in the midst of the exam week.4 down,3 to go.got Social science tommorrow.its pretty boring,so i keep gettin distracted by things like checking emails,the online notice board,changing the song.on the top of that,i slept 5 hours staright after the exam today.got up at 8 in the night.the dinner was so crappy...all that ghobi and sad rotis.went up to the departmental store guy at the hostel to check out my account,and was shocked to find its already more than 600 bucks in a very short time.i think i shud study economics harder.since then,been trying to study this social thing.thinz aint moving too fast but then since im game for a night out,the syllabus wont be a problem hopefully.exams hav been going off pretty tolerably,considering that i was pretty scared since the drams thing had eaten up a lot of my time.chalo guys,back to the books.till i decide to change the song again.

current song- "Breaking My Heart" (MLTR)

watz the deadline ?

My taskbar shows it to be 5:21 am.ive just spent two hours completing a summers application form .We guys r not allowed to disclose much info abt summers on public forums.if any of the placereps catches me doing such a thing,u may see me preparing for CAT next year.who knows,i may get into IIM-A but for the time being,im avoiding such misadventures.

neways,the point i am trying to make is that life is getting to be so pushing here.u may think-this nut is just trying to show off but im not.infact,i am genuinely disgusted.believe it or not,sometimes i really feel scared and sick thinking that the rest of my life may be so fast and demanding as this.maybe i am a wrong kinda guy for this kinda life.I havent slept more than 10 hours over the last 4 days as weve got our exams frm tommorrow,a hell lotta forms asking all that global shit and some crucifyingly boring PPTs lined up where some ass in a suit tells us that his company is the No.1 and the best ever.life is an unending sequence of deadlines.as soon as i catch up with a deadline,the next one starts threatening me.

I think the only thing which is helping me survive is HUMOR.I just cant afford to take myself too seriously or the entire situtaion will just eat me up.we IIm guys r supposed to be having the best of careers but for now,i am just plain zapped n sure understand why someguys drop outta IIMs.

im sorry if this post goes to discourage ne aspirants...i guess its just the combination of so many thing happening so fast thats caused this kinda disgust ....but im sure u guys wont find thinz so bad once u get here.maybe even i wont find them so bad once i grab 8 hours of sleep.but how the hell do i find those 8 hours !!!!!

watz this Orkut thing ?

one of my pals sent me an invitation to join orkut(www.orkut.com).had heard about this being some sort of online community.accepted the invitation n so i am part of this community now.still to work around the site to develop an idea of the stuff going around here.fyi,i am known as "Abhinav Jain" over there so if nebody wants to include me,im game.these guys wanted a pic of mine fr the profile,i had got none on the comp,atleast not with a "presentable" expression,so i picked out jim carrey's pic frm Dumb n dumber.i guess thats presentable enuf.

return of the ....whatver.....

im back.recharged n rejuvenated n revitalised.err,this looks like a pharmacy clinic ad.neways,ive had the time to pause n see the direction im going in n the one i shud go in.n they r quite different.so ive decided to do a lot of things differently frm now on.n i better do them fast fr the next month or so is gonna be a super sonic ride.my mid terms start on the 1st,the play on 14th n the summers start frm 21st.

thankfully,ive managed to straighten up my room after i landed here at about 10 in the morning.but the mess wont start b4 tomm, so im facing a lil nutritional crunch rite now.neways,the stuff i got frm home is coming in handy.wait,i just remembered that one of the things i decided to do differently is to spend lesser time on things not causing an increase in my academic performance.n i think blogging wont lead to ne kinda increase in my CG under any circumstances.so the shutters r gonna be pulled down on this post.but ill b back with a lot more on what i did,read,watched n most importantly "thought" during the hols. ya.u read that right.i actually THOUGHT a lot.

going to ibiza...err...gurgaon

ever heard of a thing called LBG ? the phrase stands fr Little Green Bastard n refers to an insect a specimen of which just flew straight into my hair.dont know if this happens every year,but as soon as the sun goes down,hundreds of these damn things enter every room.they r on the PC,on the bedsheet,the books,n on me.n the name describes what they look like.the bastard part is just a result of their annoying presence,i guess.

i just came in back frm the dramatics rehearsel.we had our first full play run thru n being a firm believer in honesty,ill have to say it was
pretty shaky.we forgot dialouges,locations,girls giggled on stage when they forget dialouges.about me,the directors described my walk as a "stroll in the park" when it shud hav been nethin but that.but the play part gotta wait now,ive got to wrap up stuff b4 i fly away to gurgaon.
ive gotta return the library book,meet up the prof whoze got attendance issues with me,pay up all bills,gather up all clothes,arrange fr the taxi.must be more tasks.

n i hope to study n catch up with the stuff going on in the class during holidays,being polite n good with my family,watch TV,eat fried food every day,lie on the floor,n catch up with the engg college guys stayin around.

dont know if there will b another entry before the 24th.if there will be,ur lucky.if not, ill be back.

14th Oct.7.00 am.IA flight.

coming home.....

i wanna go home.n so i am on thursday morning. a 2 hr flight n i'll be the same again fr another 10 days.im just tired of all this-the grades,the presentations,the library,the summers,resume making,placereps,the competition.i just wanna go home.with no one to compare me against nebody.....

random thoughts

things are a lil dizzy these days.the dramatics rehearsel stretches upto 4-6 hours on an average day and on the top of that i gotta mug up all my dialogues,take care of the emotions and tones and remember when to speak them and to whom.and then i havent really started with the studies part.this drams thing is turning out to be much more tuff than i imagined but then its a moral responsibilty of mine to carry the play forward.n i might as well enjoy it while i am at it.the staging would happen in november during our annual alumni party.

and ill be leaving for home on the 14th.its really wonderful to imagine seeing my parents after all these days of hearing just their voices on the phone.between,believe it or not,i again missed my first class today due to oversleeping.the atmo gettin to hot up with the summers placement startin in november.we gotta submit all these resumes and certificates and all that crap reminding me of the IIm GDPIs.

One thing i hate about this place is the concept of relative grading.its not about me gettin lower or better marks than nebody else but the sheer feelings this devil of RG generates is sickening.though i dont quite think that many of us succumb to it,but just to think of ur pals as ur competitors who may just hurt ur job,ur grades,ur career is nauseating.seriously,RG sucks !